True Tales of the Absurd
I was just sitting here, bored, and wondering what I should post about. Well, I decided to give you all some little factoids from my former jobs…
I worked in a movie theater where roaches and mice were an every day occurence. (We shared a building with a bus terminal) Those roaches showed up even during the day and they had wings!! GAG! The mice weren’t shy either. Since bug spray, rat traps or glue traps never seemed to deter them, I kept oven cleaner behind the counter. They didn’t like that stuff. My can sat within reach…along with a baseball bat to break the fingers of the asses who would try to reach over the counter when it got busy. I used the oven cleaner and the bat too many times to count. True story.
I worked in a little film developing place (Like a Fotomat) This was located in a hallway within the above mentioned bus terminal. One wall was made completely of glass and since the trolleys discharged passengers at the head of the hallway, all those people would look into the windows every day. Some would stop to fix their hair or makeup in the one mirror that covered one of the pillars. They would adjust their boobs or balls as if no one could see them. I know exactly what a fish in a tank feels like. True story.
I worked in a deli where I had grown up buying candy. Since I knew the owner, after hours we’d stand in the parking lot shooting the breeze enjoying a soda for a bit. One night, while we discussed the progress of a new employee, he stood with his foot resting up on the bumper of his car. One of his fucking testicles dropped out of his shorts and just hung there. I tried so fucking hard to get out of that conversation so I could go home and bleach my poor eyes. True story.
I worked taking care of my friend Linda, who was paralyzed on one side of her body, putting her to bed and dressing her in the morning. On the very first night that I was on my own, I dropped her, wedging her between the wall, bed and wheelchair. At first I apologized profusely. But then I realized that the sounds she was making wasn’t crying at all. She was laughing her ass off at my panic. I tried getting her off of the floor but was not having much success. I yelled “You told me you weighed 150 pounds! You’re closer to 180!! Heifer!” At that, she laughed even harder and then so did I. When we calmed down, she revealed that her son was home, in his room in the basement and I could call him to pick her up. I don’t know what I would have done if any of it had happened differently. True story.
During the preparations for Christmas, Hubs injured himself.
He is one of those manly men who doesn’t want me to help him carry the Christmas tree from the car to the house. He carried bags of gifts into the house as well as all the groceries that were needed for the Christmas Eve party. He managed to feel a tweak in his groinal area, but never fear. He’ll go to the doctor “after the holidays-when he can afford to take time off”
And so he did. The doctor’s preliminary diagnosis was hernia, and Hubs should go see a surgeon and get that taken care of. Never fear. He’ll get it taken care of “after a few of these jobs-when he can afford to take time off”
Before he could do that, the snows began to blanket the Northeast. Week after week it snowed and each time Hubs went outside to shovel the walk, the steps, the driveway. I followed behind him like some kind of yapping Chihuahua…”Stop! Take a rest! Let Son2 do this! Pay the kid next door! You’re gonna hurt yourself! You’re not young anymore!” But, no. “People need generators. I need to take this work while we have it. Soon I’ll take time off”
No, he did not hurt himself further. He didn’t hurt his back or his hernia. He worked at the jobs and made people happy. And between the two of us, since the pain wasn’t there, we pushed it out of our minds.
Then came the graduation party.
He removed bushes and put in a garden. He carried folding tables and chairs. He put in a table leaf and got ice for the coolers. I was the chihuahua once more. “Please let someone help you!” “It’s easier to do it myself. Never fear, I’m fine.”
And then, shortly into the party, he did it. He came to me and said, “I need to take something and lay down. I won’t be able to stand much longer.” And then, the hosting duties fell on my shoulders. He spent the next couple of days lying around. We made a doctor’s appointment and I was satisfied…for a bit.
Then there were horrible storms in our area and suddenly people want generators. (Generator installation is BIG money and will go a long way to holding us over those times when there is no work and the college tuition payments come due) He still managed to take it easy and did alot of supervising. But there are still some things that cannot be left to my nephew alone. And so, he carefully did his job.
