Friday June 10th 2011, 9:54 AM
Filed under: business,Hubs,ineptitude,lessons,mail,Uncategorized

Lick It

Summer isn’t even official yet and already I am dealing with frizzy hair (from the humidity), underboob sweat (from the humidity) and lack of momentum ( from the humidity).

I have planted flowers in my garden. I have trained the dogs not to bark at every damned thing. I’ve done lunch with some friends and breakfast with another.

I have also fucked up.

Babygirl needed to pay $22 for a hole in her dorm screen – which wasn’t her fault and which was reported for repair repeatedly. I know we could have fought it, but it was worth the money to make it just go away. And so I wrote the check, dutifully put it into an envelope and stamped it. Hubs took it to the post office.

Yesterday, Babygirl got an email stating that they got a copy of the work order in the unsealed envelope with no check.

I have been wracking my brain trying to remember if I sealed the envelope. No, this isn’t something that I automatically do. I gag something awful if I have to lick an envelope. I know that I could have dampened a sponge or napkin to do it. I’m fucking lazy. Sue me.  Normally, I hand it to Hubs and say “It’s ready to go, just seal it”  Normally, Hubs double checks to see if it needs sealing. Did we both fuck up? It’s possible. So we aren’t placing blame, although I have a sinking feeling it was me.

I called the bank, mainly to put a “stop check”, but was informed that I need to close the account and reopen another and start all over.

Fuck my life.

Due to the glorious advances of modern technology, it is super-duper easy to print checks using a laser printer. They have my address which was printed on the check.  They have my signature, because I signed the check. So, sometime today, I need to go to the bank – with Hubs – to do this shit. We will get a new account, new checks, and new ATM cards. I’m sure there will be new charges for this.

All because someone didn’t lick it.

Monday May 30th 2011, 11:14 PM
Filed under: ineptitude,pets

Dog Daze

Canine Capers

Click the link. I don’t know why I can’t embed the video.

Wednesday March 30th 2011, 10:54 AM
Filed under: business,fashion,Hubs,ineptitude,questions

Hopes and Fears

One of the responsibilities of having our own business is dealing directly with our customers. Hubs does this daily when he discusses the work they want done, when he goes over blueprints, and when he does the actual work in their offices, stores, and most importantly, in their homes. There have been so very many times when we have helped build a store, wired in the offices and then helped the owners build and wire their own homes. Relationships are built and this leads to word-of-mouth advertising and reputation-building. These things are priceless.

I hope I can be professional enough……

I, on the other hand, have become the voice of our company. I am the first voice they hear when they contact us. They tell me what they want, when they need it and depend on me to get that information to Hubs. I deal with the secretaries and wives frequently over the years, but still….we aren’t friends and we don’t really know each other.

I hope I can remember to watch my language……

On Saturday night, we are going to a dinner party being held by a client to celebrate the completion of their new home. Everyone-from contractors, carpenters, plumbers, painters, etc- has been invited. Hubs knows these people., some of them for years. I know no one.

I hope I don’t embarrass Hubs….

I try to avoid these things as much as possible. For one thing, these people are all strangers to me. For another, many of them are soccer moms. My kids are all grown. They discuss day care, camps, dance class and tutors. They get their nails done and hair highlighted and go for massages. Me? I took off my “Union blue” nail polish this morning and now I am looking at blue cuticles that I hope will fade by the weekend. I have to go shopping for a pair of dress slacks (HATE THAT SHIT!!!) and pray that I find some!

I hope I don’t spill my food or drink on myself…….

I am not looking forward to this. It is only Wednesday and I am already feeling the fear. Of  what? I’m not sure. Will I have something to contribute to the conversations? Will I have anything in common with these women? If this hostess does a seating chart (yes they do stuff like that) will I sit near enough to my husband? I don’t hover or stick like glue to him, but I like that I can casually touch his sleeve in passing to feel a little more grounded.

I hope my breath don’t stink……

I didn’t even feel this level of angst when I was meeting all of my blogger friends for the first time.

