Is it too much to ask for an RSVP?

 I was only having a candle demonstration. It was a favor to Shenanigan. She would get extra party points if someone agreed to book at her party. Besides that, the girl from PartyLites was new. Shenanigan’s party was her first. So I volunteered to have a party.

Twice snow has forced a cancellation. Once it was just enough to wet the streets, but because the temperatures were so low, the streets froze. The other time, the cities were closed. This time, finally, the weather has cooperated.

One thing remained the same….no one knows what RSVP means.

This really pisses me off. It’s not a new thing. It’s happened before. If I wanted to call everyone on the day of the party for an answer, I wouldn’t have asked weeks ahead of time. I gave the date, hoping that they’d mark the calendar….way ahead of time….but no, suddenly, they all have plans. Don’t like demos? Fine. Just say so.

I don’t want to buy diet sodas for those that drink it. I don’t like it and if they don’t show, who gets to have it sitting around? Me.  I don’t want to make a big veggie tray or cheese and crackers because it will go to waste in my house.

I can’t imagine what it is like for someone throwing a wedding, or anniversary party. We will be throwing a graduation party for Babygirl and a 50th birthday party for Hubs. Both of these will involve lots of food and drinks. I swear to Jeebus, if you don’t RSVP, don’t show the fuck up at my door. I will suddenly not have enough food or drink for you….because YOU WERE UNEXPECTED!!!!

I am a cranky, miserable bitch. There I go, stating the obvious.

I am having a perfect storm of ‘bad’.  Not my husband, kids or friends. It’s me. Capital M. Capital E. I am constantly bitching at my poor Hubs. He knows something is wrong but is afraid to ask. We are so in tune to each other that he knows that I will bite his head off if he says “What’s wrong?”  He is being ever so sweet. He helps me clean the house. He helps with Bandit. He cooks me breakfast and orders dinner. But it doesn’t make me happy.

Babygirl has been so happy lately. We (she) is getting all of her FAFSA papers filed. She hasn’t argued with me. She has cleaned her room.(mostly) She helps with the laundry.She has chosen her roommate for next year and they are like long lost friends. It will be a good pairing.  But it doesn’t make me happy.

A major part of the problem is that the doctor has cut the dosage of my antidepressant in half. (”Let’s see how you make out with less of a dosage. Maybe we can wean you off of it.”) I learned my lesson about that. I would stop taking it every spring so that I could take something for my allergies. In the summer, I am out in the sunshine more, and therefore, I am happier. But as soon as September rolls around, I am depressed, and I have to ask the doctor to put me back on them. This is the first year I have stayed on them and I am very happy with the results that I have been having. I am humoring Dr. Asshat for the next week or so. Then he will have to humor ME.

Another part of the problem is that the pain in my back has worsened. This isn’t the first time it has happened after a series of shots. But it is the first time that I am in excruciating pain that keeps me in a constant cycle of sit/stand/walk every half hour or so. My pain meds are not working completely. I called his office today and we are in the process of getting me into the hospital for my neuralytic. This is the only thing that has made me happy.

I haven’t been thrilled with movies or music. This is highly unusual for me. I had been writing and now I look at the page and it takes too much effort for me to reread and find my place again. I log onto Facebook and aside from a comment here or there, I don’t even want to hang out there. This has not gone unnoticed by my friends. I am Ms Crankypants. I have lost my funny. I am the cheerleader. The clown. The jokester. Now if anyone says anything to me, I have a very curt answer. I am cynical. Cold.

Now that I have filled this page with an explanation, it is obvious to me what my next step should be.

I don’t think I’ll wait a month for Dr Asshat. Fuck that.

I want ME back.

I hate when the bills come rolling in. Oh, yeah, we all do. We hate that they need to be paid, hate writing the checks or sending them online, whatever. They are a huge annoyance.

In our house, Hubs will say “gather up the bills and we can handle that tonight.”  This means taking each bill and totalling up the balances. When he comes home we decide which ones will get paid immediately and which ones will wait until next week. Then I write the checks and stuff the envelopes (because the internet cannot be trusted with the information needed to pay the bills. ‘Big Brother’ and all that..)

This month we - and by ‘we’ I mean ‘I’ - are dealing with the billing company used by our back doctor. When we go to his office, we have an option of paying the co-pay or being billed for it. The next time Hubs wants to be billed? I will punch his junk. Seriously.

