Tuesday July 06th 2010, 5:32 PM
Filed under: celebration,Friends,happy,laughs,lessons,questions


Rainbow Weekend

Like many of you, I went to a party this weekend. Like many of those parties, this party involved a pool, a barbecue, drinks, food and friends. This party was different in only one way…

I knew when the invitation was given, that it would be attended by many women……many gay women. That’s not a big deal to me. I don’t tend to think of people like that. It’s none of my business and besides, people are people, y’know? I mention it only because of where this post is going.

I’ve been to other parties where I only know one or two people. There is usually that initial awkwardness, you know, the one in which you get a feel for the humor (or lack of). The one in which you get to know the boundaries, so that you don’t cross it….

I didn’t need to do that this time.

As soon as I got there, I felt as if I were a long lost friend. My friend Skittles and I were the only two straight women there. We tend to get carried away with our laughter and joking and I was a tad afraid of making an inappropriate joke. I was secretly counting on Skittles to keep me in check. But immediately upon our arrival, the laughs began and they never stopped.

The sun beat down on us and the pool was too inviting. A few girls went in and I joined them. If it were another party, I would have hemmed and hawed. I would have been self-conscious about my ‘bathing suit body’. Not here. If it were another party, I would have been on the look-out for the ‘judges’…..those women who, whether on purpose or not, judge the amount of skin that shows, making judgements that “she’s a whore” or “she’s a prude”. Those women who watch every person you talk to and make judgements that perhaps “she’s flirting with my man” when in reality you are discussing sports. Those women who mentally tally up how long you have known the hostess to assure themselves that they are “better friends” with her.

Like I said…if it were another party.

All of these things were a non-issue. They didn’t worry about their bodies and by extension, neither did I. We discussed all kinds of things. I spoke to the significant others and didn’t feel like I had to time the conversation out of fear of what their mate would think. We put sunscreen on each other. You know how touching a man always seem to skew into a ‘sexy touch’?  Not here. It was simply women making sure no one got sunburned.

I relaxed….truly relaxed. This was so incredibly different. Even with family, I am tense. I worry that I will say or do something to earn Mom’s disapproval, or I will hurt my sister’s feelings.  I feel the judgement – even after thirty years of marriage – of my sisters-in-law. Even with some friends, I feel like my house, hostess skills or cooking doesn’t measure up.

These women accepted me for who I am, and I felt the love.

And then I felt the heartache of knowing that they could be themselves…..but only among others of the same mindset. They discussed how hard it is to find a club that is ‘gay-friendly’. How hard it must be to have to plan a get-together based on where they will feel ‘welcomed’!   It made me sad to know that so many people will never know these wonderful, smart, funny women because they can’t set aside the issue of sexual orientation. It made me sad to know that they will go to other parties and be the ones who are judged.




12 Comments »

  1. Blondefabulous said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 6:32 PM

    That looks like a slice of Rainbow Cake from Sugaree’s in Mississippi! OMG! I love that cake! They are the BEST bakery evah…..

    And here’s to you getting to be you. Sorry I focused on the cake! Side effect from the Celiac’s and not being able to have cake anymore.
    Blondefabulous´s last blog post ..Back To The Real World

  2. Shelli said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 6:38 PM

    The first part of your post is awesome (I mean about what you experienced) and the second part is sad. I wish people would just let each other BE. Be who they are, what they are, etc.
    Shelli´s last blog post ..Happy Birthday- Baby-

  3. Metalmom said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 6:52 PM

    Blondefabulous-That was made by one of the girls using ordinary white cake mix and food coloring. It was YUMMEH! It was hard to look away from it!! :)

  4. Metalmom said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 6:55 PM

    Shelli-I know. In our area of the PRB we have the honor of knowing such wonderful, non-judgemental people and it is easy to forget that when we meet folks outside of the circle, that there are those who are so close minded. I wish the world would just be filled with PEOPLE. Period. No labels……

  5. Coal Miner's Granddaughter said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 6:59 PM

    First? that cake looks AWESOME! Second? It sounds like you glimpsed a very special sisterhood this weekend. Wish all us gals could be so caring and non-judgmental.
    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog post ..Summer Doldrums

  6. Sybil Law said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 7:05 PM

    Well, as you said, everyone judges people everywhere, gay or not. It’s ridiculous. Probably why I hate people.
    Except you.

    And that party sounds awesome! Glad you had a fun time!
    Sybil Law´s last blog post ..Nutty

  7. Metalmom said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 8:17 PM

    CMG-I wish someone could figure out why women treat each other like shit so frequently. I LOVE the women I know that aren’t like that. (you would be one of them!)

  8. Metalmom said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 8:18 PM

    SybilLaw-True, true. I hate those judges, but I love you, bitch!!

  9. Dawn said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 9:14 PM

    As I always remind the labelers and haters –
    “WE ALL BLEED RED!!!” We certainly had a CELEBRATION of SPIRIT and LIVING amongst ourselves – and I only hope it sustains us on this journey called life!!
    Thank you, My Friend!!

  10. Metalmom said:

    on July 6, 2010 at 9:31 PM

    Dawn-I know it’s gonna sustain me for a long time, and if it don’t, I know where to get more….just sayin’…. LOVE YOU!

  11. Grant said:

    on July 7, 2010 at 8:29 AM

    Rainbow cake! What flavor are the different colors?
    Grant´s last blog post ..Another Japanese Improvement

  12. Metalmom said:

    on July 7, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    Grant-It was just plain, ol’ white cake. She just used food coloring to dye it different colors. (But it sure was cool to eat another woman’s cake) tee hee!!!

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