Sunday February 06th 2011, 1:55 PM
Filed under: family,Grief

Sadness Abounds

 Part 1-My cousin has passed.

Last year, on Christmas night, my mother thought it might be a good time to pass along a “tidbit of news” that she had been sitting on for a couple of weeks–my cousin Jennifer was diagnosed with stomach cancer. I was full of anger at my mother for holding back and most especially her attitude of  “Oh, by the way…”  Well she did it yet again. Last Tuesday night, my dad called me to give me details of the funeral and viewing. He was surprised that I hadn’t known. Jen had been on hospice care for two weeks, and had finally passed on Saturday night….three days earlier. Now it was my father’s turn to be annoyed at her. Why she does it, I don’t know.

Anyway, Jen put up a valiant fight. She was the mother of two kids, 6 and 3. The memorial pictures show her smile radiating from her diminishing frame in photo after photo as she cataloged the holidays: dying Easter Eggs, barbecuing, sitting on the beach, carving pumpkins and decorating trees. As the photos passed, you could see the toll it took. You could see the weight loss, the dark circles, and the sadness-not only in her eyes, but also on the body of her husband. Chris and Jen refused help from family until very close to the end, choosing instead to cherish every wail, diaper, tantrum and tear as long as possible.

Jen was the youngest of our cousins. As her brother sobbed into my shoulder, it shouldn’t have happened that way. She was the baby.  Our grief is nearly tangible.

Jen would have been 40 on March 14.  We’ll miss her terribly.


Part 2-Losses in My Circle

There are other losses. Last week, my friend Annette lost her mother. She had moved in with her during the final weeks and therefore she was the one to find her mother. I can’t imagine such grief. She is one of my grade school friends, and so, when the news went out, our little circle arranged that we would go to the funeral and pay our respects. Weather was a huge obstacle to some, work was an obstacle for others, but three of us made it. As we greeted Annette, her sister and brother and kids seemed surprised that anyone showed up for her. Apparently, she lost many of her friends in her divorce. She cried and clung to us. When I spoke to her a few days later, she cried again. It had meant the world to her. What my friends and I had deemed an act of respect turned out to be a deeply appreciated act of love. I’m so glad that I went.

Annette isn’t the only one having a rough time. My girl Dawn is a hospice nurse and at this time, she is caring for her next door neighbor’s son….a 21 year old young man who is dying from brain cancer. This is a huge sadness for Dawn, and as such, she asked us for prayers (which we say for her every day) Last week, she ran across the yard to the neighbor’s home and didn’t fully latch her gate. Her beloved dog, Lady got out of the yard. Dawn had to go searching for her and discovered that she had been killed by a truck. As a single woman, Lady was like a child to Dawn. She sent out emails to us to inform us of her loss and once again, we circled the wagons.

I can’t wait for things to change. Even though many of these things aren’t happening directly to me, I feel them in my heart keenly. This is why I haven’t been here. I hardly have a chance to catch my breath before my phone rings with the next onslaught.

This morning something else has come along and I am not ready to share yet. Just please…..send some strength to a group of young men who need prayers right now.



  1. Coal Miner's Granddaughter said:

    on February 6, 2011 at 2:56 PM

    Bad news is always the worst and always seems to happen in clumps. So sorry about all the loss going on around you. Hope there are some joyful gains in the very near future. Much love, darlin’!
    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog post ..Dialog- Part 31

  2. ~ Stacy ~ said:

    on February 6, 2011 at 4:04 PM

    So sorry for all the sadness and loss in your life. I know how it can grip the soul, consume one’s thoughts. Don’t let the melancholy carry you too far away. It’s tough. I know. I understand the sense of loss, too, in not finding out until it was too late to show your support, compassion, or love. But I believe the ones who have passed never truly leave us. They know we love them, we care. Hold on to that. And take this hug… I’m sending love, prayers and good thoughts your way (as well as to the group of men you mentioned).

    Take care, Chris. ♥
    ~ Stacy ~´s last blog post ..Site currently under construction…

  3. Metalmom said:

    on February 6, 2011 at 4:54 PM

    CMG-“Clumps” seems like the precise word for it. There are very specific “joyful gains” being prayed for around here too. I remain hopeful…

  4. Metalmom said:

    on February 6, 2011 at 4:57 PM

    Stacy-Thank you for the support. It’s the melancholy of my two friends that I worry about. Neither are very close (distance-wise) and each loss was huge to them. I’ll get by…(Loving the hug…)

  5. Megan said:

    on February 6, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    Aw, love. I’m sorry about all the loss and sadness. Sending love, strength and healing karma to you all. xo
    Megan´s last blog post ..Scheduled

  6. Metalmom said:

    on February 6, 2011 at 6:47 PM

    Megan-Thank you my friend. It means alot.

  7. Grant said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 10:50 AM

    Hugs and kisses and nipple pinches to you.
    Grant´s last blog post ..Prepare to waste time like never before

  8. Karl said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 12:13 PM

    Very sorry for your loss(es). Prayers and hugs coming your way.
    Karl´s last blog post ..Thanks for the Movembories

  9. Sybil Law said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    Ugh. So sorry to hear about all these tragic things.
    I will definitely send prayers!
    Sybil Law´s last blog post ..Taco School

  10. Metalmom said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 1:43 PM

    Grant-Thanks. :)

  11. Metalmom said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 1:44 PM

    Karl-Thanks so much, Karl. :*

  12. Metalmom said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 1:44 PM

    SybilLaw-It’s been rough. The prayers are appreciated. :*

  13. teri said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 4:39 PM

    Oh, C, I’m so sorry for all your losses. Your mother needs a smack in the head. How can she do things like that regarding family. I’d have to ask another family member to “apprise you of situations”.

    I hope everyone finds some peace, sooner, rather than later.
    teri´s last blog post ..Bad body image

  14. Metalmom said:

    on February 7, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    teri-I’ve asked family to do that before. The problem this time was that those particular family members were Jen’s immediate family. They had other things on their minds. :( Thanks for the peace wishes….

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