I have been a very busy little bee. Lemme tell ya all about it:

I have finished all but a few of my Christmas cards. As I was pulling out the door wreath, I happened upon a box among the pile. It was a yellow box that previously contained Whitman’s chocolates. (They were very good, by the way) I thought it contained knick-knacks and I had passed over it several times. Something made me look inside, and guess what! I found my ‘master list’ for my Christmas cards! Yeah, now that I didn’t need it any more it turns up. Figures!

I have painted a closet door, and wood trim in my living room. I am painting shutters and a cabinet in my bathroom today. If they didn’t look so bad, I would leave them alone but alas, I can’t stand to look at them one more day.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to paint shutters?? Especially if they have been painted shut by the previous owner! Asshole!

Hubs and I went to the doctor’s for a follow-up exam on our backs. Unfortunately, neither of us responded very well to this series of shots. Now we are going hardcore. We will have our nerve endings cauterized. I am kind of scared about this one but I’ll tell you all more about this later. If I tell you now, it will harsh my mellow.

Lastly, go visit Grant. I am interviewing him today and his answers were kind of surprising but lots of fun.

Now go! Get on with your life! I got shit to do!!!

Hubs and I were among the first of our friends to get married. Because of this, we also were the first to have our own place. It was the place to be on the weekends. I didn’t mind too much, but eventually, in my pregnant state, I got tired earlier and earlier and wanted everyone out.

Everyone, that is, except for Tom. He was Hubs’ best friend and the best man at our wedding. Out of all of our friends, Tom could come over on Friday and remain to drink and smoke the weekend away.

One Friday, I began spotting. Then I began having contractions. Suddenly Tom acted like a mother hen. I was forced to put my feet up and I was waited on by Hubs and his friend. Now we were on high alert. Saturday night Hubs and Tom cracked open a bottle of whiskey because my contractions were far to irregular to mean anything. They drank the whole thing. Hubs passed out and Tom went to  his own home.

At three in the morning, it was time.

Hubs had a bit of trouble waking up. (Ya think??) I grabbed my overnight bag and paced. The pain was more than I was prepared for. I was ready. Hubs decided to call Tom. Hubs decided that he needed to stop at the local store and get a cup of coffee and some smokes. Hubs decided that he needed to drink the coffee before we could leave. His excuse was that the pre-natal classes had told the fathers that labor could take hours!

Finally we went to the hospital. I was going to do this without drugs. I was going to to be tough. I was in a Catholic hospital. During one great, big hard contraction, I yelled out “Jesus-Fucking-Christ-on-the Cross!!” The nuns who roamed the halls giving random comfort avoided my room like the plague!

Unfortunately, the umbilical cord was wrapped around the baby’s neck. Every contraction cause my baby’s heartbeat to go down. Finally, at 2:30 in the afternoon,  the doctor decided that I would need a Cesarian. I was devastated. I had practiced so hard to do the natural childbirth.  Hubs had to leave the room. The last thing I heard was the doctor’s voice. “Can you give us one big push before you go to sleep?”

And then the darkness.

When I awoke, I was a mother. I had a son. A SON? We had three girl’s names but we couldn’t agree on a single boy’s name. What would I do when they asked for the baby’s name??

Tom had taken care of it. My son is named after his father and his grandfather. His middle name is Thomas-after his godfather.

You were beautiful. Your skin was soft and creamy. Your hair was bright orange and your eyes were so clear. You changed my life.

You are my son. You are my firstborn. You are my everything. And now you are ready to make a family of your own.

Happy Birthday, Son1

Have you seen the commercial for Snuggies? They are blankets with sleeves. Is it just me, or do those people look like they are in some kind of cult?

In the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, Brad Pitt plays a guy who ages in reverse. If that is so, are we supposed to believe that he was a grown-ass man when he was born? He would have torn his mother up!

If I use Breathe Right strips for a child with a cold, does that mean that even more snot can flow down their chin and drip onto their shirt?

What happens if you take DayQuil and NiQuil at the same time? How about Ambien and NoDoz?

My head is near exploding and these are the stupid things that I saw on tv in my delirious state. I hope I don’t stay up all night pondering the inane….

jGrrl is interviewing me…kind of like Barbara Walters on the ‘fascinating people’ show! Of course this interview is exclusive and I sure as hell hope the paparazzi don’t camp out in front of my house now!!

