I was visiting my buddies and the title of one post jumped out at me. “We Are Family” by the Pointer Sisters. Once upon a time I kinda like that song. Notice- I said once upon a time.

This is just one of the songs that is banned from the weddings of my kids (and I believe they feel the same way)

1.  “We Are Family”  — Oh come on! Played at every wedding as though nobody knows that it is a FAMILY event! Even worse is the one person that goes to every table grabbing someone not dancing and screaming “BUT IT’S THE FAMILY SONG!!”

2.  “Old Time Rock and Roll” — Bob Seegar. Cool song, great beat, and you can’t top that sexy gravelly voice. However, every time I hear it, I have visions of every old person alive “rocking out” and I mean literally rocking. Doing that old person dance that consists of a shuffle and wiggling the arms from side to side.  Blech!

3.  “Celebration” –Kool and the Gang. Um…am I wrong but isn’t it understood that parties are a celebration?? Isn’t there another song that’s acceptable?4.  “Wonderful Tonight” –by Eric Clapton. Lovely song, lovely sentiment, and Eric Clapton. But could it get any slower? I always feel like he is going to fall asleep in the middle of a verse. I have seen too many people dancing to this at the end of a reception and practically pass out while leaning on their partner.

4.  “YMCA” –by the Village People. Why does Aunt Sadie always have to risk a broken hip trying to keep up?

Before everyone gets mad that one of their favorite songs is listed above, just remember that the name of my blog is “Don’t Wanna Hear It”.  Besides, I didn’t say I flat out hated all of them. I just think that just once, I’d like to attend a wedding in which these particular songs were passed over. Although my kids have said none of these will play at their weddings, I just know that one of them will include EVERY.ONE.OF.THEM. just to piss me off. How do I know this? It’s what I would do!

Trukindog wants to know more about me.  Why? Don’t I give enough of myself? All I ever do for people is give, give, give! It used to be just family and very close friends, but now even my bloggin’ buddies are infringing on my generosity. Well, Tdog, you are so lucky that I am still medicated and can’t think of anything better to post!

So here you have a half dozen factoids (not to be confused with hemorrhoids.)

1.  From April through October, I have incredibly healthy fingernails. They grow long and are so strong that even when I press on them, they do not bend. However, after October-without fail-they will break, split and peel. I have used gelatin, extra coats of nail polish and lots of other things to keep them long but it never works.

2.  I have never met a vampire, werewolf, troll, ogre or banshee. I have actually met a witch.

 3.  I love ‘different’ ice cream flavors. While chocolate and vanilla are always nice,I much prefer Moose Tracks, Chunky Monkey, Cherry Garcia, Rocky Road, and brownie chunk ice creams.

4.  When I met my husband, he had his arms around another girl. The first thing I noticed was his ass.

5.  The second thing I noticed was his forearms. I love a man with muscular forearms like Popeye. Not arms bulging with muscles like a body builder—just ‘working man’ rugged.

6.  All of my siblings and cousins are named after someone else in the family. I am not. My dad liked my first name and my mom liked my middle name. No one else has either name. However, I married into a family in which I am one of three others with the same first name.

Now for the bizniz part of this deal:

1. Link to the person who tagged you. THANK YOU, TRUKINDOG!!

2. Mention the rules on your blog.  Okay, here they are.

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours. Did you read them?

4. Tag 6 bloggers and link them. Tug, Cissa, Winter, Nobody, Fantastagirl, and Shiny. Come on guys—admit it…you need blog fodder!

5. Notify taggees by leaving a comment on their blog. I’m going, I’m going!

This just in……Babygirl. She is finally home. I know ya’ll are prolly sick to death hearing about it, but I missed her something awful. She had a wonderful time, saw many wonderful things, and she claims to have brought home souvenirs for everyone (even though I have yet to see one of them!) She was in one piece, not pregnant and never got cavity searched by customs.

I had a great time hanging out with everyone at Karl’s, Hilly’s and Fab’s. (Sorry I missed you Turnbaby, but the kid trumped you on this one.) Jester, you are one seriously funny dude! The prank phone calls?……..pure gold! And VulgarWizard? LOOOVE the accent!

