My friend Janna- Queen of the Jannaverse- has hit rock bottom. She has declared herself to be ‘dead dirt poor’ and is now supplementing her income of lint by starting a new PayPerPost blog called Jantics.

I hear that Jantics is going to be all the rage among French horn players everywhere, so be one of the cool kids and make this one of your new hangouts. I will personally guarantee a time  for all who do!

Janna once said she’d ‘gladly drink a 6 oz glass of tabasco for $20.’ Please save her from herself and visit Jantics. That’s Jantics. J-A-N-T-I-C-S.

The purple sun glowed in the orange sky.The red waves washed up on the blue sand.I sat there in my leopard coat watching condors attack screaming gulls.

A chariot approached, carrying Conan O’Brien. His pompadour was slightly disheveled by the breeze. He reached out to me and said,”Come with me. I’ll make all your dreams come true.”

I climbed into the chariot and Conan wrapped his arms around my waist. His breath was warm against my neck as we rode off to a Walmart parking lot where Carrottop had prepared us a sumptuous feast for two. We fed each other olives and sipped cherry kool-aid. Conan looked into my eyes and said,

“Mom? Mom, have you seen my Phillies shirt? I’m leaving for the game.”

Shit! Another dream wasted!

I was feeling kind of juvenile today. This is normally a good thing. It helps me to relate to the kids I watch. Today was a day off, but I wanted to be a princess anyway. Got something to say? I didn’t think so!

I donned a sequin covered gown and put my hair up in a dozen twists held up by a thousand hair pins. This was capped off by a tiara. I wore sky blue eye shadow and pulled out a feather boa. I felt tres glamorous.

I’m still an adult so laundry and housekeeping were still waiting for me. My boa kept falling into the dish water. I got aggravated and tore it off. Then I gathered up books and shoes to put them away.(Sequin covered gowns are not easy to bend in) I went to the basement to do laundry, and twisted my foot in the cute little kitten heels that I wore. Damn, it hurts!

While cooking dinner, I splattered grease on my gown. Who knew that hot grease could melt a sequin? My gown is ruined. Cooking is hot work. Slowly my hair frizzed and fell out of its pins. I was no longer glamorous.

Hubs came home and took a long look at me. “You look like shit!”, he said. “Those kids really beat the hell out of you today.” I threw a jello mold at him, grabbed a bottle of wine and went to draw myself a hot bubble bath.

I’m done feeling childish but I may just have myself a great big juvenile hissy fit if Hubs comes in here and says, “What?”

Cinderella has left the building.

Right now- I should be thinking about what I’m gonna do about dinner. Chicken? Beef? Seafood? Fuck it!- Chinese it is. I can have all of these.

Right now- My hair is wet. I took a shower and I’m too hot to consider using a hair dryer.

Right now- The air conditioner is on. It’s hot outside and it’ll be getting hotter. Unfortunately, my legs are freezing. I’d better put my pants on.

Right now- I’ve got half a glass of Southern Comfort and Coke. The other half has already been drunk–by me.

Right now- Hubs is in the other room. No one else is home. I’ll forget about putting on my pants and concentrate on taking off his….

Five little monkeys, jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Mommy called the doctor and the doctor said,”No more monkeys junping on the bed.”

Anyone with young children knows this rhyme (or this book).It’s like crack to a three year old. It is the equivalent of the song “100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”  Now you know where I’m coming from.

Three little monkeys are coming to my house today. The monkey book was chosen by one of the little girls when we went to the library on Friday. We’re expecting rain tomorrow and I am expecting to do some major reading. This is the conversation in the library:

8 year old: Boss,(cause I’m the boss of them) can we get this one?

Me:  NO!!!!!   I read that to you from the time you were one until you turned six. I’m sick of this story!   

8 year old:   It’s time to read it to my baby sister! (Who will be 1 in August) She NEEDS to learn this!!!

Me: For the last time- PUT IT BACK ! Or Boss will need a special cup of coffee and a nap and you will nap too!

8 year old: FINE!! (hands on hips now) If you let us get this book , we’ll let you read it your own way!

Me: FINE!!!

One little monkey jumping on the bed, he fell off and bumped his head. Mommy called the doctor and the doctor said,” Listen, lady. This is the fifth monkey you’ve brought into my office this week! I’m going to have to call CYS to investigate why so many monkeys get injured while in your care!”     

I gotta hide my special coffee!               

*This really happened!