In January, we went into the office and were told that we owed a balance. So we paid that balance and the co-pay. That’s that, right? Nope. Then we get a bill for $50.00 (The old balance) We told them we paid it. “Oh, okay. I see that. Ignore this bill”  Then, we get a new bill.  Hubs owes $40.00 and I owe $10.00. Hmmm….So I call the doctor’s office. The woman is pissed off by the incompetance of the billing company and she goes through this all the time.  Yes, we paid. If billing has a problem, tell them to call the office.

Big sigh. Finally it’s finished.

I get a call from the billing department. Seems that we owed something from 2009. When we paid in the office, they used it for the back balance. Now we owe co-pay for the January visit.  Fucking $80.00.  I should have just paid the $10 and $40. I understand the billing. She explained it over and over until I ‘got it’ .  Now I have to explain it to Hubs. I don’t see this going well.

The doctor is in the process of finding a new company because shit like this is happening to more than a few patients.  What if I pay it and it is actually less or non-existent?  What if I ask why I haven’t been billed before now and then they look closely at the bill (as they did this time) and I find out that it is substantially more?

I loathe incompetance.  This is beyond a small mistake. It is happening to other people. When Hubs and I go in for the back injections, we are among the younger patients. How many of the older people are from the era that ‘billing is always correct’ ?  How many will pay it, no questions asked? How many of you double check the dates of the services you are provided?

Just a few observations…

* You shovel your walk and dig out your car. You put the snow in the street. The plow pushes it back and buries your car. So you dig out your car. You put the snow in the street. The plow pushes…

*If your shovel broke on Saturday or Sunday, GO TO THE FUCKING HOME DEPOT AND BUY A NEW ONE TODAY!!  Don’t wait until Tuesday afternoon when the next storm starts. Oh, and while you’re there? GRAB A GODDAMNED BAG OF SALT!

*The snow comes and everyone runs out and buys up all the milk and bread. If you can’t drive down a street in your little freaking Prius, what makes you think that delivery trucks will be able to fit through? If the cashier says “We have no milk and bread.” Don’t ask if she is hiding some in the back for tomorrow’s shoppers. Yeah, she’s hiding it…..fuck head.

*If you park your car under a tree or other area in which it is possible that snow will fall on it, turn off your fucking car alarm. If it goes off at three in the morning again, you’d better not let it honk for an hour. If you do, I will pour water over your car doors and windows and your front steps.

*The roads are narrower due to the snow piles. They are narrower for everyone. This means MOVE THE FUCK OVER if you see another car coming. Your Hummer is an asshole’s behemoth. Don’t be so freaking selfish!

*Are you an exerciser? Are you a mom? Stay out of the street! Can you skip the shit for ONE DAY??  Slip on the ice while we are driving and you deserve to be run over. If you have to take the kids out in the stroller, don’t make them a party to your idiocy. I saw cars fishtailing. Who’s to say that one wouldn’t plow into that stroller with your beautiful twins in it?  You don’t know me, but you ruined my day just knowing you were responsible for those little angels.

[BIG INHALE]

 We now return you to your regular blog reading….

Hubs is a good guy. He is a generous lover, a thoughtful man and a good provider. Lately, though, it’s like he can’t get anything right.

First off…there was that deal with the beef and beer. (We are still in debate about that!)

Now, there is…..’besides’.

Here you can see his laundry beside the basement door. Why didn’t he just open the door and toss them down? He’s the first to say “Don’t bend, you’ll hurt your back.” or “Let Son2 get that clothes basket. It’s too heavy.” And yet, I have to bend to pick up his clothes when they could have been tossed easily.

Next, we have yet another example of ‘beside’.  Note the spoon rest.  Now look at the coffee spots.  And do you see the spoon…..beside the spoon rest? Now how did that happen?  “I don’t know….I just did it. Okay? You want me to wipe it up? Fine! I’ll wipe it up!” THAT’S NOT THE POINT! Why so close? Why not ON?  There is no answer that will not cause my head to explode.

