My Opinion on Spending
Does anyone remember the news reports a few years ago about how the government spends its money? You know, $450 for a $45 hammer? $75 for a single nail? Has anything been done about that?
With all the talk about balancing the budget and making cuts, I began to think. Just like my doctor gave me little baby steps to lose weight in a manner that wouldn’t hurt, why can’t the government do the same? I mean, I know that when you are talking about the word ‘trillions’ or even ‘billions’ , the cost of a hammer or nail is a drop in the bucket. But let me put it like this:
A man works at Home Depot (or Lowes or Ace Hardware). Business is down, and in order to save their business they let the man go. Now there is no income for the man to feed his four kids. Now they are forced onto welfare and of course the government is cutting all kinds of programs so he still can’t make ends meet. His kids get ill from poor nutrition, they lose their home, and the downward spiral doesn’t end.
Now, if the government would pay $45 for that hammer -say at a Home Depot – that frees up $405. More money spent in Home Depot, man keeps his job, pays for his insurance to take care of the kid, keeps his house, etc.
I’m sure there are flaws in my logic. I am not an accountant or financial adviser. But I am a housewife. When the bills get too high, I make changes. I shop for the best prices. If I can get that hammer somewhere else, I damn well won’t spend $450 for it! If I need to meet someone for lunch to talk business, I will go to say, Applebee’s , rather than a four star restaurant…because I don’t have the money for it!
This is just a little step. But if every sector of government did little things, took baby steps, in the end it would add up. I am not talking about program cuts, I am talking about the wasteful spending. Little steps among every congressman and representative could add up to millions if not billions. If they started there, I think that the American public would feel alot differently about the goings-on in Washington. Maybe if we all demanded an itemized spending list from each of our officials and said NO to what we feel is unexcusable, then maybe, just maybe, things could work out.
That’s just my opinion.
Seven years. Two kids. Wonderful husband. Then why am I here?
These thoughts swirled in my head as I sat in my car parked across the street from the hotel. Round and round they went on a loop. I truly love my husband. I don’t want to jeopardize this. My kids…oh God, my kids. I love them fiercely.
I feel like a shadow of myself. I clean my house, wipe snot off the kids, cook for them all. My husband thanks me and never fails to kiss me goodbye or say “I love you” when he leaves the house. But sometimes I feel like he doesn’t see me. As if we are going through the motions.
The red car pulls up and he moves easily to the hotel door. As he unlocks the door, I watch. He is beautiful. My heart skips a beat and I feel a flush of desire infuse me. He looks into my eyes when we speak. He laughs at my jokes. He tells me that I make a difference in his day. I miss that with my husband.
I start the car and the radio is playing Bruce Springsteen…”Hey little girl is your daddy home? Did he go and leave you all alone? Ooooh I’m on fire…”
I park my car next to his and look into the mirror. I run my fingers through my hair, touch up my lipstick. I join him in the room.
He kisses me. Possesses me. His tongue devours mine, greedily. His hands, ever gentle, leave a trail of fire on my skin. He removes my clothes and his own and then….Oh God…and then….
I feel strange in my own skin. I allow things that I would normally shy from. I am wanton in my desires. All thoughts of family and spouse are gone. I am needed, I am wanted, I am the only thing in this man’s universe…for now. He is the only thing in my world….at this moment.
I must leave. The kids will be home from school soon.
I feel dirty, used. What happened to the feelings of ‘worth’? I feel guilty and tell him so. This won’t happen, CAN’T happen again. I love and need my family more.
I close the room door and wipe the tears of shame from my eyes.
I start the car to leave and the radio is playing “Careless Whisper” by Wham!
“I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste the chance that I’d been given
So I’m never gonna dance again
The way I danced with you”
I drive through the traffic, to return to my life, my home….
South African Fantasies
I haven’t posted lately and there are lots of reasons.
#3- There was the graduation. It was a beautiful day, beautiful ceremony and of course, the beautiful graduate.