1. If you had three wishes – what would you wish for and why?  I would wish for money. Not so that I could be rich. Just enough for Hubs and me to comfortable in our old age. I would wish for a new back for Hubs and me. We are both sick of the pain. I would wish to have a  party and the means to get all of my blogger friends together in one place. (This means the ones in the Netherlands, France and Canadia too.)

2. If you could change any one thing about yourself – what would it be and why? I would want to be a little more tolerant (or would it be patient?) of ignorant people. Instead, they piss me off and I want to punch them in the back of the head or stab them in the eye.

3. If you were transformed into a guy for twenty four hours – what would you do? I would like to play sports – especially hockey and baseball. These things are just not same played by women. I’d also like to scratch my balls and jerk off just to see what that is like. And maybe have sex with a woman (cuz I’m not gay or bi) Ooh, yeah!! And write my name in the snow!!! (Hmmm…I sound obsessed by the penis.)

 
4. If you were a superhero – what would be your special power and how would you use it? If I were a superhero, I’d like superspeed so I could be two places ALMOST at the same time. And invisibility because I wanna know what that bitch over there is saying behind my back.(And then I’d kick her ass with my invisible fists!)

5. Tell me one strange little known random fact about yourself. I don’t know if it is strange but in high school, I took classical studies (Latin and Greek) for two years longer than was required for graduation. I read the “Odyssey” in Greek. I also took Spanish for four years and was chosen to represent our school in a competition among other Catholic high schools. Because of this, I can swear in seven different languages, and can understand just a smidge of several languages.

Now, the rules….

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

I cannot guarantee that the questions will be family friendly…..or in English….and there will be no extra credit!

How do you like me now?

When I was in New Mexico for vacation when I was twelve, I had the opportunity to see and do many things which I had never done before and probably will never do again (although I hope I can go back there again someday).

Eagle Dancers

While I was there, it was time for the Corn Festival. This was like a great harvest celebration. People gathered from all over for dancing, music and food. The music is something that speaks to my soul. I don’t understand the words (or lack of words) I don’t understand the movements involved in the dance. But when I heard the music, the drums beat in my heart. When encouraged, I joined the women and girls in the ‘circle dance’. And it was like I was raised with it. It was in my blood after all. I saw the costumes trimmed with intricate stitching and beading. I saw the feathers. I saw the makeup. I understood that though it was a public event, these things were still sacred to us.

In preparation for the feast, my uncles joined other men from the village to hunt for game. They left long before I had woken up. They were gone for three days. As I was playing in the hay loft a few days later, I heard a deep rumble. The sky was clear blue. But what was that thunder?

The men were returning.

The thunder of the horses hoofbeats reached us long before we could see or hear anything else. All of the women ran from the houses and lined the road. Finally, we could hear terrifying screams. The men were giving war cries as they rode in. Their “Hai! Hai!” and yips were so loud to my ears. The hoofbeats reverberated in my chest. The ground shook as they passed.

Deer, rabbit, pheasant and prairie dogs bounced on the sides of the horses where they were tied. Only the deer had been gutted. The rest needed to be done right away. I followed my uncles into the barn, where they hung strings of rabbit. My mom told me to leave. “You don’t want to see this” she said. Granpa admonished her.”She will never see this again. Let her stay.” My mother left the barn. She couldn’t bear to watch.

I, however, did watch. I saw the rabbits skinned and gutted. I saw them prayed over as Granpa rubbed their bodies with salt. I saw how he gently handled their fur as he told me some of the myths that surrounded our tribe’s relationship with the earth and the animals. I wasn’t traumatized. On the contrary, I was fascinated.

Even now, I can hear the hunting cries in my head. I can hear Granpa’s voice as he sang prayers over the animals. I can hear the flutes and the jingling of the bells as we danced at the feast. I can hear the drums.

This is one of my most cherished memories.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I still haven’t found my list. So if you have moved since last year, or if you would like to receive a holiday greeting, email me with your address or message me on Facebook or leave me a comment asking me to find  you. Hurry! I’m almost finished!!

My mom was born and raised in Taos, New Mexico (Not Mexico, the country next to Texas, but NEW Mexico, next to Arizona and Colorado). Specifically in the Taos Pueblo reservation. Growing up, whenever we referred to where Granma and Granpa lived, it was called ‘back home’. I had the opportunity to visit ‘home’ when I was twelve.

Granma’s house was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was made of adobe. It had no second floor. There was electricity in a limited area of the house and there was no indoor plumbing. (That wouldn’t be installed for another 15 years.) It was part of what they referred to as the farm. I would describe it more like a compound.