And now, the one that makes me the craziest….beside the trash. See that bottle? It’s not there for recycling. (It is my job to gather that stuff up. No one EVER recycles here except for me so he can’t use that as his excuse.) Also notice the new bag in the trashcan. Normally, my family plays “As long as it is perched precariously without spilling, it is technically in the trash”  Trash could be piled sky high, in which case, he will put his stuff on that counter and claim that he didn’t want it to spill out of the can. But here, there is clearly plenty of room. This happens several times a week. “Why didn’t you just put it in the can?”   “I don’t know, Chris. Is it really that big a deal? Is it worth fighting about?”

Fuckyouwhat?

YES IT IS DAMMIT!!!  This passive/aggressve shit has to stop. Someone has a bug up their ass. So far, I think it’s him but if this shit continues, he will have more than a bug….he’ll have my fucking BOOTS!

Hubs just fucked things all up for me and I AM NOT HAPPY!!!

One month ago:
Hubs: “What do you wanna do for your birthday?”
Me: “Paint the bedroom and bathroom. Don’t take me out to YOUR favorite restaurant for MY birthday. Don’t waste money we don’t have. That is all.”
H: “Wanna go to a beef and beer?”
M: “No, I hate them and I don’t want to hang with your sisters on MY birthday. I am planning on going to Donna’s or hanging with Linda”
H: “OK”

This morning:
M: “So….for the next two Saturday nights, you’ll be on your own. Whatcha gonna do?”
H: “What do you mean ‘two Saturdays’?”
M: “Next week I rescheduled the party ( I had to cancel a small party due to the weather) and the  week after that I’m going to Donna’s for Linda’s and my birthday.”

This afternoon:
H: “Here” (hands me two tickets) We’re going to a beef and beer on the thirteenth”
M: “WHAT THE FUCK??”
H: “What? I thought it would be cool to go out and do something different.”
M: “You don’t drink beer and I have plans!”

I MARRIED A FUCKING MORON!!!!

Can ya tell I’m not happy?
I am trying to unload those tickets…fast!  $25.00 a piece for something I don’t wanna do and he won’t drink beer!!!!! What was he thinking?????

Men, when your woman’s birthday comes around, do something nice or nothing at all!!!  Take us to a new restaurant….NOT YOUR FAVORITE!! If you ask her what she wants, CHOOSE THAT! Believe me, she’d rather have a bottle of bubble bath from the Dollar Store, a plastic flower, or even have you order pizza for dinner one night without her having to ask you.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know if you remember that Mom told me that my own cousin almost died before Christmas. It was a shock and she swears that she told me before but she hadn’t. Whatever.

Tonight Mom called to tell me that the sweater I gave her for Christmas is too small. Can I exchange it? Sure. Oh, and my uncle in New Mexico (whom I have only met once) told her that I never write or call him. Well, every time I do, it’s “When are you coming?” ….Repeatedly. No matter what direction I try to steer the conversation, it comes back to that. Again…Whatever.

So I was asked to do her a favor.  And she scolded me and told me to call Uncle Angie.

“Oh,and by the way, when they found the hole in Jen’s heart, they also found cancer in her stomach.The doctors removed most of it and she will get chemo to try to kill the rest of it. She’s home now.”

Who does that shit? “Oh, by the way…”

It’s too fucked up for me to wrap my head around. I want to go to bed and wake up next month. 

Just before Christmas, my computer started acting wonky. Oh, it’s not the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last time. This time, however, it just wouldn’t or couldn’t be persuaded to stop misbehaving. I called my friend to take a look at it, and unfortunately, he was busy with all the extra work hours that come with the holidays. I tried a few other places and finally decided to wipe all the shit clean.

I have only just discovered the joys of a ‘flash drive’. I used this new-found edumacation to remove all the photos, business records and my personal ‘manuscript’. I was so very pleased with myself. Next, I did the one thing that can make me break out in a cold sweat…..

I rebooted.

To everyone else, this may seem like an easy task. But to me, it is like deleting all the information in a phone book. I was afraid of what I would possibly lose. I was afraid that I would hit the one button that would blow my laptop into oblivion. How could I explain that to Hubs, who was wonderful enough to get it for me only one short year ago? How could I explain that I broke my expensive toy? But reboot I did.