And lastly, My carpets are getting shampooed….and I’M NOT THE ONE DOING IT!!!Son1 will be doing the honors in preparation for the party he is throwing in my house on Saturday. Can I just take a moment to say….  “YEAH!!!!!”

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I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to post for tomorrow since I am getting my needles done. Just know this….While you are all going about your jobs, I will be mainlining LEGAL drugs to send me into lala land! Will I be thinking about you? Most definitely……NOT! But no matter what, I’ll be here for HumpDay.

Cheer up….Monday is only 24 hours long.

Taking Babygirl to the bus at 3:00am was not the most fun thing in the world. I found out that there were no seatbelts in the bus (strike one).  Band director and leader of this trip was nowhere to be seen –even after acting like an asshole regarding questions about the trip ,which he didn’t address until twelve hours before departure!(strike two). And among the crowd of waiting teenagers and bleary-eyed parents, no one seemed to know what the fuck was going on! (strike three)

Since I had taken Tug’s advice (breathe and drink) I was more than a little bit angry and I will admit, I started to make my feelings known. (Don’t worry-Hubs told me to ’shut up-voices carry’ LOL) Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and since Babygirl seemed to be calm and patient, we said our good-byes and went home.

12:00 noon-(ish)- I got a text message. They had reached New York. I asked if she had seen anything cool yet and her reply scared me. “OMG! I saw a gang of teenagers attack an Old Country Buffet!!”

Excuse me, WHAT??? Oh my God! What kind of area are they driving through??

Then it dawned on me….they had stopped for breakfast. (Tense much Mom?)

2pm - They have reached Niagara Falls. I tell her to ‘take pictures and don’t fall in.’ She said “Don’t worry, I’ll jump.” Damn little smart ass is not making me feel better!!

7pm -They are at the Royal Victoria Theater to see a stage production of Dirty Dancing (Nobody puts Babygirl in the corner!) I already miss her. I had to put the leftovers away myself.

11:30pm-I sat up and waited. Really, I tried not to fall asleep. Imagine my surprise when my cell phone (which was beside my head on the night table) rang and startled me from a deep slumber! “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just wanted to say good night and I love you. I’ll call back in the morning. Love you!”

I hope tomorrow is easier!

In just six more hours, my baby will go on a trip. This is not the first trip without family, but it is the first trip out of the country for her.

Son2 made a trip to Canada a few years ago. He went with a few buddies to spend New Year’s Eve drinking and meeting “girls”. (I say “girls” because mostly they went to the titty bars)

When Son2 took his trip, he was already 21. My baby is 16. My baby is a girl. And my baby……well, she’s my baby! I am nervous for her. I worry that in all of her teenage-girl giddiness, she will forget something important. I am afraid that she’ll get separated from her group. I’m scared about all the “what if’s”. What if she needs me and I’m not able to get to her?

I know all these fears are kind of irrational. She has a lot of commom sense. And she is very smart. If anyone can be  resourceful, it’s her. Besides, she is 16. She is old enough to  go places and see things without a parent looking over her shoulder.

I mean, I remember being able to do those things at 16. I remember a lot of the things I did at 16.

Ow!! My heart just felt like it was squeezed!

Like I said, I remember 16….OW! Again with the pain!

FUCK!!! I remember 16!!!! 

There are boys on this trip too. They are all staying in the same hotel.

Now I really have something to worry about!!

I’m packing the kid up for Canada. I’ll be back later! Until then….This is the best advice I have for my Babygirl and her friends while they are in the Great White North….

 PART I

 I have FINALLY gotten the pictures of the Friday Fiasco downloaded. And here we now have the ongong saga of the burn.

This is the sad strap. Near the point of the arrow, we have actual hole. The rest is melted sash. This was  after the strap was fixed.(See the hasty stitches in white?)

This is my lovely daughter Babygirl. Isn’t she beautiful? I love the way she looks when she’s not wearing black Chuck Taylor Converse sneakers and torn jeans. She cleans up well! ( Like her mama!) Just pay no mind to the mess in the background!

