Monday January 17th 2011, 10:10 PM
Filed under: family,kids,love

Back to School Day

Dear Babygirl,

This morning after Brother left for work, I couldn’t sleep.  I had one of those deja vu feelings.  All I could think of was “I should make sure that she’s up.”  Yes, it’s the first day back to classes after your Christmas break. Just like in high school, I felt the urge to check and make sure that you remembered to set your alarm. I wanted to be sure that you got up and didn’t just snuggle into your warm blankets and go back to sleep. I looked at the clock.  It was 6:10am.

I kinda dozed off while listening to the news. I woke up with a start and almost jumped out of bed. Did she leave yet? She’ll miss the bus! I should tell Dad to see if she needs a ride!  It was 6:55.

After falling asleep for a bit more, I woke up and began my day. I gathered trash from Brother’s room, and threw his laundry downstairs. I turned to your room and I saw your stuff, all packed and ready to be shipped off to the dorm with your BF. It was almost a shock. I nearly expected to reach behind the door to grab your towel and laundry. I missed the smell of your shampoo and perfume that would normally be lingering after you leave the house. It was 11:30.

And so. I did some laundry, colored my hair, and took a shower. I had an odd feeling of expectation. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Dad was home already and it was nowhere near time for Brother to come home yet. The feeling hung over me while I did some dishes…..and then it occurred to me…..

I was waiting for the front door to open. I was listening for Bandit to get excited as you threw down your backpack. It was 2:35pm.

Yes, I miss you every day, some days more than others. But I am used to you being gone. I know that you are a text, call, or FB message away. I just found it so very odd that my heart remembers your schedule when I can’t even remember what day of the week it is sometimes.

I hope that you and K are settling into your new living arrangements. I hope that your first day back to classes wasn’t too stressful.

I hope you call to tell me all about it later.


Mommy  :*

Saturday January 01st 2011, 7:40 PM
Filed under: celebration,family,happy,love

Not Quite The ‘Same Old’

On the last day of 2010, I slept in. When I finally awoke, I could hear the television on in the living room. Hubs was watching cartoons and drinking coffee.  I rolled out of bed, showered, dressed and got myself some caffeine.  Since my back has been tweaked, I spent much of the day sitting still, either playing on the laptop or watching television. I had a sandwich for dinner, watched more tv, had a drink and went to bed.

On the first day of 2010, I slept in. When I finally awoke, I could hear the television on in the living room. Hubs was watching cartoons and drinking coffee.  I rolled out of bed, showered, dressed and got myself some caffeine.  Since my back felt better, I planned on taking down the tree. But I realized that my Kohl’s cash would expire if I didn’t use it. And so, Hubs and I shopped. We came home, had a sandwich for dinner, and  watched more tv.

Same old/same old.

Usually, I find myself wishing that things were different, more exciting. I wish I had places to go, or people to see. I wish for things that I don’t have or can’t afford. I wish that I looked different or felt different. This year? It’s not quite the ‘same old’. Even though I spent the week between Christmas and New Year sick with an unholy virus, I spent every evening with my Hubs, sipping tea or cocoa, under a blanket.

Over the holiday, I shopped with friends, I spent quality time with nieces and nephews, I enjoyed my parents.  I got to know my ex-SIL and my Son2’s girlfriend better.

What is not the same, is the fact that I sat back and surveyed my room. It is my home. It is where I am happiest. My kids are upstairs. I hear them laughing or bitching about their days as they pass each other in the hallway.  Bandit is beside me snuffling in his sleep, and Hubs just caught me looking at him (“What?”  “Nothing, babe. I just love you”)  Yes, I sat back and assessed my life.

It’s not bad.

2010 brought me pain, heartache and worry. But it also brought me great joy and blessings. If I can call this “the same old” stuff, then I am prepared for 2011 to bring me more of the same.

Thursday December 23rd 2010, 10:17 PM
Filed under: celebration,family,holiday,love

Season’s Greetings!

Well, I did it!  I took baby steps and managed to finish things up.  After trying to do a million things at once, I got overwhelmed and nearly got to the point of tears. Every room was torn up in some form and nothing seemed to be getting done. A friend called to remind me about “baby steps” and lemme tell ya, it is advice that I give out frequently and yet fail to take myself.

