I am sending out prayers and positive thoughts to you…..

Those who are worried about your  distant families ….

Those who are praying that the rivers rise no higher…..

Those who are suffering from a broken heart…..

Those who are in a dark place and see no lights……

Those who are worried about a child born too soon and one who is gravely ill….

Those who are awaiting the results…..

Those who already know the diagnosis……

Those who are praying for a job and those who need to keep the one they’ve got…..

Those of us who feel helpless because all we can do is hope and pray for you.

I love you all and when I say I am thinking of you or that you are in my prayers, I hope you know that I mean it with every fiber of my being.

I’ve been scratching my head alot lately, and NO! I don’t have lice! I’ve been watching the news.

*Nine year old kids are plotting to kill their teacher because one of them got corrected.

*Teenage girls beating up another because they want to put a video on YouTube. They want the attention.

*Olympic torch bearers are being beaten and trampled during what is probably the proudest moment of their lives. Not because of something that they did, but to make a point to someone who doesn’t give a shit.

I certainly understand the outrage over the conflict between the government of China and the Dali Lama. We as human beings must not tolerate these atrocities, or our acceptance makes us accomplices to this behavior. However, does that justify jumping a torch bearer? These are Americans on American soil who are being pushed down to the ground. These are Americans doing the pushing in order to make a point. Do the Chinese really give a shit? No. I think they are sitting back watching and laughing at the anarchy they are causing worldwide. We should find another way–a more peaceful way– of making our disapproval known.

And these children…What makes them think this behavior is okay? I blame the parents for not teaching right from wrong. I blame them for not knowing what is going on in their homes while they are not there. I know that you can’t be everywhere all the time. I know that kids do things all the time that their parents are not aware of. But they need to be taught and punished for what they do. These kids get no consequences for their actions.

I also blame television. I blame the “adults” who are shown on TV, beating an innocent person in an attempt to get attention. These are the “adults” setting the examples. These are the people showing us that this is the way to make a point.

When the news is over, do you shut off the television and and go about your evening? Or do you sit with your kids and tell them that not all adults act this way. Do you tell them that you agree with the message but not the way that the point is being made?

Or are we all going to hell in the proverbial handbasket?

Recession has come to the Metalmom house.

Hubs usually leaves the house at 7am for a workday that runs until 7pm. During the winter months, work tends to slow down, but as soon as the ground thaws, it picks up again. After March, we see very little of him. People need their air conditioning installed, pool lights added and deck lights installed in anticipation of the summer.

Today, he was home until 11:30. I expect him home around 3. The billing that we managed to write up came nowhere near covering the billing that we have coming in. One employee will be asked to sign up for unemployment benefits. Son2 is taking alot of extra hours at his second job. Son1 has already asked us if there is any way that we can use him because his work is suffering too.

As electricians, our jobs depend on people building homes. Not only that, but even if they are only buying an existing home, there is usually alot that they want added in these homes. With the economy the way it is, there is no new building going on. More houses are in foreclosure than there are for sale. Things are getting shaky fast.

I am not the type of person who pays attention to the stock market reports, but this morning, I overheard that the numbers were up. I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat. The reporter said this was a good sign. But is it good enough? God, I hope so!

I know there are others worse off than we are. I can’t imagine how they will make ends meet either. Even though the summer is coming and with it, more kids to watch, I know that it still won’t be enough to cover all of our bills. Will I have to work outside of the home? I have very few marketable skills. It is a scary thought. And if I do get a job, what happens when I tell the moms that they will have to find childcare elsewhere? They aren’t paying a whole lot now because they can’t afford it. That’s why I am in great demand as a sitter. What do I tell these low-income women and single moms? My heart breaks at the thought.

This isn’t a very upbeat post, but it is what’s on my mind. It gives me a headache to ponder the state of the nation. So I’m using this forum as something I’ve always considered blogs to be–a place to discuss topics, vent emotions, and to talk to friends. Do I expect answers? No. Are there solutions? Probably not until  the politicians get their shit together.

But I’m sitting here, with a cup of tea. And I’m telling my friends what’s going on in my life.

To all of my Fanfuckintastic friends:

You have no idea of the emotions I felt reading your responses to yesterday’s post. Your kind words mean the world to me. I don’t intend to post a blow by blow account of what is happening here. I will keep that close until the appropriate time.

When we went to see Dad last night, we were fully expecting to say our goodbyes. Dad had been in heart failure at one point but managed to pull through. With the weakened condition of his ravaged body, we don’t expect that to happen too many more times. When we arrived at the hospital, however, he was sitting up, eating his dinner and knew who we were. But it was clear that all wasn’t well. He thought we were all on vacation in Florida, and that there were spiders in his room. While we were ecstatic to see this, the emotional toll of doing a complete about-face was almost too much for me.