And guess what? FUBAR! Seriously. I could turn it on and it would immediately go to a black screen. I waited to see if it was just being slow to say “Welcome”. I waited for it to say “Your last session ended abruptly”. I waited for it to say…ANYTHING! But no. Nothing. I decided that I would wait until the holidays were over and see if my friend could find some time for me. If not, I’d try the Geeksquad. After all, they were the ones who brought my baby to life in the first place.

Of course during this time I left using the slow business computer. I could stop in on Facebook here and there. I could check my emails and not much else. During this time, I missed chatting with my friends. I missed sharing holiday greetings, substituting a generic “YaY Holiday” in place of individual “Say hi to Hubby”, “have fun in Cabo,” or “I miss you all”.

Naturally, going by Murphy’s Law, I suddenly had so much to blog about! I had issues! I had complaints! I had love to share! There holiday stories, pictures, and even a video!! But alas, Hub’s computer was so slow that it was far too frustrating to even try to get them posted.

Yesterday, I dug out my receipt and my service contract. I was going to check and see if I had passed the ‘one year’ date for tune-up and even if I had, I would take it in to ask WTF?

And so, for shits and giggles, I decided I would start up the old girl. I would make note of everything that happened or didn’t happen. I might even reboot it again for good measure and then take it to the geeks. And guess what…?

BITCH STARTED RIGHT UP!

I got onto the internet. I checked email and I went onto Facebook. While on FB, I was told that it was my turn at ’scrabble’. I clicked in and I needed to update my Java - which I did.  And then….nothing. Fade to black.

AHA!  Now there was an issue again. So Hubs and I packed her up and took her to BestBuys. And I’m sure you know what happened…..Yep, she started right up. The guy looked her over and there weren’t even any ‘trouble’ records. It was just like it was when I got her. Other than needing a security update, there was nothing for him to do. I’ll do that and also have her cleaned in the next week or two. I am to use her as usual, and also add on Firefox, or Java, or any other program that was there before. And then, if she sleeps again, just bring her in without trying to fix her myself.

So, I am on borrowed time. Will she start tomorrow? The day after? I don’t know. And of course, as I sat down to write a post, I went blank. I had nothing to say. I have no issues, no complaints…..

just an explanation to you all for where I’ve been, and why I seem like a fucking slacker about posting. I’m sure I’ll be so damn prolific if I suddenly find myself without a laptop again soon……*sigh*

So……What have you been up to?

You wanna know what’s on my nerves? My parents. More precisely, their lack of logic where cell phones are concerned. Lemme splain….(Go get a  cup of coffee, change the baby, grab a pillow, whatever. This might be long….I’ll wait….)

My parents went on vacation for two weeks. They do this every fall. During those two weeks, I leave them alone. My brothers sometimes take their kids and join them for one weekend of fishing. This has been going on for years. A couple of years ago, we got them a cell phone. Just a basic, no bells-and-whistles phone. It gives us peace of mind to know that if they had an emergency, they wouldn’t be stranded.

Flash forward…..

I am in the hospital a few days into their vacation. I don’t know how, but they heard and I got a call from mom.

“Hello? It’s me Mommy. What’s wrong with you?” Just like that. Not an inflection of concern. It was more like I was annoying her or interrupting her vacation. The signal to the hospital was horrible and I blurted out, “I’m going to lose my connection. Hubs will call your cell” . No sooner had I said that, the signal was indeed lost.

We rushed to call her back because if we didn’t….well, you know parents…..! No answer. No voice mail. This number is temporarily unavailable.

Their phone was not on.

Oh well, if I was dying, I’d leave it to my brothers to give them hell for not being at the funeral, you know?

So I got out of the hospital and within a day or two it was like nothing had ever happened. On day three, my youngest brother called.

Our grandmother, Dad’s mom, was in the hospital. She is 93 and, while not sickly, she is frail. Plus, my Aunt Anna who just passed was her eldest daughter. It has taken a toll on her. Anyway, she has a blood clot. It may cause trouble this minute, this week or never. (This is the same thing that killed my aunt very suddenly) But regardless, Dad needs to know. NOW. Because what if…..? My brother is panicked. What if she is dying right now? What do we do??

He came to my house. We called my sister and other brother. They are both at work so we get no response right away. While we wait for them to contact us, my cousin calls to say that Mom-Mom is resting, and stable, but to still come and see her “in case”. My brother said, “That’s it. I know where they are. Let’s drive to the shore and get them” I know this is the only thing that will calm him down so I agree to go. My sis showed up and the three of us hit the road.