 I went room by room and just concentrated on that. Doing it that way made things easier, but it meant that the living room was a mess for three days. Last night, I finally got the last of the boxes put away, the floor was vacuumed and the cards and stockings were hung. When I stood back to look, I was amazed at how lovely it looked. I have kept my sofas uncovered for a change and I plan on leaving them that way for a while.

 Today I have baked…and baked…and baked. My nephew Ethan made a return visit with his mom and four siblings. (This is something that has never happened before at the holidays.) I’m sure that I will make this a tradition. Seeing the kids-not just family, but friends too- went a long way to getting my mood changed.

We baked, we laughed and they left. I shopped for the party with Hubs and gathered the last minute goodies. Babygirl and I wrapped all but three or four of the remaining presents. (Something else that is new for this year!)

And now, I sit with a drink, listening to some music before I head to bed. I’ll get up, straighten a few things, cook a few things and shower. At five, Hub’s family will converge on my house for food, gifts and lots of joy. I’ll see my side of the family on Saturday and perhaps spend Sunday in recovery.

To all of my friends…those who stop in now or even later…have the happiest of holidays. Even if there are presents lacking, find joy in being with your loved ones. Thank your God (or Goddess) for even the tiniest crumb that may be on your plates. Thank them….for there are many more without homes, food or families.

If we can make our way to a computer, if we can read, if we have ONE person to smile at….

We are fortunate.

Wednesday November 24th 2010, 12:38 PM
Filed under: celebration,family,Friends,holiday,love


I am thankful for the laughter of friends

the old and the new ones,

I pray it never ends.


I am thankful for work (for Hubs more than me)

I wish jobs for all of you

so we could be worry-free.


I am thankful for  a roof that shelters my head

for my tv, my laptop

and my comfy new bed.


I am thankful for family, for those far and near

for the love that I feel

for those I hold dear.


I wish you all happiness and health on this day

Hug your loved ones real tight

On this Thanksgiving Day



Tuesday November 09th 2010, 9:21 PM
Filed under: celebration,family,happy,love

Grandmom in Training

Many of my friends are grandparents. They have married children who are expanding the family trees. I see their pictures on Facebook or when we go out together. “Look my beautiful grandbabies!”  “My grand kids make me so happy” “Oh yes, they are expecting very soon”. These are a few of the greetings I see each day.

I don’t begrudge any of them. Far from it. I rejoice because when my friends are happy, I am happy. I love children and a baby’s smile is one of life’s most beautiful things.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel left by the roadside.

Son1 is going to be thirty this year. He loves children and has wanted to have a child of his own since he turned twenty. This past summer, he and Shenanigans decided that they are ready. They just want to put aside a bit more money, but if it happens sooner, they will be happy with that. I could barely contain my happiness when they told me. But until then, I have Shenanigan’s daughter Jazz to ‘practice’ with.

This weekend I was her “Mom-Mom” and I watched with pride as she was Confirmed. I took out my camera and snapped away and took videos. I smiled ear to ear as she spent her time with the Cardinal. I watched the pride on my son’s face. He is the only father she has ever known. I know that he will be an awesome dad because he has shown us all as he is raising Jazz.

 He already has such a beautiful family……

Sunday October 24th 2010, 1:17 PM
Filed under: family,happy,ineptitude

Too Much

Since Babygirl went off to college, grocery shopping is happening every third week or so.  She was the one who reminded me that we needed fresh fruits and vegetables in the house.  She was the one who liked having pudding in the fridge or Oreos in the cabinet.  Now, we have Oreos when Hubs wants them. We get chips to go along with hamburgers or hoagies for dinner. I buy fresh veggies when I have a new recipe to try or when it’s just too nice looking to pass up.  Other than that, I don’t notice until I need more than two things.

This week, we had empty cabinets. I was down to the last two rolls of toilet paper. I had ketchup, tomato paste, ramen noodles and creamed corn in the cupboard.  I had three half full Gatorades, vinegar, and olives in the fridge. It was sad. I wandered in a triangle….cupboard, fridge, freezer looking for a snack that was nowhere to be found.

So Hubs and I trudged off to the Acme armed with coupons, ads and list. We were ready for business. And so we shopped…..and shopped.

