Every year, beginning around March, I begin to spazz over the weight I haven’t been able to shed no matter how hard I try. I spazz because bathing suit weather is around the corner. Normally, there is a cushion involved because we don’t usually vacation until mid- to late August. This year we are going in late July.

AAAHHH!!!!

There is no time to do anything about my predicament. Oh well…..

We put a deposit on the place we are staying at and took a little spin around the area. What I saw made me forget about MY weight.

Did I actually see these particular women? No, but I might as well have. Oh dear God! What makes people think this is okay? Why should boobs spill out of your top? If you are NOT eighteen years old or perky, put that shit away!!!

Does anyone really want to see a woman (or man–you fellas are not immune to this behavior!) lift all of those rolls of fat to apply sunscreen? When you turn around, we DON’T want to see where the good Lord split you!

Hubs and I saw a woman with her four kids crossing the street, looking pretty close to  this. We looked at each other and simultaneously said “Holy Shit!” I almost felt the bile rise in my throat.

I don’t think I will be worried about how I look in a swimsuit this year. Mine will cover my ass. I will not ‘accidently’ pop a titty out of the top. And I will look at these other women and say  “Damn! I look pretty fuckin’ hot compared to her!”

Hubs and I took a ride on Saturday. This was our annual “Ride to the shore to find a place for our vacation” This is something that just the two of us do.  We never share this with our kids. We have always gotten babysitters for them. Now that they are older, we just leave. Maybe we will stay overnight, or maybe we’ll come back that  evening.

We drive along in companionable silence. We’ve been together for almost 28 years, so we don’t always need to talk. We can still look at roadkill and suddenly crack up laughing because we thought the  same thing. “That’s a strange place for a raccoon to take a nap.”

We are trapped. If there is something major that needs discussion, this is the time to do it. No one can walk away. No one can slam a door. No one will walk into the room to disturb us.

We are trapped. After only 20 minutes of driving, we lose the major radio stations. It is either silence or CDs. Sometimes we choose CDs. Normally there is a heated debate about which CDs will join us for the ride. It is something that we both need to agree on or else we don’t  bring it.  Saturday, we left quickly, so there was no debate. I grabbed the CD case, added a few Hub’s newer CDs and we ran.

We were trapped. I listened to the oldies. We drove along with Roy Orbison, Del Shannon, and Percy Faith. We were serenaded by Little Eva, Martha and the Vandellas, and the Supremes. I didn’t get annoyed or want to tear out my hair.

We were trapped. Hubs listened to Rammstein, Megadeth and Violent Femmes. He didn’t complain. He didn’t tell me to turn it down. I noticed that his fingers tapped the steering wheel in time to the music.

It is interesting the things that you can learn about another person when you are trapped together. Even after nearly 28 years, we are learning about each other. It took this long for us to actually enjoy the other’s taste in music. We talked about what he enjoys about running the business. We talked about what I like about blogging. Yes, we talked about you. He asked what draws me to your writing. He was interested.

We were trapped, yet not trying to escape.

As I was checking my email, I came across this.

It is all about the itch. I read it and could not stop scratching. It was all the power of suggestion. A while back, when Joslyn’s sister got lice, I couldn’t listen to her mom tell me about it without getting the heebee jeebees (read: itchy)

Now it is summer. Tis the season for mosquitoes. I get itchy just imagining what the midwest is going through with all the standing water that is a breeding ground for those pests. My neighbor’s yard sinks in one part and since she empties the kid’s wading pool, it fills with the water and then just sits. I can’t take my kids outside into the back yard without the mosquitoes swarming to the little ones. They look like the poor refugees from those third world countries with the bugs gathering around their faces!

A mosquito bite-be it large or small-is enough to keep me uncomfortable all night long with the desire to scratch. I scratch until I bleed. If my fingernails are cut short, I will scratch until I bruise. But ahhh….the relief I feel when I ‘get’ that special spot. You know, the one that makes the itching stop.

Babygirl doesn’t mind the bites. I have said “Use the bug repellent” as she runs off to softball or to hang outside at a friend’s house. Does she ever listen? No. Why? Because she likes to scratch. She enjoys the sensation she gets when she ‘gets’ that spot.

