Tuesday July 13th 2010, 6:40 PM
Filed under: business,ineptitude,laughs,miscellaneous,other shit


True Tales of the Absurd

I was just sitting here, bored, and wondering what I should post about. Well, I decided to give you all some little factoids from my former jobs…

I worked in a movie theater where roaches and mice were an every day occurence. (We shared a building with a bus terminal)  Those roaches showed up even during the day and they had wings!!  GAG!  The mice weren’t shy either. Since bug spray, rat traps or glue traps never seemed to deter them, I kept oven cleaner behind the counter. They didn’t like that stuff. My can sat within reach…along with a baseball bat to break the fingers of the asses who would try to reach over the counter when it got busy. I used the oven cleaner and the bat too many times to count. True story.

I worked in a little film developing place (Like a Fotomat) This was located in a hallway within the above mentioned bus terminal. One wall was made completely of glass and since the trolleys discharged passengers at the head of the hallway, all those people would look into the windows every day.  Some would stop to fix their hair or makeup in the one mirror that covered one of the pillars. They would adjust their boobs or balls as if no one could see them. I know exactly what a fish in a tank feels like. True story.

I worked in a deli where I had grown up buying candy. Since I knew the owner, after hours we’d stand in the parking lot shooting the breeze enjoying a soda for a bit. One night, while we discussed the progress of a new employee, he stood with his foot resting up on the bumper of his car. One of his fucking testicles dropped out of his shorts and just hung there. I tried so fucking hard to get out of that conversation so I could go home and bleach my poor eyes. True story.

I worked taking care of my friend Linda, who was paralyzed on one side of  her body, putting her to bed and dressing her in the morning. On the very first night that I was on my own, I dropped her, wedging her between the wall, bed and wheelchair. At first I apologized profusely. But then I realized that the sounds she was making wasn’t crying at all. She was laughing her ass off at my panic. I tried getting her off of the floor but was not having much success. I yelled “You told me you weighed 150 pounds!  You’re closer to 180!!  Heifer!”  At that, she laughed even harder and then so did I. When we calmed down, she revealed that her son was home, in his room in the basement and I could call him to pick her up.  I don’t know what I would have done if any of it had happened differently. True story.




12 Comments »

  1. Shelli said:

    on July 13, 2010 at 7:25 PM

    OH MY GOD. That last story. I would have peed my pants. Or worse.
    Shelli´s last blog post ..Ouch-

  2. Finn said:

    on July 13, 2010 at 7:46 PM

    *snort*

    I worked in a food place in a mall that had rats (they lived in the ceiling of mall). I’ve had one run across my foot while I was helping a customer. I really should have won an academy award for managing to act normal while that was happening!

    The truth really is stranger than fiction!
    Finn´s last blog post ..Were I Being Honest

  3. Metalmom said:

    on July 13, 2010 at 8:40 PM

    Shelli-I was screaming “OMGOMGOMG!!” over and over in my head and then I thought “Oh, I’ll have to call Hubs to help me!” Linda was a hell of a joker and that was just my first taste!! @-)

  4. Metalmom said:

    on July 13, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    Finn-To this day, I can’t have fountain drinks or theater popcorn! I can’t tell you how many times one would run over someone watching the movie and they’d scream. It would empty out like a fire. I’m not even kidding!!

  5. Sybil Law said:

    on July 13, 2010 at 10:39 PM

    Hahahahaha
    The testicle story and dropping your friend made me LOL.
    Thanks!
    Sybil Law´s last blog post ..Not about chicken

  6. Grant said:

    on July 14, 2010 at 9:25 AM

    Could you tell us the story of when you were 24 and were hired to babysit a group of Asian schoolgirls between the ages of 16 and 20 and they asked you if you had ever kissed a boy and after some coaxing you taught them all what to do and then you all made out? I don’t care if it’s true or not. Enhance the post with pictures, please.
    Grant´s last blog post ..Edumacation

  7. Metalmom said:

    on July 14, 2010 at 9:27 AM

    SybilLaw-Linda and I used to laugh our asses off at that. It certainly wasn’t the first time it happened either! And the testicle? Seriously, it made me want to throw up!! :-&

  8. marty said:

    on July 15, 2010 at 10:10 PM

    One time I was a Chinese restaurant in Manhattan that had mirrors on the ceiling. I looked up and noticed a cockroach climbing on the mirrored ceiling. I knew it was only a matter of time before that sucker fell down. Sure enough he landed in the girl’s coat sitting in front of me.

    Quite enjoyable.

  9. teri said:

    on July 16, 2010 at 9:35 AM

    great stories. each and every one!:))
    teri´s last blog post ..Bad body image

  10. Metalmom said:

    on July 16, 2010 at 2:34 PM

    Grant-I’ve told you that story over and over! Have you broken the CD already??

  11. Metalmom said:

    on July 16, 2010 at 2:34 PM

    marty-OMG! I would have screamed and started to slap at her coat. That would freak me out!!

  12. Metalmom said:

    on July 16, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    teri-Why thank you! All true…each and every one!

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