When he finally saw the doctor, we were surprised at his comments. It doesn’t look like a hernia at all. It looks as if the muscle is detaching from the bone. This is soooo not good. Yesterday Hubs got a CAT scan which made him horribly ill. And now we are awaiting the results.
Would it have made any difference if he had gone sooner? I don’t know. If it were hernia and it had gotten worse, I could say “I told you so” but now….I just get to worry. I don’t know of anyone who had this type of injury. I don’t know how it is treated or how long recovery will be. I want him to get this taken care of right away, but if he does, he won’t be able to help Babygirl and I get ready for her to move into the dorms. I don’t like the not knowing. Looking things up online can be so confusing or misleading. The doctors are fond of saying “X number of weeks or rehab” I prefer hearing someone who has been through it that says, “The doctor will say 8 weeks but it’s really more like 6” Somehow, while it is still vague, it is more reassuring.
Never fear, whatever it is, I’ll let you know…..
Who Has An Eye For Color?
See that hot mess above? That is one wall in my bathroom. I am planning on stripping off all that nasty wallpaper and painting what I find underneath. The problem is the tile. I hate those colors, but I shouldn’t complain. My parents and Son1 both have pink and black *shudder*. I’d hate to deal with that!!
This is where you can help me. I am not blessed with an eye toward decorating or color ‘match’ . So I am looking for suggestions. I am not even going to try wallpaper. I don’t have the time or money. I just want to paint before the graduation.
I don’t even know what you would call that….Peach and Beige? I guess that’s about right. And the floor is the same two shades. *Gag!* The opposite wall is this one:
Nice bright shiny white. That will stay. There are lots of trees, and that means that even though there is a window, shade will dominate, so I don’t want to go too dark.
So there you have it. Any suggestions? Anyone?……Anyone?……Beuhler?…….
“I’m No Thief”
Earlier I sat down to write and I thought “Nothing post worthy seems to be happening lately.” It’s true. It’s been very quiet and mostly SSDD, y’know? Until, that is, this afternoon.
Hubs came in after work and threw his clipboard on the table. “Look up DELAWARE VALLEY GUTTERS and find me a number!” (oh yes, friends. I am naming names)
I closed up my game of solitaire and found what the mister was looking for. His eyes were deep blue. Like a mood ring, his hazel eyes change according to mood. Deep blue means someone’s getting fucked UP.
It seems that when he went into the Wawa, someone from DELAWARE VALLEY GUTTERS watched the door and made sure Hubs was busy while his buddy went into our work van, and took a cordless drill, it’s charger and not one, but two rechargeable batteries. A customer came in and recognized Hubs as a regular. “Dude! You don’t know that guy do you? He’s taking something outta your truck!” Hubs ran out, but was too late to stop the chickenshit. Two employees also saw what had gone down. Hubs was too pissed off and wanted to handle this ‘himself’.
After I gave him the number, he called DELAWARE VALLEY GUTTERS and got the boss on the line. This company is practically around the corner from our house. Hubs told him what happened. This guy tried to tell him that his employee must have “mistaken our truck for his.” Bitch please! Our trucks don’t look that bad! Besides, the company name was printed on the side in huge lettering. How do you think Hubs found out who did it? Hubs told him that if his ‘drug-addled’ employee would go back to the store and return the items, we could just forget that the whole thing ever happened. The boss said okay. (Can I just say that I am sooo proud of Hubs for not only using the phrase “drug-addled” but also for using it right!)
After a few calls back and forth (at first the employee denied it, and then he tried to be confused about where he was supposed to return the stuff) Hubs and the guy finally met at the store. The kid got out of his vehicle and brought the stuff to Hubs. The first thing he said was “Dude, I’m no thief”. Hubs went apoplectic. “You little shit! That’s exactly what the fuck you are! Or would you prefer to tell the police that you were only borrowing my shit? Let’s see what they would call it!”