#2- I spent some time sanding the walls in the bathroom after all the spackling that I did. I also did a few jobs around the house but being ever careful of my back, it was one day of work and the next day of rest. I’m reading again, and it’s something that I haven’t taken the time to do lately.
#1- The biggest thing that has been taking up a huge amount of my time is the World Cup. Teri asked me if I had always loved soccer or was it something more recent. I actually played some intermural soccer in high school and both of my boys played when they were growing up. I tried to follow the Philadelphia Wings when they were around, but the US wasn’t quite ready to embrace soccer as a ‘legitimate’ sport. European soccer has always had a place in my heart.
In very many of the past years, I either had little kids here all day or no cable (once upon a time). Therefore, I missed watching World Cup and was relegated to reading the sportspages or catching the updates if the evening news felt it worthy of a story. This year, I have no kids here yet. I may not have any at all this summer. Whatever, I have to stop my spackling, sanding, painting, etc to sit for the two hours it takes from pre-game to post-game shows. Hubs came home early yesterday to find me covered in dust from sanding, with my feet up, enjoying a game and a soda. Oh well. I didn’t give a shit. I saw Desmond Tutu dance with joy as the games opened in his country. I was there when the USA tied England. I screamed when I watched Daniele de Rossi. I’ll get done all my stuff before Saturday (the graduation party) I have no worries about that.
For now, I’m spending my afternoons in South Africa, fantasizing that I am on the sidelines, watching those studly young men playing game after game of soccer……….
Not Sweating It
My life is like mad mood swings lately. I have so much to do, but no incentive to move my ass.
I need to get a few things out of the basement and off to the Salvation Army. I have boxes for said things and the stuff is near the boxes……like beside the boxes. Also beside the boxes are piles of winter clothes and a few summer things that need to make their way upstairs. I just need to put them in the box and take them away.
It’s so cool in the basement too, but for some reason, I feel as if this job is “The Most Awful Job in the World”. And so I put it off.
I have stripped the wallpaper off the bathroom walls. I have spackle for the imperfections and a Mighty Mouse sander to finish it off. I also have the primer. It’s not as if there are a jillion spots to spackle and sand, there are really only a few. I just know that once I start, I will work like a horse in order to finish what I’ve started. Also, working like that, I will more than likely make my arms ache. And so I put it off.
Graduation is getting closer and closer. I have the menu in my head. I need to write it down. I could be buying soda, paper goods, and table cloths. I could extend my dining room table and place a few flowering plants outside. I need to start ordering food and cake and chairs. I haven’t done one of those things yet. If I do, that means that Babygirl will really be graduating. I get stressed and need to relax. And then I put them off.
But don’t start thinking that I am rolled into a blanket and lying in the dark on the couch. I’m not sitting on the computer 24/7. I’m not blogging or keeping up with laundry or watching movies. This is what I am doing:
I’m not sweating the small stuff.
Alone and Quiet
Finn asked, “What do you think about when you’re alone and it’s quiet?’
Okay so, I was sitting here last night. I had taken off my headphones because I wasn’t finding music that matched my mood. Hubs had gone to bed hours before and the kids were also in their beds. Stupid Me had decided to have not one, but two, cups of French Vanilla coffee after dinner and it looked like I was up for a while.
At one point I looked at the clock. It was midnight. My mind was just….buzzing. I don’t know what you would call it, but that’s it. No words, no full thoughts, nothing but static. I wanted to write. If I could just find a topic, somewhere to focus that mental energy, I would be fine.
Nothing. And so I asked my questions.
This morning, I sat to answer them. The television is off and I am alone. All I can hear is the songs of birds and an occasional car going by. Some of the things on my mind are fairly normal…..What to have for dinner? What is the dog chewing on? Where is my other shoe? Where can I find a Bunny for Grant?
But I also noticed something else.
There are alot of ‘shoulds’.
I should do laundry. I should mail those invitations. I should exercise. I should get rid of that chair.
