I like a joke as much as the next person. I don't take things very seriously and I hope you don't either. Hope you didn't come here to whine 'cause I don't wanna hear it!
Well, kids, this is the last Monday Moaning of the year. I don’t really have anything much to bitch about…..except this…
I grew up with dogs around. Some big-like a Great Dane. Some small-like a cocker spaniel. I love them all. I have owned a daschund that was like a child to me and I have owned a dog so bad that 3 different obedience schools refused him.(He had two opposite breeds-one hunter,one shepherding-and that makes it impossible to rein in his instincts.)
Finally, after giving up the bad one and the daschund had to be put down, we settled in to life with just my iguana. But I was always feeling like something was missing.
I got a dog, Bandit for Christmas and we couldn’t be happier. When we discussed getting a dog I knew it would be MY dog. The majority of responsibility would fall on my shoulders and I accepted this happily. There was only one thing. I would take him out-rain or shine or dark of night-but someone else had to clean up the yard. I don’t bend easily and he shits A LOT! Bandit is very good and has kept to an 8-foot square area for his poop. But this area has become a mind field. If I don’t step on it in the middle of the night, Bandit does.
Poor baby has stepped in his own pile without my noticing. When we go into the house(and I am praising him for his ‘good work’) I am cuddling him close to warm him up…And getting shit ALL OVER MY PAJAMAS! This has happened twice. I should be glad-it could be worse. Once Son1 took him out and again he stepped in it. Son1 noticed and handed pup to me so he could get a wet wipe to clean his paws. Well, pup wanted to cuddle and got me right IN THE FACE AND HAIR! This was a source of amusement for everyone but me.
No one has lived up to their end of the bargain. ONE LITTLE THING! That’s all I asked of them , and yeah, I’m bitching about it!
Their laundry and dinner now must wait until it is “convenient” for me to do it. Son2 has already noticed there was no dinner before he went to work. Needless to say, he was surprised.
Now let’s see how long it takes for everyone else!
Twenty-two years ago today (Friday) I was in the hospital. I was having the baby I was 100% sure was a girl. Lori Ann was going to be born and I was thrilled. This was supposed to be my second and last child. I was ready.
Mom wanted to be with me because she had never been awake for the births of her own kids, so I was a sport and said she could be my birth coach. Hubs at the time was suffering from a severe bout of strep throat. This meant that he wouldn’t be allowed near the hospital. Dad picked me up and wheeled me into the emergency room. As they took me into the large back rooms, he waved good-bye and started crying. Dad never liked to see any of us in pain. I will never ever forget that look.
Mom and I did everything we were supposed to do. I breathed and she counted. I cursed and she gave me ice chips. Then I was finally told that I could push. I thought that I was giving my all but the nurses kept screaming at me to breathe and to push. I can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time and they wanted me to do such important things simultaneously! I barely remember two nurses pushing on my stomach and my Mom patting my face telling me to look up at the mirror. My child was being born.
Finally, it was over. The doctor leaned over and said, “Well, Mother, it’s a boy.” I was flooded with such disappointment that I sobbed out,”Oh, God, Mom! I can’t have another boy! Is there a mistake??” She just smiled and said “He looks just like you.”
I was handed my son and he opened his dark, dark eyes. The nurse came in to take a picture and my mom asked if they would take one of her too. At that moment, the baby opened his eyes and looked directly at her. We still think it is the most beautiful picture that we have of him.
In our family, it is known that Son2 is my favorite child. Maybe that is because I was so saddened by the fact that he was a boy and not a girl. Maybe it is because he is the middle child and middle children always seem to need more love. Maybe it is because he is the only one of my children that looks like my side of the family. I don’t know why but it is true to some extent.
You see, Son1 is the first grandson on one side and the first grandchild on the other side.He is utterly adored by all of his cousins-from the oldest to the youngest. Then there is Babygirl. She is the apple of Dad’s eye and the little sister of two overprotective brothers. So I make no apologies for having a favorite.
He has made me worry more than I care to admit. He has gotten into more trouble than a gang of hoodlums. I had serious doubts that he would ever reach the age of eighteen. But he has made it to eighteen and beyond. He is over six feet tall and towers above me. We have the same sense of humor, like the same TV shows and he introduced me to the music which has become everything to me. And he still says “I love you Mommy”
Did you ever know somebody that lived a charmed life? You know the one. The person who finds the last sweater in the perfect size or color.The person who gets a 40% discount on an item that is already marked down 50%. The one who doesn’t get a ticket because they talked the cop out of giving one.
I have one in my house and her name is Babygirl.
