Many times a day, I find myself forgetting things. Mostly I forget stupid shit.

I forget to grab the laundry that is upstairs and I will have to make an extra trip. I may forget to take out meat to thaw for dinner. I have even been known to forget to eat breakfast or lunch.

I’m starting to think it’s not my fault. Hubs must ask me a million questions when he gets home.

Did you check the mail? Of course I did. It’s raining and I don’t want it to get wet. Did I get anything? All of it is right there. If you don’t see it, it didn’t come. Are you sure? No, I am hiding it all so I can gift wrap it for Christmas! Did you mail out the bills? No, I want to give all the clients a free ride so we can live on the street someday. Did you pay our bills? No, Let me remind you that I want to live on the street.

When it comes to the business, I don’t fuck around. The billing gets done in a timely manner. Many of our assholes clients only pay their bills one day out of the month. I don’t want to be told that our billing has to wait an extra month before it gets paid. To top it all off, I don’t want to see the clutter of paperwork, so I try to get rid of as much of it as I can.

Lately, I find myself trying to remember if I did these things. Of course I did. I know I did. But if he keeps doubting me or reminding me ten times after they are done, it makes me doubt myself.  Why doesn’t he trust me? I’ve never given him a reason to believe otherwise!

He is on my last nerve tonight. The questions started as he came in the door. They continued after dinner. He’s been on my back all night!

All of the checks were written out. All of the bills are labeled. They are all sealed, stamped and ready to go to the post office.

FUCK!

I forgot to pick up the stamps!

I wanted to post something frivolous, but instead my brain was bombarded with questions that just keep swirling round and round…….

Why do families go crazy with greed when it comes to inheritance? Not just monetary greed, either. Some people seem to think that their memories of the deceased are more important than someone else’s.

Why does a daughter with no sons need a man’s cuff links or tie pin? Shouldn’t they be given to someone who will use them? Just because a son doesn’t have a curio cabinet, does that mean he is not entitled to have some of his mother’s collectable knick-knacks?

Why is it considered wrong for someone to throw their hands up and decide that rather than fight with their siblings, they would prefer to sell something and split the money with their vultures family even though it will cause temporary hardship to themself?

Why is it acceptable for four people to decide what should be done for six? Do the other two get no opinion? Maybe they are the two who have been run over all of their lives by the bulldozers of the dominant personalities…..or maybe they just missed ‘that meeting’.

I am disappointed in my in-laws. As close and loving as they been on the surface, suddenly true colors are being seen.

‘Member I told you that work is being done on my street? Well, it’s still happening. In front of my house, we are getting our water lines replaced from the street to each house and then they will repave the street itself. They are currently working about half a block up the street.

On the side of the house, the lines are being run from pole to pole by Verizon for the VIOS lines. This has been going on for the past week and a half. I see their trucks one day and there are four or five men busy as hell pulling wires and going up in the cherry pickers. Today I saw a single truck.

This guy must be a union man. It must be against OSHA rules for anyone to work outdoors on a day as pretty as today.

First, he did this.

Then he did this.

By 2:30 pm, this was all that was happening out there.

It must be nice……

I woke up yesterday in a good mood. I had no serious plans. The house was reasonably clean. . I took an extra long shower. I shaved my legs because it’s gonna be hot this weekend and I’ll probably be wearing shorts. I sang in the shower! Yep, I was happy.

And then the phone rang.

“Could you call XXX Township, get their fax number, get an insurance certificate from the carrier and fax it to them? Thanks.”

Not a problem. I do this all the time. Sometimes several times a day. I got the job done in less than 10 minutes.

And then the phone rang.

“I’ll be home a little bit later than I thought. And by the way, did you call the township?”

“Yes”

“Did you have the certificate faxed?”

“Yes.”

I hung up the phone only marginally annoyed. Why ask that? He never asked before. Oh well, he’s probably just distracted and tired and hot.

When he came home, he asked again! I reminded him that I had answered yes before and he said “Okay! I was just checking! What’s up your ass anyway?”

What’s up my ass??

I let it go. It was getting hot out. As the temperature rose, so did my temper. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me, look at me, or breathe near me. Not even the dog could could get me out of this funk. As my son was leaving the house, he asked me,”What’s up your butt tonight Mom? You’re being a real bitch!”

“Fuck you and get out! NOW!!!”

I figured I’d lock myself in the bedroom and give every one a much needed break. I went to sleep.

I got up this morning in a good mood. I took a shower and dressed. I looked good and smelled good. The house was reasonably clean. I only had  three travel mugs to wash that my sons brought home from work with them yesterday.

I took the lids off of two of them and cleaned them. I took the lid off the third.

What the fuck is that ungodly stench??? It smelled like cheesy vomit that had baked in the sun!

Someone had left his mug in the work van overnight and all the next day in the sun! I held back the bile that had risen in my throat and proceded to wash the mug–all the while cursing whichever son had left me this treasure. (And God help him when I find out which one it was was!)

