What’s New Pussycats?
Where to start? I’ll go back to the beginning……No. that would take too long….
D is doing well, and Son2 and his friends are all standing firm for him. So far, so good, and things seem to be on the upswing for him.
As for my bad blogging habits….I am quite prolific. I have seven or eight posts written every night before I finally fall asleep. The problem is, they are written in my head as I nod off. If I got out of bed or tried to write them down, I would most certainly wake myself up and have to start all over again. And so, my friends, you are missing out on some awesome insights, hilarious anecdotes, and heart-warming stories of my life. But don’t despair! This is all very good from my perspective. This means that I am sleeping at night. As for the daytime, my back is free from pain for the first time in a long while. I am moving around and catching up on all the odd jobs that I let pile up for the past year or so. (No, I’m not overdoing!)
Not only am I moving, I am moving. I am still exercising on the treadmill every other day. On the days in between, I manage to do a bit of actual exercise. And one day, I walked down the street with the dog and in a moment of ‘what the hell’ I ran-yes, ran- half the block on the return trip. I didn’t get winded, but I did work the muscles. I used to run track a long, long time ago and it felt really good to do that again. I have tried to include running in some form, outside or in on the treadmill.
What else? Hmmm…..let’s see….
Oh yes. My 49th birthday just passed. Babygirl came home for the weekend and I went out for dinner with all of my kids. Son2 and his girlfriend gave me tickets to the season opener of the Philadelphia Union in March. I am very psyched for it. Son1 and his girl Shenanigan also gave me a gift.
Metalmom will be METALGRANDMOM sometime in October. After all the time they spent trying, they finally got it right. Son1 is already a good dad to Jazzy so I know that he will be a superduper dad to his own kid. He is very excited and hoping for a boy, so….fingers crossed!!! This is a ‘facebook secret’ until they can tell the rest of the family, so NO BLABBING!!
So, don’t worry if I’m not here for a day or a week. Know that things are good and I am slowly but surely returning to the woman that I used to be. It has been a long time since I have done many things and so I am doing them now, while I have the incentive and energy. I’m sure I’ll slow down soon enough and return to commenting on your blogs. Just know that I am still reading them and keeping up with you.
I love and miss you all…….
Not Quite The ‘Same Old’
On the last day of 2010, I slept in. When I finally awoke, I could hear the television on in the living room. Hubs was watching cartoons and drinking coffee. I rolled out of bed, showered, dressed and got myself some caffeine. Since my back has been tweaked, I spent much of the day sitting still, either playing on the laptop or watching television. I had a sandwich for dinner, watched more tv, had a drink and went to bed.
On the first day of 2010, I slept in. When I finally awoke, I could hear the television on in the living room. Hubs was watching cartoons and drinking coffee. I rolled out of bed, showered, dressed and got myself some caffeine. Since my back felt better, I planned on taking down the tree. But I realized that my Kohl’s cash would expire if I didn’t use it. And so, Hubs and I shopped. We came home, had a sandwich for dinner, and watched more tv.
Same old/same old.
Usually, I find myself wishing that things were different, more exciting. I wish I had places to go, or people to see. I wish for things that I don’t have or can’t afford. I wish that I looked different or felt different. This year? It’s not quite the ‘same old’. Even though I spent the week between Christmas and New Year sick with an unholy virus, I spent every evening with my Hubs, sipping tea or cocoa, under a blanket.
Over the holiday, I shopped with friends, I spent quality time with nieces and nephews, I enjoyed my parents. I got to know my ex-SIL and my Son2’s girlfriend better.
What is not the same, is the fact that I sat back and surveyed my room. It is my home. It is where I am happiest. My kids are upstairs. I hear them laughing or bitching about their days as they pass each other in the hallway. Bandit is beside me snuffling in his sleep, and Hubs just caught me looking at him (“What?” “Nothing, babe. I just love you”) Yes, I sat back and assessed my life.
It’s not bad.
2010 brought me pain, heartache and worry. But it also brought me great joy and blessings. If I can call this “the same old” stuff, then I am prepared for 2011 to bring me more of the same.
Well, I did it! I took baby steps and managed to finish things up. After trying to do a million things at once, I got overwhelmed and nearly got to the point of tears. Every room was torn up in some form and nothing seemed to be getting done. A friend called to remind me about “baby steps” and lemme tell ya, it is advice that I give out frequently and yet fail to take myself.