She wanted to see “Juno” so her boyfriend went on Mapquest to find the exact theater that is somewhat near us so they could see it. All she had to do was bat her eyelashes. If she wears a low-cut (not overly so) shirt to work, she can manage a $20 tip just to put two bags of groceries into the trunk for a 90 year-old man. If I tell her “no, you can’t go out on a school night” all she has to do is say “Daaaadeee???” and he says “okay”.
This isn’t new. It’s been going on since birth. The one story that everyone knows about my girl is how she got her first two-wheeler bike when she was four. She came into our bedroom one Sunday morning armed with a Toys-R-Us ad. She asked her Dad to buy her a bike. He said “we’ll see”. To which she replied:
“Look at this picture. It is the one I want. The price doesn’t start with “one” so that means not one hundred dollars. Look at this page….there is a coupon. (It was for $10 off) Mommy doesn’t have to teach me how to ride it. Son1 is grounded and it can be his punishment to teach me instead. Can we get it Daddy? Pleeeease?”
She got it.
I want a new vacuum. I have wanted one since the summer. I’ve made offers of things Babygirl cannot offer. I let him touch my boobs. He has seen my hoo-ha.
Meet Bandit. We met on Sunday and he stole my heart away. We’ve been together ever since.
We’d been looking for a dog for quite some time and there were certain criteria that needed to be met. Short hair. Not too big as an adult. Lovable. Good with kids. And most importantly, not a yapper.Bandit met them all. He is a ten week old Boston Terrier. He doesn’t yap, sleeps for four hours at a time during the night and is halfway to being housebroken. (He does, however, stand on his two FRONT paws because he doesn’t like his paws to be cold or wet–two things impossible to avoid at this time of year.) All in all, he is a very good pup and he knows who “Mommy” is.
Out doing the post-Christmas sales? Getting those bargains and using your gift cards?Nope. Not me. I’m done. I shopped enough to last me til the spring thaw.
So…..How was everyone’s Christmas? Mine was exceptionally great.I had all of my in-laws in my home Christmas Eve. Nothing was spilled or broken. Pollyannas went off without a hitch. New boyfriends came with my nieces and were introduced to the family and one niece got engaged! Exciting! And then-everyone made it home safely.
On Christmas Day itself, I got VERY good presents. (Especially the one I got on Sunday-but I’ll post on THAT tomorrow!) My kids were happy with their gizmos and gadgets. Hubs was a little annoyed that for the first time in 27 years I did not buy him socks and this is the first time that he actually needed them!
We relaxed all day and then saw SIL and Dad for a wonderful dinner. Dad was totally “in the moment” which is a very good thing.It was quiet and relaxing and it ended too soon. Then off to see my family…..
My sister (who still hasn’t said one word of thanks for ‘the incident’) was there and she was only ‘relaxed’ (not totally drunk) It was a very warm, loving night. Nieces and nephew are all past the “shyness” stage and they actually left their Daddy’s side. Brothers were happy to be there and Mom was the consummate hostess. I was almost reluctant to leave! (I said ALMOST) I couldn’t wait to get home and into my new soft, fluffy PJs. My nephew gave me a huge body pillow with “memory foam” because he knew my “back would like it” (that is one smart 12 year old!) I cuddled up with it and slept like a baby!
Today is meant for recuperating and cleaning a few things. I’ll need to prepare a few things for tomorrow’s post and I must catch up with all of you! I’ll be visiting you all, so straighten up and expect company!!
To be serious for just a moment, I’d like to share my wishes for all of my friends on the other side of the monitor.
I wish you PEACE OF MIND-whether you worry about jobs, finances, health or family.
I wish you a GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP-whether it is stress, insomnia, pain or children that is keeping you awake.
I wish you STRENGTH-whether you are hurting from loss, distance, or depression.
I wish you HOPE-when you are in your deepest despair.
I wish you LOVE-For you, and your families. (And most especially for those of you waiting for that “special someone”)
In case I don’t get a chance to post, have a very joyous holiday. Revel in the laughter of children. Cherish the wonder in their eyes. Enjoy a hearty hug. And kiss someone under the mistletoe.
Oh yeah….ADW’s birthday is also on Christmas Day. Stop by and give her love too!
OH NO!! I had heard whispers of the unthinkable! Santa had a problem. All the little children finally got on his very last nerve with their whining and crying and pissing on his lap. Now it has come to this!
Someone better take the keys to the sleigh!! Hurry please!!
Shelli managed to tag me. I guess I didn’t run fast enough! So here goes…..
