I have too much static buzzing inside my brain to put a post together so I will simply answer 5 random questions. Here we go..

1.  Name three things close to you.  A filing cabinet, my iguana, and my panties.

2.  Do  you collect anything? Native American pottery and anything with Kokopelli on it, also ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ memorabilia.

3.List three things you do when you wake up.  I watch ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, drink a cup of coffee, turn on the lizard’s sun lamp.

4.Do you miss anyone right now? My mother in law. She was a damn fine woman and I liked butting heads with her.

5.Were you a good student? Yes, surprisingly. I was fortunate enough to earn good grades through osmosis. I didn’t study much and only did the least amount of work to get me through each class. Out of a graduating class of well over 500, I graduated 53. If I had only given a little more effort……

I have no kids today, so I must tackle a huge job that I’ve been putting off. The lizard’s house. (yeah, I said house-STFU) As I do this, it is not pretty. I’m on my hands and knees with rubber gloves on. The stink is terrible and Baby (the lizard) is not very happy.

It occurs to me that those of us with pets put up with a lot of shit (literally) for these animals that we love.Eventually children stop pooping in their pants-mostly- but pets do not. The most we can hope for is that they will be trained.

Baby is not my first lizard. About 10 years ago, A friend offered Son2 a lizard. It was about 2 years old and he had been been abused by another owner. When Ozzy defended himself, “owner” dosed him with Xanex. “Friend” tried to keep Ozzy but he had become too wary around humans.So he offered him to my son.

Son2 was just starting summer vacation and was too busy to care for Ozzy (plus he was afraid of even feeding him!) So-just like with dogs and cats-the responsibility fell on my shoulders. I read everything I could find on lizards, and in doing so, I learned that he was sick. I took a stab at nursing and began raising his calcium by daily hand feedings. Little by little he came around,and we forged a friendship. Ozzy was mine.

My new buddy was too big for his tank so Hubs built him a new one.We called it the coffin. I could climb in and clean it, or just sit with Ozzy.Eventually, he had run of the house-just like a dog! He sat on my shoulder while I washed dishes or vacuumed and sat on my lap while I watched TV. We walked on a leash and he sat in the window sunning himself day after day.We even greeted trick or treaters together on Halloween.

One day while out shopping, Babygirl called me to tell me that something was wrong, to please come home.When I got there Ozzy was lying so very still in the bottom of his cage. Thank God Lostmahead was there, because this was one of the most traumatic days of my life. Ozzy was alive-but only barely. I had to accept that there was nothing that I could do. I wrapped him in a towel and sat down to say good-bye to my friend of ten years. Finally I begged him to sleep. I could bear it no longer.

I find comfort in the thought that maybe he waited for me to say goodbye. I’m glad he died knowing that he was with me. It took 2 years to even consider getting another, but my nephew was told to get rid of Baby when his family moved. She fits in nicely with my routine, and just like Ozzy, she’s mine.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Today is full of Wednesday Wishing. Like, I wish Hubs had stayed home. It’s dark and gloomy with thunderstorm warnings posted for the day. It’s a good day to cuddle up in bed with a few good movies!……I wish there were less assholes in the world who find joy in spoiling the endings of movies or books by leaking the information all over the internet. To them, I say a great big FUCK YOU!!…….I wish I had Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel with me right now lol…….I wish I could call some of you on the phone, just to say ‘hi’ or ‘come over for beers’ or ‘let’s go shopping’. Others woould get prank calls, and certain ones would get booty calls! (maybe you) …..I found this thing, you know, with buttons?Well the light comes on but then it gets hot. I wish I knew what it is or how it worked…….And I’ll bet Babygirl wishes she had listened to her Mom and bought that umbrella we saw at the store on Sunday! It sucks to walk to work in the rain!!….I wish I had an idea for nasty postcards before Avitable! He’s gonna make a mint on those fuckers!

The last wishes are serious. I wish I could hug my girl Chlorine Jenny who’s son got a bit sick. ((Jenny)) He’ll be fine!…..Hug to Tug ((Tug)) who is also worrying about family….And  to Mr. Fabulous ((Fab)) who has come down with shingles. If any of you have ever been around a sick or uncomfortable man then you know what Mrs. Fabulous is going through!!!  (((Mrs. Fabulous)))

 So what are you guys wishing for? Anyone got a genie we can share?

I kind of like Monday Moanings and I do offer them as a place to air your own gripes just as I air mine. I vented on my weight, which is really more of a whiny thing to do, but–it is what it is. I realized as I composed it, that not many men would admit to having their own issues with weight and quite frankly, I thought Id scare them off.