I went room by room and just concentrated on that. Doing it that way made things easier, but it meant that the living room was a mess for three days. Last night, I finally got the last of the boxes put away, the floor was vacuumed and the cards and stockings were hung. When I stood back to look, I was amazed at how lovely it looked. I have kept my sofas uncovered for a change and I plan on leaving them that way for a while.
Today I have baked…and baked…and baked. My nephew Ethan made a return visit with his mom and four siblings. (This is something that has never happened before at the holidays.) I’m sure that I will make this a tradition. Seeing the kids-not just family, but friends too- went a long way to getting my mood changed.
We baked, we laughed and they left. I shopped for the party with Hubs and gathered the last minute goodies. Babygirl and I wrapped all but three or four of the remaining presents. (Something else that is new for this year!)
And now, I sit with a drink, listening to some music before I head to bed. I’ll get up, straighten a few things, cook a few things and shower. At five, Hub’s family will converge on my house for food, gifts and lots of joy. I’ll see my side of the family on Saturday and perhaps spend Sunday in recovery.
To all of my friends…those who stop in now or even later…have the happiest of holidays. Even if there are presents lacking, find joy in being with your loved ones. Thank your God (or Goddess) for even the tiniest crumb that may be on your plates. Thank them….for there are many more without homes, food or families.
If we can make our way to a computer, if we can read, if we have ONE person to smile at….
We are fortunate.
I am thankful for the laughter of friends
the old and the new ones,
I pray it never ends.
I am thankful for work (for Hubs more than me)
I wish jobs for all of you
so we could be worry-free.
I am thankful for a roof that shelters my head
for my tv, my laptop
and my comfy new bed.
I am thankful for family, for those far and near
for the love that I feel
for those I hold dear.
I wish you all happiness and health on this day
Hug your loved ones real tight
On this Thanksgiving Day
Grandmom in Training
Many of my friends are grandparents. They have married children who are expanding the family trees. I see their pictures on Facebook or when we go out together. “Look my beautiful grandbabies!” “My grand kids make me so happy” “Oh yes, they are expecting very soon”. These are a few of the greetings I see each day.
I don’t begrudge any of them. Far from it. I rejoice because when my friends are happy, I am happy. I love children and a baby’s smile is one of life’s most beautiful things.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel left by the roadside.
Son1 is going to be thirty this year. He loves children and has wanted to have a child of his own since he turned twenty. This past summer, he and Shenanigans decided that they are ready. They just want to put aside a bit more money, but if it happens sooner, they will be happy with that. I could barely contain my happiness when they told me. But until then, I have Shenanigan’s daughter Jazz to ‘practice’ with.
This weekend I was her “Mom-Mom” and I watched with pride as she was Confirmed. I took out my camera and snapped away and took videos. I smiled ear to ear as she spent her time with the Cardinal. I watched the pride on my son’s face. He is the only father she has ever known. I know that he will be an awesome dad because he has shown us all as he is raising Jazz.
He already has such a beautiful family……
No More Metal
I’ve been getting a bit of a “Babygirl fix”.
On Saturday, we hit the road for a the two and half hour ride out to Shippensburg for Family Weekend. Son1, Jazz and Shenanigans went too. Oh my gosh, the weather was so nice. The sun was fairly hot, but still, the humidity was down. We managed to take a walking tour of the Civil War era homes and other points of interest. Son1 is very much into those things and it was pretty cool to listen to him read the pamphlet from the Historical Society as he pointed out buildings and cemeteries. I haven’t seen him do that in quite some time. After the tour, we visited with Babygirl, her Boy and the roomie. We really got a good look at the dorm and she showed us where her classes were. It was heart warming to see her big brother pass her a few bucks for her pocket. Both of my boys surprised me by doing that.
Then, Monday she came home after classes. She is here to get her braces off today. She was here for dinner (a perfect roast as requested) and I really liked seeing this:
I found myself just looking over at her, drinking in the sight of my kiddo finishing up some class work that needed to be submitted by the end of the day. I’ve missed her presence around here. (And you can see that Bandit is hogging up all the loving!)
This morning, we left at 7am to get to her orthodontist by 8. Today was the day that she has been waiting for for.ev.er! The braces came off! One less bill to be paid every month.
