Sunday June 06th 2010, 8:17 PM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,HOT,Hubs,kids,other shit,questions


The “20 Questions” Bitch

Dear Neighbor,

I’m sorry if you think I was rude.  I was sweating my ass off in the sun. I was picking up grass divots while you stood there asking me if  “it’s a hot job?”   You may be a professor of Criminal Justice, but you are as stupid as a rock.  I tried to be polite….really I did. I just didn’t feel the need to tell you how hard Hubby and I were working when it was obvious that we were soaked with sweat.  It was obvious from the shovels and the bags of mulch.

I also tried to be nice to your kids, who kept coming over to ask why we were digging in the dirt, where is my dog, did I squirt Hubby with the hose (Is that how he got wet?)  They are kids and I really couldn’t tell them to go the fuck away.  Besides, how could they know any better when their mother was the one who started the game “20 Questions”?

When you finally went away, I could still hear your whiny, nasal voice cajoling your kids into behaving. “Wanna go in the house? Wanna put on your bathing suit? Why don’t we go get your bathing suit? If we do, you can play in the pool. Do you wanna do that?”  WTF?  You say, “Get in the house and get your bathing suit so we can swim.  No? Fine,  get in the house and take a nap!”  How could you let them walk all over you like that? Why let them get into the pool with their clothes on? You’re a spineless jelly-fish. 

Your spiel never let up. “Here’s the rules! Here’s the rules!” and then “Take turns or else! One…..Two……Eric, take turns now! One…..Two…..”  THE NEXT ONE IS FUCKING THREE!!!!  Now smack his ass and take him into the house, for Chrissake!!!!

Every day we are out there and every day you say, “I should borrow your husband to do my yard”   No, bitch. You have the asshole landscapers who mow your lawns at 8am on a Sunday morning. They are the shitheads who blow all the leaves from your property onto my lawn, which gets cleaned up BY ME!

Don’t you dare ever ask me why the neighbors are so ‘standoffish’  I may have to tell the truth and tell you that it’s all you baby!!

You know that saying,  “Good fences make good neighbors”?  I wish I could build a fucking brick wall.

Not So Cordially,

Metalmom




22 Comments »

  1. Poppy said:

    on June 6, 2010 at 8:35 PM

    My neighbor hit a car with his loudass scooter and set off the car’s alarm. End of scooter!

    Here nature has a way of weeding out the dumb.
    .-= Poppy´s last blog ..A story about insurance. =-.

  2. Metalmom said:

    on June 6, 2010 at 8:41 PM

    Poppy-She is a Criminal Justice professor in a big name college. Her hubby is a Lawyer. Both are ‘short bus’ material! Those kids don’t stand a chance!

  3. Sybil Law said:

    on June 6, 2010 at 10:13 PM

    It KILLS me how parents “ask” their kids to do shit, then bitch when the kids give them an answer they didn’t want, THEN bribe, scold and cajole them into doing it, anyway!
    Fucking tell your kid what the plan is and how much time they have to get it done.
    GAH!

    (Yeah – I was at the pool today around some of these people.)
    (Also, most teachers’ kids are fuckign terrible, too.)
    .-= Sybil Law´s last blog ..update =-.

  4. whall said:

    on June 6, 2010 at 11:15 PM

    So, was it a hot job or what?
    .-= whall´s last blog ..If you don’t think THIS is cool… =-.

  5. Sophie@postal-gold said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 6:55 AM

    Your way of writing is great! The story makes a good laugh, even though it is sad reality. Maybe you should aim for a career as a writer!? I’d love to read a novel in this cruel-reality and ironic-comedy style!
    .-= Sophie@postal-gold´s last blog ..Postal Gold Logo =-.

  6. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 7:51 AM

    SybilLaw-UUUUGGGGHHHHH!! I hate those parents. And those are the mom’s in cult of ‘mommy bloggers’. The “begging, pleading, time-outs” need to be replaced with good old-fashioned swats on the ass!!

  7. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 7:52 AM

    whall-Don’t make me swat YOUR ass!!!

  8. delmer said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:22 AM

    So, what you’re saying is that you find yard work to be very relaxing. :)
    .-= delmer´s last blog ..Rerun: Stories about other kids =-.

  9. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:36 AM

    Sophie-Thank you very much for the compliment and comment!

  10. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:38 AM

    delmer-You know, it actually was, heat and all. Yard work always relaxes Hubs, but it is very aggravating to have someone trying to talk to you while you have sweat dripping off your nose!

  11. Finn said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:54 AM

    This is why I’d love either to live out in the boonies where you basically have no neighbors or in the city where you’re neighbors want to avoid you as much as you want to avoid them. :d
    .-= Finn´s last blog ..Questions, Answers, Etc. =-.

  12. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 9:02 AM

    Finn-In the 8 or so years we’ve been here, I would have loved for someone to say hi when I wave or said hello. I have been neighborly only to have my efforts ignored. It is a very snooty, artsy-fartsy area. Why is it that the only one I wish would ignore me wants to chat the day away??

  13. teri said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 12:30 PM

    which neighbor, next door or behind you?

    I’m always amazed at nosy neighbors. Who cares what everyone is doing?
    .-= teri´s last blog ..Bad body image =-.

  14. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    teri-Oh, man. It’s the one next door….with all the toys strewn on the lawn. Other families have more than one or two kids and they don’t have a mess like that all over their lawns!

  15. Mik said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:04 PM

    That’s when you wish you had a phaser set to “stun, stun and then stun again”.

    Maybe one of those electric fences farmers use to keep the cattle in check!
    .-= Mik´s last blog ..Oh what a knife =-.

  16. Fantastagirl said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:24 PM

    I am a “people person”. I like people, I like talking to people etc., but when it comes to some neighbors, I’d rather not.

    Especially when we’ve been working in the yard.
    .-= Fantastagirl´s last blog ..Meet Georgie =-.

  17. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:47 PM

    Mik-I wouldn’t set it to ‘stun’. I would set it to ‘pulverize’!

  18. Metalmom said:

    on June 7, 2010 at 8:48 PM

    Fantastagirl-I like talking to people too, but it was 90+ in the shade and humid as hell!!!

  19. Marty said:

    on June 8, 2010 at 12:04 AM

    You need to make them move. My neighbors hated living next to me so much they went into foreclosure (before it was fashionable).
    Marty´s last blog post ..People on the Train #126

  20. Liz Hill said:

    on June 8, 2010 at 8:06 AM

    LOL I luckier than you in two ways–1.the disastrous Breeder lives across the street rather than next to me; and 2. She doesn’t try to chat me up as I’m certain she knows I am the one who complained to the neighborhood ombudsman when she left a MATTRESS on the curb for FIVE days.

    Once when I was out doing HOT yard work many many years ago the girl child of an obnoxious ‘set’ of boy and girl (named Zachary and Taylor I kid you not) was annoying me with questions. She finally got to the “where are your kids?” one. I said “I don’t have any” That was followed by the inevitable “Why?” To which I said “Because I don’t want any” and smiled. That shut her the french up and she sort of backed away lol
    Liz Hill´s last blog post ..30 Day Meme -8- Someone You Think Would Make A Good President

  21. Metalmom said:

    on June 8, 2010 at 10:02 AM

    Marty-That idea scares me…..what if the new people were….Lord help me…..WORSE?!

  22. Metalmom said:

    on June 8, 2010 at 10:03 AM

    Liz-If a kid had asked me that, I would have told her “because I buried the last one in the backyard. Wanna see?” LOL

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