I finished and sat down with a cup of tea. But what is that smell? Is it the smell of the mug? Is it trapped in my sinuses? Is it on my hands? I sniffed. No..my hands are good. Is it my pretty, summery blouse? YES!!!

I GOT THE GOO ON ME!!!! I smelled like a garbage truck!!!  

I had to clean myself up again. Needless to say, I am currently in a mood that is as foul as foul can be.

Fuck getting up in a good mood! It gets me nowhere! I am hot. I am cranky. I just got my period. (Thank you, God! You’re wonderful to bless me this way!)

Don’t look at me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t make faces at me in an attempt to make me smile. I’m having none of it.

And don’t ask me what’s up my butt!!!!!

If you read this post, then you know how I feel about grocery shopping. I don’t like when my routine gets fucked with. I went food shopping tonight and came home with a carload of angry.

Now that our business is slowing because of the economy, I have to be more diligent with my spending. I now use coupons like a religion. I used to use them if I remembered to take them, but now it’s imperative. There are a few items that I use, that no matter how much the coupon is for, I will buy the store brand. My family is full of picky eaters and since I make a shitty spaghetti sauce, I buy the jarred version. Not Prego or Ragu, but the ACME brand. I also use the store brand vegetables, laundry detergent, and garbage bags. Mostly, they are a few cents cheaper and they are no better or worse than the name brands.

Tonight I found no Acme items. Oh, they’re around the store, just not the items I needed to buy. Why?? Even though they fucked with the setup of the store, I stuck with them. I am a loyal customer. I am loyal even to the store brand. This is testing my loyalty.

Well, Mr. Manager, you will be receiving a copy of this post and the last one. You will hear how much I am disappointed with your so-called “improvements”. You will find out how it breaks my heart (and wallet) to move on to greener pastures. Remember-there is a Pathmark LESS THAN 1/4 OF A MILE AWAY!  You practically share a parking lot!Will it cost me more in gas to go there? NO. If anything, it will save me gas because I can stop at Home Depot while I’m over there.

Hmmm…..Now I think about it, why am I still going to ACME?

Recession has come to the Metalmom house.

Hubs usually leaves the house at 7am for a workday that runs until 7pm. During the winter months, work tends to slow down, but as soon as the ground thaws, it picks up again. After March, we see very little of him. People need their air conditioning installed, pool lights added and deck lights installed in anticipation of the summer.

Today, he was home until 11:30. I expect him home around 3. The billing that we managed to write up came nowhere near covering the billing that we have coming in. One employee will be asked to sign up for unemployment benefits. Son2 is taking alot of extra hours at his second job. Son1 has already asked us if there is any way that we can use him because his work is suffering too.

As electricians, our jobs depend on people building homes. Not only that, but even if they are only buying an existing home, there is usually alot that they want added in these homes. With the economy the way it is, there is no new building going on. More houses are in foreclosure than there are for sale. Things are getting shaky fast.

I am not the type of person who pays attention to the stock market reports, but this morning, I overheard that the numbers were up. I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat. The reporter said this was a good sign. But is it good enough? God, I hope so!

I know there are others worse off than we are. I can’t imagine how they will make ends meet either. Even though the summer is coming and with it, more kids to watch, I know that it still won’t be enough to cover all of our bills. Will I have to work outside of the home? I have very few marketable skills. It is a scary thought. And if I do get a job, what happens when I tell the moms that they will have to find childcare elsewhere? They aren’t paying a whole lot now because they can’t afford it. That’s why I am in great demand as a sitter. What do I tell these low-income women and single moms? My heart breaks at the thought.

This isn’t a very upbeat post, but it is what’s on my mind. It gives me a headache to ponder the state of the nation. So I’m using this forum as something I’ve always considered blogs to be–a place to discuss topics, vent emotions, and to talk to friends. Do I expect answers? No. Are there solutions? Probably not until  the politicians get their shit together.

But I’m sitting here, with a cup of tea. And I’m telling my friends what’s going on in my life.

Recently, Hubs got new phones  for Babygirl and me and had them added to his business account. This was considered the best thing since …..well, since ever. Babygirl would get unlimited texting (which she really needed-or so she said) I on the other hand, would get unlimited use on the weekend (Now I can call Mr Fabulous and Turnbaby on Sunday nights!)

He picked out new phones and surprised us with them. “Surprised” isn’t quite the word I would use. They were “functional”. (Code for UGLY!) Now, I personally didn’t complain. I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Babygirl, on the other  hand, stated flatly that she would not be seen even holding this monstrosity. Daddy took them back and got us pretty phones. These new ones needed a plan different from the plan he had gotten. So he got another plan too.

My new number is a different area code so we waited to see if there would be roaming charges. However, Babygirl got right into the groove of using her mad texting skillz. Even when her dominant hand was in a splint, she never missed a beat. The texting goes on before school, after school, during break at work, and interspersed through homework time.