I hope I don’t accidently fart…….

Tuesday January 04th 2011, 2:30 PM
Filed under: Anger,fashion,ineptitude,other shit

The Trouble With Tribbles

If you buy a chick a new bedroom suite, it includes a new bed. If you buy a chick a new (bigger) bed, you have to buy her a new mattress. And if there is a new mattress, you need to buy the chick new sheets.

I bought some new flannel sheets for our new bed and since the bedroom set was our Christmas gift to each other, I made sure to wrap the sheets and put them under the tree. I was excited about these sheets, because the weather suddenly got very cold and the new sheets were flannel and they were also a very sexy solid black.

The week between Christmas and New Year, I was hit by a horrible virus. I was too weak to change the sheets. Every night, Hubs asked when the new ones would go onto the bed. Every night I bitched back “Whenever YOU get around to changing them!  *you selfish bastard!*”  (Now, I didn’t say the last part, but I sure as hell thought about it!)  The truth is, I was afraid that I would fart in my sleep and shit all over my new sheets.

Finally, the day came that I felt better. I opened the sheets to wash them, and Hubs convinced me to forget about that. They were already very soft. They didn’t have that scratchy ‘new sheet’ feel. And so, since they only had a very slight manufactured smell, we put them on the bed.

The next day, my pajamas were covered in tribbles…, fuzzy balls of fluff too large to be considered lint. As I walked to the kitchen to let the dog out during the night, I had tracked them through the house. When I tinkled in the dark, I had tracked them through the hallway. They were everywhere. Now, I had done absolutely nothing while I was sick, and the laundry had piled up disgustingly. I had to wait one more day to wash those sheets.

Lint-everywhere-there were more pictures just like this……..several….just like this….. 

This morning I woke up and repeated the trail of tribbles. It is doubly gross because I am taking down the holiday decorations. There is no point vacuuming yet, because I am leaving pine needles, glitter, cookie crumbs and such on the floor as well as the tribbles. My house looks like shit.

I took the sheets off the bed and put them into the wash. I was a wee bit concerned because the previous load of laundry was white towels and socks. While the machine was running, I took pictures of my floors. I wish I had taken a shot of my comb before my shower. It had fluff in the teeth- I kid you not.  Bandit had fluff interspersed through his white fur. It looked like he was crawling with bugs.

The more I tried to sweep, the more it swirled away from the broom…..

When the washer finished, I took out the sheets and gave them a quick shake before putting them into the dryer. A flurry of black snow gently fell around me, landing on my clothes, my face, my head. It was all over the floor. The photo doesn’t do it justice.  I was seething with frustration as I realized that I had to clean it all up.

This was all over the sides of my washer drum!

The more I tried to clean, the more I seemed to find. I remembered the episode of Star Trek in which the tribbles began to take over the Enterprise. Tears threatened. I took a deep breath and I put them into the dryer and hoped that the filter would take care of the offensive tribbles.

This shit is the consistency of foam….actual pillow foam…..NO SHIT!

Well, the dryer worked. It removed 99.9% of the lint. The filter was full. I emptied it and ran it a bit longer. This finally did it.  Now they’ve been returned to the bed and they are soft and sweet smelling and comfy and cozy. My floors have been vacuumed and my pjs have been cleaned too. So far-so good. I’m sure when I wash them again, the lint will return to the dryer, but not as bad as this time.

Just one thing bothers me now……

Black sheets show the white flaky dry skin cells from my ashy legs and all of Bandit’s dander. *sigh* If it’s not one thing, it’s another…..

Monday December 20th 2010, 7:35 PM
Filed under: desire,holiday,ineptitude,other shit

I Could…

I could…… tell you that I am hunky dory, full of life and joy and other such stuff and nonsense, but I would be full of shit.  I could….tell you that my house is the picture of holiday cheer, but again, I would be full of shit. I could….tell you about the wonderous anticipation I am feeling for the holidays……but there we have that shit again.

