Saturday April 10th 2010, 9:56 PM
Filed under: desire,Hubs,ineptitude,other shit,questions,weight


Weak

I walked for three days in a row. That isn’t a big deal, really. Once or twice a week, I manage to do beginner’s pilates. Basically, it is lots of stretching. Two or three times a month, I throw in a shot at the treadmill.  This is not a lot of exercise and it looks like even less when I see it printed out in front of my eyes likes this.

When I do the pilates, I feel great. Even the stiffness is good because I feel like I accomplished something.  But then, Hubs has a day or two at home and I cannot do it. I cannot roll around on the floor without the comments like “Oh yeah, baby! It looks good from here!” or “See? I knew you could bend like that!”  It makes me laugh, and then I lose my concentration, and then I feel self-concious.  I ask him to stop and I can see that I’ve hurt his feelings. “I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the way you look.” or “I’m just trying to encourage you.”  There is a better way to do that, but coming from him, it would sound fake, forced.

Walking – on the treadmill, or on the street – makes me sweat. I hate the feeling of sweat but I have learned to tolerate it. Walking also gives me different pains. An ache in the hip, a pinch in the back, and then my shins. It makes me stop because the hip pain makes sleep difficult. The back pain could escalate into months of shit. The shins? Well….

I’ve mentioned it to my doctor. He tells me to be sure to stretch. Take some ibuprophen. I have done that and still the ache. I last walked on Thursday and even now, on Saturday I can feel the pain. It is almost like a constant leg cramp. If I walk it out, it gets worse or it spreads to my ankles. Is it shin splints? I think so, but I still don’t know what to do about it.

I feel so weak. Why don’t I have the fortitude to go on? As a kid, and even as a young adult, I played hard. I played softball, ran track, walked for miles. I moved from a town that used to laugh at walkers and joggers to a town where they are a constant presence- rain or shine. I now have a dog for company. Why can’t I get motivated? Why can’t I get past the fear of pain? I know that exercising can help get rid of so many of my problems and yet, just the thought cripples me. I think of the people I know who lost weight due to heart problems, the people who soldier on through chemo treatments, the people who have been through physical therapy to learn to move all over again. And then I feel ashamed of my weakness.

I need a partner. I have no problem doing anything – exercise, walking, dieting- with a partner. I’ve asked a few friends and it just hasn’t worked out. A gym is not an option.

How do I get motivated? I can think of a million reasons why I can’t exercise today. And I can also think of a million reasons why I should get off my ass. How do I get rid of this defeatist attitude?




12 Comments »

  1. Sybil Law said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 12:24 AM

    You want I should come up there with a whip?!
    Your hubs would really have some shit to say to that, now, huh?!

    Sorry – I don’t have any real answer for you. Motivation can be damned hard to come by in these parts, too!

    But I know you can do it. :)
    xoxo

  2. Metalmom said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 8:34 AM

    SybilLaw-Whip away, friend!! I just don’t know what will keep me going. :(

  3. Karl said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 9:12 AM

    I’m with you all the way. Exercise is such a chore for me, but I’ve been trying to get into it. So far, nothing is clicking with me, and I don’t even have the physical pain limitations that you seem to have.

    A partner would be fantastic, but I don’t have anyone. Maybe you should come down here and we’ll exercise. :)

  4. Metalmom said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 9:33 AM

    Karl-The catch-22 is that the pain would go away if I exercised, but exercise causes the pain which would go away if I exercised! To some extent it is also the unease I have about doing things alone. (I think you understand this one) I rarely join anything ‘alone’ but once I get the ice broken, I CAN go back alone…if that makes any sense. I’d love to come down there…..*sigh*…someday…

  5. Karl said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 9:47 AM

    It’s always easier with a buddy. That’s why I’m glad I have a Prick Buddy for my diabetes. Just need an Exercise Buddy now.

  6. Grant said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 9:49 AM

    Walking cures my back pains, but I can’t do it now because I have an open foot wound that is still trying to heal. Currently I believe there is no one size fits all for any diet / exercise / healthcare issue, so it’s just a matter of finding what works for you. Have you tried getting a Wii? I like the Sports Resort game. It has 12 activities, some of which (like sword fighting and canoeing) can really work up a sweat.

  7. Metalmom said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 10:43 AM

    Karl-If you can find a way to do it, I’ll be it. I used to have one but she punked out on me. :(

  8. Metalmom said:

    on April 11, 2010 at 10:43 AM

    Grant-Wii is high on my ‘want’ list. I should start hinting now for Mother’s Day!

  9. teri said:

    on April 12, 2010 at 8:26 AM

    I think it’s a combination of age and not being in shape. I go through the exact, same thing. I’m starting to notice issues with my hips. I think the shin splints needs rest, that might be what the doctor tells you.

    It’s sucks getting older. you feel like it’s a vicious cycle because you need to work out to keep the bones and muscles going but the bones and muscles don’t cooperate to get anything accomplished.

  10. Metalmom said:

    on April 12, 2010 at 9:25 AM

    Teri-The doc says to rest, but when I start again it is worse. I’ve tried only going short distance,but then it barely seems worth the effort of putting on the shoes!

  11. delmer said:

    on April 14, 2010 at 10:13 AM

    I used to walk daily… or ride my bike. Weather slowed me down this past fall and then an injury. I started walking again this past week and have noticed my feet and legs have those starting-to-be-active aches and pains. I know they will pass soon enough, but aches… from just walking several miles?

    This getting old stuff is sucking.

  12. Metalmom said:

    on April 14, 2010 at 1:45 PM

    delmer-Yes it does suck. I did pilates yesterday (all the way through this time!) and today my sides and butt hurt. Today is walking again. *sigh*

{ RSS feed for comments on this post} · { TrackBack URI }

Leave a Comment

:) :( :d :"> :(( \:d/ 8-| :o :-" :-w ;) [-( =p~ :-ss =:) :| o:-) :( more »

XHTML: Line-breaks are automatic. Available tags are <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge