Thursday December 31st 2009, 8:45 PM
Filed under: celebration,fireworks,holiday,Uncategorized

Out With the Old….


Friday July 03rd 2009, 3:58 PM
Filed under: celebration,fireworks,holiday,lessons


When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.


It’s not all about parades, barbecues and fireworks. Let’s not forget the reason for the day.


Have fun. Laugh lots. Be safe.

Sunday March 22nd 2009, 5:26 PM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,business,fireworks,Hubs,ineptitude,other shit

The Office

My father-in-law ran a successful business for many years.  Although there were a few lean years, “H Electric” did well enough to take care of his family. Dad worked long beyond the age when others would have retired. When his physical ability diminished,  he was content to simply be an administrator, handling paperwork and job bidding. Eventually, his mental ability also slowed and Hubs took over the family business.

Legalities were taken care of. Truck ownerships and insurance policies were all switched into our name. Letterheads and business cards were changed to reflect the change of address of our ‘office’  and management. This all happened roughly two years ago.

Dad’s office in his home was dismantled and all the boxes and filing cabinets were sent to my house. Boxes of contracts, material catalogs, tax records, insurance, payrolls–everything–was now filling the small room that I used as a home for my iguanas. Slowly but surely, I managed to keep things in some sort of organization.

Last year, my beloved iguana Baby died. It was a traumatic loss for me and it took me a long time to bring myself  to clean out the cage for removal. Heat lamps were moved and space heaters taken to the basement.  A friend wanted the cage for his own lizard menagerie and I was glad it wouldn’t go to waste.


Hubs now has his work papers spread out all over the cage top. Invoices, stationery, office supplies and postal items are arranged all over. It makes me crazy. I cannot clean that room because, God Forbid! I should touch his papers. Not only that, but all of last year’s paperwork and taxes needs to be moved and stored. I have begged and pleaded with him to please do this before it gets out of hand.

He chose today. I stepped back and let him have at it. Slowly but surely, the floor was covered in large plastic storage containers. All were labeled and ready to move. The cage top has been revealed. He found three of my CD’s buried, and a box of candy canes.  Removed from the room was a large box of papers to be shredded and a green bag of trash. But there are two boxes left sitting in the room.

It’s mine.

A couple of books, my ipod box complete with a booklet  “iPods for Dummies”, an assortment of pens, hairbands, a book of mixed drink recipes, a screaming monkey, a shoe, a shirt with Eeyore on the front and earphones. A dog sweater, Kodak photo download, anti-virus software, a warantee for two vacuums that I don’t even own anymore, and three phone books were also found.

You know what he said?

“This shit is yours. Go through it so we can get it out of the den.”

“Okay, I will. Just not today. I’m not in the mood.”

“No, today. I don’t want your mess sitting here.”


After all this time of looking at his shit everywhere, I am being scolded for two neatly packed boxes that will be gone before the end of the week?

Oh Fuck No.

The battle of wills has begun…..

Thursday July 03rd 2008, 4:39 PM
Filed under: celebration,fireworks,holiday,lessons,love

My Country Tis of Thee

I don’t usually pay a whole lot of attention to the Fourth of July. Well, yes I do, but in the superficial way. You know, barbecues, fireworks, parades and such. But I don’t usually think about it.

This year, America is beating me over the head with it’s significance.

I watched Good Morning America yesterday and I saw Senator McCain spout alot of incomprehensible bullshit when asked a direct question by Robin Roberts. He rambled on and on about South America and the drug problems.He never addressed the question posed to him….”Why are you there at a time when the American public is in such financial straits?”

I’m not saying that I am for either him or Senator Obama, but I am glad that I have the right to choose.


I watch the news and see the horrors playing out in other countries. Women are unheard and unseen. There are no freedoms. And I am glad that I am living here.

A man is being arraigned in Philadelphia today on charges of  aggravated assault, making terroristic threats and corruption of a minor for making a  video for YouTube detailing the correct way to shoot a cop . He allegedly showed this to his son too.  I was appalled by the hatred spewed by this man. I was disgusted that anyone could feel this way about our protectors. But he is using his freedom of speech. And as much as I disagree with him, I am glad that the right exists.

And every day, you and I make use of our freedom of expression by writing whatever we want on our blog. We choose whether or not we want to read the words put down by others. We choose the topics we wish to blog about. And I am glad that right exists.

So when you head off to your parades, your barbecues, and your fireworks, thank your forefathers for all that they did to ensure that we have a country like this.

Have a safe and happy Fourth.  **==

Sunday March 16th 2008, 11:27 PM
Filed under: fireworks,lessons,love,other shit,pets,questions

Dog Fights

I have become quite smitten by my pup Bandit. He is now my constant companion, exercise partner and late-night movie watching company. He follows at my feet all day. We went through a very small rough patch with his housebreaking but he’s doing great for a five month old.

