Today I have no kids dragging off my legs, Hubs is at work and I’m caught up with laundry for a change. I decided to take today off. But there was one thing that I didn’t want to  forget……

LYNDA IS 34!!!……What? Your age is a secret? Shit! I didn’t know that! I thought the secret was that you dye your hair!….What?!! Dan didn’t know that? My bad!…Damn, I’d better just quit here before I tell about the bank account and Andre…….

Stop by and give her a greeting. She would like to get 34, but I think she’ll get more!

Happy Birthday,Lynda!

PS I know the cake says Jessica but Lynda is a serious pirate so forgive me!

PSST! Over here! I don’t want to say this too loud because it could spoil my chances…… anyway, Michael told me about this contest and the prizes are REALLY AWESOME!…..But you guys are my friends and I think you might want a piece of this action…..just don’t tell TOO many people!

The folks at Charlotte Web Design are having a contest that’s really easy to enter. All you have to do is to write a short post and link to the site. That’s easy right? You have to do it by September 22 and it’s open to US residents. PLENTY of time!

The prizes are *fanfare please* your choice of an Apple ipod 5g, a Microsoft XBox360 console, or a Viewsonic Q10 1WB black LCD 19″ monitor. How sweet is that? Go..DO IT!

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A shout out to my friend Stacy- HI STACY!!! FEEL BETTER!

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And lastly-just for a smile-

HEY!! Guess what I did today! Go ahead….guess! No? FINE!

I took 4 girls for a walk today and DIDN’T GET LOST!! It was cool. I also did chalk drawings and gave everyone ponytails.

I also had my elbow licked by an 8 year old because I “tasted yummy”.

And I watched fish swim in the creek and blew bubbles.

All the girls are gone and it’s time for a wine cooler.

I CAN! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!

While catching up on a few blogs that I missed on Friday, I happened on Mr. Fabulous’ Pointless-Directives. He wrote on the topic of school supplies. Wow! What a storm he set off! This is something that ALL of you have dealt with in some form or another. You are the parent, aunt or uncle, or maybe the grandparent who has bought or helped to buy a child’s supplies.

Mr Fabulous seemed a bit in the dark about what a school requires of parents these days.The teachers demand a quantity of items that I don’t think my kids EVER used in the course of a year.These items included paintbrushes,paper plates, a gazillion pencils and washable markers.

This led me to ask what a teacher does with these items when June rolls around and they are not used up. Some truly honest teachers will lock them into a closet for the next year’s class to use and not request them on the list. Others will TAKE THEM HOME!!! WTF??!!? I would think that a parent might have the option of taking them back home or how about passing them on to the teachers who will be teaching these kids next year? Maybe half of the class can provide pencils and the other half can provide tissues?

We moved when Babygirl was in 5th grade. We went from the third or fourth lowest public school district to one of the highest (income) districts. Did the list get shorter? No. Instead we are requested to supply a calculator for 89.00 and ‘brand specific’ notebooks, printer paper, locks, etc. In the end, we are providing fewer things but still paying the same amount of money.

I’d love to see more people attend parent-teacher meetings and DEMAND an answer from these teachers. At our home and school board meetings questions like these get pushed to the back burner in favor of tax issues and testing ranks. While they are important, it is equally important to the parents of fixed income households to know where EVERY PENNY of their paycheck goes.

I’m just sayin’…….

Today’s Monday Moaning is something that I think all of you have experienced at least once in your life.

WAITING.

We wait for things like tickets to movies or concerts. We wait in checkout lines at the grocers. And we wait in lines at the bank. But nowhere do we wait longer than  at the doctor’s office.

Lately, I’ve been doing so much fucking sitting around  and twiddling my thumbs. At my family doctor’s office, I have been given an 8:30 am appointment (first one of the day) only to show up to find out that the doctor ISN’T EVEN THERE YET!!!!  Then he shows up at 9 or 9:30 and makes a few calls and then maybe he gets around to seeing a patient at 10. WTF??? Where do doctors get the idea that it’s okay for them to do this?

