As I’ve gotten older, I have noticed that I have also gotten to be a chicken/crybaby/worrywart. I am afraid of spiders, no matter what size. They make my palms sweat, my scalp tingle and my heart race. There was never a traumatic incident to bring this on, and yet it is a fact of my life.
The only other thing that can get me so upset, is the weather.
The door to our first apartment was at the top of a fire escape staircase. Looking out of the door, I could see wires of all kinds- for the trolley line that stopped at the end of the driveway, for the train that stopped across the street, and the electric, phone and power lines that attached to the building. I was terrified that lightning would strike the power lines and bring wires down, trapping me in the apartment alone. I was afraid that it would hit the stairway where I would carelessly step and be electrocuted. Perhaps part of that fear came from the fact that this was the first time I was out of my parent’s home. I was in my own place, with my new baby and my husband was working until six or seven in the evening.
Our second place was surrounded by trees. For the first time in my life, I was so close to the treetops. The wind would blow, whipping the branches against the windows and walls. What if lightning were to strike one? I had a little boy with me. I was pregnant with another. It was an old house converted into apartments. We were on the second floor, directly under the roof. The windows rattled and thunder sounded so very close.
I learned to relax in our house. No trees too close, in-laws only a few houses away, and a second floor between me and the elements. An enclosed porch on each side of the house kept me from actually seeing the trashcan blow away or the lightning flashes.
But we left there and moved here. Again I am surrounded by trees. If something were to happen, I am on the corner of a busy street. Someone would notice. I am still afraid of the thunder. However, I know that I won’t be struck by lightning. It will strike a tree or power line first…..right? (Don’t tell me if that is not true. Let me be in my ignorance!)
Two of the trees next to the house tilt. Their trunks are not straight and of course when the wind blows, my imagination gets to working. Was the ground around the trunk always bulging that far out? Have the chipmunks or moles been busy with their tunnels around the roots? The holes I saw on the ground–were they from acorns? From cicadas or hornets? or are they signs of soil eroding….?
We have tornado warnings and wind advisories in my area today until seven pm. The wind has been blowing like a bitch all day. I don’t live in “Tornado Alley”. It’s not like this happens all the time. I can’t imagine what some of you experience when it happens two, three or four times a week in your area.
My logical mind tells me to relax. What happens will happen. Why borrow worry? The chances of something like that happening to me are fairly slim. Well, no matter what, I will sit here with my heart in my throat until Hubs comes home. Only then will I relax. But when the lights are out and it’s time for bed, I’ll lay there…..no sleep for me….I’ll be listening to the wind….
New Note: Power is out in three neighborhoods adjacent to mine. It’s only a matter of time befo