They say it’s a mistake to shop hungry and Hubs and I know this to be a fact. This night, we had eaten dinner and we were not hungry. For some reason, it made little difference. We got lots of meat that was on sale and lots of stuff that we had coupons for. I guess that two weeks of not having snacks in the house made us crazy. Our eyes glazed over as we went down the chip aisle. I grabbed Doritos, he grabbed corn chips. We strolled the cookie aisle where I grabbed macadamia cookies, he grabbed Oreos and we both grabbed cheez-its. In the dairy aisle, we wanted cheese, ice cream, and did I already mention cheese? Since Babygirl’s friend was taking her birthday presents to the college, I bought bananas- some for her and some for me. And I didn’t pass over the oranges.

We got home and unpacked the bags, loading up the cabinets, fridge and freezer. I was filled with such a feeling of satisfaction. I could relax. I had food in the house. And now, I could go sit next to Hubs to watch some tv, with my feet up.

But first? A snack to enjoy while sitting there…

I walked the triangle once again. I went from the cabinet…looking at the chips….to the cupboard….looking at the cookies….to fridge and freezer…looking at the fruit and ice cream.

I almost wept with frustration.

There is too much and it hurt my brain to decide.

Fuck it. I did a shot of Southern Comfort and went to watch tv in bed instead.

Monday October 11th 2010, 8:45 PM
Filed under: doctors,family,fashion,happy,ineptitude,owies

Sucks and Smiles

Every time I check in here, I am surprised that so much time has gone by.

I have begun to go off my wellbutrin. Let’s just say…….I am miserable and it sucks and we can leave it at that.

My thyroid is jacked up. The previous doctor didn’t keep very good tabs on it and the new doc immediately upped my dosage. Now I am up and moving around and I’m hungry and I’m burning it off and I talk with run on sentences and I barely take a breath between words and I use the words “and” and “you know” like a teenager.

And then I get miserable again.

But I am smiling and happy that things are changing.

Babygirl came home on Thursday and she will be home until Tuesday. It is so nice having her and the BF and BFF coming and going. Bandit is getting all the loving he can and he sleeps with her right now because…..

I hurt my foot and I am currently on crutches. What did I do, you ask? I don’t have a fucking clue. Really.

I had gone out with the gang on Saturday night wearing a pair of cute boots. (Not even the ones with the highest heel!!) I never tripped or fell, but I did dance a bit. Around 1:30am, as we were leaving breakfast, I thought, “Jeez, my foot hurts!” I chalked it up to wearing boots that I haven’t worn since last winter. I got home at about 2 and when I tried to pull said boot off my foot it was tight. My right foot immediately began to swell, but I was drun–, um, a wee bit intoxicated. I guess that is why I didn’t feel such bad pain.

When I woke up, my foot was swollen and I couldn’t put weight on it. Needless to say, Hubs and I spent Sunday afternoon in the hospital, getting x-rays and crutches. (It’s not ‘visibly broken’ and if it still hurts by mid-week, I need to see a specialist….because God knows, I don’t see enough of them!)

So there you have it…sucks and smiles…..but with Babygirl home, those smiles are HUGE!!  :D

Tuesday September 28th 2010, 12:48 PM
Filed under: celebration,family,happy,love,travel

No More Metal

I’ve been getting a bit of a  “Babygirl fix”.

On Saturday, we hit the road for a the two and half hour ride out to Shippensburg for Family Weekend. Son1, Jazz and Shenanigans went too. Oh my gosh, the weather was so nice. The sun was fairly hot, but still, the humidity was down. We managed to take a walking tour of the Civil War era homes and other points of interest. Son1 is very much into those things and it was pretty cool to listen to him read the pamphlet from the Historical Society as he pointed out buildings and cemeteries. I haven’t seen him do that in quite some time.  After the tour, we visited with Babygirl, her Boy and the roomie. We really got a good look at the dorm and she showed us where her classes were. It was heart warming to see her big brother pass her a few bucks for her pocket. Both of my boys surprised me by doing that.

Then, Monday she came home after classes. She is here to get her braces off today. She was here for dinner (a perfect roast as requested) and I really liked seeing this: 

I found myself just looking over at her, drinking in the sight of my kiddo finishing up some class work that needed to be submitted by the end of the day. I’ve missed her presence around here. (And you can see that Bandit is hogging up all the loving!)

This morning, we left at 7am to get to her orthodontist by 8. Today was the day that she has been waiting for!  The braces came off! One less bill to be paid every month. 

At least my money went to a worthy cause……a “coming off” gift for my girl….CANDY. Gummy, chewy, cavity-inducing candy. Way to go, dentist! They even included a mug for her tooth-staining coffee or tea, and a frisbee in case she wanted to knock one out! Again….way to go, dentist!

