You Are The Daddy
Yesterday, the girl grandbaby ended up in the ER. You know those tiny rubber bands that are used for your hair? The tiny ones that look like the ones on braces? Yeah, those. She stuck one up her nose. My son said he could see it, but was deathly afraid of pushing it deeper if he tried to tweeze it out. And then she screamed.
Now the parents were both terrified and so was the baby. They went to the ER, saw their baby given a ketamine shot and then suctioned. Now I will say, as a first emergency this must have been scary. I remember her dad’s first trip. He broke both the bones in his forearm when he was five. He jumped on a balloon that didn’t break and he hit a step. Talk about traumatic! His arm looked like a U!!
My poor grandbaby was done being treated in fifteen minutes but it took three hours to clear her from the ketamine. It took another three hours for her dad to calm down from the adrenaline.
It was the first, my son. There will be others. There will be worse, I’m sure. All will be scary.
Now you are the daddy. Now you must be brave. Now you must cuddle that little girl, kiss away her tears and tell her that you love her.
You are the daddy.
As Time Goes By
It’s been a year since I stopped by. The more things change, the more they stay the same, as the saying goes.
In the past year, Babygirl has graduated from college. Yes, college.
I am the grandmother of a beautiful little girl and a terribly cool little boy. Girl has gotten past her “shy stage” and now calls me “Mom-Mom”. We play tea party and color. Logan teaches me lots on his Kindle. We watch some strange tv shows and have adventures when we leave the house.
I have quit smoking. Yes, QUIT! May 30th will mark one year. It was hard. After all the tries with the patch and gum, I finally did it cold turkey. I don’t miss it either. A rare day will show up and I will simply light a smoke and put it out. I can’t bring myself to smoke.
I am still married to my wonderful husband. We still run our business, but it is time to bring on our sons. In the upcoming couple of years, they will be taught to bid jobs, keep an inventory, and take care of the business. Hubs is ready to retire. He will stay on for the foreseeable future, but it is huge step nonetheless.
While I have enjoyed all of these changes, I haven’t enjoyed some changes in myself. I’ve become complacent about my weight and health. I simply don’t care. I have also become extremely judgemental. I criticize the television, celebrities, the government, news, my husband, my kids, my shoes, my dogs, my life. Why? Not a clue. I hear my mother every time my mouth opens and I slam it shut. This is something I am working on. I don’t care if I get fat. I just don’t want to allow myself to become a bitter woman.
Other than that? Not much. I see most of you on facebook. I’ve kept up with you, your families, jobs, etc. The blog roll on the left? I couldn’t tell you who is still writing. One or two are, but I’m about out. I only stopped here to see if it was still mine.
I’ll pop back. Maybe. I’ll let y’all know.
From the Depths of My Sadness…..
I haven’t stopped in for a while and there are very good reasons for this.
First off, when Mom-Mom died, it hit me very hard. Upon the phone call, I promptly got a migraine that didn’t let up until I saw her body. I wasn’t sleeping very well at all and even my sleep aids weren’t working. I was depressed, tired and very, very testy. To top it off, the funeral coincided with a dental appointment that Hubs had been waiting for since New Years. He had all but two teeth pulled and this was the day that he was going to be molded for his new plates. Now, I understand that he hasn’t eaten well and he must be starved constantly. I understand that even after this molding, there was more to be done. But this wasn’t about him. I was hurt and felt betrayed. I stood by him through the loss of both his parents and his grandparents, as well as cousins and friends. I have been blessed to have lost very few of my own dear ones. I needed him now. Finally, all the emotional and physical pain came to a climax and I let him have it. I also cried like I haven’t in a long, long time. He got the point quickly and stepped up. He was like a body guard, not letting issues or people touch me unless I invited them in. I still walked in a daze. I missed my daughter terribly. I cried while folding laundry. I couldn’t even call my best friend to tell her what I was dealing with. I began to scare myself. I don’t think I’ve ever been so shattered.
At the funeral, as I saw Mom-Mom in her casket, I realized that it wasn’t her. She was tiny, frail. The woman of my memories was robust, a force of nature. Even in her old age, she was the same. It was just in the last few months that she began to waste away. I said goodbye and tucked a letter under her blanket. I turned away and never looked back. The pain in my head disappeared and I suddenly felt so tired. My entire body relaxed and I knew it was the stress and grief that had piled on me. I believe she took it away and told me not to look back.
And from the depths of my soul, the grief was lifted. It was to be replaced with joys uncounted.
My son had brought Logan with him to the funeral at my father’s request. The child came into the church and every tear was replaced with such joy! He smiled at everyone. He was held by one great aunt after another. My own cousins gathered around laughing that I had joined the ranks of ‘grandparent’ (only one other out of 27 is a grandparent) Dad had had the best idea by asking for the baby to attend. It was brilliance. The child fussed a tiny bit after an hour and was ready to be fed. My son did that and he was out for a nap. This was an opportunity to watch my son fully in the Dad-mode. Shenanigans had to work and he was on his own. I was so proud.
