Thursday June 23rd 2011, 1:26 PM
Filed under: doctors,ineptitude,weight

The Gauntlet Is Thrown

I have  a new doctor. Actually it is a practice of four and I can choose to stick with one or see whoever is on call. I am sticking with Dr R.

I went to see him in February and he treated me for a sinus infection that I didn’t even know I had. He told me to have some blood work done for my thyroid and liver and come back in a few months. Well, the blood work that should have been done in March was just accomplished two days ago. Since Babygirl needed a physical, I went in too.

First, he scolded me for waiting. I should know better! I’m a grown-ass woman after all! And he told me exactly WHY I need the blood work. Well, I knew why I needed it, I just didn’t know what would happen without it. (Medications could be ‘too much’ or ‘too little’) Now I could scold myself and I did-internally.

Then, he said “You need to lose 20 pounds”

I know this. I have tried, albeit half-heartedly, for a while. I exercise for a few days, start aching and quit. Or the weather is too hot, too cold, too wet, too whatever and I quit. Or I get busy with projects and I skip a day or two or three and I quit. My old doctor used to tell me I needed to ‘exercise more’  or that I needed to ‘watch my diet’.  Those are vague things to me. But being told “You need to lose 20 pounds” is pretty specific. I found myself listening. Not hearing….but LISTENING. I am of  ‘a certain age’. I am ‘post menopausal’. My body is different now. I ‘need to act now.’

“Walk 15 minutes in any direction and then turn around and go home. You can do that, can’t you?”

Well, yes, but….

“You have two dogs to walk. You don’t have to run or power walk. Just walk. Doable?”


“You need to cut the carbs – not OUT of your diet, just cut back. Instead of a sandwich with two sides, eat one with an open face. Stick with a baked potato. You don’t need butter or sour cream. Try salsa, or some broccoli and a little bit of cheese. Enjoy an egg or two a week for breakfast. Just skip the sausage or bacon or switch to turkey. You can do that can’t you?”

Um, yeah…..

“Okay then. I’ll see you in a couple of months.”

I walked out of the office feeling like an ass. I have never been given such tiny little things to work on. I am a douche if I can’t manage those tiny little changes. Whenever I left the old doc’s office, I would leave crestfallen at the thought of ‘exercise’. He would suggest joining a gym or pool to do ‘workouts’. They were never an option for me. Dr R never mentioned either to me. He didn’t give me a ‘low fat’,  ‘no carb’, or ‘diet regimen’. Just a few changes that were within the realm of possibility without buying special foods that were separate from what I would buy my whole family.

Now I feel like I have been dared. As if he has said “I DARE YOU TO COME BACK HERE WITHOUT AT LEAST TWO POUNDS GONE.”  The gauntlet has been thrown.

No one dares me, motherfucker.


  1. Dana said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 1:52 PM

    Ooooh, I think I like your doctor! :) Being faced with small, achievable changes will almost always lead to far more success, than the great big ones. In the long run, you need the forest….just do it one tree at a time. :)
    Dana´s last blog post ..Super Awesomely Sick

  2. Linda said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    Sounds like my doctor…Here’s my small Challenge…drink 2 more water bottles than normal and take 500 calories out of your day by eating less butter, less carbs, and less sugar. I eat a lot of all of the above so this is easy…just eat less.
    So I am also taking the challenge..Show that Sonna bitch!!! LOL

  3. Tina S. said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 1:59 PM


    Lots of small things make big things. Big things are too hard for us to do. A couple small things are easier and once we get those two small things done and see small results we want to do other small things.

    And while I know this, it’s still hard. Good luck to you!! You can do it!

  4. Rachel said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 2:21 PM

    So steak instead of zori for the weekend at my house

  5. Metalmom said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    Dana-I always felt that small things matter. I just think that actually ‘hearing’ the doctor say it out loud was a turning point. He was more specific than any other doctor or weight’guru’ has ever been.

  6. Metalmom said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 2:42 PM

    Linda-Yes, the water is being chugged….and chugged. My ass should be attached to the toilet! I’m peeing sooooo much!!!

  7. Metalmom said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 2:47 PM

    Tina-Apparently, if I can ‘manage’ to do these little things, the doc will have new ‘little things’ to try in a few months. I was talking to my girlfriend and she said “He sounds like a dick” Personally, I like having my ass kicked.I need it.

  8. Metalmom said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 2:48 PM

    Rachel-I expect gooey cheese covered nachos, rich chocolate martinis, and Ben and Jerry’s ice Cream. What? If I follow the doctor’s orders, I should deserve a treat right?

  9. Blondefabulous said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 7:35 PM

    Blondefabulous´s last blog post ..BOING!

  10. Metalmom said:

    on June 23, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    Blondefabulous-In order to kick his ass, I need to kick my own. *sigh* And…..HEY! Did you call me SEA BASS???

  11. Karl said:

    on June 24, 2011 at 9:51 AM

    I hate when my doctor gives me perfectly reasonable things to do. Makes me feel stupid I’m not already doing them. I hate exercising, especially in the Florida heat.
    Karl´s last blog post ..MRI Complete

  12. Metalmom said:

    on June 24, 2011 at 9:55 AM

    Karl-I woke up with every intention of going outside today but when I let the dogs out in the yard at 8am, I could barely breathe due to the humidity. It’s horrible. Holly is even willing to walk with me but UGH!! Yanno?

  13. Sybil Law said:

    on June 24, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Um, baked potatoes most certainly DO need butter.
    Everything else is reasonable, I guess.
    Now get the fuck up and walk.

  14. Jay said:

    on June 24, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    He sounds kinda pushy to me. ;-)
    Jay´s last blog post ..A Dutch Treat- Guy Ahnyurdyck Here

  15. Metalmom said:

    on June 24, 2011 at 11:47 AM

    SybilLaw-I can do potatoes without butter. It’s not that hard. AND….For your information, miss nosy-britches, I just got done. The underboob sweat is GROSS!

  16. Metalmom said:

    on June 24, 2011 at 11:48 AM

    Jay-Sometimes I need a little pushy. Now that I’ve walked today, I want a banana split for lunch. I think I’ll just settle for a shower.

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