Wednesday September 23rd 2009, 12:48 PM
Filed under: Friends,lessons,owies


Ouch

I got a phone call today. Lostmahead had heard through the grapevine that the mother of a mutual friend had finally succumbed to cancer. It had been a long fight and this friend had been busy keeping up with this and juggling her own life. Anyway, Lost wanted to know if I had heard or if I had seen an obituary in the newspaper. I hadn’t, but I thought I’d check Facebook to see if maybe she had posted anything about this.

I couldn’t find her on my ‘friend list’.  Huh. Whattaya know ’bout that? I’ve been unfriended.

best-friends_1116920082_036

Other bloggers have written about this. They have mentioned the sting of the so-called ‘bitch slap‘. It was now my turn.

This was  a girl I had been very close to in high school. She moved away and we lost touch for a bit. We ran into each other at a viewing for a friend but she showed no interest in keeping in touch. I would later learn that she had met a man that she wanted to marry and she was reinventing some of her past. This ‘new her’ didn’t include certain friends. I was one. Lostmahead and I would wonder about her for the longest time. Was she married? Her kids were getting older. What were they like now? Did she have grandkids? Was she happy?

We were incredibly happy when we were contacted through Facebook. She was there. We chatted both online and off. She wanted both Lost and I to come to her house- with our families- to have a barbecue and reconnect with each other.  Unfortunately, I had several obligations for the weeks that she had wanted to do this. I told Lost and another friend to go ahead without me. There was no reason why they should miss out.

And so they did. From what I heard, Friend  spent the time flitting about, constantly leaving her guests to check on her adult children  and their kids. They lived with her. What would happen during that barbecue that wouldn’t happen at any other time?  Anyhoo, while Lost wanted to hear about the ‘here and now’, Friend wanted to to dwell in the past.

That was weeks ago. I was somewhat glad that I had not gone. I would have been really annoyed to know that my “hostess” wasn’t very interested in spending time with the guests. I would have said something that I couldn’t take back.

And now it’s come full circle. She will step away from our friendship yet again. She will give no reason and leave this all to speculation. I sent a short note that read “Have I done something to hurt you?”  but I seriously doubt that she will respond.

What was I supposed to do? Jump at the invitation? I may have wanted to, but like I said, I had other things planned. After the many times we had tried to reach her and got no response, she wanted me to go through hoops so that she could ignore me too?  Fuck that shit.

I survived for 29 years without her in my life and I think I can survive the next 29.




16 Comments »

  1. Robin said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 12:52 PM

    it’s hard to just walk away from people we have a past with but sometimes it’s just the most sane and healthy thing to do.

  2. Grant said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 1:37 PM

    I hate it when they unfriend you and then die. That’s so inconsiderate. Anyway, I doubt you will live another 29 years. If you do, I’ll owe you a Coke. I’ll put it in my will since I will definitely not be lasting another 29 years.

  3. phinz said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 2:43 PM

    Sad but true, what Robin said. This person obviously has a LOT of issues (which stem, I suspect, from trying to rewrite history in the first place) and it’s better you not get caught up in them any more. Wish her well and get on with life.

  4. Finn said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 4:10 PM

    This friend’s mom died, right? Not her?

    Whatever. She doesn’t need you so you don’t need her. You have me, right? :d/:d

  5. Metalmom said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 4:43 PM

    Robin-That is exactly how I feel. And it does hurt, but it’ll heal right? :(

  6. Metalmom said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 4:44 PM

    Grant-Just don’t forget that I have it-typed by you and witnessed by all these fine folks who are reading it-YOU WILL OWE ME A COKE!! :d

  7. Metalmom said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 4:46 PM

    phinz-I agree about rewriting the past. But it was nice to be in touch again after so many years. :(

  8. Metalmom said:

    on September 23, 2009 at 4:47 PM

    Finn-Baby, you are so RIGHT! I do have you! You’re the best. :*

  9. Sybil Law said:

    on September 24, 2009 at 7:10 AM

    Some people are just fucking goofy. I hate that shit. However, she’s probably done you a favor, in the long run. She doesn’t sound dependable, to say the least.

  10. Metalmom said:

    on September 24, 2009 at 10:43 AM

    Sybil Law-I won’t mince words with people. I shot off an email and asked her what was her problem. She was the one who found me in the first place. I got back a “dear john” letter saying,”We’ve grown apart.We have nothing in common. It’s not you it’s me” What the fuck is that? Good riddance, I say. That just pissed me off!! x(

  11. teri said:

    on September 25, 2009 at 8:37 AM

    you know what? why friend you in the first place, then? She knows that alot of time has passed and everyone grows apart when that much time has lapsed. So why friend you? And it’s not painful just keeping your friends without defriending them.

  12. Metalmom said:

    on September 25, 2009 at 9:31 AM

    teri-I KNOW! This isn’t the first time I’ve been de-friended. I have been friends with bloggers who have just left the ‘blogosphere’ and faded away. And also by some of those ‘friend of a friend’. I don’t care either way with them. But this was someone that I enjoyed BEING with. We didn’t have to have a lot in common to just hang out and share laughs. I don’t have a lot in common with my own husband! This one stung a little. :(

  13. Poppy said:

    on September 30, 2009 at 10:15 PM

    Friends come and go in life, and it’s best to let them. If they’re meant to be in your life again they will be.

    (And… are you sure she didn’t delete her Facebook profile? A lot of that going around lately.)

  14. Metalmom said:

    on October 1, 2009 at 2:04 PM

    Poppy-No, she didn’t delete it and that was my first thought. I was looking for her and when she wasn’t on my friend list anymore, I used the friend finder. She was there and that’s why I emailed her. Oh well, c’est la vie.

  15. "D" said:

    on October 4, 2009 at 3:31 PM

    :d Ya know what I say…”Thank goodness for the rest of us!!! We get more of you!!! WOO-HOO!!!”

  16. Metalmom said:

    on October 4, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    “D”-Oh there’s PLENTY of me to go around! LOL

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