A few weeks ago, I went into the city for a 10:15am appointment. We got a little lost in the maze of one-way streets, but still managed to get there on time. I filled out forms and then waited-in excruciating pain-to be seen. That finally happened at 12:30. Then I saw another doctor after  that at around 1:30! By the time I got home that day it was near 4:30! (Lostmahead, did I ever tell you that I love you for that day?)

Why do they give a 2:00 appointment to 5 people? He can only see one at a time! If they are so busy, then why do they tell me to come back every 2 weeks or so only to ask,”What can I do for you today?” “I don’t know. You told me to come back!!”

I’m going to write up a letterhead and start to bill my doctor for lost wages and wasted time.

Fucking Asshats.

Today is Hub’s birthday. He is SO lucky that I am a liar!  I told him eons ago that it was really gross to think of having sex with a 30 year old. Then I told him I’d NEVER have sex with a 40 year old, because that’s middle aged. Now I’m thinking that I’d do a 30 (or even 40 year old) IN A FREAKIN’ HEARTBEAT!!!

Actually, I’d do a 47 year old, and maybe I’ll give it a try tonight!

Well, I’m awake for a short time and I’m gonna drop a line or two.

Thanks for the well wishes. I read every one when I got home. I couldn’t remember doing that so I re-read them this morning! I’m not really in pain, but there’s a lot of pressure going on. The doctor gave me good meds to take care of that.

Yesterday, I did the hokey-pokey and then got a CAT scan. In two weeks I’ll get the diagnosis from the doctor. So far,so good.

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I told you guys to take a “Nice”Award if you hadn’t already received one and you did (in you’re own sweet round-about ways) So here are the Nice ones!!  Finn. Michael, Webmiztris(YOU ARE TOO NICE!) and the X-tra spesh LovingAnnie. If you haven’t already stopped by to read them then DO SO NOW!!…..GO…..NOW!!!

BabyGirl – Metalmom is Doped and drowzy!

She sends thanks and hugs out.

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Shes not in too much pain but is looking at things and making sure they’re real, not in her head!

Babygirl : Look at lightening Bug!

Metalmom : You see it too? I wasn’t imagining it.

I am naked. I am facedown. He is touching me.

No, this isn’t the first line of some sexy memoir (I WISH!) It’s what I’m doing today. I am getting a discogram. (No, not an invitation to the ball.) BackDoc is taking a looksy into what my problem might be.

I must confess to a morbid curiosity. I wish I could see what he sees. I love looking at MRI films and X-rays. I watch all those surgery shows and I have photos of my tubal ligation. Not hanging on my walls or anything,understand. It’s just a matter of it being a part of me I can’t see. I tried to see my kids being born but due to one thing or another, I missed it ALL THREE TIMES!

Anyway, this procedure isn’t as fun as childbirth and I’m hoping for ‘not as painful’ but in case I don’t feel like blogging tomorrow, have a great weekend!

Seriously, I don’t know who I am anymore! I feel like I’m in my 20’s. If you read yesterday’s post, then you know I am also 13 years old. If you are on facebook, then you have been poked by me and that’s the 6 year old.

However…

When I wake up in the morning and my body doesn’t want to cooperate, I feel EVERY SINGLE DAY OF 45 YEARS OLD! When my back hurts, I’m even older than that!

This isn’t the end of my identity crisis. Ask my family and they will tell you that depending on the day of the month, I may be a vixen, a mass murderer, June Cleaver, or a rocker like Webmiztris. But no matter what I’m doing, or what kind of mood I’m in, I can morph into a MEGA BITCH in the blink of an eye. The first thing to come to mind when someone is describing me is NEVER “nice”.

Twice this week, some poor soul has mistaken me for a “nice” person. Go figure! I guess I must resign myelf to the fact that as I age, I mellow too.

Therefore, great big thank yous go out to Bluepaintred and DutchBitch for considering me nice enough for these!

Nearly every one of you has gotten one of these BUT if you didn’t go ahead and take one and adopt it for your very own. Love it, nurture it and all that other shit. If you take one, then let me know and I will plug your blog accordingly. I happen to know that EVERY ONE of my friends is deserving of this award and I don’t want anyone to be left out!