This weekend, he fulfilled one of my biggest fantasies.(Get your minds out of the freaking  gutter!!)We went walking on a leash. It is not new that he is on a leash. We have done this before. He just never wanted to walk further than the next door neighbor’s driveway. Now that the weather is nice, we ventured out. He walked like one of the dogs you see on the AKC dog shows. I was so proud. He didn’t acknowledge the other dogs that barked at him and only once did he try to run towards some kids. I only had to say “Bandit, Back” and he was beside my ankle. Inwardly, I screamed “FUCKIN’ A!!”

When we went home however, there was a problem. Son1’s pug Maggie was in the house. Usually they just chase each other around the living room. Also, Bandit had been smaller.Now he is as tall as Maggie (but 20 lbs lighter). They began chasing each other but it soon escalated into something more.

Being smaller than Maggie, Bandit was more agile. He maneuvered his way around her quickly. The only way Maggie could deal was to lay on top of him. With her weight, it was too much. The barking started. Soon Bandit was growling. Maggie seemed to think this meant “Sniff my ass and then crush me again.” Then it happened.

Bandit whirled around and bit Maggie. Maybe that isn’t quite right. He grabbed onto her upper lip. The part that hangs. He got a piece and wouldn’t let go. I separated them and took Bandit into another room. He calmed down and Maggie calmed down and we let them into the same room again. Bandit sat at my feet like a good boy.  Maggie came over and plopped her fat ass on him again. Again he growled. So I yelled at Maggie.

Son1 took this as an insult. I was yelling at his dog. I’m sorry, WHAT? MY HOUSE!! My dog was defending himself. I don’t want to alienate my son or his dog. Maggie visits every weekend but this shit can’t continue in  my home. She disrupts the routine and causes Bandit to act inappropriately. Hubs says let it go because she is only at our house one day out of the week. I say, Maggie may be 5 years old but she can still be trained. He’d better get a handle on her behavior-there’s a new ‘alpha dog’ in this house!

Is there some way to teach Bandit not to bite her? I’ve never had a dog like that. With summer coming, I’ll have extra kids around here. The last thing I need is a bitey dog! I’m open to suggestions.

Just don’t suggest that I get a cat!

Wednesday February 06th 2008, 9:43 AM
Filed under: fireworks,ineptitude,kids,miscellaneous,other shit,owies,pets,Uncategorized,weather

Recipe for Disaster

Joslyn’s back after a week with Mommy and Daddy. I’ve gotten used to the peace and quiet and slower pace. But this is the day I’m in for… Recipe for Disaster

Take one little girl–19 months old (preferably one who touches everything and doesn’t know the meaning of “no”)

Add one puppy–3 1/2 months old (preferably one who chews everything and doesn’t know the meaning of “no”)

Mix in one “Tickle Me Elmo”. Make sure the batteries are new and also make sure the little girl won’t let it out of her sight.

Combine in a living room with one 45 year old woman with a dodgy back. Don’t let anyone escape. Don’t open door no matter what screaming sounds may emanate from within.


Now throw in heavy rains, wind and possible thunder (the type of thunder that scares the shit out of the old woman).

Leave them alone to simmer for EIGHT HOURS.

After the eight hours, open the door slowly. VOILA–Disaster!!

Sunday October 14th 2007, 11:06 PM
Filed under: Anger,fireworks,ineptitude,miscellaneous,Monday,other shit

Monday Moaning


Good morning, Everybody! Can you feel the smile on my face?  LIARS! It’s fucking Monday again, and you all know what that means! MONDAY MOANING! Ready? One, two, three……GO!

I’m hating football pools, soggy cereal, crying babies, cooking dinner for picky-ass kids who think they’re too good for leftovers, cheese that gets hard before you finish it, skin that develops on tomato soup, and smelly dishcloths.

Leaves all over my yard (ALREADY!!!), spiders that are migrating into my house to get out of the chill, cleaning my carpets, people who miss the seat,(You know what I mean!), sleeping in the ‘wet spot’, uninvited guests, making a salad only to find out that I’m out of my favorite kind of dressing.

I discovered that it’s not a good idea to drink coffee all day to stay awake because all that caffeine can bite you in the ass(not in a good way) at 300am! I hate infomercials-especially Magic Bullet! I hate that it’s freezing in the morning but stuffy at bedtime. I don’t like the time being wrong on my computer.

I hate pollsters knocking on my door, things that go on sale AFTER I buy them, scratches on my CD, dead batteries, (shut up!), bloating, allergies and the horrors in foreign countries. I dislike intensely bad hair days, ingrown toenails and socks that are ‘quitters’.

Bring it on.





Tuesday September 18th 2007, 9:51 PM
Filed under: fireworks,ineptitude,kids,lessons,love,miscellaneous,other shit

Sweet Child O’ Mine

What a day, boys and girls, what a day.

Meet Jocelyn, one year old sweetie pie. Isn’t she cute?


This child has done what no child has done to me in 27 years. I AM READY FOR THE LOONEY BIN!!

