At my nephew Mark’s school, they post the teacher assignments for each grade. Mark has been waiting anxiously for this information. He kept his fingers crossed that it wasn’t Mrs. Warty-face.

He came to my house today beaming from ear to ear.

“Aunt Metalmom!! Guess what! My teacher this year is Miss Vaughn!”

“Gee, Mark, that’s great! You know what they say about Miss Vaughn, don’t you?”

“Yup! “That Veronica Vaughn is one fine piece of ace”.”

(I was going for ’she’s the nicest third grade teacher’ - REALLY!)

 I think we watched “Billy Madison” one time too many this summer.

Every Saturday morning, as I drink my coffee, I catch up on my feeds from the week. There is always something new to make me smile, laugh or think. But imagine my surprise when I saw this:

This honor was bestowed on me by none other than Fantastagirl. She truly gave me the “warm fuzzies”! Thanks Fantastagirl!

And now, it is time for me to pass it on. There is only one rule : Don’t give it to someone who already has received it, that way we can all share the love.

I am giving this to two of my favorite men-Avitable and Karl. Both of these guys have great blogs. But today’s post (written by Avitable and posted at Karl’s) was….umm… well, it was…OMG! Just go over there and check it out. I have never laughed so hard in my life!!

To Loving Annie-She never has a bad thing to say about anyone, and when it comes to blogging, it is a huge deal!

To Jezebel-This is one funny, funny lady! I don’t think she has felt loved or appreciated lately and she needs to know that I like her!

And to Whall-There is nothing sexier than a funny man and he is it. Every time I read his blog or his comments through the bloggerhood, I laugh. Can one man really contain that much humor?

So there you have you have it, cats and kittens. check out those blogs and see why I love them.  **Let me know if you need bleach for your eyes or brain.

*********

In other news, Lisa has been sprung from the hospital just in time for the Bead Expo. YAY!! Just because she’s out, it doesn’t mean that we can slack off with the good mojo! Keep sending it her way! Love ya, Lisa!!

I have a wedding to go to soon. September 5th to be exact. While I am happy for the bride and groom, and the chance to get out with Hubs, I have also been dreading it. Why?

I have to dress “nice”.

I am a jeans and tee shirt girl. I also like sweats. But Metalmom + dresses = hot mess. Usually. I got lucky. This time it won’t be a pitiful sight.

My BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD came through for me.

We had planned on dress shopping today. It was a job I dreaded with every atom in my body. I was prepared for disappointment, anger and depression. Instead, when she picked me up, we stopped back at her house to pick up her daughter. “Hey, why don’t you try on the dress I wore to  my nephew’s wedding?” she asked.  Usually this trick doesn’t work. She likes her dresses long and I like mine short. (Hey, I have great legs! I like to show ‘em off!)  She likes browns, tans, and black. I like reds, blues, and even yellow.  She will cover up as much as possible and I will show it all off. We don’t normally agree.

Well, if you knew her, you’d know that we weren’t going to get out of the house until I humored her and tried it on. So we went to her room. She searched the closet for the black dress (I was only marginally interested. I knew it was sexy, but I didn’t think it would fit me.) Guess what? IT DID!!!!  Not only that, but she pulled out another dress for me to try on for shits and giggles. THAT FIT TOO!!

So now I have two dresses to choose from. Yay!

Plus! Just so we didn’t waste the rest of the afternoon, we went to the mall anyway and I found shoes! And other things to wear with the dress (underwear) I was more than happy because I didn’t have to try everything on for her approval.  She is a girly-girl who likes to shop. She loves to try on and she loves to see what I try on. She will go to a bazillion stores just to see what her options are. Not me. So I was blessed that I didn’t have to shop in eight different stores because I “might find something better in store three or five”. I went into store one, found shoes, bought ‘em and walked out. I went into the next store, found a bra that I liked - in my size!- and again, I walked out.

Done! Just like that!

That kind of shit never happens to me. It may take a month of constant searching for me to find something that I can tolerate putting on let alone wear into the public eye. It is a rare thing to find an entire outfit with the minimum of aggravation. You ladies know what I’m talking about.

