Monday March 01st 2010, 7:33 PM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,doctors,Hubs,other shit


Perfect Storm

I am a cranky, miserable bitch. There I go, stating the obvious.

ENIVRONMENT WEATHER

I am having a perfect storm of ‘bad’.  Not my husband, kids or friends. It’s me. Capital M. Capital E. I am constantly bitching at my poor Hubs. He knows something is wrong but is afraid to ask. We are so in tune to each other that he knows that I will bite his head off if he says “What’s wrong?”  He is being ever so sweet. He helps me clean the house. He helps with Bandit. He cooks me breakfast and orders dinner. But it doesn’t make me happy.

Babygirl has been so happy lately. We (she) is getting all of her FAFSA papers filed. She hasn’t argued with me. She has cleaned her room.(mostly) She helps with the laundry.She has chosen her roommate for next year and they are like long lost friends. It will be a good pairing.  But it doesn’t make me happy.

A major part of the problem is that the doctor has cut the dosage of my antidepressant in half. (“Let’s see how you make out with less of a dosage. Maybe we can wean you off of it.”) I learned my lesson about that. I would stop taking it every spring so that I could take something for my allergies. In the summer, I am out in the sunshine more, and therefore, I am happier. But as soon as September rolls around, I am depressed, and I have to ask the doctor to put me back on them. This is the first year I have stayed on them and I am very happy with the results that I have been having. I am humoring Dr. Asshat for the next week or so. Then he will have to humor ME.

Another part of the problem is that the pain in my back has worsened. This isn’t the first time it has happened after a series of shots. But it is the first time that I am in excruciating pain that keeps me in a constant cycle of sit/stand/walk every half hour or so. My pain meds are not working completely. I called his office today and we are in the process of getting me into the hospital for my neuralytic. This is the only thing that has made me happy.

I haven’t been thrilled with movies or music. This is highly unusual for me. I had been writing and now I look at the page and it takes too much effort for me to reread and find my place again. I log onto Facebook and aside from a comment here or there, I don’t even want to hang out there. This has not gone unnoticed by my friends. I am Ms Crankypants. I have lost my funny. I am the cheerleader. The clown. The jokester. Now if anyone says anything to me, I have a very curt answer. I am cynical. Cold.

Now that I have filled this page with an explanation, it is obvious to me what my next step should be.

I don’t think I’ll wait a month for Dr Asshat. Fuck that.

I want ME back.




8 Comments »

  1. Sybil Law said:

    on March 1, 2010 at 8:51 PM

    I’ve been feeling that way, too, but I think it’s just the fucking cold and lack of sunshine. I probably have SAD. Whatever it is, I wish I could just get it together!
    And yeah – why did the doctor want to half your dosage? Were you whistling Dixie out of your ass or something?!
    Hahaha I made myself laugh.
    Sigh.
    I love you.
    xoxo

  2. Metalmom said:

    on March 1, 2010 at 9:07 PM

    SybilLaw-Why would he want to half my dosage? Because he is a doctor who knows everything in the world and I am not. How could I possibly presume to tell him his job?? 8-| You made me laugh too. Love you right back! :*

  3. Tug said:

    on March 1, 2010 at 9:41 PM

    Damn girl, that sucks…I hope that you and the doc get things worked out. It really seems to be going around more, and I’m hating every minute of it. Much luck to you!!

  4. Skittles said:

    on March 1, 2010 at 10:20 PM

    I have been feeling like that too! It’s not the winter blahs. I kinda (unlike most people) like winter. I don’t mind shoveling or snow…..so what is it…..well I have been pissed off that I graduated with high honors and have been working for 23 years at the same job but I still stress over money, I still get break even…..it sucks. So I haven’t been me either! Sick of it…sick of worrying.sick sick sick and mad at my boss (yes mad at the whole archdiocese for unfair pay).
    Sorry to go on and on but I wanted you to know that you are not alone my friend…even though it’s different reasons….I hear ya!
    But f that!!!! You are hot blogger of Jan or Feb…..do you have to get all naked for it…..coool! LOL

  5. Metalmom said:

    on March 1, 2010 at 11:10 PM

    Tug-I’m working on it! It just can’t happen a minute too soon!! :(

  6. Metalmom said:

    on March 1, 2010 at 11:13 PM

    Skittles-It’s always cool to let it out over here. Mine is definitely tied into the winter blahs. I should never have walked out of his office with the lower prescription. No naked and it’s only a nomination. I guess I’ll have to get out and schmooze the votes! :d

  7. Finn said:

    on March 2, 2010 at 10:17 AM

    If you keep having to go back on it, why the fuck is he trying to get you off of it? I don’t think you have SAD. I think you have chronic depression. Why can you take allergy meds with your antidepressant? I do.

  8. Metalmom said:

    on March 2, 2010 at 11:26 AM

    Finn-I feel like an ass. I looked up my meds online and found that it wasn’t the antidepressant that interacted, it was another med that I had been taking. |-) I agree with the chronic depression but I know that the winter doesn’t help much.

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