This was when I lost my shit. I damn near collapsed outside of Dad’s room when we were leaving.This was what became too much for Hubs to bear.

My family and I are doing the best we can in this situation. Life goes on as we all know. I did manage to slip away for a minute or two here and there and I did visit a few of you (although I may not have commented.) When I did stop here, I was warmed repeatedly by your encouraging thoughts.

I will be printing up my comment page and carrying it in my pocket. That way all I have to do is to unfold it to receive your virtual hugs. EVERY SINGLE ONE IS APPRECIATED!

All I can say is “Thank you all so very, very much. 

PS: Grant, your comment was such a deviation from the norm that I almost peed my pants! I desperately needed a laugh and you provided one! Thanks! 

I’m searching for steel, and I’m asking my friends to send me a bit.

I need to be strong emotionally for a while. I learned tonight that I may be crushed by what is coming. Hubs actually said the words “Please don’t fail me now. I can’t do this without you.” All I wanted was to be held and comforted myself. I know this will be hard.

Hubs and I are okay. My kids are good too. My father-in-law is now on the roller coaster of ‘good days’ and ‘bad days’. Tonight the ‘bad’ was almost as bad as it can get. Dad has been wonderful to me and I love him so much that my heart may burst. It will hurt when he goes. But I need to be strong for Hubs. He is the oldest son. His best friend is his Dad.

I need strength.

This has been a banner year in the Metalmom household where illness is concerned. Babygirl had mono in the spring, I’ve had allergy related suffering and migraines, and Hubs had strep throat earlier this winter. Not to mention the stomach bug that seemed to get everyone in it’s death-grip.

Friday, Hubs didn’t want to get up for work. This is unusual because he really loves his work.  He came home, at the end of the day, ate dinner and decided that he was just tired. We both went to bed at 9:00 and slept VERY soundly. Saturday, he had a day planned that would include working through dinnertime.

He came home at 1:30 and went to bed…..and woke up at 5:00. I knew something was up. Why didn’t I pay attention? What? No dinner? Just a cup of tea and some peanut butter crackers? If I hadn’t have been distracted by Son1 and his girlfriend and her daughter coming over to spend the night, I might have realized that Hubs went to bed with his jammies and bathrobe on. But NOOOO….I was oblivious.Why worry about the f-word? He had had his shot. I didn’t , but he did so it couldn’t be that! I spent the day disinfecting the doorknobs, remotes, telephones and light switches. Anything that could have germs, I tried to get.

Sunday. He has fever. Chills. Moaning. Fuck.

Sunday I was tired (probably all the tossing and turning Hubs did all night) I was okay though. I hung out with my friends and had a great time. By bedtime my stomach was squishy. Hmm..maybe the beer I drank wasn’t sitting very well. I went to bed.

It wasn’t the beer.

Remember the scene in “Dumb and Dumber” when Jeff Daniels gets diarrhea? The sound of the farts and splatters of explosive diarrhea? Remember how he lifted his ass off of the toilet seat with effort he exerted? Yup.

With all of the flashing red lights and sirens going off, how the fuck did I miss it?

Flu is visiting. It is attacking me now.

I was up very late Friday night. No reason for it other than a restlessness. Son2 was out for the night. He goes bowling and then visits friends. Sometimes he comes home and other times he stays put. Therefore my “mom radar” is running until I hear the key in the door.

This Friday, I finally decided to attempt sleep again. It was 1:15 am. As I began to drift, I heard a noise. Cats fighting? Mating? A scream? The first two are usually the answer. Never the third. Son2 frequently hears animals in pain as there are cats, dogs, foxes, raccoons, and possum in the area. They all do their ‘nature’ deal and he ignores them. I’ve told him before,”What if it were a person?”  He always says he wouldn’t want to get involved because that’s how people get shot or stabbed. (Not in our neighborhood)

This noise got louder and louder.(only seconds had passed) I got up to look out the window and there were words attached to the screams. A man’s (in pain?) and a woman’s (in hysterics?) Finally the woman screamed “SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!” (Did you just get chills? I did. Then and now!) As I ran to the phone to call 9-1-1  a police car pulled up. And another. And another. By the time the arrivals stopped, there were 8 cop cars, a paramedic and an ambulance!

They took a man away in the ambulance. I never saw the woman or her daughter come out of the house and no one went in the ambulance with the man. I never found out what had happened. (If I do before I post this, I will fill you in)

What I wonder is this….What if I had ignored the cries? What if Son2 had come home and ignored them? I have told him before that all he needs to do is make a phone call. It could mean a life. He doesn’t have to look or touch. Just call. He is the type of person who would hang onto that guilt for a very long time. I still don’t understand the position of a person who “doesn’t get involved”. A phone call. Two minutes of your life . What if it were you in trouble? Those could be the longest two minutes you may ever have to endure.