So I turned them off and changed to “I wish”
I wish I could travel more. I wish I had some skills that I could use for employment. I wish I could see my friends more. I wish I had something to do this weekend. I wish Hubs would quit smoking (more than anything in the world.) I wish I could punch Grant in the junk so he’d focus on something other than ‘bunnies’. I wish I wasn’t so lazy.
Well, I can’t change alot of those things overnight, but I can do two of them today.
I’ll call my friends and see if we can do something together this weekend.
I Am a Playground
It was a beautiful day, 68 degrees and bright sunshine. I dressed for exercise and tied up my laces. I put a leash on my dog, grabbed my keys and set off for a walk to the post office. I got to the corner and turned around.
I woke up with a headache and I had chosen to ignore it. I had hoped that between the sunshine and the exercise, it would go away. It didn’t. Instead, by the time I got home, Migraine was accompanied by it’s good friend Chills.
I came in, drew the drapes, grabbed a pillow and blanket and considered huddling on the couch, in the dark. But no….the voices had other ideas…
“Grab a spoon.” said One. “If you use it like a melon baller, you can scoop your eyeball out.”
“The large knife would be better.” said Two. “Perhaps you can open your skull and pull out the piece of brain that hurts.”
“Oh no,” cried Three. ” Matches! If you set yourself on fire, you won’t be chilly anymore. Besides, your burning flesh will take your mind off of the pain in your head!”
“So sorry”, said Four. “You need to reach the bathroom NOW. I am the voice of your nausea. I want to come out to play.”
With that, Nausea joined Migraine and Chills. They are enjoying quite the playdate.
And I am the playground.
Dog Day Afternoon
Whazzat noise? Dat my jingle? WALKIES!!!!!! Ican’twaitIcan’twaitIcan’twait!!!
“Sit still Bandit! As soon as the leash is on….”
WALKIES!!!! WALKIES!!! I like going out the- *GAAAAK!* I can smell -*GAAAK!*
“If you would stop trying to run ahead, you wouldn’t choke, silly pup!”
What did she say? I don’t unders–TREE!!!! sniff snuff sniff Hang on! I gotta….aaaaahhhhh. Wait…..aaaahhhhh. I think dat’s all….Hey! There’s Sadie! Yo, bitch! Whatchu doin’ waggin’ dat fine tail over there! Come ovah here, let Bandit show you—*GAAAAAK!* Lemme show you–*GAAAK!* Damn, Sadie! Mommy’s yankin’ my chain. I gotta go. I’ll see you—TREE!!!! Aaaaahhhh.
“You have to walk nice, Baby. I don’t want to drag you or choke you. That’s better. Who’s a good puppy?”
MAILMAN!!! Lemme at him! Lemme at him!! *GAAAAK!* I just wanna sniff him, Mom!! Just a sniff!! And a taste….just a wee nibble….*GAAAK* Dude, one day I’ma jump out da window and sniff you real good, knowamsayin’? You’ll be dropping that bag and runnin’ like —SQUIRREL!!! Hey! Member me? Hey! Wanna play chase again? Come back! Come- *GAAAAAK*
“Now you sit nice while Mommy goes in the store. Be good…..”
Why she say be good? Like I got a choice. Hmmmf. Couldn’t even tie me to a tree. Whatchu lookin’ at bird? Come over here and say that! That’s right. I din’t think so. BOY!!!! Hey boy!!! Wanna scratch my ears? Ooooh, yeah…..like that. I like that. lick lick. Whatchu have for lunch? Do I taste peanut butter on your chin? And is that….slurp….is that wax in your ears? MOMMY!! Oh Mommy where were you? I missed you. I thought you leaveded me! Pickmeup, pickmeup, pickmeup!! *sigh*
“Look at that doggy, Bandit. Isn’t that a big doggy?
A ‘doggy’? I only see that horse over there. A real dog isn’t that big. I could walk right under him if I want–CAT!!! Gimme, gimme, gimme! *GAAAAK* I want the -*GAAAAK* Please, mommy! *GAAAAK* Damn. Foiled again. Sniff snuff Is that gum? Ooh, puddle! Wanna go dat way- *GAAAK*
“Almost home, Bandit. That was a good walk wasn’t it?”