To those brave men who commented (and didn’t sign them as ‘anonymous’) I thank you by offering this:

 I must admit, that if given the choice between chocolate and Jessica Biel, I’d choose JB.(GASP!) She looks so fucking hot and she’s less filling. I’m counting calories for fuck’s sake!

Don’t worry ladies. I’m thanking you too- for sharing your own stories, diet tips, and support. Here is some eye candy for you too:

YUMMY!!  Ryan Reynolds is very low in calories,too. I may even work up a sweat once my imagination gets going!!  MMMM….Jessica, touch Ryan,..yeah like that!  Now me….. ooh you know I like that!!……

I kind of like Monday Moanings and I do offer them as a place to air your own gripes just as I air mine. I vented on my weight, which is really more of a whiny thing to do, but–it is what it is. I realized as I composed it, that not many men would admit to having their own issues with weight and quite frankly, I thought Id scare them off.

To those brave men who commented (and didn’t sign them as ‘anonymous’) I thank you by offering this:

 I must admit, that if given the choice between chocolate and Jessica Biel, I’d choose JB.(GASP!) She looks so fucking hot and she’s less filling. I’m counting calories for fuck’s sake!

Don’t worry ladies. I’m thanking you too- for sharing your own stories, diet tips, and support. Here is some eye candy for you too:

YUMMY!!  Ryan Reynolds is very low in calories,too. I may even work up a sweat once my imagination gets going!!  MMMM….Jessica, touch Ryan,..yeah like that!  Now me….. ooh you know I like that!!……

 I am done moaning about this- I am now SCREAMING!!! Men-I think you won’t give a shit about this, but ladies- I guarantee you’ve been here before!

I truly don’t have body issues. My husband loves me and never notices whether or not I’m gaining weight or just retaining fluid. As a matter of fact he’ll hug me and tell me I’m having a ‘good boob’ day when I’ve spent the day moaning that I’m overflowing my bra. Well, for the past year, I’ve noticed that  increasingly I’m not happy with my body.

I quit smoking 2 years ago this August. It was certainly not easy,as I had a 30 year romance with cigarettes. At the same time, I injured my back. Also, not easy to deal with. (Now is the time to cover your ears)…I gained 20 FUCKING POUNDS from quitting smoking. It could have been worse, I’m sure. But I was comforted by the thought that it was easier to lose 20 pounds of fat than 20 pounds of cancer. When I injured my back, I couldn’t walk the 3 miles I did every day. Yoga stopped and pilates eventually fell to the wayside.20 MORE FUCKING POUNDS!!!!

 Now-What to do??The back problems would be easier to deal with if I lost weight.I’d lose weight if I could exercise and sweat some fat off. I’d exercise more if my back didn’t hurt. You see where I am???

Hubs says why worry about it?He loves me as is. I’ve always been happy enough as a size 12. (Before all of this)As a size 12, I’m surely not a cover girl- but I am a NORMAL WOMAN!! Today I wanted to feel pretty and I rooted through my stuff and pulled out my size 16 tops.(!!) Two were TOO TIGHT!! Okay, time for the backup 18′s. TOO TIGHT!! AAHH!!! I am not a happy camper! My best friend-God Bless Her-tries to focus on my good points by telling me that my legs are great (they are, I will admit) but that is small comfort when my gut is hanging out all over the place.

My biggest(ha ha) problem is this–why are all the cute clothes in sizes 10 or less? Why do designers assume that  if I wear a size 16  waist, that my legs are heavy below my knees? Shorts all look like skirts on me. Dresses are hideous. This summer has got to be the worst.  What are y’all dealing with?  And men– if any of you stuck around–do you have troubles like this?

The avatar on the left looks the way I did until two years ago. I’m gonna look that way again if it kills me! Then watch out!!

PS: Can you guys picture me crowd surfing now?? HA!!

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about today and it seemed like to much effort for my poor hung over brain. So  I decided to check out some pictures that would illustrate just how lazy I was feeling. I came upon this:

This is the cast of “Lazy Town” a kid show on Nickelodeon. If you don’t have kids  (or even if you do) avoid this show like the plague. See, the resident lazy guy tries to get out of his responsibilities by taking the easy way out. This gives the hero, Sportacus, a reason to jump in and show him how to blah ,blah ,blah. See? I chose the subject and it still didn’t keep my interest.

Anyway, if you or your kid has epilepsy, don’t watch this because the color scheme makes me feel like someone  spewed their Froot Loops.   

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BTW – Shelli,  from Shelli’s Sentiments has been handed the key to the car that is Pointless-Drivel Live. That’s right, Sunday night at 7:00 ET, Shelli will be on Blog radio and we can call in, IM or text. The link is here. Have fun Shelli and Good Luck!!