The day started out just fine. We ate breakfast, did some laundry, played and at one point I stupidly decided to wash the breakfast dishes. She wanted to get up. I’m not having it. She will have to wait. I finish the dishes and look for a dishtowel to dry my hands. It is behind her on the back of a chair. I step OVER her to get the towel. (I’m not going to pick her up with wet hands) This is where I screwed up. She screamed. I mean SCREAMED!!!There’s nothing wrong with her so I dried my hands and tried to distract her with toys. I mean, if I pick her up NOW I’m rewarding a tantrum.

Eventually she gets over it. Now she’s drooling. And crying. It must be the teething. I change her diaper, dose her with Tylenol and we share a freeze pop. She’s a happy camper.

For a minute.

She wants to be picked up. ALL.THE.TIME. I am very patient. I get down on the floor and watch her cry. I play with the blocks. She cries. I have juice from a sippy cup. She cries.I eat a cookie. Now she only sniffles. She now knows I will not pick her up. She joins me for playtime on the floor.

It’s only been one hour. I’m fucked.

This baby is a very good child. Normally. I watched her all summer. Her sister and cousin were also around this summer.I had backup! I’ve also forgotten how manipulative a child can be. Don’t kid yourself into saying ” She’s just a baby. She doesn’t know any better.”

The last tantrum started at 4:30. She lay on the floor like a cartoon-kicking her feet,tears streaming, hands reaching out to me. Her daddy came to the door. The feet stopped kicking, sunshine spewed from her eyes where tears had just been, and then…She smiled.

All sweetness and love. Daddy picked her up and said “Hey, Jo! I missed you today” She hugged him with those chubby baby hands and gave him a wide-mouth kiss. Then she turned to me with a smile*smirk* that said,”Look at me! I got picked up anyway!”

As I kissed her goodbye, I whispered in her ear,”Wait til tomorrow!”


Now where’s that bottle of Jack?

Sunday September 16th 2007, 11:15 PM
Filed under: Anger,family,fireworks,Hubs,love,Monday,Movies,other shit

Monday Moaning-Alone Together



Let the bitching begin!….

I currently hate my husband. (Not seriously) I am sure the men will agree with him and I’m hoping a woman or two agrees with me.

Saturday and Sunday were slow, boring days. Yes the weather was nice. Yes, there was yardwork to be done. Yes, no one was aching or sick. Blah , blah.. We had nothing to do. That’s the problem.

We are polar opposites. He likes the morning, golden oldie music, and no sports. I HATE the morning, love heavy metal music, and I like baseball, hockey and soccer.(And some football-just don’t ask me to have a coherent conversation about it)

Do you want to watch a movie? Ok-What? I don’t know. You pick.(This conversation may be started by either one of us) No matter what movie gets picked , the other one hates it. I like some comedies, foreign films, or dramas(More action than love) He prefers action, cartoons, or ‘Hero’ type movies. I can watch a movie once or twice a month. Hubs, however must worship Ted Turner, because he can watch the same damn movie over and over. Two , three times a week,or several times a month. Will it end differently this time??? NO!!!  Yet he still seems amused or surprised!

He turned on “The Good,The Bad and The Ugly” for the bajillionth time and got engrossed. Well, I love Hubs so I went on the computer to hustle my friends at scrabbulous. I was accused of deserting him! When I got off the computer to do laundry, he decided he wanted to play solitaire and deserted ME!!!

Now, ladies, I know some of you are football widows. And men, well, do you notice that we’re not in the room? Any way …Got a solution? I’ve asked him to play cards with me, but NOOO! NOW WHAT???

Even when you love the person you’re with, what makes you want to STRANGLE them???

Sunday August 19th 2007, 10:54 PM
Filed under: Anger,family,fireworks,Grief,kids,lessons,other shit,owies


Last week I had an opportunity to spend some time with my 5 year old niece,Alex. We are very close and I sometimes wonder if her parents are even aware of some of the things I talk to this child about. During some of our walks, we have discussed religion, death, heaven and politics. These are not normal topics one would expect of a child. She is always sincere in her questions and I have always given her honest answers (to the best of my abilities).

Last week she asked if she would be able to come over to my house for a sleep over some time. I answered “Sure, we’ll check with your mom and maybe we can do it before you start school again.” Her reply made my stomach turn to ice. “Maybe the next time my mom and dad start to yell, my mom can bring me over first.”


It broke my heart.

Apparently, there are problems with her dad and drinking. When the arguing escalated, this child heard her parents argue over who would leave. At this time, there are other matters going on between my hubs and his sister. We are only just getting back to speaking terms.What can we say to her without being told to mind our own business? It would make a fragile relationship even worse if they knew that we know what’s happening.

What do you say to a child? What do you say to her parents? (if anything?) They are the type of people who will tell you what you need to know and keep you in the dark about the rest.

This truly pisses me off and I don’t like to keep my mouth shut. But my mom always says that “there is a time and a place”. How do you know when its time?