In the center of a circle was a large garden filled with fruit trees, area for vegetables, flowers and herbs. This was also where the well was located. Around the circle was a barn, a stable for the horses, Aunt K’s house and Uncle C’s house,the ‘horno’ oven and the outhouse. To me, it was like something from a movie and it was cool.

That dome in the front is a horno oven. It is fueled by wood.

It was alien to me to bathe in a large steel basin in water that was heated on the stove. I helped draw the water from the well. I helped make the bread that was baked in the ‘horno’ oven every day. I slopped pigs and fed chickens.I also helped Granma make her clay pottery. (She was famous for her pottery and some of it is on display in one of the museums in Santa Fe.) 

For playtime, I went across the dirt road and crossed a field to the stream that was clear as glass. I’d roll up my pants and wade through for hours. I could see small fish and water bugs skittering  atop the water. It was icy cold and I could drink right from the stream itself.

It was July of 1974. I would be there for a month. It was a different time, a different environment, and a different culture. But the most exciting memory for me was……*

*To be continued…..

Who knew that one word could bring out the curiosity in people? The word?

SCRAPPLE.

I live in a Philadelphia suburb, not far from Chester County – the home of Habbersett’s, the maker’s of Habbersett’s Scrapple. This means that scrapple was a staple in my diet ever since I can remember.

First….What is scrapple? It is the “lips and assholes” of pork.  Actually, it is all the things leftover after processing everything else. Extra scraps from the liver,kidneys, stomach, bones,– you name it, it’s ground up and in there. It is all the usable scraps mixed with corn meal and spices and made into a loaf. It has been around since the settling of the Colonies (way back before I was born!) George Washington and Ben Franklin both ate scrapple. Who knew?

This is what my normal Sunday morning breakfast looks like. Mmmm…..

It is cooked most commonly by slicing it (looking like a piece of bread) and frying it in a skillet until the outside gets a nice crispy, brown crust and the inside is like a mush. This is incredibly good.

I had assumed that it was available everywhere, but then folks started asking in the comments about it and when I linked it up, I learned that it is pretty much exclusive to my area of the Northeast( Pennsylvania, Delaware and Maryland mainly but it’s also found as far south as Virginia.)

If you ever have the opportunity to taste it, I highly recommend it. Close your eyes and taste it like a grown-up.

Now I wonder…..

What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten or what is one food that is eaten almost exclusively in your neck of the woods? Tell us!!!

My man knows me very well. Even better than I know myself sometimes.

On Saturday, while I was busy bitching and tearing up the house, he was working. He called around lunchtime and asked if I needed anything at the store because he was stopping. I couldn’t even think straight. I wanted ‘something’ but what?  Food? I hadn’t eaten breakfast. Coffee? Maybe. I just didn’t know.

He asked what was wrong. I sounded funny on the phone. So I proceeded to tell him about searching  for the card list. Calmly, he told me that it would turn up. “I’ll get you some coffee and be home soon.”

When he came home, he was bearing a hoagie and he even remembered that I like hot and sweet peppers on it (Normally he forgets these.) He got my favorite hazelnut coffee. AND he even got me not one, but two cream donuts! I figured that I would eat half of the hoagie but I was starving and I devoured the whole thing.

I felt the anxiety go down a notch. The donut (only one) sweetened my disposition even more.

Later he surprised me by suggesting that we go Christmas shopping. This is a task that I have to begin planning three days in advance. I must beg and plead and threaten until he can stand no more. THEN he will drag his feet and we go. We went out and bought all of our major gifts. On the way home, he said,”Let’s stop in here (our fave restaurant) and have a drink or two.” We did and I also had a lovely bowl of Dutch Potato Soup. YUMMY! Now I was fed, liquored up and content.

We went home and relaxed, watching tv, chatting, and waiting for Babygirl and her friend to come home. Sleepy came and finally my aggravating day came to an end.

Sunday morning, he let me sleep in. This is also unusual. He took out the dog and sat quietly while I slumbered. When I finally opened my eyes, he suggested breakfast at the local diner. Pancakes, scrapple, and two eggs fortified me for the day ahead.

We will be going food shopping, shampooing the carpets for the holiday, and digging up some decorations. I will also be handling some laundry, and reading the newpaper. I am ready.

Hubby knew that I needed a day with him. I needed to eat without having to cook or count every calorie. I needed to leave the house while still getting errands done. I also needed something else that he gladly provided.   I didn’t even realize that this was what I needed to calm my frazzled nerves. Christmas is coming faster than I expected this year, and I was feeling rushed. I just couldn’t put my finger on the feeling.

