Wednesday July 25th 2012, 4:16 PM
Filed under: happy,ineptitude,laughs,owies

Splits Are For Kids

What a great day.

I had a migraine last night. Rather than fight it, I took a tylenolPM, put on my jammies and crawled into bed at 8pm. Tuesday ended while I slept and I awoke to a beautiful Wednesday twelve hours later. Hot coffee and quiet time. Laundry running and Style network full of my guilty pleasures-How Do I Look?, Jerseylicious, and Supernanny. Just before I wanted to get in the shower, Babygirl wanted to go for a walk, so we leashed up the doggies and took a nice walk to Dunkin’ Donuts. I came home a bit sweaty and started dinner.

I had wanted to make beef stew in the crock pot, but since it was already afternoon, I figured I’d make it on the stovetop. I simply wanted to cook the carrots a little before adding everything else. And so, they merrily simmered….and simmered. Hubs came home early and we had a brief conversation. Babygirl was leaving for a baseball game and work and I said goodbye. I prepared to get into the shower…..again. Then I remembered the carrots.

The water had boiled away and the carrots were now fried. Hubs was still in the office and didn’t notice. I got rid of the burnt ones and cut up new ones. It was no big deal. I stalled until they boiled and then shut them off.  Now I had nothing to worry about.

I got into the shower and just enjoyed it. I stayed under the spray longer than usual, shaving my legs and feeling the heat on my back. It was glorious!

Cleaned and refreshed, I went into the kitchen to finally finish the stew. Onions, beef, potatoes all went into the pot. It smelled great already. Hubs and I sat in the living room to relax for a bit.

Before I knew it, my boys came in the door. Son2 was running right out to the MLS All-Star Game. But Son1 was here too. Apparently he was looking for jumper cables because the work truck seemed to be slowing down. Hubs went looking down the basement for the cables only to find…..

The basement had flooded.

Due to the roots in the line from trees and bushes, we have the plumber come out every now and then to clear the line. It’s that time again. Any laundry that had been sorted and waiting washing, was now soaking in two inches of water. The laundry I ran this morning? Yeah, that water. The long shower I took? That water too. The shower that Son1 was currently taking? Yup, that water too. Oh yeah, I think one or two of us may have used the toilet today too.

Hubs plunged out the line as best he could. It began draining again. The sump pump kicked on and sucked the water down. The dehumidifier came on to do its job. All I had to do was sweep some of the water toward the floor drain. I rolled up my pants and began.

Slowly, but surely, the water went away. I stepped backwards to push a pile of whites away from the flow of water and my foot began to slide….

I tried to brace myself with the broom…and continued to slide…

OMG! I’m falling into a split!!!!!

I started to laugh at the absurdity. I couldn’t stop. Instead of taking the hurt, I fell backward on my ass and kept right on laughing.

Now, with my ass soaked to the skin, I got up, went upstairs and changed. Before heading back to the basement, I noticed how yummy it smelled. My stomach growled and I realized that I hadn’t eaten today. Mmm….stew….

The basement finally clean, clothes running once more in the washer, Son2 gone to the game and Son1 on his way home, I went to check my stew.

I had been distracted for too long. The stew had dried and begun to burn.

The wonderful smell of stew lingered tantalizingly. The potatoes? Overboiled and mushy. The beef? Somewhat seared. Carrots? Brown.

I sighed deeply. Hubs scooped some stew up and began to eat it. “If I don’t like it, I’ll just throw it out.” he said. Just like that. And eat it, he did. Was he simply too tired and hungry to care? I think so.

I reached into the cabinet for my own dish, and noticed a pain. I turned and almost stepped on my dog. I noticed another pain. After a once over of all my body parts, I discovered a swollen and jammed thumb, slightly tweaked back, shoulder pain and a possibly bruised butt.

I still need to go food shopping tonight. I hope I manage to get it done before the worst of the aches start!  In spite of it all, without sarcasm, I can still say,

What a great day.


Thursday May 17th 2012, 11:34 PM
Filed under: family,Grandmother,happy,ineptitude,lessons,love

Smiles and Tears

Again I have lapsed, my friends. My life is very busy. I have lots to do and have rediscovered the joy of reading in a quiet house. I haven’t actually watched a movie in quite some time and even most of my nighttime shows are caught in a random hour here and there.

My days are spent with Logan, mostly at his house. This isn’t an excuse. Why? Because I am offering no excuses. This is more of an explanation of my happiness. The child truly is sunshine. He rarely cries-even while teething! So far, we have two bottom teeth, accompanied by lots of chewing and drool. He has now started baby food and so far, it seems that squash is a favorite.

Carrots are definitely not a favorite.