I do have lights up. I do have my tree up and before I go to bed tonight, Babygirl and I will have it adorned with ornaments full of memories.  I have started baking.  Just this past Saturday, I had Son1, Shenanigans and Jazz over here, along with Babygirl, my niece Alex and another friend and his son.  We made pizzelles, and chocolate chip cookies. It was day full of laughter and fun. I was very much full of spirit. When everyone left, Hubs and I ran out for a few gifts and then had drinks.

But I still feel like something is missing. I don’t know what it is.

It’s like eating an apple…a beautiful, ripe, red apple that fills my mouth with it’s sweet,  juicy goodness. As I crunch into it, I am happy……until I find a worm. No matter that I haven’t bitten said worm, it is there and the enjoyment of the apple is marred. Get it? That’s as close as I can get to describing the feeling.

I am very much “in the moment”. I am very happy when I’m with the family, with friends, shopping, baking, wrapping…. But when I am finished, when everyone leaves, when the paper and bows get put away, the feelings are similarly put away. Am I sad? No, not really. I’m not tired. I’m not sick.  I just…….am.

I hope I can rouse myself enough to post again BEFORE Christmas. I want everyone to have a wonderful holiday. I want you know how much I love you all. I don’t want this particular post to be the one that sits here through the weekend.


Sunday October 24th 2010, 1:17 PM
Filed under: family,happy,ineptitude

Too Much

Since Babygirl went off to college, grocery shopping is happening every third week or so.  She was the one who reminded me that we needed fresh fruits and vegetables in the house.  She was the one who liked having pudding in the fridge or Oreos in the cabinet.  Now, we have Oreos when Hubs wants them. We get chips to go along with hamburgers or hoagies for dinner. I buy fresh veggies when I have a new recipe to try or when it’s just too nice looking to pass up.  Other than that, I don’t notice until I need more than two things.

This week, we had empty cabinets. I was down to the last two rolls of toilet paper. I had ketchup, tomato paste, ramen noodles and creamed corn in the cupboard.  I had three half full Gatorades, vinegar, and olives in the fridge. It was sad. I wandered in a triangle….cupboard, fridge, freezer looking for a snack that was nowhere to be found.

So Hubs and I trudged off to the Acme armed with coupons, ads and list. We were ready for business. And so we shopped…..and shopped.

They say it’s a mistake to shop hungry and Hubs and I know this to be a fact. This night, we had eaten dinner and we were not hungry. For some reason, it made little difference. We got lots of meat that was on sale and lots of stuff that we had coupons for. I guess that two weeks of not having snacks in the house made us crazy. Our eyes glazed over as we went down the chip aisle. I grabbed Doritos, he grabbed corn chips. We strolled the cookie aisle where I grabbed macadamia cookies, he grabbed Oreos and we both grabbed cheez-its. In the dairy aisle, we wanted cheese, ice cream, and did I already mention cheese? Since Babygirl’s friend was taking her birthday presents to the college, I bought bananas- some for her and some for me. And I didn’t pass over the oranges.

We got home and unpacked the bags, loading up the cabinets, fridge and freezer. I was filled with such a feeling of satisfaction. I could relax. I had food in the house. And now, I could go sit next to Hubs to watch some tv, with my feet up.

But first? A snack to enjoy while sitting there…

I walked the triangle once again. I went from the cabinet…looking at the chips….to the cupboard….looking at the cookies….to fridge and freezer…looking at the fruit and ice cream.

I almost wept with frustration.

There is too much and it hurt my brain to decide.

Fuck it. I did a shot of Southern Comfort and went to watch tv in bed instead.

Monday October 11th 2010, 8:45 PM
Filed under: doctors,family,fashion,happy,ineptitude,owies

Sucks and Smiles

Every time I check in here, I am surprised that so much time has gone by.

I have begun to go off my wellbutrin. Let’s just say…….I am miserable and it sucks and we can leave it at that.

