Thursday July 21st 2011, 8:09 PM
Filed under: HOT,Hubs,lessons,pets,sex


Dog Jizz in My Bed

Is there anything better on a hot summer night than nice clean, crisp, cool sheets against your freshly showered body? I think not. I love fresh sheets in the summer almost as much as I love crawling into flannel sheets fresh from the dryer in the middle of winter.

I changed the sheets the other day and I climbed in, inhaled the freshness and promptly went to sleep.

Bandit still sleeps with me. Usually he is curled somewhere near my knees and will move to my feet area later on. With the extreme heat, Mordecai has taken to joining us in the air conditioned comfort of my room. He can usually be found on top of the sheets very far at the bottom of the bed. This scenario is important to know as the story unfolds.

I was deep into my clean-sheet slumber when I was awakened by the barks of both dogs coming from inside the sheets. Snarling and barking and bumping and fumbling until Mordecai emerged and tore out of the room.

What the hell is going on??

As I started to get out of bed, Bandit emerged, clearly annoyed.  I realized his anger and a wetness on my foot at the exact same time.

Mordecai had started to pee on the bed in his sleep, or marking his territory, or maybe just licking my feet. I was actually more dampish than wet, and the bed was too. I cleaned it up, covered the spot with a towel, took the dogs out and got back into bed. Mordecai went back to Babygirl’s room, and Bandit went to his crate. Since I was sleeping with a ‘helper’ I immediately crashed again.

In the morning, I had nearly forgotten about the night’s events when I heard a licking sound. Since Bandit is always licking his paws (a habit he’s had since he was a puppy) I assumed it was him. “Bandit, knock it off.” I said and suddenly Bandit was coming into the room. “What the…?”  I could still hear the licking.

Mordecai had burrowed under the covers again after I got up. I flipped back the covers and there he was, licking the lipstick.

“Oh hell no!!”

Before I could say another word, he gave a little doggy whimper, his hind leg twitched and he spooged on my bed. Looking guilty, he tried to clean it up himself.

Pushing down my rising gorge (I always wondered if I would use that phrase in my writing!) I chased him from my room and changed my sheets yet again.

This I blame on the Hubs. Having Mordecai neutered was pushed back in June so we could go away for a weekend. Then it was pushed back for other expenses. Now August is totally out of the question. I swear, it will be done in September.

Until September, Hubs can change the sheets!!!




15 Comments »

  1. Fudgelady said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 10:35 AM

    Eeew! Just eew. :-(
    Fudgelady´s last blog post ..A Summer’s Day on Lake Champlain

  2. Metalmom said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    Fudgelady-I know right! My life is so freaking boring these days that THIS is a topic for a post! :))

  3. cathy said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 12:58 PM

    Oh hells bells I find this HILARIOUS lol….gives whole new meaning to sleeping in the wet spot does it not??? too freakin funny!:d
    cathy´s last blog post ..Learning to live with and beat diabetes

  4. cathy said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 1:04 PM

    by the way for some reason this didnt show up as new in my reader…don’t know why, i only found it cos of your update on facebook…yet when i searched your blog this came up as unread…maybe the heats getting to google reader cos now even tho it clearly shows i have 5 unread items, the count says 3 lol how bizarre
    cathy´s last blog post ..Learning to live with and beat diabetes

  5. Megan said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 1:17 PM

    I’ve never heard of this before… but it’s awesome! Not for you, of course, for the dog. ;)
    Megan´s last blog post ..Marbled

  6. Metalmom said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    Cathy-Too many things have been ‘going missing’ on twitter, FB, even my emails. It’s not just mine either. I hope technology straightens it’s shit out!

  7. Metalmom said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    Megan-I wish to God that I never heard of this before!! and NO! NOT AWESOME!

  8. Mik said:

    on July 22, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    Why am I laughing so hard? You wrote that brilliantly he he.

  9. sybil law said:

    on July 23, 2011 at 10:24 AM

    Doggy jizz!
    Sounds like a rap song!

  10. Karl said:

    on July 23, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    Eww, that’s just nasty, though I agree with Sybil. Sounds like a rap song…maybe even a rapper *name.*
    Karl´s last blog post ..Elastic

  11. Metalmom said:

    on July 23, 2011 at 2:51 PM

    Mik-After a few days passing, I can kind of laugh about it, but at the time, I was PISSED and grossed out! LOL

  12. Metalmom said:

    on July 23, 2011 at 2:52 PM

    SybilLaw-“Doggy jizzed but I thought he whizzed.” I think we got something there…

  13. Metalmom said:

    on July 23, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    Karl-I’d buy his CD’s…..NOT! :D

  14. Jay said:

    on July 24, 2011 at 1:30 PM

    Dogs are nasty! But, I still prefer them to cats.
    Jay´s last blog post ..My Little Town …

  15. Sonny said:

    on October 13, 2011 at 10:46 AM

    Awesome, for the dog of course. I’ve never heard of this before.
    Sonny´s last blog post ..career organizing

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