We play, we laugh, and oh, my do I smile!  I recently realized just how much I smile when I was getting ready to go out. I was putting on eyeliner and as I looked into the soul-sucking   magnifying mirror, I noticed fine lines at crease of my eyes. I always had a few, but these are deeper. Know what? I am not freaked out by them. On the contrary, I am embracing them. They are my badge of grandmotherhood.

Logan has also learned to crawl. This happened two weeks ago. This week, he is pulling himself up….on the steps, on the coffee table, the couch, the dogs…you name it, he is the Edmund Hillary of the house.

And as long as I am telling you all of this, I may as well jump in and tell you what happened today.

Babygirl is home for the summer and her new roommate drove an hour today to hang out and have dinner with her. Just in case they were eating here, I made meatballs and sausage for sandwiches. Logan settled in for his nap and Babygirl went upstairs to get her shower. I sat right beside Logan on the couch. Normally we snuggle up together on the couch or on the floor. Sometimes I can get him to sleep in his car seat. Today, though, I was sitting beside him. He slept for an hour before I remembered that the meatballs were still in the oven. I could smell that they were done or needed to be turned. Either way, they needed attention. Since Logan still had about half an hour in his usual nap time, I jumped from the couch and ran to the kitchen. I opened the oven, stirred the meat around and was ready to close it up and return when I heard the thud.

He rolled off the couch.

I never leave that child alone! I toss him into the pack-n-play, the car seat, the floor….but never on the couch. The one time I did….for only 30 seconds….

He cried then. Oh, yes, he did. He looked at me bewildered by this new sensation of pain. I cradled him in my arms and kissed him, tasting his tears on my lips. My heart was pounding. I couldn’t take it away for him. I cried as he cried. And after all the boogers were wiped from his nose, he smiled. He hugged me and snuggled up. We looked out the front door at the cars passing by. When there was lull in the cars he looked at me and I saw it….

… egg on his forehead.

I cried a little more as I tried to hold an ice pack to his head. He cried a little more as he tried to avoid it.

Then his dad came home early.  (Of course!)  I could tell he wanted to yell at me. He knew it was an accident. But he also knew that he was the one who would have to tell Shenanigans.  I felt even worse, knowing that she would freak out about it.  He packed up Logan’s stuff and ran out to pick up Shenanigans at work. I cried a little more in the bathroom, rinsed off my face and finished dinner. I found it very hard to feed myself.

I talked to Son1 tonight. Shenanigans was a little upset, but as he said, she will get over it. Logan comes back tomorrow, and I will admit that I feel a little nervous. After all these years of caring for kids, Logan isn’t the first one to roll off the couch. He isn’t the first to get a goose egg. I’m sure he won’t be the last. But the fact that this is his first lump, his first real bruise…..and it happened at my house…it rattled me.

Tomorrow I’ll get back on that horse again, and laugh and sing and play……

And nap on the floor, right beside him.

Monday February 27th 2012, 12:14 PM
Filed under: ineptitude,lessons,questions

Nowhere To Gift

I want to clean my basement. It is piled high in a 7×7′ area with Christmas decorations and 5×5′ with Halloween decorations. There are bins of  seasonal clothes, sheets and drapes, and books. Hubs has one half of the basement, where he keeps surplus work supplies like wire, tools, our AC units, etc. All of these things will stay, perhaps thinned out, but still here.

As I looked around, I saw other things. Kitchen items that I saved for Son1. He didn’t need them, but when I tried to get rid of them, Son2 protested with the argument that he or Babygirl would need them.  Other kitchen items are mine, too big for storage in my tiny kitchen.

But there are still more than a few boxes and bins. These are mine and I want everything in them.

Over the 31 years of being married, I have received some awesome gifts. I have quite a few items of Native American pottery and kachina dolls. They used to be displayed on our entertainment center, but when we got our flatscreen attached to the wall, they were packed away. Right now, my brother is displaying his own collection of pottery and I am jealous. I am also very fond of snow globes. I have several, some for certain holidays and some for every day. Still…..nowhere to display them.

And pictures! Don’t get me started on the thousands of pictures of family and friends that I have. I have lots of wall space, but since this is a rental home, I hesitate to put up shelves or hang frames. I had finally gotten two printer’s box shelves filled with a teeny glass menagerie but it was removed to make room for the tv.

Every day I watch the home makeover shows that tell me to display the things that I love. But where? How? I told Hub’s that I would like a curio cabinet for Christmas. I don’t know where it would fit, but I’d sure as hell try.

What do you do with gifts that you absolutely love? Is your home cluttered with things all over like a mishmash? Or are you artistic, clever, and have an eye for decor? I need help! I’m like a dancer with no rhythm. I have the tools, just no clue as to pull them together.