Openthedoor,openthedoor. Ahh, it’s nice in here. Where mah water? slurp,slurp Mom! Da phone! Mom! Whatchu doin’ in that room? Mom!! Phone!
“Hello? Oh, hi! How have you been? It’s good to hear from you!….”
Ew, MOMMY!! What dat smell?? All dat walkin and you din’t do dat outside? Daddy gonna rub your nose in dat! Uh-oh. She’s sitting down. I guess this call is gonna take a while. Move over Mom! Can I sit witchu? Can I? Move…over….just ..a..bit….there! *SIGH* Mommy, you so squishy-soft. I like your lap. Lap sounds like nap….Nappies!….time for nappies…..I….like…..nappies…..*snore*
For the last few weeks, I have noticed that the female newscasters have had a tendency to wear purple. Every shade from the deepest violet to the palest lavender is used in blouses, dresses, sweaters,vests, and suit jackets. I asked if anyone else seemed to notice this and instead of an answer, I got declarations of how much folks liked the color purple.
That was so not the point. Anyway….During the course of the discussion, someone mentioned that the 80’s were making a fashion comeback.
DEAR GOD!! SAY IT ISN’T SO!!!
Didn’t we learn our lessons the first time? Don’t you remember how your feet sweat in these??
NO ONE looked good like this–Not even the hookers!
And if a guy looking like this came up to you and asked you out…..seriously, you’d die of laughter and turn him away….unless it was “Retro Night” at the local bar!
Jeebus!!! Is he wearing huarachi sandals???
With all the talk about ‘being green’ and the ‘ozone layer’ and stuff, do we really want to bring this back?
The only place this ‘do belongs is on the “Jersey Shore”!
Man, I Feel Like A Woman
I awoke to sound of a man’s voice. (Hey, I’m leaving now *kiss* The tax papers are on the desk.)
I then stretched langorously, ready to ease myself into my day. (Where’s that remote? Oh, under my butt…)
I watched tv for a few minutes but was lured by the aroma of coffee into the kitchen. (Mmm. I hope they left me a cup…DAMN! tantalized again!)
I took a moment to gather my breakfast, eager to sit and enjoy the silence. (Eggs sound good…Crap! They used the skillet and no one washed it yet! Cereal then. With barely enough milk to moisten the shredded wheat.)
As I settled into my chair, the phone rang. Perhaps a friend wants to have lunch? (Hello, this is Susan from the CVS. Your prescription is now ready to be picked up.) I returned to my seat and began to eat,(Mmm…sodden wheat!)
I did some laundry and decided to walk on my treadmill. I will start to prepare for summer. I will walk longer than I did yesterday. I will even add a few situps! (*gasp* Only three minutes? HOW FAR??? *gasp* Omg. My boobs are sweating so bad! *wheeze* If I die now, no one will find me for another 7 hours! Fuck the situps!)
A shower is incredible when you know that the entire house is empty. I can shave, suds myself up, moisturize…truly take the time to pamper myself. Ahh, hot water! This shampoo smells sooo good. (*SPLAT* What the– Bandit! What the hell are you doing in here?! Get out! Ow-ow-ow-ow!! SOAP IN MY EYES!!)
I resigned myself to cutting the shower short. I will simply settle for giving myself a mani/pedi. I gather my polish, clippers and pumice to begin. I sit on the couch (In the spot that Bandit chose to lay in while he was dripping from the shower!!)
I will NOT let this get to me. I return to my polish. My toes look cute. (*blurgh, BLURG* OMG! BANDIT! DON’T PUKE!!)
Rushing to grab a towel, I hit my toe on the table, I grab the towel, catch the puke, smear the polish off of three fingers, notice that the polish has toppled onto the table and is rolling toward the edge. I rescue the bottle, and end up sitting on the floor in the middle of the room.
My life is too fucking glamorous for words.