Luckily, I married a good man. With all his aggravating little peccadiloes, I know he is paying attention–even when I think he is wearing blinders. He just saves up the knowledge for when I need it the most.

There is another contest out there in the blogosphere, and it involves one of the iconic movies of the eighties…..”Heathers”.

Ah, Christian Slater as the psycho-cool JD , Winona Ryder as Veronica and the wardrobe. Yes, I include the wardrobe as another of the ‘stars’ because DAMN! Who can forget the ankle socks with heels? Or the trendy hats? And lets not forget the shoulders that were padded from here to eternity!

I loved this movie because I had a hot crush on Slater and girl-crush on Winona. And besides that, they were doing what I always wanted to do….dishing it up to the asshole ‘A-list girls’. It was such a shame that Veronica started to grow a conscience!

My favorite line from the movie was when Veronica got sick at the party and spewed. She told Heather to “Lick it up, baby. Lick.It.Up!” I must have said that for a year after that. I still use it every now and then.

Anyway, if you visit here, you can have a chance to win the Limited Edition Box Set of the movie “Heathers”. You really should do it. And if you aren’t into “Heathers”? Do it anyway. Christmas is closing in and I’m sure you want to send it to Metalmom. Or maybe send it for her birthday in February……I can wait!

All I wanted to do was dye my hair and write out my Christmas cards. That’s all. No unattainable  goals. Just two things.

I got done exactly ONE.

Let me ‘splain…

I dyed me hair after waking up so that I could shower immediately afterward. This went without a hitch. I normally get dye all over my face, neck and ears but this time it was a clean job. After getting dressed, I took laundry to the basement, which was covered wall to wall with laundry hanging and waiting to be taken down, sorted and folded. Well, I took them down (Needless task #1) because I needed to get behind them for gift boxes.  (task #2) I took the boxes upstairs and put gifts into them (task #3) so that it would be easier to pile boxes than to kick bags out of my way to get to my dresser drawers. I went into the kitchen to put away those plastic bags and realized that the sink was full of dishes. Since it annoyed me to see them there, I washed them (task #4) and ended up emptying the trashcan, and cleaning the floor. (#5 &6)

As I walked out of the kitchen, I realized that I had done far  more than the two things I really wanted to get done. This started to grate on my nerves. “That’s it!” my mind yelled. “The cards. Get to the cards!”

Under my bed, for the past 20 years, I keep  two things that NEVER get stored anywhere else: a flat box that is filled with tape, scissors, gift labels, and bows and  a shoe box that holds my Christmas mailings. Leftover cards from the last year, spare envelopes, cards from relatives that show their kids in their ballet costumes and most importantly…. THE LIST.

The List is a sheet of paper with everyone’s name on it. Everyone I mail a card to. Business associates’ home addresses, new addresses for family and friends, names of people who send us cards, and those who didn’t due to cutting back. Some are crossed off to shorten the list. Everything is nice and neat and right where I need it. I don’t have to flip pages in my phone book. It is in order. Those that go out of state are first. Local are second. And those that I hand deliver are last.

I can’t find the box. Why would I move it? After 20 YEARS!!! WHY WOULD I MOVE IT??? This pissed me off to no end.

So I searched. And while I searched, I came upon some summer clothes that were waiting to be put away(#7), some crappy sweatshirts that I threw away (#8) , some books that were waiting to be boxed for a friend (#9). I came across my holiday pillows so I took them out and put others away(#10).

“What the Fuck???” my brain screamed. “This isn’t what you wanted to do today! We were going to relax and write cards!”

So I stopped. Right there in my tracks….I stopped…and stepped in a puddle of pee. I had neglected my dog in the frantic searching of the house. I cleaned it up (#11) and almost decided to clean my carpets!

I am frustrated. I am pissed off. I have that nagging feeling in my head that I get when I don’t do something that I had planned. I want to hit. I want to kick. I want to scream and curse. I’m going a little psycho.

I know….I got stuff done. That is NOT THE POINT!

The motherfucking cards are missing. My list is missing. (And don’t be the asshole who comments “You should put it in the computer!”–FUCK YOU!) I have done this the same way for years. It is my personal routine. It is comforting in its sameness. It is relaxing.

My eye is twitching. I need a donut and a cup of coffee.

And then I am going to tear apart the bedroom one more time. If I don’t find it…..pity the first person who comes in the door!

But hey! My hair looks fucking awesome!