We stopped at the hospital, which was midway between home and the shore. Mom-Mom is tired. But she is stable and they will let her go home in a day or two. This calms us down a great deal and since we have seen her and told her how much she is loved, if something-God forbid- should happen, we have seen her. Now Dan is angry. Dad should be there. Why aren’t they answering? We are GOING TO GET HIM. There will be NO DISCUSSION. And so we hit the road yet again.

When we got to the shore, Mom and Dad were surprised to see us. After we tag-team yelled at them, we found out why the phone was off.

When they go out to surf fish, they don’t want it to get wet. So they leave it in the house. They turn off the ringer when they go to bed. They sometimes forget to turn it back on.

I understand that parents get older and they forget things. But if they forgot to pack a sweater, they would turn around and drive back for it. If they were afraid that they left the iron plugged in, they would call one of us or a neighbor to check. But they don’t see the urgency involved in having the cell phone.

While we stayed and had dinner with them, Mom begins telling us ‘a funny story’. While surf fishing, the tide started to come in. So mom moved their bait and cooler back further in the sand. Dad was going to walk back for the rods, but waited for the waves to go out a little more before he got his shoes wet. After a second, they realize that the tide is coming in too fast and the waves won’t be heading out again. Dad wades in to get their rods. And then…..his feet get sucked into the mud. My mom-all five feet of her- wades out to help dad (who is 6′3″) Like she can do anything!! Eventually they get unstuck and look back at their cooler and notice that they are on a tiny mound of sand surrounded by ocean!

They manage to wade in waist-deep water back to the shore but they are soaked in frigid ocean water in the cold October wind.

“Well, we came right home and had coffee and started a fire. I was so happy that we didn’t lose those rods because together, they cost us $125.00! Isn’t that so funny? We had to buy new shoes!! HAHAHA!”

We were dumbfounded. We weren’t laughing.

If they had HAD THEIR FUCKING PHONE, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO CALL FOR HELP IF THEY HAD BEEN REALLY STUCK!!!

Ugh! Well, we were ‘over-reacting’ and our nerves were just frazzled because Mom-Mom was in the hospital.

I don’t think so. When people tell me that as our parents age, they become the children and we become the parents. I always took this to mean that we would take care of their day-to-day needs, clean them when they become incontinent, make sure that they don’t hurt themselves or start a fire. I didn’t  know it would include yelling at them for being so thoughtless, so irrresponsible, more interested in getting their fucking fishing rods than getting out of the ocean!

That day was a cruel slap in the face. It was coming down to us to notify my dad that his mother was ill. It meant worrying enough to drive two hours to find them. And it now means that we have to double check on them more. They are not incapacitated in any outward way, but I am afraid that we will have to be on the lookout for the signs. The slip of memory. The lapse of judgement.

*SIGH*

It’s scary when the future is the huge wall that I slam into face first.

I could tell you what I think about the fucked up family that would stage a “kid lost flying in a balloon” , but then it would turn into a rant about fucking asshole parents who use their kids for fame and fortune (Hello…Jon and Kate…..Octomom!!) And it would annoy me to even think about everyone that tweeted, posted and facebooked every single news update. It would raise my blood pressure and give me a headache so I’ll pass on that for now.

I could tell you that Hubs has surprised me with new carpeting...before Thanksgiving!! But then I’d have to talk about the pain in the ass it will be to unload the china cabinet so that it can be moved or what a hassle it will be to move all the furniture out of the room and the mess that will occur when my guys tear out “Old Stinky” carpet. I could tell you that the one we chose is pretty, with vines and swirls patterned in the pile, or that I’m torn between three different colors. But you can’t actually see it, so it is too hard to explain, so I won’t bother with that either.

I could tell you that the weather lately has sucked, what with all the rain and cold and shit like that, but it’s been like that just about everywhere so we all have been treated to that climate. So I guess y’all don’t wanna hear that.

I could bitch that not enough Japanese women are featured on television. I think they are nice to look at and fantasize about. But unless your name is Grant, I don’t think that would interest you much.

OR….I could just tell you one thing that I think is cool. This is my photo:

and now if you have an iphone, you can find it here.

How cool is that?!