I can tell her about West Nile Virus. She is 16. She doesn’t care.

This is part of one of her creative writing assignments:

I’d graze the bite with a nail short and rough

flooding me with satisfaction

I’d scratch until  I got enough

of performing my favorite action.

Yeah, yeah, yeah….I know. You’ve seen this everywhere and we’ve all stolen it from Avitable. Why argue with genius? He took the top 100 movies of the last 25 years, as stated by Entertainment Weekly. Then he bold-faced the ones that he has seen and asterisked the ones he liked. I’m a copycat, so I did too.

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)**
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001-03)**
3. Titanic (1997)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)**
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)**
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)**
9. Die Hard (1988)**
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)
11. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)**
12. The Matrix (1999)
13. GoodFellas (1990)****
14. Crumb (1995)
15. Edward Scissorhands (1990)**
16. Boogie Nights (1997)
17. Jerry Maguire (1996)**
18. Do the Right Thing (1989)**
19. Casino Royale (2006)
20. The Lion King (1994)**
21. Schindler’s List (1993)**
22. Rushmore (1998)
23. Memento (2001)
24. A Room With a View (1986)
25. Shrek (2001)**
26. Hoop Dreams (1994)
27. Aliens (1986)
28. Wings of Desire (1988)
29. The Bourne Supremacy (2004)**
30. When Harry Met Sally… (1989)
31. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
32. Fight Club (1999)
33. The Breakfast Club (1985)****
34. Fargo (1996)**
35. The Incredibles (2004)****
36. Spider-Man 2 (2004)**
37. Pretty Woman (1990)**
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
39. The Sixth Sense (1999)****
40. Speed (1994)
41. Dazed and Confused (1993)****
42. Clueless (1995)**
43. Gladiator (2000)**
44. The Player (1992)
45. Rain Man (1988)**
46. Children of Men (2006)
47. Men in Black (1997)**
48. Scarface (1983)
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)**
50. The Piano (1993)**
51. There Will Be Blood (2007)
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988)
53. The Truman Show (1998)
54. Fatal Attraction (1987)**
55. Risky Business (1983)**
56. The Lives of Others (2006)
57. There’s Something About Mary (1998)**
58. Ghostbusters (1984)**
59. L.A. Confidential (1997)
60. Scream (1996)****
61. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
62. sex, lies and videotape (1989)**
63. Big (1988)**
64. No Country For Old Men (2007)
65. Dirty Dancing (1987)****
66. Natural Born Killers (1994)**
67. Donnie Brasco (1997)
68. Witness (1985)
69. All About My Mother (1999)
70. Broadcast News (1987)
71. Unforgiven (1992)**
72. Thelma and Louise (1991)**
73. Office Space (1999)
74. Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
75. Out of Africa (1985)
76. The Departed (2006)
77. Sid and Nancy (1986)**
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
79. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
80. Michael Clayton (2007)
81. Moonstruck (1987)****

82. Lost in Translation (2003)
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn (1987)
84. Sideways (2004)
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
86. Y Tu Mamá También (2002)**
87. Swingers (1996)
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)**
89. Breaking the Waves (1996)
90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)**
91. Back to the Future (1985)**
92. Menace II Society (1993)
93. Ed Wood (1994)
94. Full Metal Jacket (1987)**
95. In the Mood for Love (2001)
96. Far From Heaven (2002)
97. Glory (1989)****
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)
99. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
100. South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut (1999)

Where is Braveheart? What about Stand By Me? Sin City? Shaun of the Dead? 21 Grams? No SuperBad??? ANY MOVIE MADE BEFORE 1980???

But I digress….

Just from this list, I’ve seen seventy-nine. With an average running time of two hours each……that’s one hundred fifty-eight hours. That is roughly six and a half days–almost a week watching just these movies. That is not even counting the time spent watching them over and over again! Add to that the time spent watching so many, many, many, many other movies…..

I need a life!

I’m getting old. We all are, and this is not news. It’s just that I really feel it today.

Yesterday, George Carlin’s death was all over the place, on the news, on my yahoo feeds, and  in several blogs-even my own. I grew up with him as many of you did. Thinking of him brought up several great memories for me. I listened to his albums with my Dad as a kid. Yes….I said as a kid. Where did the time go?

