For our 20th anniversary, Hubs paid for me to get a tattoo. It was something that I wanted for many years before it became the fashion statement for those outside of gangs. I knew what I wanted and where, so after many discussions, he agreed and paid for this:

This is Kokopelli.  When I chose this, Babygirl was with me. There was this one and another that was blue. My intention was to get the other on the opposite calf. This most likely will not happen. You see, Hubs has regretted ever paying for this. He simply isn’t happy seeing it. I give not one shit. I love it so much and I find myself admiring it or stroking it unconciously. It makes me happy.

Ever since she was a kid, Babygirl has wanted one just like mine. We have discussed it both with Hubs and without. This weekend, away at college, she has done what many college kids do and got a tattoo. This one-the mate to mine:

 When she texted me her intention, I did not forbid her nor did I encourage. I know that she is over 18. I also know that, like me, she has given this alot of thought. I did however, inform her that I will not break the news to her dad. In fact, I told her that I will deny all knowledge of it. Chickenshit move? You betcha. But she is ‘Daddy’s little girl’ and he will get over it. I am the wife and I would hear about it every single time he sees it.

She will not post this on Facebook even though she is dying to. Her aunts and cousins are all there. Her brothers friends are all there. Any one of this vast group of people could make a harmless remark to me or to Hubs.  She wants to wait and tell him herself in person.

I just want to tell her publicly……I love it. It is beautiful. I looks joyful. 

It is everything that you are too.

The job situation for Son2 has always been a bit uncertain. He works for an electrical company during the day. However, depending on the building going on, he can be laid off for the winter, or for a few days, or for a week or two. That’s why he has job two- at a bowling alley. Job 2 has always helped to keep money in his bank account and is always flexible about starting times, so that if he is late on the first job, he can still go into work an hour later if he needs to.

Times- like now- he is up at 5:30, gets home at 4, goes to the second job at 5 and works until roughly 1-2am. This is not every night of the week!!  But it is often enough that on his night off, he has been known to fall asleep in his work clothes, unshowered and unfed and will sleep the night away.

One of Son2′s faults used to be his temper. He would get impatient, annoyed, and snippy and suddenly start yelling at anyone within an arm’s length. He has grown up and learned to conduct himself in a more adult way, but on occasion we see the old fella rear his ugly head. Those occasions would be when his work schedule catches up with him. That day of the week would be Wednesdays. I knew to treat him with kid gloves, try to get him a favorite dinner, and above all…..no hugging or kissing!

Lately, he has been a different person. He may come home from work tired, cold and muddy and instead of being a bundle of raw nerves, he simply sighs and says that he had rough day. He may mention being tired or hungry, but it is conversational, not confrontational.

And then he goes upstairs.

Lately, his girlfriend has been driving him to his second job. She is here early and has dinner with us. She waits in his room while he changes, just chatting and sharing a visit in the little time they have. She is a very cool girl and she shares his interests of sports, music and movies.  He likes her enough to bring her to family celebrations. (HUGE!). He spends money on her, taking her out to dinner at restaurants that don’t have commercials or jingles.

And then I hear a sound…….

…..a giggle…..

……NOT a girl’s giggle!!!!

I don’t hear it frequently enough and it was a shock at first. Now, I hear the teasing.  He teases her and she will laugh or tell him to shut up. He cares that she has a cold. He offers to fix her tea or get her Nyquil.  I don’t know this man but I smile when I hear him speak to her when he thinks no one can hear him.  If I ask him about this relationship, I will get a sly smile and a shrug, but no answers, but mom knows.

He has softened his rough edges. He is maturing. He is happy. She makes him happy. She gives him the space he needs.

He gives her a ‘dutch oven’.

It might be love.

Dear Babygirl,

This morning after Brother left for work, I couldn’t sleep.  I had one of those deja vu feelings.  All I could think of was “I should make sure that she’s up.”  Yes, it’s the first day back to classes after your Christmas break. Just like in high school, I felt the urge to check and make sure that you remembered to set your alarm. I wanted to be sure that you got up and didn’t just snuggle into your warm blankets and go back to sleep. I looked at the clock.  It was 6:10am.

I kinda dozed off while listening to the news. I woke up with a start and almost jumped out of bed. Did she leave yet? She’ll miss the bus! I should tell Dad to see if she needs a ride!  It was 6:55.

After falling asleep for a bit more, I woke up and began my day. I gathered trash from Brother’s room, and threw his laundry downstairs. I turned to your room and I saw your stuff, all packed and ready to be shipped off to the dorm with your BF. It was almost a shock. I nearly expected to reach behind the door to grab your towel and laundry. I missed the smell of your shampoo and perfume that would normally be lingering after you leave the house. It was 11:30.

And so. I did some laundry, colored my hair, and took a shower. I had an odd feeling of expectation. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Dad was home already and it was nowhere near time for Brother to come home yet. The feeling hung over me while I did some dishes…..and then it occurred to me…..