And these? This is a picture of the future. It’s so bright ya gotta wear shades!

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PART II

Good news everybody!  Well, it is for me. Starting next week, the needles into my spine will begin and continue for the following six weeks. Whoop-dee-fuckin-doo!! But I got a promise that since they will be done on Tuesdays, I will be okay to drink myself into a coma, dance on bars, and brawl in the alleys  by the time Friday rolls around! So that means parties with my girls!!! (And you know who you are!!)

Grant made a meme this week and ,well, it was too strange to pass up.I planned to post it on Saturday, but the whole ‘burnt dress’*  incident came up and I didn’t. THEN he offered Tracy five bucks for everyone that she could convince to post it by  Saturday night.

Sorry, Tracy. I didn’t get it posted in time for you make a Lincoln, but if Grant were a man, he’d count it anyway. (You read that Grant?)

1. Describe yourself without the use of any vowels (treat “y” as a vowel).

P**n  *n  th*  *ss, wh*n* b*tch.

2. Write a short paragraph about a truly horrifying encounter you once had using the word “sippy-cup”.

True story:

Hubs and I took Babygirl to the doctor’s and had to take Joslyn with us. I left her in the waiting room with Hubs while I went into the office with Bgirl. She screamed and cried and carried on so Hubs gave her the sippy-cup that was full of RED punch and she leaked it all over the grey chair–totally soaking it! A man, a toddler, a tantrum and a leaky sippy-cup do not mix-E.V.E.R!

3.  Which of the following is the worst baby name:Monkey Winkle, Fetus Cheese, or Swaberpoo Deliciousness? Discuss. The worst name is Monkey Winkle- there is no discussing. Final answer!

4. Complete the following word association: cookie, ladder, penis, regret…hand job.

5. You move your weasel to sun level three. Your opponent counters with whimsy to caveworm seven. What is the best counter move?  Drop the kropnar into the well and turn the handle. When the igbottom opens, hit it with flarjjum until spacky releases thus rendering the opponent incapacitated.

*Dance pictures were downloaded, but I started drinking and didn’t get to resize them. They are coming!!

The unthinkable happened.

Before Babygirl could come running through the door after softball to shower and dress for the Soph Hop, I looked at her dress. Hm… a few wrinkles. As long as I’m ironing her brothers’ shirts, I might as well just touch up the dress too.

I pulled out the ironing board and plugged in the iron. I sipped my coke and put down the cup……and spilled it!!!

The icy cold  tasty beverage crept closer and closer to the dress but I snatched it up and threw it on the floor. Crisis averted! No soda made it onto the white dress. I cleaned up the soda and lay the dress out to iron it.

The satin straps were scrunched up from hanging on the hangar. I started there.

But I never checked the setting. The strap melted!!  

Yes, ladies and gentlemen! Metalmom burned the dress TWO HOURS before she had to leave! I called the dress store to see if they had another in her size……no such luck. What will I do??

I cried. I called Mommy. (Mommy had no idea, other than to suggest that I run out and buy her a new one.) Now I am sobbing. Since Babygirl is going with my best friend’s son, I called her. She spoke the four most beautiful words anyone can say to their best friend….“I’ll be right there.”

She took off the offending strap, flipped it over and sewed it back on. If you didn’t know it was there, you wouldn’t notice it unless you were looking very closely. I heaved a huge sigh of relief. Major crisis averted!

I took pictures. Of the dress, of the burn, of my baby and her Handsome. Yes, I did, because I needed proof of my ineptitude. I was going to show you all.

She borrowed my camera and it’s  with her right now being filled with her memories. So I guess no pictures will get posted until Monday. 

How did Babygirl react to this situation? She looked at the dress and began to cry. And I started crying again. And then she said “It’s okay Mom. It isn’t too bad.” and with those words she began to comfort me! As we hugged it out, she turned her head and whispered into my ear, “You are NOT allowed to iron my prom gown!”

Well, DUH!