At least my money went to a worthy cause……a “coming off” gift for my girl….CANDY. Gummy, chewy, cavity-inducing candy. Way to go, dentist! They even included a mug for her tooth-staining coffee or tea, and a frisbee in case she wanted to knock one out! Again….way to go, dentist!
At this minute, she is making arrangements to work during her fall break. After that, she’ll get her retainer and come back to me for dinner. Far too soon, she will hop aboard a train that will carry her to Harrisburg. By the time I’m nearly ready for bed, she will be back at her dorm…smiling her beautiful smile for all of her friends to see.
And one thing is for sure…she will kiss her boyfriend for the first time without metal in her mouth!
Too Late for Updates?
How late is too late for updates?
First of all, my nephew. What a fabulous baby! Can I just say, I could eat him up!! He was awesomely good. He took a nap at dinner time and I got more than a little scared. I mean, after all, when my own kids did that shit, they stayed awake until three in the morning! I really had no desire to relive those days….or would that be nights? Either way, I shouldn’t have worried. Ethan was pleasant when I woke him up after half an hour and at eleven, he rubbed his face on his blankie and went right to sleep. Aunt Chrissy got to sleep and even had to wake him up at eight in the morning! My brother called and asked if I would consider keeping him one more night. Seriously? I would. But Ethan is only one and he doesn’t know me very well. I think that that if he knew me better, I would have gladly said yes. Maybe next time.
The next thing was something I was looking forward to. I bought two tickets to see the Philadelphia Union play soccer. I had invited my niece Morgan to go with me and she is one of the few nieces that I haven’t spent alot of time with when they were little. She plays soccer on the high school level and both of us were excited. Until……she was invited to go to the shore with a girlfriend. She called me to tell me that she was bailing on me, but quickly added that her mom would go in her place. I was a little disappointed, but after all she is only sixteen. I would have jumped at the chance to go to the shore without my parents too! The night before the game, my SIL called to say that she had no sitter. Now I was sad. I finally decided that what the hell, I’d go anyway. Son2 was going, but he was sitting on the other side of the stadium. It would be a growing experience for me to go and sit alone to watch the game. I was all psyched up for that and then I was surprised by a call from Son1. He had heard from his brother that I had the other ticket and he wanted to go. And that is how I got to spend Saturday afternoon with both of my sons. I know it is only a matter of time until these ‘mother/sons’ events turn into time spent with them and their own families, so I treasure every minute.
As for the rest of my time, I am flexing my writing muscles. I am in the process of sorting and storing my blog posts, as well as adding more to my own ‘short stories/novellas’. They may just go somewhere someday but I’m not going to fool myself into thinking that I am writing the next American novel. Maybe a collection…..who knows.
And so that was it. Labor Day was spent chilling with my man. We spoiled Bandit. He was bathed, taken out for an outrageously long walk and taken in the car to the pet store where he picked out not just one– but two–new toys. *Sigh* This empty nest syndrome is starting to get to me!
****NEWS FLASH****Coffee beans have risen in cost 19% since JUNE!! Say it ain’t so! I’ll give up chocolate before I give up coffee…..FOR REAL,YO! That shit isn’t even fucking funny!!!
Sometimes I am so tired I need to get into bed before nine o’clock. I lie there flirting with sleep, never quite getting there.
And then you come into the room. You grab the blankets off of me. You kick me as you get comfortable. You fall asleep before I do, but as soon as I hear your snores, I am lulled into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Sometimes I don’t want you to look at me naked. I have gained too many pounds that I have struggled to lose- or at least tone.
And then you join me in the shower. You wash my hair and rub your soapy hands over all my jelly bulges. You joke about the bulge that presses into my back……the one that is your belly. We laugh and it echoes off the tiles.
Sometimes I need you to be out of the house. I need time to clean. I need time to vacuum without having to ask you to lift your feet. I need time to shower off the sweat before you get home. Sometimes I just like the quiet.
And then you pull the truck into the driveway. I still get the flutter of excitement at seeing you come home after an honest day’s work. I can’t wait to hear your voice as you tell me about the day you’ve had.
Sometimes I love going out without you. I like to spend time with my friends….all my girls who are likewise out without their men and the guys who’ve left their wives at home. They are the folks I’ve known forever. When we are together, we relive the salad days of our youth- laughing, drinking, dancing and staying out until the wee hours of the morning.