Yucky day. It’s raining, gray and miserable. The humidity will return this afternoon. *sigh* My allergies are bothering me. Boofuckinghoo.

Hubs is home. His stomach’s been punky all weekend. I hate when he’s home sick. Nothing gets done. We must be quiet.  (Me? Quiet?) Sounds like a dream?  Hell no!  He’ll  want pity. I think the pity jar is empty and I’m not in the mood to find some just for him. I want some for ME!

Anyone else moaning today?

When I heard the news about NYCWD’s loss, I wanted to write a post that would express my condolences and convey the feelings that were breaking my heart. I was unable. Some of my other friends were much more eloquent. I had learned a long time ago that “when in doubt- don’t. So I didn’t.

Yesterday, my family celebrated the HS graduation of my niece Sally. I’m sure that many of you have also done the same at this time of year. Good food, good friends, and especially family. This was the first ‘total’ family gathering since Christmas. It was wonderful to see how the babies have grown.The younger kids are all involved with sports and are doing exceptionally well. The older ones brought their girlfriends, boyfriends, new cars and new phones.Yes- you know the scenario,because you all have families too.

My mother-in -law died 2 1/2  years ago. Because of her sense of family, my children grew up with their cousins as their best friends. They go to clubs, concerts and sporting events together as well as just hanging out playing video games.It’s not unusual for me to wake up to see a nephew on my couch sleeping. My father-in-law is very ill. He may not be with us for another Christmas. This fact was not lost on any of us-even the youngest.Yet we partied on- Dad included. We cried remembering Mom and laughed  at the memories of her time with us. And we’ll do it again when Dad is gone, as painful as it is to imagine how soon that may be.

This is what we do. And we do this because life will go on. Dawg, someday you’ll smile. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But eventually….Because this is what we do.

On a lighter note-listen to Mr. Fabulous’ radio show tonight at 7pm EST on blog talk radio. His guest will be our friend Tug from Just Tug. The link to the show is at Pointless-  Drivel. It promises  to be a lot of nasty fun and great laughs and we could use some now.

Tragedy has struck a member of our blogging community. NYC WatchDog has lost his son, Puppy Monster, in a tragic swimming accident. His grief is unimaginable.

You can send sympathy wishes to his blog.  If you care to make a donation, please go to Avitable’s blog for the details. Please help.

Okay- here’s why I do this. The Hubs is currently taking over the family business (electricians). Now, I’ve been doing the billing for his side jobs for years and it’s no big deal. And all of it has been done by hand.

Apparently, there is a thing called ‘professionalism’ and now I have to learn how to draw up proposals and billing lists. I’ll also have to keep track of receipts and all kinds of nonsense in case someone called Uncle Sam wants to visit. What He has to do with work, I’ll never know. But I do know that as a professional’s wife, I’ll probably have to invite him for dinner and be extra nice .

Anyhoo, I heard that this stuff can be done on a computer, so I set out on a quest to learn all this shit. How am I doing so far?

BTW~ Thanks to all of my invisible friends who have thrown me a lifeline if I need one! *MUAH* Kisses to you all. ( I’ll keep my tongue to myself)

As I was getting ready to write this post, a comment caught my eye. It was from Bluepaintred asking the meaning of a post that had mysteriously vanished. Luckily, today’s post is regarding that very question.

I am a beginning blogger. I am also a beginner computer user. My Dad taught me how to swim by tossing me into the ocean (!). I learned how to swim REAL fast. I am taking Dad’s lesson to heart and jumping into the deep end of the pool without any swimmies. All I can ask of you~my invisible friends~ is patience.

Yesterday’s post was perfection as I typed it. My answers to the meme were numbered and spaced perfectly. I wanted to view and proofread it, but alas, I published by mistake! Gone were the numbers! Gone was the spacing! Oh the horror!

It was late. I said to myself, “Self, it’s good enough. Hopefully they’ll understand.” I left that way and went to bed.

Tonight, I practiced. The mysterious post was simply a test. Blue was the only one to see it. Honey, I hope your bejeebers weren’t totally scared out of you!

I’ll be trying out boldface and italics and everything else, so bear with me. Point it out and call me a doofus. I don’t mind. I’m doing all of this for a serious reason and I’ll tell y’all about that later. Now I’m gonna slip myself a roofie and have my way with myself……

Til next time!

**If you look now,you won’t notice anything. Peggy kissed it and made it all better!