Would you have reached for the phone?

““““““`

As of this posting, there has been no report, on the news or in the paper, and none of the neighbors saw anything that would give any of us a clue. Weird or what??

This is my happy place……

I am thankful for all of my family. I am happy that even though I bitch about having my sons living at home with me, at least they are living AT HOME with me rather than in a tent or barracks somewhere that I cannot reach them to tell them how I much I love them. And I am thankful to all the other mothers and sons and daughters who HAVE made this sacrifice.

As much as I bitch about parents and siblings, I do love every one of them with every beat of my heart. And I feel grief for every one of you who have experienced a loss-particularly those who will spending the first Thanksgiving without someone dear to you.

I am thankful to still have a husband after 27 years. He has stood by me when I was sick, and healthy, and at this point in his life…when he has a teenage daughter AND a wife going through ‘the change’-he has not run screaming for the hills!! I am thankful he is not a drinker, an addict, a gambler, a ‘playah’ nor an abuser. I was lucky to get the cream of the crop.

I am thankful that I have a daughter that any parent would be proud of having. She doesn’t drink, smoke, swear or hang out with skanky people. She gets good grades, holds down a job and has a boyfriend who is also a wonderful person and who respects her and treats her like a princess.

And I am thankful for all of you…My friends….on both sides of my monitor. You have visited on Monday Moanings when you KNOW I will be a bitch. You have offered comfort when I have felt low and you have shared in my happinesses. We have chatted on and off line and some have shared a cup of tea (or coffee) and I can’t wait to meet more of you.

I hope that all of you will remember to appreciate all that you have in front of you and give thanks for the times that you did have with those who are absent this year.

I love you all…….Now go get stuffed!

Thursday-11:00am–I think my iguana is dying. She has been turning her nose up at food. She’s been throwing it around her cage. This is normal when she wants something new. I just haven’t been out to get something different. This morning she’s looking a little dehydrated. I’m giving her water by syringe, but there’s more going on with her that I can’t see. I can’t afford $100 for the vet just to look at her, nor the $175 it will cost for shots that may or may not work.The best I can do is to hold her and love her and make her as comfortable as possible. 

2:00pm–Well, she’s responding a little bit.She looks at me. She struggled a little when I put her in a warm bath.These are consistent with her temperament. However, she has a twitch. Her front legs look like she has a palsy. She isn’t moving them very much. Hubs did fall extermination on the house to protect against critters that try to get out of the cold.We think Baby might have breathed in a bit. There is no treatment for this.

6:30pm–She will die, I’m sure. I have resigned myself to this fact. Whether it happens tonight, tomorrow or over the weekend, I don’t know, but I will be with her, just as I was with Ozzy.(Ozzy died 3 years ago on the 18th…isn’t that weird?)

11:15pm–Dare I hope? As I type this, Baby is snuggling under my sweater. Her once greyish head is now a bright green. She is still a little shaky/twitchy, but she shows strength in her grip when I try to move her. I went to the pet store and picked up a supplement for her water. It helps to put electrolytes back into her system. She seems more alert. For tonight I will sleep on the couch, with her on my chest. If she’s had enough I’m sure she’ll let me know!

I’m so very tired from crying and worry.I haven’t been like this for so very long. I think it was the last time my daughter was sick with mono and there wasn’t much I could do to make her feel better either.

i’m going to sleep now. And I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

I’ve Got Candy! No, not in a happy, gleeful way.

I’ve got candy because LESS THAN 30 kids came to my door. And I am the house that gives away FULL SIZED candy! Hershey bars (with and without almonds) KitKats,Reese’s Cups and M&Ms. Tootsie Rolls, DumDums and Peppermint Patties. They are now sitting on a table in my house.

No monsters came, but a Rock Star did (No, Lorelai, not yours). I got 4 zombies and a washing machine, 3 fairies, a nun, and a butterfly. I saw 3 children under 5. The remainder were kids (not from my neighborhood) who were 12-15 years old.

I know for a fact that there are roughly 10 kids 6 and under. There are also a bunch between 6 and 12 years old! Where were they? I don’t know of any Halloween parties in the area. Nor have I heard of Haunted Houses being open tonight. (They were all open on Saturday and Sunday nights.)

My disappointment is palpable.I think I’ll curl up on the sofa and eat myself into a sugar coma. I’ll let the candles burn down into puddles of wax. I’ll pop “The Devil’s Rejects” into the DVD player and call it a night.

*SOB*