Today, I received an invitation to a wedding shower. Son2’s friend is getting married soon and this is a shower for the bride-to-be. I remember this boy’s first grade class picture. I remember him skinning his knees playing with my son. Now he’s getting married. He already has a two year old daughter. Where did the time go?

This guy is not the first of either of my sons’ friends to have a child or to get married. But since my sons are friends with the same group of kids since childhood, many of those who married are twenty-five to thirty years old. This particular friend is one of the younger group. The group who is 23 years old…the age of Son2.

Twenty-three. When I was twenty-three, I had two little boys. When I was twenty-three, I still lived in an apartment. At twenty-three, it was a huge deal to go out without the kids.

Twenty-three was half my life ago. Where did the time go?

Someday soon, my own boys will be the ones getting married. Babygirl will be out of high school and moving on to college in two years. Maybe I’ll even be a grandmom. Where did the time go?

I’m getting old…….

 Thank you.

May 12,1937-June 22,2008

This winter, more than most others in the past, I gained weight. Normally I chalk this up to “hibernation fat”. You know, the kind you get from eating all the stuff that you can bake because it’s cold outside, or the stuff you eat over the holidays.

I tried to be careful over the holidays. Really. I’m not even lying! SHUT UP! SERIOUSLY!

I gravitated towards the veggie trays. I stuck with two cookies instead of a dozen. I drank water–even on the coldest days—instead of hot cocoa.

And yet….

My niece’s graduation party was yesterday. I forgot. My SIL called in the morning to ask for her large cooler (which was in my basement) Oh yeah!! That was today!! We rushed around doing all the errands that we thought we had all day to complete. We got home, and started getting changed to go. Hubs asked me to iron a shirt. No prob. Done in a second.

Since it was hot outside, and it was outdoor party, I went to the storage bin to find my summer clothes. Oh.my.God. I had nothing that fit me. Not one pair of jean shorts, skirt, skort, or sundress. Jesus! When did this shit happen????

The pain in my back had caused me to avoid more activity than usual. Now, I have to pay the piper. I got lucky though. I found one pair of shorts way in the back. I have never worn them because they were given to me by someone who had gotten too big to fit in them. I was ever so saddened by the fact that they fit–albeit tightly.

I am so upset and getting more depressed the more I think about it. I don’t like to get depressed. I am not the type of person who likes to wallow in sadness. I have to find a happy thought so that I can cling tight and avoid going under….

 I just thought of something…SHOPPING!!!!  A whole new wardrobe!!!!  A new look!!!!

 Fuck you! Roll with me on this!!

We remember DJ and New York City’s Watchdog.

Hug your kids extra tight.

We have a full day planned. First we will have fun with Brownies.

NOT THOSE! These:

And then we’re gonna do this:

And then….

Have a great weekend and I’ll catch up with you all later!

No matter what the calendar or the temperature may tell us, Summer doesn’t officially start for me until the day all the kids are finished school for the summer. Today was the first day that I had a full house of other people’s kids.

The weather cooperated wonderfully. The humidity was down, the sun was shining and rain wasn’t predicted until late afternoon (or “drive time” for all of you commuters) I decided that we were going to take full advantage of this.

We left the house around 10:45. A stroller, a dog, Babygirl and I, and five kids. We looked like a parade walking down the street.We made it three blocks before someone had a ‘blow-out’ on her flipflop. We took a hair rubber band and rigged it just so it would hold long enough for the walk.

And walk we did. We walked and walked and walked. We went to the campus of Swarthmore College where it’s a nice shaded walk with plenty of interesting things for the kids to see.

This is what we did today:

Part of the college campus (Photo taken by my nephew Mark -7)

This and the next are views of the Amphitheater where we stopped to play.

Then I showed them important stuff.

I’m all about educating the yung’uns. This summer, the theme is “green”

They learn by example. See how well he practices?

Those ankle-biters had a good time.

After all the learnin’ and walkin’, we made our way home.

Wanna know what I learned? I’m not as young as I used to be. My legs are killing me.I need a hot bubble bath, a couple of Motrin, and nice comfy bed!