Hubs said the kid almost started crying. I know Hubs and he is the type of guy that doesn’t just take one swing. He would have put a hurt on the kid. He shook his head in disgust and told the kid to get the fuck away from him before he changed his mind and hit him. He then called back the boss of DELAWARE VALLEY GUTTERS and told him that if he found that anything else was missing from the van, the cops would be showing up to collect it.
Can you believe that the kid isn’t going to be fired? His boss said that he’ll “make sure this kid gets a good talking to.” After all, Hubs got his stuff back and “no harm/ no foul, right?” Hubs said that taking this any further will cause him to lose his own time and earnings. It just galls me that this kid actually said that he was “no thief”
You are a thief, punk. Own it if you’re gonna do it.
Quiet In The Storm
Eighteen years ago, on the very day that Babygirl was born, Hubs began working for a company that would employ him for roughly ten years. An average day for him began with getting up at 5am in order to get to the offices by 5:45 and out on the road by 6am. His day lasted until he got home somewhere in the ballpark of 5pm. This was as close to a normal timetable as we would ever get.
Hubs is an electrician. With this particular company, his job was mainly considered to be industrial. He maintained street lights and airport runways. He made sure that many businesses had operating air conditioners, sump pumps and generators. He made sure that bridges or parking lots were well lit.
Bad weather was a double-edged sword. I would worry about him something terrible. It wasn’t always about the work he was doing, but more often it was the drivers on the road. There were always the idiots who be driving in the snow on bald tires. There were the drunks who wouldn’t see the huge flashing signs that signaled a worker on a cherry-picker fifty feet in the air. Besides these fears, there were the more human worries. Was he warm/cool enough? He was working in the middle of the night after working an eight hour day because of an emergency. He was sick, or he was hurting. It never mattered because he loves his job and his family and he always did what he had to do….and he made some serious bank. With weather like this storm, he was one of the guys that would restore power to your home. He was the guy that made sure hospital generators were working. He made sure that even through the storm, the bridge lights blinked to signal their existence to the airplanes. He would fix the wires felled by trees or ice.
We are currently in the middle of some of the worst weather my area has ever seen. And tonight my husband is not home. He is not with the other company anymore, but he is out there in this mess of snow, wind and freezing temperature. As a side job, he is supervising both of our sons, a nephew and a friend as they handle some snow plowing, blowing and shoveling. This is what they did starting at 4am yesterday. They worked until noon and then came home for food and sleep. Tonight they left at 9pm and they won’t return until roughly 8 am.
This job will make sure that the boys have a paycheck- even though their other jobs are closed this week. This job will make sure that we have money coming in since our own business has been so slow. Luckily for us, the boys enjoy this type of work. Luckily for us, Hubs only has to supervise and not physically exert himself.
But here I sit, at 10:44pm, with the television on to keep me company. My dog is lying next to me and my laptop is…well…on my lap. Hubs doesn’t take trips. He doesn’t go out with friends and stay out until all hours. The only time that I am alone at night like this is when he works. It has been a long, long time since this has happened. Long ago, I loved the quiet. My kids were finally in bed. My laundry was getting finished and the house was cleaned-at least for a few hours. I would sit up to read, watch television, or just to take a long bubble bath with my walkman playing in my ears. I would find something-anything- to occupy myself. I found it so damn hard to sleep without him next to me.
Now, I will watch “Nip/Tuck”. Then I will take my night time meds and include an Motrin PM. I may chat with a west coast friend on Facebook for a bit and then I will turn off the laptop and the light. I’ll put the television on ‘snooze’ and finally relax enough to sleep for the night.
I wonder if this is just another sign that I am at another stage of my life. I am okay with the quiet of the house. I am okay knowing that Babygirl is upstairs sleeping in her own bed, instead of asking her to come in here to keep me company with her soft snores.
Tonight I will stretch out and even sleep diagonally if I want. I can throw my arms out wide, or kick the covers off if I am so inclined.
And I will be happy that he can do the same thing tomorrow when he gets home.