The bill came yesterday. Of course our provider fucked it up. (I won’t use the name but it begins with ’spr’ and ends with ‘int’ ) They billed us for the original plan (Just Hubs-for business). And they billed us for a plan compatable with the ‘ugly phones’.  And they billed us for the current plan for the pretty phones. (Following me?) Over a THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!

After we cleaned up the shit in our pants, hubs jumped on the phone to have a civilized conversation with customer service. (I would have made merchant marines blush) Now listen to this!  They were expecting the call! NO SHIT! Our account was red-flagged “expect these folks to rip us a new one!” Anyway….it was fixed. No harm-no foul. We spoke to a rep that spoke English clearly and who dealt with us efficiently. What are the odds of that?

Now here’s an interesting tidbit. Babygirl sent almost 8,000 text messages. EIGHT THOUSAND!!!  Are we bad parents? We didn’t tell her that the bill was straightened out. We showed her the bill for a grand and let her shit herself too.  Did she? NO.

“Daddy, you’re just gonna have to call them up. I distinctly asked for unlimited texting and it should be in the package. Fix it.”

And she proceded to text her girlfriend. Did Hubs flinch? Of course not! We’re talking about Daddy’s girl here!

This week was pretty crazy in the Metalmom house. I had kids every day of the week, different numbers every day and different ages every day. It was going well, until I realized that this was a foreshadowing of the summer to come. (Hide all the guns now! I may get an idea to use one!) I became a little depressed at the thought and this also led to my being short-tempered and frustrated. I realized that I must entertain these kids throughout June, July and August. The older they get, the harder this gets.

Coloring books and crayons, stories, and videos will only get me so far. What will I do when they tire of this? I thought that I had come up with a solution….

See? Easy-peasy! I must thank Turnbaby for the idea. (Hm…maybe I shouldn’t mention that…..she is a lawyer!) On the other hand, it kinda backfired on me…..

Yeah, that’s me. I’m in the middle of my ‘nineteenth nervous breakdown’. I was looking for  the shelter of ‘mother’s little helper’. I prayed “I wanna be sedated!” Tied up, getting my hair pulled, and being poked used to have such exquisite connotations. Now it is quite literal.

Don’t worry. With a careful combover, I can hide the bald spot, and the doctor assures me that the bruises will fade in time. With the excellent pharmaceuticals available nowadays, I find myself in a drugged optimism, joyously awaiting June!!

Thank God I got paid for this!

*See the cute little puppy in the background? He was waiting for the opportunity to pee  RIGHT THERE!

This week is spring break,

the kids have no school.

I’ll have extra brats here

but the pay will be cool.

A group of small kids

All under age eight

Will be dropped off so early

and they’ll stay kind of late.

I may get to see you

Or then again not

I may be too busy

wiping asses and snot.

So think of me often

and thank destiny.

at least you’ll be working–

And you won’t be me!

This  is a 7 Things Meme, which basically means that I’m supposed to list seven random things about myself. Stacy tagged me a week or so ago (God bless her little heart!) <–spoken with sarcasm! Step back-It might get big or messy…maybe both!

  1. I forgot to eat dinner tonight. Seriously. How does one do that? Son2 and Babygirl didn’t want to eat at home. Hubs and Son1 wanted to eat meat.(It’s Friday when I am doing this-I don’t eat meat on Fridays in Lent) so I figured I would wait until something good came to mind and then suddenly it was 10 pm!

  2. Although I am not a great cook (as many of you know) I am currently hooked on the Food Channel. I like to watch “Good Eats” “Iron Chef” “Unwrapped” and “Dinner Impossible”.

  3. About an hour ago,I trimmed one of my toenails too short. It kind of hurts and I hope it won’t become ingrown. What? Isn’t that random enough for you?

  4. I have Mr Fabulous’s penis in a box under my bed. I SWEAR TO GOSH! Actually it was the ginormous dildo that he used for part of his Halloween costume. I must remember to mail it to the girl with the sweetest tits!

  5. The index finger and thumb of my left hand are orange.I was eating Doritos. Mmmm!

  6. The song that sums me up is probably “What’s My Age Again?” by Blink-182. Yeah, I’ve been pretty juvenile today. And I said “Oh yeah? So’s your Mom!” to somebody in a sissy fight.

  7. The socks I am currently wearing are ‘quitters’.Why am I wearing them anyway? Because they are so fucking comfortable and I’m only going to bed soon anyway.

Time for the 7 Meme Rules:

• Link to the person who tagged you
• Post the rules on your blog.
• Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
• Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
• Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.I am tagging: NO ONE!!!!

The reason no one is getting tagged is because y’all bitch and moan about doing memes yet you steal them from each other like pens from the bank! (Me included!) So steal it and get your ya-yas out. It’s okay to feel like your doing something immoral….I won’t tell….unless you tag me next time!!