I got bored today and since Babygirl babysat you guys for me, I took a quiz to fill my time and this is what I’ve learned

Your Score: Criminal- ISTP

33% Extraversion, 33% Intuition, 53% Thinking, 33% Judging

Rules? Hah! Who needs rules? They merely prevent you from doing your own thing, right? Down with the MAN!

Wow. I wasn’t aware that you had access to OKCupid! in prison. And if you’re not behind bars, all signs say you’re well on your way there in the near future.

You love taking risks. You love the adrenaline rush of extreme sports. You love taking action. Generally, anything that’s idiotic, you’re in. Wanna light yourself on fire and dive from a 500 metre high cliff into shark-infested waters? I’ll write your name down.

However, you do need a lot of alone time because that’s when you can finally sort things out in your mind most clearly.

If it wasn’t for your analytical and logical skills, I’d vouch that you didn’t have a brain at all. The fact that you do have a brain merely means that the likelihood of you being a criminal has just gone up.

Thankfully, you’re most probably a good athlete, which will help when running away from the police. If not, prison doesn’t seem too far away from you at all.

Just please… stay far away from me.

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If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.

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The other personality types are as follows…

Loner – Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Pushover – Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Borefest – Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Almost Perfect – Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Freak – Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Loser – Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Crackpot – Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
Clown – Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving
Sap – Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Commander – Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving
Do Gooder – Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging
Scumbag – Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
Busybody – Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
Prick – Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving
Dictator – Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

 Well, Isn’t that something? My guidance counselor was right! I used to  tell her that she was full of shit and just what did a nun know about the ‘real world’? Seems she knew it all!

Try this-I’m curious to know just what kind of people I hang out with. And now that you all know the ‘real’ me, do you love me any less?

Ps. Found this over at luckymommy’s. You should see what she is!

Well Kids, Mommy’s a little dosed up tonight and she’s going to bed in hopes of a better tomorrow.. So I (babygirl) will be your babysitter! SO SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE F*** UP!

Tonight Mommadukes, Poppadukes, and I hauled ass to see Transformers at our local theater which leaves me to say THAT KICKED SO MUCH ASS!

Lets have a little history lesson before I go on with my tiny movie review.

1984, the year of the album “Beat it” by Micheal Jackson, the “Wheres the beef” phenomenon, and The first apple computer, was also distinguished by a small toy line by Hasbro called Transformers. From 1984 on people went nuts over them.

trans·form·er (trāns-fôr’mər)
n.

1. One that transforms, or reconstructs itself, into a common and innocuous form, such as a car, an aircraft, a device, or an animal.

Followed by the famous tagline “More Than Meets The Eye” and “Robots In Disguise”.

The Transformers originally featured two main factions battling for control of their home planet, Cybertron. The Autobots, were led by Optimus Prime, and their opponents, the Decepticons, were led by Megatron.

In case you didn’t know. (If you didn’t stick your head in a toilet and FLUSH 12 TIMES!)

Theres robots, fighting, and a plot to boot. Thats great and all but I’m bothered by this:

See how gross, dirty, and sweaty this girl is? Why is it that not once- with all the fighting and mad dust flying around- did she not wipe her eyes and smear her mascara??! Through the whole movie she had perfect mascara! Shia LeBeouf was gross, everyone was gross, even the rest of her was gross, but not the eyes!

Yeah she was gorgeous and such but COME ON?!

This causes me to ask a question.

Maybe shes born with it? Maybe it’s Maybelline?

My mom says you peeps have chickens and I advise you to take them to see it (especially if you got boys!) Not too scary if they are over six. Beat the heat in the cool air conditioned theater! There’s no fat men without shirts like at the pool, but there is yummy Josh Duhamel and Shia Labeouf to feast your eyes on!

Nice chatting with you!

On my earlier post, I plugged the projects that some friends have coming up. Then I felt bad. Maybe my life wasn’t so interesting. I didn’t know what to post for myself so I left it at their good news and went to bed.

This morning I looked at my comments and Blue’s son had no cavities. This is a happy thing when you are five. So yeah, I gave him a shout-out. And I thought that we all deserve a shout-out sometimes. So today y’all can come and blow your own horn!

Matt-Man almost had self-esteem. Way to go Dude! I’m having a good hair day! Yay for me!  And if you found a parking spot, didn’t spill your coffee, or if you got to work on time? Three cheers for you!!

Share what’s good for you today. Even mediocre will get a ‘woot’!

Oh yeah and visit the previous post to see what the projects are!