Let’s Make A Deal
Remember the bullcrap with Verizon? Today I spoke with the competition.
I did the wheeling and dealing today. Hubs was not home to interject while I was speaking. This is what I learned:
I learned that there are different speeds of internet connection and all are considered ‘high speed’. The higher the speed, the higher the charge. Companies like Verizon don’t always reveal this information and this is part of the reason that the prices quoted on the phone are not the same as the prices quoted on TV and print ads.
Sometimes you can get extras that you do not need, do not want and will not use whether you want them or not, because they are part of a package. This is somethng I can live with….as long as it doesn’t turn into a hidden charge somewhere further down the line.
If you speak nicely to the operator, she will speak nicely to you. Ask her name, and use it when possible. I leveled with her, explaining right off the bat, that I had already spoken with their competition. Then I asked, “Nicole, what can you do to match this?” Right away she pulled up my account, told me what could ‘go’ and how something else would do the job equally well. When all is said and done, Nicole had hooked me up with a phone line, kept my phone number, added two premium channels and kept the sports package….for only twenty dollars more than I currently pay for my cable bill. I will eliminate the phone bill. In total, I will save thirty dollars. How great is that?
I love Nicole. I have written a letter of thanks and praise for Nicole doing her job in a friendly and efficient manner. She explained things in normal language so that I could understand it.
This is how I roll. If you are good to me, I will be good to you. Maybe she was only doing her job, but she didn’t push unnecessary shit at me. She didn’t speak in circles. I sincerely hope that my letter gets added to her file. I hope she gets a bonus when evaluations roll around.
You Coulda Had Me At Hello
With the economy in the crapper as it has been lately, Hubs and I have gone through our bills and curtailed our spending in an effort to save a few bucks here and there. We’ve stopped renting movies and ordering take-out every Friday and Saturday nights. We stopped buying our coffee every night at a local store opting to instead make a pot at home. (That saves not only the cost of coffee, but also all the other snackables that were oh-so-convenient to grab.)
Hubs has wanted to consolidate our phone/cable/internet costs with Fios. Not too long ago, the ads were appearing on television and the phone calls began that promised us significant savings. When they called us, I made sure that Hubs took the call. He handles that shit far better than I can. Today was that day.
Hubs was home all morning waiting for materials to be delivered. The phone rang and it was Verizon. This was the perfect time for Hubs to take this call. He listened while they made their pitch and then began to ask his questions.
They made an excellent offer. I could hear the confidence in Hub’s voice. He was saving money. The next thing I know, they are talking to him about cable channels that we do not want. They will be able to let us keep the sports package that my sons enjoy. They will offer cable boxes for three tvs and for the same fees that we are charged now with a fourth added free.For only small amount more a month, we can get this. And for an extra dollar, we can get that.
Hubs, whose business entails keeping a running account in his head, stopped the girl right in her tracks. He told her that now he would be paying more. The savings had stopped. “Let’s go back. I don’t want the other channels. I don’t care whether we have the sports channels or not. Save me money.”
She began again. Finally, she hit a number that Hubs was happy with. He was ready to say yes. The question was asked about what computers were in the house. Son2 has a computer that we didn’t buy. He did. Babygirl has a Frankenstein that her ex-boyfriend built for her. We didn’t know what to tell the girl on the phone. So Hubs told her, “Please record all this information and call me back this afternoon. I will have this information and we can set things up then. ”
“Oh sir, I need to have a set up date for your switch now or we can’t continue.”
“But I don’t have the information that you need. I don’t want an installation date if you can’t guarantee me that there won’t be some charge because you can’t hook up the computers without other equipment.”
She put on her supervisor. Hubs repeated that he wanted their service. He wanted to switch companies. He just didn’t want to be railroaded into a contract “right the fuck now!”
“Well, I’m sorry, sir. If you can’t agree, we cannot make this offer.
So Hubs hung up.
It took him an hour of finagling with that girl and two seconds to have the supervisor be stubborn.
