Thursday October 06th 2011, 1:35 PM
Filed under: celebration,Friends,Grief,happy,love

Saying Goodbye is Hard

This past weekend I spent time with a great friend and her husband.

Susan has been my friend since high school. She is Son2’s godmother. We’ve been to functions with each other’s families and friends. She was the one I thought would never get married. She always said that she didn’t want kids of her own, even though she doted on her nieces, nephews and godchildren. She surprised nearly everyone who knows her when, after six months, she married a guy she met in a bar.

We had a chance to meet Tom at Son2’s graduation party in 2004. He was a tall bruiser of a guy who looked even taller beside Susan’s five foot body. He was an ex-Marine who still worked out and wore the “high and tight”.  This guy was damn good looking! He was a cop, a very large, imposing cop.  Eventually, life got in the way of visits. It was difficult, between work schedules, kids and family obligations to carve out time for simply ‘hanging out’. Phone calls filled the void….calls that lasted hours, even though each of us hated talking on the phone.

Our  New Year’s call brought tragic news.

Tom has brain cancer and was given three to six months to live.

We tried all summer to make time. When we had time, they didn’t. When we had time, Tom wasn’t up to it. It was so hard. Finally the stars aligned this weekend. I was a bit nervous when I considered the fact that “three to six” was nearly up. Hubs said that no matter what came up, we were going to the mountains to see them.

Friday night we drove up to the Poconos to their home and it seemed like no time had passed. This was the longest time that Hubs had spent with Tom. They were like two peas in a pod. They had a great time together. I don’t remember ever seeing Hubs so freaking chatty! They talked about politics and sports and work. Susan and I  caught up as women always do. We caught up on each other’s families, looking at pictures and non-stop laughter and reminiscing. The difference was Tom. He seemed several inches shorter. He legs stuck out of his shorts as spindly little twigs. His face was bloated by steroids. But his laugh was still robust. His mind sharp as a tack. He was embarrassed by the body that has betrayed him.

Susan has always been the most laid back, no worries type of person. The Susan I spent time with, was anxious, jumpy. She made sure Tom took his meds. She got nervous when Tom nearly tripped over the dog, thinking it was his balance.  We had stayed up quite late on Friday night, and Tom napped late Saturday afternoon. Susan checked on him several times. She had been told that when the end was near, Tom would sleep more and more.

This is what my friend’s life has become. It was NORMAL to nap when we had stayed up. It was NORMAL to trip over a huge German shepherd. Instead each event has become a ‘symptom.’

We celebrated Saturday. It was Tom’s “death day”. It was the official day that the doctor’s claimed he would never see. We celebrated by bar hopping and watching the Phillies game. Susan gave him a gift….a banjo. He has said frequently that he wanted to learn how to play. She found a guy at their local VFW who will teach Tom to play. The joy on his face was beautiful to behold.

Saying goodbye was so hard. Will we be able to see him again before things get bad? I truly hope to. All I know is that when the end comes, we will drop everything to hold Susan up when she needs us.


  1. Sybil Law said:

    on October 6, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    Oh, man – that’s rough. He sounds like an awesome guy.

  2. Metalmom said:

    on October 6, 2011 at 2:33 PM

    SybilLaw-This was an incredibly hard post to write. It doesn’t nearly convey everything I want to say. He is awesome in so many ways. Susan waited 43 years to find him and now time is fleeting…

  3. Karl said:

    on October 6, 2011 at 5:52 PM

    Ugh, that had to be tough to see. I’m praying for him.
    Karl´s last blog post ..RIP Steve

  4. Metalmom said:

    on October 6, 2011 at 8:05 PM

    Karl-I think the hardest part was seeing Susan ‘waiting’. She barely took her eyes off him. I’m sure you can relate. It was terribly hard.

  5. Megan said:

    on October 7, 2011 at 10:13 AM

    Prayers for Tom and Susan. Fuck cancer.
    Megan´s last blog post ..Above

  6. Metalmom said:

    on October 7, 2011 at 1:37 PM

    Megan- Fuck cancer indeed. It’s horrible. Thank you for the prayers, Sweetie. They are much appreciated.

  7. Dawnie said:

    on October 7, 2011 at 6:29 PM

    To spend this time with them over the weekend…to laugh and probably cry…to comfort and care for each other…this is living! For the 4 of you to make this time…that is the greatest gift!

  8. Larissa said:

    on October 7, 2011 at 7:01 PM

    wow….it’s probably sooo difficult…Susan is going to need you guys very much!
    Larissa´s last blog post ..How to Look Natural MakeUp Tips

  9. Metalmom said:

    on October 7, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    Dawnie-Gman said, “Hey, there is Dawnie’s exit! Let’s surprise her!” He was kidding but I thought you would’ve enjoyed it. :) Yes, the visit was a wonderful gift to each other.

  10. Metalmom said:

    on October 7, 2011 at 8:54 PM

    Larissa-Like I said, we’ll drop everything when the time comes. They are wonderful folks.

  11. Skittles said:

    on October 7, 2011 at 10:44 PM

    Wow …so sad! I had lots of great times in highschool with Razz….She cracked me up on a daily basis! I’m thinking of her in this hard time! When you talk to her next give her my love!

  12. Metalmom said:

    on October 8, 2011 at 11:07 AM

    Skittles-Honey, I did. She asked about you and wanted to know all about V and A. She looks the same. (Check FB)

  13. Poppy said:

    on October 23, 2011 at 9:58 PM

    I am glad you chose wisely.


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