I was waiting for the front door to open. I was listening for Bandit to get excited as you threw down your backpack. It was 2:35pm.

Yes, I miss you every day, some days more than others. But I am used to you being gone. I know that you are a text, call, or FB message away. I just found it so very odd that my heart remembers your schedule when I can’t even remember what day of the week it is sometimes.

I hope that you and K are settling into your new living arrangements. I hope that your first day back to classes wasn’t too stressful.

I hope you call to tell me all about it later.

Love,

Mommy 

I learned three things this weekend that may seem little to most of you, but that are kinda big to me……

Three…..I was told by a teenage boy–who is not related to me–that it was fun shopping with me. I was in Claire’s with his mom and sister. (Shopping for an eleven year old girl who is overwhelmed by the number of sparklies is a joy I have gladly given up!) We giggled together over the stupid sunglasses and furry hats. I threatened to tell a girl that he liked her. He threatened to act like I was a cougar hunting young cubs. This is a kid that only a few short months ago, was more annoying than the sound of nails on a blackboard. It made me smile….a lot.

Two….I found out that my exercising is starting to pay off again. I have gone from a 44D to 42C. This was somewhat exasperating. I needed to return two bras that I had bought last month and I only expected to exchange them. My friend talked me into trying on two different styles. They didn’t fit me for some odd reason and she begged to see what the problem was. Before I knew it, she was throwing bra after bra over the dressing room door. “Humor me”, she said over and over again. I was getting pissed and I felt like a teenager bra shopping with her mom. I was fed up. She said “humor me” one more and time and I told her that this was the last time. She handed me three more bras that were smaller. They cupped my boobs firmly and yet cradled them way above my belly button. They are pretty. They are floral. They are silky. And she said “I told you so.”  Bitch.  Yeah, I’ll let her get away with it….this time.

One….Hubs woke up in one of those rare moods. He was playful and I wasn’t. I got dressed to go out, and as I started to put on my coat, I noticed I had a spot on my blouse. And so, I changed. He thought it was funny that I was getting ticked off about the spot. Whatever. Oh and before I put my coat back on, I wanted to rinse my mouth with mouthwash. As I did, I dribbled down the front of the new shirt. He roared with laughter. It was at this point that I was ready to pull on my pajamas and go back to bed. I was still sleepy and not in the mood for playing around. He came to the bathroom door and hugged me. “Why are you getting so upset?” he asked me. “I feel like an ass and you’re laughing.”  And then he said….

“I love the way you make me laugh. I love you and you’re so cute.”

Yeah, that one was the number one thing…….That and the french toast he bought me for breakfast.

Yesterday, I had lunch with Bubblewench. It is a very special person that takes a day off of work, and then drives over here just to have lunch and a few laughs with me.  I’m so happy to call her my friend.

Love you like crazy, Bubblewench!!  MUAH! 

I managed to spend three days feeling like a normal person. Laundry got done, dishes got washed, floors vacuumed and bills paid. We used every last bit of ‘dinner’ food in the cupboards, fridge and freezer. Hubs and I planned a ‘circle run’  for last night (CVS, Acme and the mall to pick up an order for Babygirl)  Unfortunately, I woke up with a headache. Thank God it wasn’t a migraine, but it was just enough to make concentration difficult. By the time Hubs got home, the nausea had joined in.

Apparently, I was not as ‘over’ the virus of the holidays.

We did the CVS and got all of my prescriptions. We shopped at the ACME and managed to get all that we needed, even though I found myself staring at the shelves. But I was hard-pressed to keep my stomach where it belonged.  Hubs took me home and once the groceries were put away, I went to bed.

It was barely 8:30. I woke up twelve hours later, kissed Hubs goodbye as he left for work and slept again until 11:30 today.

The doctor says this is something going around. There is not much to do but stick to clear fluids…lots and lots of fluids.It appears to last an average of two weeks. If the fever of last week returns, then I have to call him. I hate waiting games.

I find it amazing that the body can be strong and capable one minute and the next, it is nearly crippled by pain or illness. I spent three days feeling happy that I was done being sick, only to get a headache and suddenly I feel too weak to lift my head or stand longer than a minute or three. (Yes I told the doctor, and he laughed. This is common.)

I can’t remember the last time I was hit with a virus that just seemed to cling.  It would be sweet if I could be guaranteed that this would be the ONLY sickness I’d have for the forthcoming year!

If you buy a chick a new bedroom suite, it includes a new bed. If you buy a chick a new (bigger) bed, you have to buy her a new mattress. And if there is a new mattress, you need to buy the chick new sheets.

I bought some new flannel sheets for our new bed and since the bedroom set was our Christmas gift to each other, I made sure to wrap the sheets and put them under the tree. I was excited about these sheets, because the weather suddenly got very cold and the new sheets were flannel and they were also a very sexy solid black.