We will now be calling our current cable company. Luckily, Hubs wrote down the numbers to every single item he discussed with Verizon Company. We will tell Comcast what the competition offered us and see what they will do to match it.
Fuck Verizon. They blew an awesome sale and a new customer that would have written a blog post about how awesome they are. They could have had word-of-mouth advertising among the very people they want to reach.
Instead, they got me.
****This post will be sent to Verizon.****
My father-in-law ran a successful business for many years. Although there were a few lean years, “H Electric” did well enough to take care of his family. Dad worked long beyond the age when others would have retired. When his physical ability diminished, he was content to simply be an administrator, handling paperwork and job bidding. Eventually, his mental ability also slowed and Hubs took over the family business.
Legalities were taken care of. Truck ownerships and insurance policies were all switched into our name. Letterheads and business cards were changed to reflect the change of address of our ‘office’ and management. This all happened roughly two years ago.
Dad’s office in his home was dismantled and all the boxes and filing cabinets were sent to my house. Boxes of contracts, material catalogs, tax records, insurance, payrolls–everything–was now filling the small room that I used as a home for my iguanas. Slowly but surely, I managed to keep things in some sort of organization.
Last year, my beloved iguana Baby died. It was a traumatic loss for me and it took me a long time to bring myself to clean out the cage for removal. Heat lamps were moved and space heaters taken to the basement. A friend wanted the cage for his own lizard menagerie and I was glad it wouldn’t go to waste.
Hubs now has his work papers spread out all over the cage top. Invoices, stationery, office supplies and postal items are arranged all over. It makes me crazy. I cannot clean that room because, God Forbid! I should touch his papers. Not only that, but all of last year’s paperwork and taxes needs to be moved and stored. I have begged and pleaded with him to please do this before it gets out of hand.
He chose today. I stepped back and let him have at it. Slowly but surely, the floor was covered in large plastic storage containers. All were labeled and ready to move. The cage top has been revealed. He found three of my CD’s buried, and a box of candy canes. Removed from the room was a large box of papers to be shredded and a green bag of trash. But there are two boxes left sitting in the room.
A couple of books, my ipod box complete with a booklet “iPods for Dummies”, an assortment of pens, hairbands, a book of mixed drink recipes, a screaming monkey, a shoe, a shirt with Eeyore on the front and earphones. A dog sweater, Kodak photo download, anti-virus software, a warantee for two vacuums that I don’t even own anymore, and three phone books were also found.
You know what he said?
“This shit is yours. Go through it so we can get it out of the den.”
“Okay, I will. Just not today. I’m not in the mood.”
“No, today. I don’t want your mess sitting here.”
After all this time of looking at his shit everywhere, I am being scolded for two neatly packed boxes that will be gone before the end of the week?
Oh Fuck No.
The battle of wills has begun…..
Did you visit last week when I bitched about the babies not showing up?
Well, it happened again yesterday.
I waited for them to show up at 1:00 and no show. Well, fuck it. I’m tired of this. So I moved on with my day. Jen called up at 3:00. “I fell asleep with the baby! I don’t know what happened. But I’ll drop them off in half an hour, I’m going into work late.”
Okay, whatever. I need the money.
Half an hour, an hour…no kids. Was I surprised? Not any more. Last week, she asked if I’d be available on St Patty’s Day because her sister (who normally watches the kids on Tuesdays) would be doing college-girl drinking activities. I said yes then. But now I wondered if they’d show.
Nope. No phone call. Dammit! But I am going on with my day, my life and I have applied for a job in a local market. The hours are flexible so that IF I decide to watch any kids this summer, I may be able to swing it.
Tonight Jen called and explained what she could:
After calling me Monday to say she was going into work late, she sat down and fell asleep again. She was with her grandmom so the kids weren’t alone, but Granny didn’t know she was supposed to get up for work. She let Jen sleep.