Tuesday September 06th 2011, 11:08 AM
Filed under: business,ineptitude,other shit

Git’er Done

I need to do a couple of things to do today. Nothing big. Basically, I need to shop for a dentist that takes our insurance, send some info to Babygirl, and pay a few bills. Sounds easy right?

In order to do all of these things, I made sure I cleaned up newspapers from the weekend, did a load of laundry, washed dishes, clipped coupons, cleaned the bathroom and fed the dogs.

I guess I ought to shower, as I am smelling a bit ripe.

And maybe eat lunch.

And switch out the laundry.

And figure out dinner.

And make the bed.

And I hope I get those trivial things done before Hubs gets home…..

Friday August 19th 2011, 12:27 PM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,Budget/Spending,ineptitude,travel

Don’t Go There! NEVER Go There!

I have been dying to do this post but having thrown out my back immediately upon my return home from vacation, I was to disconnected to do so.


We got to the shore on Wednesday and it was Babygirl’s BF’s birthday. I was excited because this was his 20th and he was with us for vacation. In June, Hubs and I had gone to a restaurant and the food was indescribable. I was excited to go back and share this with the kids because BF will eat anything and Hubs and Babygirl were ready for the great steaks and superb mashed potatoes.

We went to LUNA. (Oh yes, there is the name) It is a few blocks off the beaten path and it is a restaurant with an adjoining club that has live music and dancing.  I felt like it was a well kept secret.

I was wrong. Apparently we were the ones not in the loop.

We got there and ordered drinks and appetizers. My drink was fabulous and the salads were incredible. However, when Hubs and Babygirl ordered their steaks and mashed potatoes, we were told there were no mashed potatoes. Strike one.

And so, as we waited, we took the time to notice the other diners. A table of eight twenty-somethings drinking beer. A family of six behind us with a two year old that was getting itchy. Another family of about ten. The place had full tables.  The wait staff was hopping, filling glasses, taking orders, refilling drinks. Hubs had three drinks and turned to me. “These drinks are really weak.” Strike two.

The family with the two year old left. We chalked it up to the kid becoming hard to handle. The twenty-somethings left. We figured that they had eaten already and were just done drinking in this particular place. Another couple came in and ordered salads. And still we sat waiting. The waiter (who barely spoke English) came over and told us that he was sorry about the wait. He refilled our glasses and we waited. By this point we had been there for nearly 45 minutes. They make all their meals fresh so we thought this would be considered normal. Strike three.

Before we knew it, we were noticing that the wait staff was saying the same thing to all the other tables. (Sorry about the wait. Your order is almost ready) Finally it was just us and another table. The couple finished their salads and left. The hostess was running in and out of the kitchen. It was obvious that she was upset about something. The wait staff looked at each other as if they had no idea how to proceed. Hubs was on his fifth drink and still unfazed. Strike four.

We joined in the exodus, asking for our bill and leaving.

As we were leaving, another group was outside deciding on whether or not to eat there. Babygirl turned to one girl and said “No. Just walk away and eat somewhere else.”

I can’t tell you how disappointed I was in LUNA. It is a very intimate type of place. The food is incredibly good. It isn’t very expensive. Some of the food is not the run-of-mill Italian fare. I had been psyched to share this place with Babygirl and BF. So much for a birthday celebration. By the time we left, it was nearly 9pm. We walked to another favorite restaurant and ate dinner in a mostly empty room….not exactly festive.

Two nights later, Hubs and I were in a taxi discussing with the driver our plans for dinner. He suggested a few places and Hubs asked his opinion of LUNA.  “Oh God! Don’t go there!! They must have the most brilliant PR because it looks like a great place. Too bad they have one of the worst management in Wildwood!”

Before he said that, Hubs and I were actually considering that it may have been a fluke…the chef was sick or fired or quit mid-shift. To hear that opinion spoken so vehemently stated by the driver….. Well, it seems that the one dinner that Hubs and I enjoyed was actually an anomaly.

Want to eat somewhere good in Wildwood NJ? Ask a cabbie.

Tuesday August 02nd 2011, 12:44 PM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,Budget/Spending,business,fantasy,ineptitude,lessons,questions

My Opinion on Spending

Does anyone remember the news reports a few years ago about how the government spends its money? You know, $450 for a $45 hammer?  $75 for a single nail? Has anything been done about that?