And then I come home and I see you sleeping, not in the middle of the bed, but over to the side. You’ve saved a spot for me. You roll over as I try to get into the bed quietly. I don’t want to disturb you. But you roll over and put your arm around me, and you ask me if I had fun. I tell you yes and you kiss my neck, and wish me sweet dreams.
It’s been thirty years today.
Sometimes you make me mad and I just want to scream. I wonder how we’ve possibly stayed together when we are so opposite.
And then I remember all the little things. It’s the little things that make a life. It’s the big things that can make or break us. We have a lot of little things to remember when the big things get too big.
It’s the little things that make me smile when I think of you.
I love you, babe.
One of Those Days
Did you ever have one of those days? You know, the kind where you wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed? The kind of day that is full of sunshine?
Did you ever have one of those days? The one where you step out of your bedroom and see that the house is still clean from the day before? Where the dishes are clean, the newspapers thrown out, and the laundry is all caught up?
Did you ever have one of those days that you shower, find something that you like (on the first try!) and find comfortable? The kind of day that you look into the mirror and decide that for a change, you don’t need makeup?
Did you ever have one of those days where you call the cable company to replace your remote control and they answer your call right away and they call you back when the call suddenly drops?
Did you ever have one of those days where your husband comes home from work and tells you that you’re wearing sexy clothes, when you are wearing stretch pants and a man-tailored white shirt? The kind of day that you make meatloaf for dinner and both the husband and the 24 year act like you have just served their favorite meal in the world?
I had one today.
I wish they came around more frequently. I wish I could bottle them up and pass them out to my friends.
Like many of you, I went to a party this weekend. Like many of those parties, this party involved a pool, a barbecue, drinks, food and friends. This party was different in only one way…
I knew when the invitation was given, that it would be attended by many women……many gay women. That’s not a big deal to me. I don’t tend to think of people like that. It’s none of my business and besides, people are people, y’know? I mention it only because of where this post is going.
I’ve been to other parties where I only know one or two people. There is usually that initial awkwardness, you know, the one in which you get a feel for the humor (or lack of). The one in which you get to know the boundaries, so that you don’t cross it….
I didn’t need to do that this time.
As soon as I got there, I felt as if I were a long lost friend. My friend Skittles and I were the only two straight women there. We tend to get carried away with our laughter and joking and I was a tad afraid of making an inappropriate joke. I was secretly counting on Skittles to keep me in check. But immediately upon our arrival, the laughs began and they never stopped.
The sun beat down on us and the pool was too inviting. A few girls went in and I joined them. If it were another party, I would have hemmed and hawed. I would have been self-conscious about my ‘bathing suit body’. Not here. If it were another party, I would have been on the look-out for the ‘judges’…..those women who, whether on purpose or not, judge the amount of skin that shows, making judgements that “she’s a whore” or “she’s a prude”. Those women who watch every person you talk to and make judgements that perhaps “she’s flirting with my man” when in reality you are discussing sports. Those women who mentally tally up how long you have known the hostess to assure themselves that they are “better friends” with her.
Like I said…if it were another party.
All of these things were a non-issue. They didn’t worry about their bodies and by extension, neither did I. We discussed all kinds of things. I spoke to the significant others and didn’t feel like I had to time the conversation out of fear of what their mate would think. We put sunscreen on each other. You know how touching a man always seem to skew into a ‘sexy touch’? Not here. It was simply women making sure no one got sunburned.
I relaxed….truly relaxed. This was so incredibly different. Even with family, I am tense. I worry that I will say or do something to earn Mom’s disapproval, or I will hurt my sister’s feelings. I feel the judgement – even after thirty years of marriage – of my sisters-in-law. Even with some friends, I feel like my house, hostess skills or cooking doesn’t measure up.
These women accepted me for who I am, and I felt the love.
And then I felt the heartache of knowing that they could be themselves…..but only among others of the same mindset. They discussed how hard it is to find a club that is ‘gay-friendly’. How hard it must be to have to plan a get-together based on where they will feel ‘welcomed’! It made me sad to know that so many people will never know these wonderful, smart, funny women because they can’t set aside the issue of sexual orientation. It made me sad to know that they will go to other parties and be the ones who are judged.