The week between Christmas and New Year, I was hit by a horrible virus. I was too weak to change the sheets. Every night, Hubs asked when the new ones would go onto the bed. Every night I bitched back “Whenever YOU get around to changing them!  *you selfish bastard!*”  (Now, I didn’t say the last part, but I sure as hell thought about it!)  The truth is, I was afraid that I would fart in my sleep and shit all over my new sheets.

Finally, the day came that I felt better. I opened the sheets to wash them, and Hubs convinced me to forget about that. They were already very soft. They didn’t have that scratchy ‘new sheet’ feel. And so, since they only had a very slight manufactured smell, we put them on the bed.

The next day, my pajamas were covered in tribbles…..black, fuzzy balls of fluff too large to be considered lint. As I walked to the kitchen to let the dog out during the night, I had tracked them through the house. When I tinkled in the dark, I had tracked them through the hallway. They were everywhere. Now, I had done absolutely nothing while I was sick, and the laundry had piled up disgustingly. I had to wait one more day to wash those sheets.

Lint-everywhere-there were more pictures just like this……..several….just like this….. 

This morning I woke up and repeated the trail of tribbles. It is doubly gross because I am taking down the holiday decorations. There is no point vacuuming yet, because I am leaving pine needles, glitter, cookie crumbs and such on the floor as well as the tribbles. My house looks like shit.

I took the sheets off the bed and put them into the wash. I was a wee bit concerned because the previous load of laundry was white towels and socks. While the machine was running, I took pictures of my floors. I wish I had taken a shot of my comb before my shower. It had fluff in the teeth- I kid you not.  Bandit had fluff interspersed through his white fur. It looked like he was crawling with bugs.

The more I tried to sweep, the more it swirled away from the broom…..

When the washer finished, I took out the sheets and gave them a quick shake before putting them into the dryer. A flurry of black snow gently fell around me, landing on my clothes, my face, my head. It was all over the floor. The photo doesn’t do it justice.  I was seething with frustration as I realized that I had to clean it all up.

This was all over the sides of my washer drum!

The more I tried to clean, the more I seemed to find. I remembered the episode of Star Trek in which the tribbles began to take over the Enterprise. Tears threatened. I took a deep breath and I put them into the dryer and hoped that the filter would take care of the offensive tribbles.

This shit is the consistency of foam….actual pillow foam…..NO SHIT!

Well, the dryer worked. It removed 99.9% of the lint. The filter was full. I emptied it and ran it a bit longer. This finally did it.  Now they’ve been returned to the bed and they are soft and sweet smelling and comfy and cozy. My floors have been vacuumed and my pjs have been cleaned too. So far-so good. I’m sure when I wash them again, the lint will return to the dryer, but not as bad as this time.

Just one thing bothers me now……

Black sheets show the white flaky dry skin cells from my ashy legs and all of Bandit’s dander. *sigh* If it’s not one thing, it’s another…..

On the last day of 2010, I slept in. When I finally awoke, I could hear the television on in the living room. Hubs was watching cartoons and drinking coffee.  I rolled out of bed, showered, dressed and got myself some caffeine.  Since my back has been tweaked, I spent much of the day sitting still, either playing on the laptop or watching television. I had a sandwich for dinner, watched more tv, had a drink and went to bed.

On the first day of 2010, I slept in. When I finally awoke, I could hear the television on in the living room. Hubs was watching cartoons and drinking coffee.  I rolled out of bed, showered, dressed and got myself some caffeine.  Since my back felt better, I planned on taking down the tree. But I realized that my Kohl’s cash would expire if I didn’t use it. And so, Hubs and I shopped. We came home, had a sandwich for dinner, and  watched more tv.

Same old/same old.

Usually, I find myself wishing that things were different, more exciting. I wish I had places to go, or people to see. I wish for things that I don’t have or can’t afford. I wish that I looked different or felt different. This year? It’s not quite the ‘same old’. Even though I spent the week between Christmas and New Year sick with an unholy virus, I spent every evening with my Hubs, sipping tea or cocoa, under a blanket.

Over the holiday, I shopped with friends, I spent quality time with nieces and nephews, I enjoyed my parents.  I got to know my ex-SIL and my Son2′s girlfriend better.

What is not the same, is the fact that I sat back and surveyed my room. It is my home. It is where I am happiest. My kids are upstairs. I hear them laughing or bitching about their days as they pass each other in the hallway.  Bandit is beside me snuffling in his sleep, and Hubs just caught me looking at him (“What?”  “Nothing, babe. I just love you”)  Yes, I sat back and assessed my life.

It’s not bad.

2010 brought me pain, heartache and worry. But it also brought me great joy and blessings. If I can call this “the same old” stuff, then I am prepared for 2011 to bring me more of the same.