She’s coming over tomorrow so that she can see the whole shebang. You know, the dress, the shoes, the foundations…. I’ll put them on. Not to humor her this time. This time I’ll try them on like a fashion show so that she can help me choose. Maybe I’ll let her take pictures and I’ll let you guys help me too.

Hmmm…there’s an ideer!

On Monday, August 18, at 12:01 am, an event of epic proportions will commence.

No….not the Summer Olympics. That was last week.

No….not the X-Games.That was the beginning of the month.

Miss Britt and Karl will be quitting…..not blogging!! SMOKING!! Yep, you heard me! Some of you out there will be joining them in this endeavor. And y’know what I have to say about that?

 FUCK YEAH!!!  YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!  YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

I am a former smoker. And I know it takes a lot of hard work. My Hubs still smokes, that assho–well, this isn’t about him.

It’s about all those who will soon be turning into edgy, bitchy, nasty animals. Nicotine withdrawal is horrible. So bear with them when their posts get nasty. Stand by them when they twitter about how much they want a  smoke in their mouth. And don’t give up on them when their only response to your encouraging comments is “BITE ME!”.

** Seriously, can anyone imagine what it will be like to talk to

Britt and not hear the deep, lung-exploding

inhale???   Me neither! I can hardly wait!!

Really, everyone who is quitting is deserving of my respect. I hope it isn’t too stressful for you. I wish all of you success.

Oh, and if you do succeed?…….I will stick my tongue down your throat, allow you to video it and put it on your blog.  Now go forth and smoke no more!

Vacation……What can I say? I relaxed. And I umm……..well, I relaxed, there’s that. Let me ’splain:

We left for the shore with a trunk packed to the tippy top. (Babygirl and her friend K supposedly packed frugally…HAH!) Guess what I saw along the way? Nine raccoons sleeping along the side of the road (actually two were sleeping in the center of the road…..How’d they do that?) I saw one deer basking in the sun with its ears touching the center of his back (limber devil!) And as we drove along, a rafter of wild turkeys crossed the road in front of us. (Yes, the term is ‘rafter’–I looked it up) Luckily no one was behind us and we could slow down. Those bastards took their damn sweet time!

We checked in just in time for a horrendous storm. Lightning struck the lightning rod on the motel across the street from us. I ran into the bathroom covering my ears because the resulting clap of thunder scared the shit out of me. (Note: I did not say “bejeebers”. I seriously meant “shit“!) After the rain stopped, we took a walk but still kept it an early night.

The next morning we awoke to FOG. Dense, I-can’t-see-across-the-street fog. It took forever to burn off.  The fog returned every day to shroud the beach at least until 11am. We went to the beach where we sat and read and listened to music. And then we went back to the motel for a dip in the pool, a shower, a nap and then dinner. Repeat that for the next few days and that’s pretty much what we did.

Throw in walks along the Boardwalk, bike rides from one end of the island to the other, and a game of mini-golf. My tan is magnificent, and I am so relaxed. I can’t remember the last time I felt so stress-free.

Son2 came home to have his nose set on Wednesday. He returned to work on Thursday. I wished he had stayed for the rest of the week.

I didn’t cook. I didn’t do laundry (even though there were laundry facilities) Hubs said I should but I claimed that I couldn’t find the laundry room. I suppose I could have followed the scent of fabric softener, but who needs that?

Sunrise-the day we left.

I missed my puppy terribly. I was lucky that I didn’t have to send him to a kennel. My friend Lostmahead kept him at her house where he had a boo-boo once or twice, never bit her kids, and was called “well-behaved” by her husband (who I suspect was not thrilled by their visitor)

Now I’m home. You people sure were busy, so there is much to catch up on. I’m getting crampy fingers, so I’ll stop here and start reading!

Hi, you’ve reached Metalmom! I can’t come to the blog right now. I am currently on vacation for the week! The key is under the mat, beer’s in the fridge, and alcohol is hidden everywhere. I’d appreciate it if you mow the lawn and DON’T get busted for noise violations if you have a barbecue! Keep the girls and the drinkers legal, and no pooping in the sinks like last year!! BEEP……..

Today was a super day. Bright sunshine, low humidity, decent temperature–a perfect day to be outdoors.