At this minute, she is making arrangements to work during her fall break. After that, she’ll get her retainer and come back to me for dinner. Far too soon, she will hop aboard a train that will carry her to Harrisburg. By the time I’m nearly ready for bed, she will be back at her dorm…smiling her beautiful smile for all of her friends to see.

And one thing is for sure…she will kiss her boyfriend for the first time without metal in her mouth!

:D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   :D   

Tuesday September 07th 2010, 6:05 PM
Filed under: celebration,family,happy,kids

Too Late for Updates?

How late is too late for updates?

First of all, my nephew. What a fabulous baby! Can I just say, I could eat him up!! He was awesomely good. He took a nap at dinner time and I got more than a little scared. I mean, after all, when my own kids did that shit, they stayed awake until three in the morning! I really had no desire to relive those days….or would that be nights? Either way, I shouldn’t have worried. Ethan was pleasant when I woke him up after half an hour and at eleven, he rubbed his face on his blankie and went right to sleep. Aunt Chrissy got to sleep and even had to wake him up at eight in the morning! My brother called and asked if I would consider keeping him one more night. Seriously? I would. But Ethan is only one and he doesn’t know me very well. I think that that if he knew me better, I would have gladly said yes. Maybe next time. :D

The next thing was something I was looking forward to. I bought two tickets to see the Philadelphia Union play soccer. I had invited my niece Morgan to go with me and she is one of the few nieces that I haven’t spent alot of time with when they were little. She plays soccer on the high school level and both of us were excited. Until……she was invited to go to the shore with a girlfriend. She called me to tell me that she was bailing on me, but quickly added that her mom would go in her place. I was a little disappointed, but after all she is only sixteen. I would have jumped at the chance to go to the shore without my parents too! The night before the game, my SIL called to say that she had no sitter. Now I was sad. I finally decided that what the hell, I’d go anyway. Son2 was going, but he was sitting on the other side of the stadium. It would be a growing experience for me to go and sit alone to watch the game. I was all psyched up for that and then I was surprised by a call from Son1. He had heard from his brother that I had the other ticket and he wanted to go. And that is how I got to spend Saturday afternoon with both of my sons. I know it is only a matter of time until these ‘mother/sons’  events turn into time spent with them and their own families, so I treasure every minute.

As for the rest of my time, I am flexing my writing muscles. I am in the process of sorting and storing my blog posts, as well as adding more to my own ‘short stories/novellas’. They may just go somewhere someday but I’m not going to fool myself into thinking that I am writing the next American novel. Maybe a collection…..who knows.

And so that was it. Labor Day was spent chilling with my man. We spoiled Bandit. He was bathed, taken out for an outrageously long walk and taken in the car to the pet store where he picked out not just one– but two–new toys. *Sigh* This empty nest syndrome is starting to get to me!

****NEWS FLASH****Coffee beans have risen in cost 19% since JUNE!!  Say it ain’t so!  I’ll give up chocolate before I give up coffee…..FOR REAL,YO!  That shit isn’t even fucking funny!!!

Wednesday September 01st 2010, 8:37 PM
Filed under: family,kids,love

Good Baby?

My day started with my brother dropping off his youngest son, Ethan, to spend the night with his aunt. Brother can’t afford to treat his family to a vacation so when he called to say that he was taking them to shore overnight and could I watch the baby, I quickly agreed. I forgot how bad a shitty diaper smells. I forgot how fast a baby can get to the stairs. I forgot how piercing their cry is when they watch Daddy leave without them.

Ethan cried for only fifteen minutes and after that, I was treated to this:


I changed him after that, and he rubbed his face on his blanket. Before I knew it, he was beside me on the couch, fast asleep. When he woke up, I saw much more of the previous playfulness. He is such a happy little boy and when his whimper turns into a cry, it only lasts a minute or two. He ate dinner, started to cry a bit, and laid down with his blanket.  At seven o’clock, he was in a clean diaper, cuddling his blanket and fast asleep. I was stunned and a bit pleased that the day had gone so well. The baby is asleep for the night!

I spoke too soon. Eight o’clock rolled around and he rolled over – wide awake. I am hoping that he goes to sleep again. Now I am dreading the possibility of a crybaby that won’t stop screaming until well past midnight!

Wish us both sweet dreams…..PLEASE!!