My thyroid is jacked up. The previous doctor didn’t keep very good tabs on it and the new doc immediately upped my dosage. Now I am up and moving around and I’m hungry and I’m burning it off and I talk with run on sentences and I barely take a breath between words and I use the words “and” and “you know” like a teenager.

And then I get miserable again.

But I am smiling and happy that things are changing.

Babygirl came home on Thursday and she will be home until Tuesday. It is so nice having her and the BF and BFF coming and going. Bandit is getting all the loving he can and he sleeps with her right now because…..

I hurt my foot and I am currently on crutches. What did I do, you ask? I don’t have a fucking clue. Really.

I had gone out with the gang on Saturday night wearing a pair of cute boots. (Not even the ones with the highest heel!!) I never tripped or fell, but I did dance a bit. Around 1:30am, as we were leaving breakfast, I thought, “Jeez, my foot hurts!” I chalked it up to wearing boots that I haven’t worn since last winter. I got home at about 2 and when I tried to pull said boot off my foot it was tight. My right foot immediately began to swell, but I was drun–, um, a wee bit intoxicated. I guess that is why I didn’t feel such bad pain.

When I woke up, my foot was swollen and I couldn’t put weight on it. Needless to say, Hubs and I spent Sunday afternoon in the hospital, getting x-rays and crutches. (It’s not ‘visibly broken’ and if it still hurts by mid-week, I need to see a specialist….because God knows, I don’t see enough of them!)

So there you have it…sucks and smiles…..but with Babygirl home, those smiles are HUGE!!  :D

Monday August 30th 2010, 7:54 PM
Filed under: family,ineptitude,kids,other shit

AAAAAllllrighty Then!

Today I had my mammogram done.  Now I need a flat bra.

Today I had a bone density scan. I can no longer use the line  “I’m not fat, I’m big boned.” 

Today I answered the phone when my brother called. He asked if I could watch one of his six kids (Ethan-who is one year old) He said on Wednesday and Thursday. I said sure because I never see his kids unless it is a holiday, and even then, his ‘sometimes wife’ tends to keep one or two of them. I can’t remember the last time I saw him with all of his kids at the same time. I was happy that he asked me and I told him that I was looking forward to it.

“What time do you need me?”  I asked him. Mentally, I’m preparing for what cleaning I have to do and what can wait until the baby gets picked up.

“Oh I’ll drop him off on Wednesday, probably early, but I don’t know what time I’ll get home on Thursday.”


He is going to take the family for an overnight at the shore and he is asking me to watch Ethan overnight. He can never afford to do something like that and so I’m glad to help him out and I hope they have an awesome time.

I have no problem handling a kid of any age during the day. We can take walks, frolic in the yard, play with play-doh, or any number of things. However, I don’t usually have an overnighter with babies. I don’t usually do that until they are old enough to reason with. I can explain where mommy is and show them the clock and they will know that daddy is coming home soon. We can watch movies all night until they fall asleep.

Oh Lord, what will I do when he cries and I am tired and Hubby can’t sleep and starts bitching and Son2 needs to get up at 5:30 and might wake up the kid and he starts crying again and now I’ve had no sleep no shower no alcohol and his daddy isn’t coming home until 8pm?

Aaaaallllllrighty then. This oughta be interesting…….

Friday August 27th 2010, 1:58 PM
Filed under: desire,Grief,ineptitude,kids


It’s been barely twenty-four hours since we left Babygirl at college.

We had a nice drive out there, unloaded the car and loaded up the dorm room. Everything fit, but she was a bit exasperated by mommy’s desire to help her unpack. She wanted to get her schedule and roam around for a little while. We got the schedule and a few notices about the social things that were going on last night but she immediately noticed one thing….she only had four classes listed. She added up the credits and they added up to what amounted  to…..ready for this?…..part time student status.

Oh shit.

Well there was nothing to be done yesterday. That had to wait for today when she met up with her student advisor. We left her with her boy and roommate. There were dewy eyes, but no tears. I was proud of myself.