I took the kids to the library where we loaded up on stories for quiet time. Then we crossed the street to the “educational” toy store. They should call this the “Expensive-crap-no-kid-wants-to-play-with-more-than-once Store”.  $13.00  for a game of dominos?? Just because the pieces curve? A pot-holder weaver for fifteen dollars?? Gimme a break! Those things are only 4.00 at the local craft store!

Anyhoo…We got ROCKET BALLOONS!!* These things are the shit! We loved this toy. They are annoyingly loud and fly pretty damn high and far. We just have to be really careful to aim it away from the street (don’t wanna cause an accident!) and away from the house (I now have six trapped up on the roof) and away from the holly bushes (because they will immediately pop) and away from the trees (because now I have three hanging from the branches -unpopped, but unreachable    )

We shot these things everywhere and laughed and had so much fun. I was the one who was disappointed when it was time for the mom to show up!

Will I ever grow up? Prolly not! This was a great day!

*This is not a paid endorsement-but it really should be!

Hubs and I took a ride on Saturday. This was our annual “Ride to the shore to find a place for our vacation” This is something that just the two of us do.  We never share this with our kids. We have always gotten babysitters for them. Now that they are older, we just leave. Maybe we will stay overnight, or maybe we’ll come back that  evening.

We drive along in companionable silence. We’ve been together for almost 28 years, so we don’t always need to talk. We can still look at roadkill and suddenly crack up laughing because we thought the  same thing. “That’s a strange place for a raccoon to take a nap.”

We are trapped. If there is something major that needs discussion, this is the time to do it. No one can walk away. No one can slam a door. No one will walk into the room to disturb us.

We are trapped. After only 20 minutes of driving, we lose the major radio stations. It is either silence or CDs. Sometimes we choose CDs. Normally there is a heated debate about which CDs will join us for the ride. It is something that we both need to agree on or else we don’t  bring it.  Saturday, we left quickly, so there was no debate. I grabbed the CD case, added a few Hub’s newer CDs and we ran.

We were trapped. I listened to the oldies. We drove along with Roy Orbison, Del Shannon, and Percy Faith. We were serenaded by Little Eva, Martha and the Vandellas, and the Supremes. I didn’t get annoyed or want to tear out my hair.

We were trapped. Hubs listened to Rammstein, Megadeth and Violent Femmes. He didn’t complain. He didn’t tell me to turn it down. I noticed that his fingers tapped the steering wheel in time to the music.

It is interesting the things that you can learn about another person when you are trapped together. Even after nearly 28 years, we are learning about each other. It took this long for us to actually enjoy the other’s taste in music. We talked about what he enjoys about running the business. We talked about what I like about blogging. Yes, we talked about you. He asked what draws me to your writing. He was interested.

We were trapped, yet not trying to escape.

I’m getting old. We all are, and this is not news. It’s just that I really feel it today.

Yesterday, George Carlin’s death was all over the place, on the news, on my yahoo feeds, and  in several blogs-even my own. I grew up with him as many of you did. Thinking of him brought up several great memories for me. I listened to his albums with my Dad as a kid. Yes….I said as a kid. Where did the time go?

Today, I received an invitation to a wedding shower. Son2’s friend is getting married soon and this is a shower for the bride-to-be. I remember this boy’s first grade class picture. I remember him skinning his knees playing with my son. Now he’s getting married. He already has a two year old daughter. Where did the time go?

This guy is not the first of either of my sons’ friends to have a child or to get married. But since my sons are friends with the same group of kids since childhood, many of those who married are twenty-five to thirty years old. This particular friend is one of the younger group. The group who is 23 years old…the age of Son2.

Twenty-three. When I was twenty-three, I had two little boys. When I was twenty-three, I still lived in an apartment. At twenty-three, it was a huge deal to go out without the kids.

Twenty-three was half my life ago. Where did the time go?

Someday soon, my own boys will be the ones getting married. Babygirl will be out of high school and moving on to college in two years. Maybe I’ll even be a grandmom. Where did the time go?

I’m getting old…….

We have a full day planned. First we will have fun with Brownies.

NOT THOSE! These:

And then we’re gonna do this:

And then….

Have a great weekend and I’ll catch up with you all later!