Monday September 10th 2007, 11:06 PM
Filed under: Anger,family,Grief,other shit


Where Were You?

You won’t find a picture to accompany this post. I think we’ve all seen them. I’m talking about September 11, 2001.

Babygirl had an assignment that involved her asking me questions about that day. I wasn’t sure I made my feelings clear to her.I’m not sure I will be clear now.

That morning, I had sent my kids off to school just I had every day for the preceding week. I decided to watch a movie in my pajamas and while having my morning coffee. On TV that  day was “28 Days” with Sandra Bullock  and Viggo Mortenson. I had tried to watch that movie several times and never quite managed to catch the end. With only a half hour left in the movie, my father-in-law came into the house and asked me why I wasn’t watching the news.

“A plane just hit a building in New York!” he said . “Turn on the news”

I was annoyed. I would miss the end yet again. I thought it had to be a joke. New York is full of skyscrapers. What kind of idiot pilot would manage to hit a building? I turned on the news and was stunned to see what was unfolding. During the walk from his house to mine(only 3 houses), the second plane had struck.

We watched, dumb-founded. I did pick my kids up from school that day. Was it because of a continued threat? Maybe. I think it was more because of the uncertainty of what was happening in the world.

Did this change my life? I don’t know how to answer this. Did I stop traveling? No. The August immediately following, we drove to Disney World. We never made plans to fly. Not because of what happened, but because of finances. I don’t drive, so I have always used public transportation.Did I stop? No. I have always held a deep respect for EMT’s, policemen, and fire fighters. The men who died that day are heroes. But so are the men and women  who die in the line of duty every day.

This is where I don’t know how to express myself. I think that even reading this over again, I sound unfeeling. I’m not. I cried my eyes out that day. I cried for the children whose parents weren’t coming home. For the husbands and wives who lost their loves. For the parents whose children wouldn’t return to their arms.

So, when someone asks me if September 11 had an impact on my life, how do I answer? In my day to day life, in the patterns that I follow, I honestly have to say no. But in my heart, deep where it doesn’t show, I have to say yes.




16 Comments »

  1. Matt-Man said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 8:53 AM

    I feel almost exactly like you. It was just surreal. Cheers Metal.

  2. metalmom said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 9:08 AM

    MattMan-Thanks,Matt. I got weird looks from people who thought I was unfeeling about the whole thing.Sometimes it’s nice to hear that I’m normal!(well, you know):)

  3. ADW said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 9:15 AM

    I remember the grief that I felt visiting the site where flight 93 went down. It was almst surreal watching big old biker dudes break down and cry. It’s a very personal way that we react to situations and while I don’t think about it every day, I do thank God that the people I know, love and care about were safe that day. I will never ever forget.

  4. metalmom said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 10:35 AM

    ADW- When grown, tough looking men break down, it make grief seem even worse doesn’t it? :(

  5. Teri said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 11:19 AM

    Metalmom, I felt the same way. It didn’t impact me as far as knowing people who were killed but my life didn’t stop because of it but my heart ached and I did cry as well at certain points.

  6. metalmom said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 12:10 PM

    Teri-That is exactly my point. I didn’t cry in front of anyone(except my father-in-law,because we watched together) therefore, I was called a ‘cold-hearted’ person.:(

  7. Teri said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 3:00 PM

    why do you have to cry in front of people to have a “heart”? That’s dumb!

  8. metalmom said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 3:21 PM

    Teri-It is dumb. One of my sisters-in-law said “How can you see and hear about this and not cry?” I told her that I had and she said that she cried EVERY TIME she saw the pictures. It was like she was saying her grief was deeper than mine I guess.

  9. Finn said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 10:03 PM

    As I watched a story about it on the news tonight, I cried. Six years later I cried. I don’t know when I’ll stop crying.

    I don’t think anyone is unchanged by what happened. We all have our different ways of showing it.

  10. metalmom said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 10:25 PM

    Finn-I think that the trauma isn’t so much that it was an attack on American soil. It was more the loss of LIFE. So many were gone in an instant.

  11. Loving Annie said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 10:32 PM

    You said it very well, Metalmom. All of us have been changed inside.

  12. metalmom said:

    on September 11, 2007 at 10:49 PM

    LovingAnnie- I was really uncertain as to whether I’d be clear or just make a mess of this. I wasn’t a blogger before so this was my first opportunity to ‘share’.

  13. Donna said:

    on September 12, 2007 at 4:58 PM

    A friend of mine lost her brother in the WTC – he had two very young children and everytime I think of 9/11, I think of how devasted my friend still is. I don’t cry everytime – how can you? To me, crying everytime seems a little fake, but that’s me. (And my kids will tell you, I cry at a lot of stuff.) But on the anniversary of that day, I try to call my brother and sisters and tell them how important they are to me, because my friend can’t do that anymore.

  14. metalmom said:

    on September 12, 2007 at 6:28 PM

    Donna-I understand that. I sometimes feel that tears (BY SOME PEOPLE) are more of a “look at me” type of thing.It all boils down to what type of person you are and how YOU feel.

  15. Shelli said:

    on September 15, 2007 at 7:22 PM

    This was beautiful and captures it well. I will never forget, but I didn’t stop living my life the way I always had. In fact, the first time I ever flew in an airplane was post 9/11. It may have been the beginning of the end to my doing childcare in my home, although I think there were a lot of things that played a part in that.

  16. dontwannahearit.com said:

    on September 13, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    […] through the archives to see if I had any new insights into 9/11, I noticed two things. One, my insights haven’t changed. Two, I always seem to be down with a major allergy […]

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