With all the talk about balancing the budget and making cuts, I began to think. Just like my doctor gave me little baby steps to lose weight in a manner that wouldn’t hurt, why can’t the government do the same? I mean, I know that when you are talking about the word ‘trillions’ or even ‘billions’ , the cost of a hammer or nail is a drop in the bucket. But let me put it like this:

A man works at Home Depot (or Lowes or Ace Hardware). Business is down, and in order to save their business they let the man go. Now there is no income for the man to feed his four kids. Now they are forced onto welfare and of course the government is cutting all kinds of programs so he still can’t make ends meet. His kids get ill from poor nutrition, they lose their home, and the downward spiral doesn’t end.

Now, if the government would pay $45 for that hammer -say at a Home Depot – that frees up $405. More money spent in Home Depot, man keeps his job, pays for his insurance to take care of the kid, keeps his house, etc.

I’m sure there are flaws in my logic. I am not an accountant or financial adviser. But I am a housewife. When the bills get too high,  I make changes. I shop for the best prices. If I can get that hammer somewhere else, I damn well won’t spend $450 for it!  If I need to meet someone for lunch to talk business, I will go to say, Applebee’s , rather than a four star restaurant…because I don’t have the money for it!

This is just a little step. But if every sector of government did little things, took baby steps, in the end it would add up. I am not talking about program cuts, I am talking about the wasteful spending. Little steps among every congressman and representative could add up to millions if not billions. If they started there, I think that the American public would feel alot differently about the goings-on in Washington. Maybe if we all demanded an itemized spending list from each of our officials and said NO to what we feel is unexcusable, then maybe, just maybe, things could work out.

That’s just my opinion.

Wednesday July 13th 2011, 4:19 PM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,computers,ineptitude

Screwed the Pooch

I fucked up. Yeah, again, so shut up.

I have Black Tie protection on my laptop. Or I should say that I had it. It expired in December. However, I got a renewal notice in the mail a couple of months ago and since I always renew, I went online and renewed it. Or I should say that I thought I renewed it. I am having a problem with my USB ports and took the laptop to Best Buy to have it serviced. My charger is also beat so I wanted that replaced also. Imagine my surprise when they told me that I had no coverage! “But you guys have my money!”  The ‘geek’ went online and said that I have no coverage but my daughter did.

Um…what? We never got the service for my daughter because the techs at her college would cover her problems for free, plus if they looked at it once, it would nullify the Black Tie protection anyway. So ‘geek’ told me to call customer service and sort it out.

I called yesterday and I was told that since my coverage was expired since December, I can’t transfer the coverage. Okay. I can deal with that. It pisses me off, but I understand. I just want my money back. When I ordered the protection plan, it was credited to my daughter’s laptop. I was given a  number and told to go online and explain it in an email.

Today, I went online and couldn’t find the place where I was supposed to do this. And so, I called their number once more. Now they want my daughter’s receipt for her laptop. They want info on my daughter’s computer. Why? I don’t understand why this is so difficult. Now, I don’t have to send an email. Now I have to write a letter of intent (to cancel the coverage) I have to explain all of this in writing and include the receipt for kid’s laptop, four part numbers and other shit.

Hoops, people. Fucking hoops. I don’t have the patience for this shit.

The harder I tried to explain to these folks, the harder it seemed to get. The guy kept interrupting me and trying to interpret what I was saying before I finished my explanation. Did he understand me? I couldn’t tell you. But I kept getting more and more confused. We were both speaking English and yet I felt like I was speaking gibberish!

My head hurts really bad now. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

Saturday June 25th 2011, 4:07 PM
Filed under: ineptitude,miscellaneous

Boredom Not Wanted Here.

Boredom has butted it’s big head where it isn’t wanted.

The house is clean. I have nose prints on my front window and dog ‘eye boogers’ on the inside of the drapes where the boys push them aside to look outside. I could wash them but it is a bigger job than I care to under take at 5pm on a Saturday. I have things that need dusting in the den, but again, its a big job.

Son2 and his girl have gone off to the Union game. It’s a beautiful evening and they will be tailgating and enjoying the excitement that comes with any sporting event.

Babygirl has left for work. She won’t be here until my bedtime. Sometimes she simply goes from work to her boyfriend’s house and I’ll see her in the morning.

Hubs is content to watch tv for hours on end, only to break things up by snacking, smoking or taking the dogs out front to play while he smokes.

Me? This is it. I’m not in the mood to read. No one seems to be hanging out online. My friends are busy running their kids to softball, birthday parties, or doing their own chores and hanging with their own families.

Days like these make me crazy. I have walked on the treadmill, cleaned the house and done laundry. The dogs don’t want to go outside with me. I called my mom but she has company and can’t stay on the phone.

What do people do when they hit this wall? If I drove, I might do some window shopping myself. But still, I’ve never been one to enjoy shopping even when I do have money to spend.