I got home from a long, exhausting day and went to bed at 7:30. I woke up at noon the next day.
In this past week, I have been flooded with only good, long lost memories of my grandmother. It makes me smile. I watched Logan Friday and Saturday. They came for dinner on Sunday. I watched Logan again yesterday. Lemme tell ya, a good baby is the best medicine for an aching psyche. I have laughed, and danced my days away. I got together with my best friend and we went shoe shopping. I put on a fun pair of plaid flats….not something that I would normally wear. I ran up and down the aisle of the store laughing. I decided not to spend the money, but she insisted on buying them for me, stating “Chrissy, if they can make you that happy, it would be a sin to deny it”.
She was ri– , ri—……..correct.
So…..after the upheaval and neglect, I expect to spend the day with my doggy boys, bathing and brushing them. I plan on catching up with laundry and finally COOKING!
Life goes on……..
Yesterday, we spent our first whole day together. I want to remember every detail of it. You see, it was the first time that I actually felt like your mom-mom. We were alone. I was yours and you were mine.
I walked in the door and whispered “Hello” because I didn’t know if you were asleep. I was greeted by your wonderfully loud squeal that sounded so much like “HI!” It was the first of so many smiles you gave me. There you were, in your bassinet, all smiles, waves, and kicks. I can’t remember ever seeing a more joyful baby. Have I told you how beautiful you are?
You sat in your little chair and we played. You talked to your giraffe and the little froggie. You are a happy baby.
We lay on your play blanket and even made a fort. You are too young for a fort, but who cares? You laughed and cooed. I pretended that I couldn’t find you, asking “Where’s Logan?” You responded by kicking your feet and squealing. Were you playing too? Were you calling to me? It felt that way.
I fed you and you looked into my eyes while you ate. You held my fingers as your eyes grew heavy. Slowly you grew ‘bottle drunk’. I burped you held you through your hiccups. You threw up on me and I was okay with that. It made you feel better and the smiles returned. I changed your diaper and you were happy through that too. I found your ticklish spots and you giggled for me. It was a beautiful sound.
Eventually you slept and what a peaceful baby you were. Did you dream of playing with me? Did you dream of chasing your dog, Maggie? Or did you dream of Mommy and Daddy and playing with Jazzy? You smiled often while you dreamed.
You woke up and fussed. I could tell your belly bothered you. I felt sad, and wondered if I were to blame. Did you get too much air? Did you not burp enough? You cried. I ran the faucet and you calmed down. Every five minutes or so you did that for half an hour. But when you calmed down, you cooed and smiled. Finally you farted. My lord, child, you sounded like your dad. Then you pooped.
And farted and pooped some more.
I waited until I was sure you were finished and when I removed your diaper, you took my breath away. Goodness, you make big smellies! And then I noticed that it was up your back too. When I took off your onesie, I smeared it in your hair too and you needed a bath. Good thing mommy came home because suddenly I needed extra hands! But I learned how much you love your bath. You happily kicked and squealed as your mommy cleaned you and washed your hair. And you stayed calm as we dressed you afterwards.
All good things must end and our day was one of those good things. Pop-Pop came to pick me up and as we began to drive away, he told me to “stop it”. What was it that he wanted me to stop doing?
I was smiling, ear to ear. Without even realizing it, I was still smiling. You made me so very happy.
I can barely wait until next week when we do this again.
Way Back In The Day…….
See that group of people? We go back. Further than high school. Further than grade school. My brothers and sister are in that group. I’ve known them all their lives. The others? They shared cribs and playpens with my siblings. I babysat them. I changed and fed them. We lived next door to each other, around the corner. We knocked on bedroom walls and giggled in the middle of the night.
I remembered my brother’s first kiss with Debbie. We teased that they would marry someday. Instead they ended up going to prom together.
I remember Anthony eating worms and sticking turtles in his pants.
I was jealous of the Barbie’s and accessories that Donna and Diane had. I had a knock-off ‘fashion doll’.
I played wiffleball with all of those boys in the playground behind our houses.
See the guy front and center in the dark hoodie? His name is Joe and he is the baby. He will be 40 on his next birthday…..if he sees his next birthday.
Joe has cancer. His bills have started rolling in and his insurance has just ended. Isn’t that the way things like this happen? We threw a beef and beer to raise money for those bills. Tickets were sold out. Raffles and gift auctions raised even more. There was lots of dancing and drinking and laughter. And food! Good Lord, I’ve never seen so much food! Almost all of it was gone by the end of the night.
More than the money, Joe’s spirits were raised. It’s been forever since all of us were gathered in one room. We hugged each other repeatedly and caught ourselves just staring across the room at each other, smiling with memory.