When Jeff came home, he was pissed off (ya think?) But he couldn’t get her to stay awake long enough to be very coherent. In all the fuss, no one called me. (I’ll live)
Today, Jen went to the doctor. He thinks that she has the perfect storm of depression, stress, low iron and exhaustion. She had lots of blood work done today. Her house phone was shut off and her cell phone is lost in the house and uncharged. That’s why I couldn’t reach her and my number is in her cell phone. Finally she found my number on a scrap of paper. That’s when she called me.
Now, I am still highly annoyed with her lack of consideration. A phone call…..Is that a lot to ask?
I have been depressed. I have been clinically exhausted. I know plenty of people who have been through depression so harsh that sleeping straight through for a week is not an impossibility. I can sympathize. Now I almost feel guilty for thinking some of the things that I was thinking.
At what point, though, do I cast that explanation aside? I am still charging her for all of my inconvenience. She is cool with that because she feels so badly about what she did (or didn’t do.) Now I am moving on with my plans for another job. I may have an interview on Friday so I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
I should vacuum and fold some laundry before going to bed. I might have kids tomorrow so I need to be ready. If they don’t show, the weather is going to be nice so I’ll just have to get out and exercise.
If I didn’t need the money, I’d bail and cut my losses. But with the economy the way it is….
Damn, I hate the ‘not knowing’!
I am wiritng this at 9:10 am. I have been awake since 5am. I have been out of bed since 5:45am. This is my day so far:
I am expecting kids today that will be dropped off at 8:30. I have to get a few things done first. I fold some laundry. I take a shower and I iron a few things that Babygirl will need tonight. And I eat breakfast. I manage to answer a few emails and stop into Facebook. So far so good.
Today Purple Heart will show up (Don’t know Purple Heart? Think Salvation Army) They tell me to have my bags “outside of the house before 7am.” It’s out there. It’s foggy, so the moisture is gathering quickly. The bags have condensation now. It is supposed to rain soon. It’s after 9am and they are still out there. Ugh. Can you imagine the mold and mildew that these clothes are being subjected to?? And all because I decided to recycle clothes.
At 8:45 I look around my house. It’s clean. I only need to dust but who gives a shit. The dog is fed and walked. The only thing I have to do all day is play with the kids. That’s it. Did I say it was 8:45? Hmm..those kids were due at 8:30….
My phone finally rings at 9. Since it is raining, Jeff cannot work. (He works outdoors) He will be staying home with the kids. I’m sorry, but I knew at 11 last night that it was going to rain today. WTF! So in reality, he could have had an idea that this would happen. His wife is up and at work by 7am. Are you telling me that there is no way to find out a weather report??? FUCK!!!
This happened last Wednesday too. His ride to work went home early because he was sick. Therefore Jeff used that as an excuse to go home too. He got home as his wife was leaving to drop the kids off to me. After they argued for a bit and after she drove all the way into work, she finally called me almost an hour late to tell me “no kids”. FUCK!!!
It’s not like there is so much work out there that I can afford to give them the kiss-off. Besides, I feel bad for Jen. she works as many hours as she can squeeze in. She is spread thin, and on top of all that she deals with that loser. I’m not saying that she is blameless, just that when others are involved-others who are helping you out- at least make a phone call in a timely manner. You don’t need to explain your life. Just tell me at the earliest you can. There is alot that gets put on a back burner when I am expecting kids. Now I have a whole day at my disposal with nothing planned to do. If I had known, I’d have planned some painting, or baking, or basement cleaning. These things take some prep for me. FUCK!!!
I’m still going to watch her kids when she needs me. I’ll just need to have a chat with her and maybe charge her a cancellation fee. It sucks because I know they can’t afford it but still…. I will suck it up. I will listen to Hubs tell me that I am being taken advantage of.
But I will still have some income that I can handle with my back and all the doctor appointments and scheduling. I will have several more kids in the summer. I just have to suck it up.
Suck it up.
Suck it up.
You know, just ‘cuz I say it, doesn’t mean it’s gonna be easy.
FUCK!!! It’s only 9:45.