Tuesday January 04th 2011, 2:30 PM
Filed under: Anger,fashion,ineptitude,other shit

The Trouble With Tribbles

If you buy a chick a new bedroom suite, it includes a new bed. If you buy a chick a new (bigger) bed, you have to buy her a new mattress. And if there is a new mattress, you need to buy the chick new sheets.

I bought some new flannel sheets for our new bed and since the bedroom set was our Christmas gift to each other, I made sure to wrap the sheets and put them under the tree. I was excited about these sheets, because the weather suddenly got very cold and the new sheets were flannel and they were also a very sexy solid black.

The week between Christmas and New Year, I was hit by a horrible virus. I was too weak to change the sheets. Every night, Hubs asked when the new ones would go onto the bed. Every night I bitched back “Whenever YOU get around to changing them!  *you selfish bastard!*”  (Now, I didn’t say the last part, but I sure as hell thought about it!)  The truth is, I was afraid that I would fart in my sleep and shit all over my new sheets.

Finally, the day came that I felt better. I opened the sheets to wash them, and Hubs convinced me to forget about that. They were already very soft. They didn’t have that scratchy ‘new sheet’ feel. And so, since they only had a very slight manufactured smell, we put them on the bed.

The next day, my pajamas were covered in tribbles…..black, fuzzy balls of fluff too large to be considered lint. As I walked to the kitchen to let the dog out during the night, I had tracked them through the house. When I tinkled in the dark, I had tracked them through the hallway. They were everywhere. Now, I had done absolutely nothing while I was sick, and the laundry had piled up disgustingly. I had to wait one more day to wash those sheets.

Lint-everywhere-there were more pictures just like this……..several….just like this….. 

This morning I woke up and repeated the trail of tribbles. It is doubly gross because I am taking down the holiday decorations. There is no point vacuuming yet, because I am leaving pine needles, glitter, cookie crumbs and such on the floor as well as the tribbles. My house looks like shit.

I took the sheets off the bed and put them into the wash. I was a wee bit concerned because the previous load of laundry was white towels and socks. While the machine was running, I took pictures of my floors. I wish I had taken a shot of my comb before my shower. It had fluff in the teeth- I kid you not.  Bandit had fluff interspersed through his white fur. It looked like he was crawling with bugs.

The more I tried to sweep, the more it swirled away from the broom…..

When the washer finished, I took out the sheets and gave them a quick shake before putting them into the dryer. A flurry of black snow gently fell around me, landing on my clothes, my face, my head. It was all over the floor. The photo doesn’t do it justice.  I was seething with frustration as I realized that I had to clean it all up.

This was all over the sides of my washer drum!

The more I tried to clean, the more I seemed to find. I remembered the episode of Star Trek in which the tribbles began to take over the Enterprise. Tears threatened. I took a deep breath and I put them into the dryer and hoped that the filter would take care of the offensive tribbles.

This shit is the consistency of foam….actual pillow foam…..NO SHIT!

Well, the dryer worked. It removed 99.9% of the lint. The filter was full. I emptied it and ran it a bit longer. This finally did it.  Now they’ve been returned to the bed and they are soft and sweet smelling and comfy and cozy. My floors have been vacuumed and my pjs have been cleaned too. So far-so good. I’m sure when I wash them again, the lint will return to the dryer, but not as bad as this time.

Just one thing bothers me now……

Black sheets show the white flaky dry skin cells from my ashy legs and all of Bandit’s dander. *sigh* If it’s not one thing, it’s another…..


  1. Grant said:

    on January 4, 2011 at 4:09 PM

    I never touch any fabric before it goes through a wash because you never know who may have taken it out in the store and rubbed it against their junk before carefully returning it to the package.
    Grant´s last blog post ..Quick Question

  2. Metalmom said:

    on January 4, 2011 at 6:52 PM

    Grant-It’s a bitch to put them back into the bag! I just sprinkle a few clipped pubes into the folds. :)) KIDDING! Now I’ll wonder about “junk rubbers”!

  3. Sybil Law said:

    on January 4, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    Oh no! Not black sheets! That’s like a black car! Shows everything.

    I freaking LOVE my flannel sheets. Cheapo ones from Target – and they’re fantastic!
    Santa is a smart dude here, too. :)
    Sybil Law´s last blog post ..No DG pictures!

  4. bubblewench said:

    on January 5, 2011 at 6:31 AM

    bahahahaha! One time I got brand new dark green flannel sheets, I wanted to sleep on them so much, I didn’t wash them first.. next day I woke up, I looked like Kermit the frog. All the dye had rubbed off on me.. and I don’t sleep in PJ’s… so it was um.. interesting..

    See you Monday!! xxoo
    bubblewench´s last blog post ..What I do… yeah- I’m so exciting

  5. teri said:

    on January 5, 2011 at 1:36 PM

    you know the only thing I got out of that post was:

    “The truth is, I was afraid that I would fart in my sleep and shit all over my new sheets.”

    teri´s last blog post ..Bad body image

  6. teri said:

    on January 5, 2011 at 1:37 PM

    oh man, my laughing faces were supposed to come out like this:


    but lots of them.
    teri´s last blog post ..Bad body image

  7. teri said:

    on January 5, 2011 at 1:38 PM

    oh, your smiley faces are fucked up.

    teri´s last blog post ..Bad body image

  8. Metalmom said:

    on January 5, 2011 at 2:30 PM

    SybilLaw-I have always owned black sheets (and dark blue and deep red) I don’t know why. I’ve never had a problem with the colors or what shows. This lint, however is a whole other beast!

  9. Metalmom said:

    on January 5, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    bubblewench-If it had DYED ME BLACK I would have died!!! :)) I can’t picture you GREEN!! Can’t wait to see you!

  10. Metalmom said:

    on January 5, 2011 at 2:32 PM

    teri-How can you laugh at my misery? :)) The problem with the smilies is perhaps you typed it in and forgot to space between each? I don’t know. :)) :))

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