So, first thing this morning, she set off in search of  one person who could fix this. Apparently there is no one who can do that. She was shuttled from office to office – at one point she sat for two hours waiting to talk to a man who could only tell her that he couldn’t help her! Full of frustration, anger and anxiety, she called the last person in the world who was equipped for this type of emergency…..

Her mother.

Yep, she called me. I woke up with raging allergies which set off a killer migraine. I had already thrown up twice and was almost ready to rip out my own eyeball when the phone rang. She tried to explain what was happening and I needed her to repeat everything over and over until I could comprehend what she was telling me. Did we need to call the school? Did we only pay enough tuition for a part time student?  What was happening?? Through her tears and her trembling voice I could finally make it all out. I wanted to hug her. After all these years of being uncomfortable with hugging, that was all I could think of doing. There was no way  I could fix this for her. There was nothing that could be done until tomorrow. I couldn’t comfort her. I cried, making my nose stuffy and making my head pound even more.

I suggested that she print out the financial records that show that she has paid her tuition and that she is in a dorm. That way she will be armed when she goes to the various offices. Her printer isn’t hooked up yet and she’ll have to use her RA’s or another student’s.

She had a half  hour until she met a friend for lunch so I told her to sit down and relax. Her roommate had made coffee so I suggested that she have a cup.  And then she sobbed out “I can’t even do that! I don’t have any milk for it! I’m going to the store later!”

It was going downhill for both of us.

Finally, we came to the decision to breathe and wait for tomorrow or at least for calmer minds. I hung up the phone, ran to the bathroom to be sick and then threw myself on the bed. I buried my head into my pillow and screamed….and screamed….and screamed. Then I called Lostmahead to vent and cry out my feelings of helplessness. She came running. After a cup of tea and a hug, she went back to work and I laid down to try to sleep.

Two hours later, (I still hadn’t slept) Babygirl got in touch again. Her status is changed to full time student. Her credits have gone from nine to twelve. And as we chatted, she was offered a job in the bookstore. (It would be hella nice if she got a discount on her books!!)  As long as it won’t interfere with her scheduling, she will take it.

While not everything is in place, at least most of it is. As Lostmahead pointed out, Babygirl has handled past problems with teachers and bosses with admirable finesse. I should place my trust in that ability and simply remind her that some things take time. (she is like her mom in that we both have problems with patience)

And so, in the first twenty-four hours of being the mother of a college student, I have gone through

*The horror of not being able to comfort my child as she sobbed through the phone line.

*The frustration of not being able to make this mess go away.

*The pain of trying to comprehend important information with a sledgehammer pounding in my head.

*The relief that things are working out.

*The elation that there may be a job.

*And the pride of knowing that my girl may have had a breakdown, but she pulled herself up by the bootstraps and managed to get the ball rolling on the right track.

I haven’t had moodswings like this since I was pregnant with her!!

Monday August 16th 2010, 1:24 PM
Filed under: business,Hubs,ineptitude,other shit

Could You Repeat That Please?

I was sitting on the bed, surrounded by all the invoices saying that my bill was now in collection. (I say “I’m only paying $50 and the hospital says “No, it’s $100 and the insurance company says “Hmm…let’s see….)

Hubs comes home from work while I am in the middle of  ‘negotiations’ and begins to open his mail and messages in the office. I shut the bedroom door so that I can hear myself think and concentrate.

Phone: “Ma’am, can you give me your account number?”

Me: “123-4567-890”

Hubs: (popping his head into the room.) “Who are you on the phone with?”

Phone: “Ma’am, could you repeat the last four digits?”

Hubs: “Who is it?

Me: (gesturing furiously to please wait) “7890”

Hubs: “Is that the plumber?”

Me: “No, it’s not! Can you wait a minute?

Phone: ” That’s not the number? ”

Me: “That’s the number!”

Hubs: “It’s the plumber?”

I swear to God I did not make that up. I’m not that clever.

But I might be clever enough to poison his dinner tonight.

ps: The bill is no longer in collection and I’m only paying $50. Yay me!