Friday January 25th 2008, 8:07 PM
Filed under: business,computers,fantasy,mail,MattMan,mr Fab,other shit,survey

I Get EMail

People please! I am only one woman! I cannot be expected to do everything that is demanded of me. I check my email every day and I am ever so popular.  Lemme tell ya about it!

I can’t live without Hanes t-shirts. I must slim down in two days, perhaps by using colon cleanse! I can join a gym for a limited time only or maybe I just say ‘fuck it’ and order myself some soup samples!


I can change myself into an ebay millionaire, a nurse, a cop or a mystery shopper. All I need to do is respond within 24 hours to be on my way to realizing my dreams!

I am repeatedly asked to fill out surveys, buy business cards, or buy ringtones. Don’t these assholes know that I have better things to do with my time? Important things like shave my legs, eat a pudding cup, pluck my chin hairs or take a shit while no one is in the house to interrupt me!

And I get these requests for pictures. “Send me your picture! I’ll send you mine!” I keep telling MattMan and Mr Fabulous to stop sending me these requests because guys, it just wouldn’t happen! Mainly because I think the Black Singles in my area have dibs on those!

The only one that is remotely interesting is for hunting knives. FINALLY!  An offer I can use!

Now if I can only find the people that send me all this shit, I’d have a serious use for a nice sharp gutting knife!!


  1. Loving Annie said:

    on January 25, 2008 at 9:18 PM

    Junk mail is a pain in the butt…

  2. metalmom said:

    on January 25, 2008 at 9:51 PM

    LovingAnnie-A pain in the ass that isn’t the nice kind! :-j

  3. Tug said:

    on January 25, 2008 at 10:39 PM

    Shit. I need to shave my legs…

    HEY, I’m single, & 4damn30 a.m. is TOO damned early to be weilding a razor…just sayin’.:d

  4. metalmom said:

    on January 26, 2008 at 12:23 PM

    Tug-Could it be that you are the elusive Bigfoot? :-ss

  5. Matt-Man said:

    on January 27, 2008 at 8:05 AM

    Aw c’mon…I have repeatedly told you that if you show me yours, I’ll show you mine. Is that so wonnnng? Cheers!!

  6. metalmom said:

    on January 27, 2008 at 1:16 PM

    MattMan-Weeelllll…since you finally asked nicely…:d

  7. Mr. Fabulous said:

    on January 28, 2008 at 9:26 AM

    Okay, okay, how about I send MINE first? How’s that?

  8. metalmom said:

    on January 28, 2008 at 10:40 AM

    Mr Fabulous- Now we’re talking DEAL! b-)

  9. the108 said:

    on January 28, 2008 at 12:44 PM

    Shall I start sending you retarded emails, then?

  10. ~ Stacy ~ said:

    on January 28, 2008 at 1:45 PM

    I can soooo relate on the whole ‘taking a shit while no one is in the house’. It’s such a rarity for moms.

    And hey! You know what I like to do with junk mail? I don’t open it. Instead, I write on the front of the envelope: Return to Sender.




  11. Lynda said:

    on January 28, 2008 at 4:36 PM

    All my junk mail says I can get a longer, bigger, harder pen!s. Yeah, they can’t spell.

  12. metalmom said:

    on January 28, 2008 at 5:31 PM

    the108-I get the retarded ones too-BELIEVE ME!! Those are written in Arabic or Japanese. Apparently they think I have a life where these languages would be vital. I have no life!! :-<

    ~Stacy~Oh that ‘toilet time’ sure is a hot commodity! You know what I like to do with the junk mail? I openthem and mail all that shit back to them–in their OWN prepaid envelopes!! =))

    Lynda-I WANT A LONGER HARDER PEN!S !!!! I can’t seem to find them in my local stores! ;))

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