1) Post a note about a blogger you would like to see something wonderful happen for. Maybe one whose posts have touched your heart in one way or another. Include details as to why you admire them and what you wish for them. Be as supporting and affirming as you can. I choose Amber from “Life of an Everyday Princess“. She has been through too many heartbreaks in her young life. She has also had too many of adulthood’s responsibilities thrust upon her. Though she has limited support(financially and emotionally) she keeps a positive outlook and has ‘put on her big girl panties’ and started a new job and school. I admire the determination she shows every day of her life. I think Amber deserves something wonderful because she is always giving of herself to the point of exhaustion. I think she deserves at least one “perfect day”.
2) Post your favorite memory around selflessness, giving, or doing for others. Something that has actually changed you. About 10 yearsago, Hubs was out of work on disability. Unfortunately, there was a dispute between Workman’s Comp and Disability about who would be giving us money. From June on we fought through lawyers to get this resolved,with no luck. Christmas rolled around and we had no credit cards, all of our bills were in collection and our car was going to be repossessed.I called my friend and finally broke down telling her exactly how bleak things looked for us.She mentioned it to her neighbor who was also in difficulty. “M” was receiving assistance that Christmas from 3 different churches and neighborhood groups.(She had a lot of kids) Well, she shared her wealth with me. Turkey dinner with all the trimmings, children’s clothes for Babygirl and sporting good store gift cards. There were socks and underwear, and even some toys and games. I will never forget that incredible act of charity at a time when Hubs and I were devastated at the thought of not having Christmas for our kids.
3) As a postscript, name one thing you will actually do for someone in your life before December 31 that is born out of joy.I will be watching some little ones so that their Moms and Dads can shop for their last minute items and so they can wrap those gifts. I will not be paid for this and we will be making crafty things for their Mommys.
4) Tag 3 other bloggers who will play the game and find the spirit. Don’t forget to leave a comment on their blog so they continue to share the good feelings. Hey!! Hey you! Come back! Don’t make me chase you down!! Dammit, You’re making me run with my boobies flopping all over! You’ll pay for this! I tag Teri, Turnbaby and Vugar Wizard. Don’t let me down ladies!!
Thursday is cleaning day as I get ready for the holiday. Tables, corners, entertainment center, and video shelves all need to be dusted. Long-neglected mirrors have spots and china cabinet doors have smudges. Light switches and door knobs are full of fingerprints.
My kitchen needs to be ready for the traffic that will result from all of my company. My floors will shine just so that everyone can spill their drinks. The carpet will also be on the receiving end of beer, wine and other assorted droppings.
My bathroom floors will be spotless, a clean palatte for those artists who like to spell their name in urine on my floors. The shower will shine in case someone falls into the bathtub. Medicine cabinets will be emptied of all ‘interesting’ drugs and filled with marbles (so that we can catch the ’snoopers’).
“Special items” will also be moved because the children like to watch movies on the DVD player in my bedroom. (Who knows what they will find!) **Note to self: Check DVD player for porn**
Is it a hassle? Yep. Do I think that my family gives a shit about the efforts I put forth? FUCK NO!! I do it because I’d rather do it now than wait for spring cleaning. I only do this crap once a year, so I’d better make it count!
I don’t get to host many parties, but when I do, I enjoy everything about the preparations. Cooking, cleaning, decorating….you name it. I am VERY happy this week because it is my turn to host Christmas Eve with all of my in-laws and nieces and nephews.
I went food shopping and got all the extras like chips, dips, ingredients for side dishes and most importantly — for the COOKIES. I will be making cookies for the next few days. I just need to find a way to keep them away from my husband and sons. Those guys seem to be bloodhounds, with finely-tuned noses, able to sniff out a sweet treat from a mile away!
I remember my mother-in-law baking for Christmas. She would start shortly after Thanksgiving with spiced raisin cakes topped with homemade butter-cream frosting. These would be frozen right away. Then she would bake cookies. Meringues, macaroons, peanut butter and sugar cookies. Fudge, apricot drop and chocolate kiss filled confections.
Then….in the last two weeks….one day’s worth of sugar cookies. Hidden in her attic or bedroom. The rest of her time was devoted to chocolate chip cookies. Barrels of Chocolate chip cookies were baked from sunup to sundown. Huge trayfuls for each of her 7 kids and their families. Trays for friends and neighbors. And always baskets full for the one person she forgot to buy a gift for or the unexpected guest.
Mom is gone now, but her cookie recipes have been passed to her daughters. I never quite got the knack of baking as well Mom did, but I remember every tip she gave me for finding “old” eggs, greasing pans “just-so”, and how to wrap them to ensure freshness. I do bake my own cookies, and Babygirl is growing into her own as far as cooking is concerned. We can hold our own with the sisters-in-law!
I just hope Mom knows how much she taught me and how much I miss her at this time of year.
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