My mind even goes blank when I try to think of anything.

Boredom is not my friend.

Thursday June 23rd 2011, 1:26 PM
Filed under: doctors,ineptitude,weight

The Gauntlet Is Thrown

I have  a new doctor. Actually it is a practice of four and I can choose to stick with one or see whoever is on call. I am sticking with Dr R.

I went to see him in February and he treated me for a sinus infection that I didn’t even know I had. He told me to have some blood work done for my thyroid and liver and come back in a few months. Well, the blood work that should have been done in March was just accomplished two days ago. Since Babygirl needed a physical, I went in too.

First, he scolded me for waiting. I should know better! I’m a grown-ass woman after all! And he told me exactly WHY I need the blood work. Well, I knew why I needed it, I just didn’t know what would happen without it. (Medications could be ‘too much’ or ‘too little’) Now I could scold myself and I did-internally.

Then, he said “You need to lose 20 pounds”

I know this. I have tried, albeit half-heartedly, for a while. I exercise for a few days, start aching and quit. Or the weather is too hot, too cold, too wet, too whatever and I quit. Or I get busy with projects and I skip a day or two or three and I quit. My old doctor used to tell me I needed to ‘exercise more’  or that I needed to ‘watch my diet’.  Those are vague things to me. But being told “You need to lose 20 pounds” is pretty specific. I found myself listening. Not hearing….but LISTENING. I am of  ‘a certain age’. I am ‘post menopausal’. My body is different now. I ‘need to act now.’

“Walk 15 minutes in any direction and then turn around and go home. You can do that, can’t you?”

Well, yes, but….

“You have two dogs to walk. You don’t have to run or power walk. Just walk. Doable?”


“You need to cut the carbs – not OUT of your diet, just cut back. Instead of a sandwich with two sides, eat one with an open face. Stick with a baked potato. You don’t need butter or sour cream. Try salsa, or some broccoli and a little bit of cheese. Enjoy an egg or two a week for breakfast. Just skip the sausage or bacon or switch to turkey. You can do that can’t you?”

Um, yeah…..

“Okay then. I’ll see you in a couple of months.”

I walked out of the office feeling like an ass. I have never been given such tiny little things to work on. I am a douche if I can’t manage those tiny little changes. Whenever I left the old doc’s office, I would leave crestfallen at the thought of ‘exercise’. He would suggest joining a gym or pool to do ‘workouts’. They were never an option for me. Dr R never mentioned either to me. He didn’t give me a ‘low fat’,  ‘no carb’, or ‘diet regimen’. Just a few changes that were within the realm of possibility without buying special foods that were separate from what I would buy my whole family.

Now I feel like I have been dared. As if he has said “I DARE YOU TO COME BACK HERE WITHOUT AT LEAST TWO POUNDS GONE.”  The gauntlet has been thrown.

No one dares me, motherfucker.

Thursday June 16th 2011, 11:33 AM
Filed under: computers,Hubs,ineptitude,kids,other shit,questions,weather

New Vintage

I want to say a few things so here we go with a new vintage of whine…

The charger to my laptop has given up the ghost. I am hoping that the cost to replace it is covered under my insurance with Best Buy. Now I know that more than a few of my friends have issues with them, but I have always gotten good results-once I get past the long wait in line or the time it takes to get my stuff back. Lucky for me, the charger that Babygirl uses also works on my laptop, so I will use that, for now, but will also cut back  on my use. What will I do with myself?

The weather has been great and I really want to take down my curtains and wash them or sort through boxes in the basement. I wanted to wait until Babygirl was home from college to help me but to tell you the truth part of me wants to see her relax or earn money for school. Part of me is afraid of hurting my back and the biggest part of me is lazy.

I’m going to the shore with Hubs this weekend. His high school is having a gathering near where we vacation and so we will drop in there. We have taken overnight trips here or there. Most are only that-overnight-but a few have been two. This one is Friday to Monday. FOUR DAYS! I am so excited to be away from our computers, cell phones and cable tv. I used to worry about my kids when I went away, but now I worry that the dogs won’t poop for them. (Bandit avoids it) Now I’ll worry that Mordecai will eat all of Bandit’s food when he’s not looking. Damn ‘kids’……

Started shopping for my future grandSON. He already has some Philadelphia Union gear.(YAY) I am also looking at shower gifts. When did kid stuff get to be so fucking expensive? It’s a racket. The gear for humans that will barely have time to wear/use/fit in is atrociously costly. $500 and up for a crib? $300+ for a car seat that they will use for little more than a year? Holy shit!

And so, that is my wildly exciting life. What have you been up to?