I remembered our mothers as being taller. Now they are beginning to bend with age. I remembered seeing them coming home after a ‘date night’ with their husbands, slightly flushed and tipsy. Now…..wow, how time flies.
As the holidays come, we will gather with our own families. Maybe one or two will show up at another’s home. We promised to get together more often, but will we? I hate the thought that the next time we will be together, one of us will be missing…..not just somewhere else, but gone.
But damn, it was cool to be little kids again…….if only in our memories.
Tuesday November 01st 2011, 10:23 AM
Filed under: happy
Alas, poor blog, I have again been neglectful. However, I must beg your forgiveness for this time, it was neither mere laziness nor lack of inspiration. It was an event so momentous that it will change my life forever.
I have become a grandmother.
Shortly after the last post, while raking, Hubs stumbled upon a nest of wasps. In their anger, they stung him 8-10 times in the back of his left shoulder. In his haste to pull off the shirt, he tweaked his tendonitis and damaged rotator cuff. This meant a week of taking him to the doctor and MRIs and x-rays. Next stop will be orthopedist because we fear that stings have exacerbated damage that we have ignored for many years.
As we were coming to terms with all of that, we were also awaiting the birth of the grandson. Babygirl came home for her 20th birthday, and we took her out for a family dinner. Shenanigans came too and she broke the news that she had been having contractions for the past 24 hours. We were so excited. Son1 had even been running errands and doing his soccer coaching with her emergency bag in the back of his car! Two days after dinner, we got a call that she was at the hospital.
Oh the excitement!! It was 6:30am. I rushed to shower and change. Hubs rushed to get a job started so that he could be available when it was time for us to go to the hospital. The phone rang at 11. The doctor was sending Shenanigans home because she wasn’t quite done baking. The adrenaline crash was maddening.
The following days were spent making sure that the house was clean, that laundry was done and meals were ready in anticipation of a sudden day spent with Son1. Doctor visits occurred on Tuesday and Thursday and still, the doctor said she wasn’t ready. Thursday’s appointment even included pre-op forms to prepare for inducing labor on Halloween.
I was sitting home on Friday, relaxing with a book and a cup of coffee. It was cooling off and the weathermen were calling for snow–IN OCTOBER! What a rare occurrence! The phone rang at 3, dragging me from the book. Son1 was heading to the hospital straight from work. Shenanigans had gone to the hospital at noon and didn’t call anyone until she had made sure that it was time. This time, her water had broken and things were starting to progress. I called Hubs, texted Babygirl and Son2 and by 5, I was headed to the hospital.
Son kept us informed. “She’s getting an epidural now.” “It’s progressing nicely” “Can you pick up Jazzy?”
Jazzy had been in school when her mom left the house. She was with her Pop-Pop and was waiting for word about her new brother. We raced to get her through the rain which had started, past our own home, to Son1’s house. She jumped into the car, and told us how excited she was. And then I got a text.
We made our way back to the nursery and signed in. We were ushered to a room where we found my son, cradling his own son in his arms. He looked at me and tears began streaming down his cheeks. “He’s beautiful Mommy! Jazzy, come see your brother!”
This is Logan Gibson Hutton. He is only one hour old.
I beheld a perfect little boy, his eyes wide and alert. His head turned to follow my son’s voice as he moved around the room. Shenanigans was glowing, even in her discomfort and exhaustion. The love in the room was almost overwhelming.
With a great effort, we dragged ourselves away to leave the little family to bond together. Snow had begun in earnest and it would continue for the next ten hours. We went to dinner to celebrate and have a few drinks.
As we sat at the bar, one of our favorite bartenders came over and said “I haven’t seen you guys in a while. What’s new?” And then it happened…….
I became that grandmother…..
“Let me show you a picture of my new grandson…..”
Now I need a bumper sticker and a shirt that states “Ask me about my grandkid.”
Oh Lord, SAVE ME FROM MYSELF!!!!
Nature Couldn’t Stop It
You weathered many obstacles and no doubt will continue to do so. Rain my have caused your beach wedding to move indoors, but you were in the shelter of the love of family and friends. Nature cannot stop love. “What God has joined together, let no one put asunder”
This weekend my Hubs and I drove to North Carolina to witness the union of Blondeblogger and her sweetheart Boobtubious.
First of all, I made sure I had a new dress to wear on the beach. Because it was a beach wedding, I made sure to take my flats and flipflops for dancing in afterwards. I was prepared. New shoes, dress, jeans for pre-wedding dinner night, and a new hoodie (with no stains!) I have never been so excited about wearing a dress.
The ride down was not as unbearable as I had expected. Hubs and I saw a few cool things, like the origin of the Chesapeake Bay and the tunnel bridges that were incredible. Midway across the bridge I realized that I was totally surrounded by water. Kinda scary!
After a beautiful day of driving in the bright sunshine and hot sun, we got to the wedding house just in time for the wind to kick up. I’m not talking about a nice, cool sea breeze, I am talking about blow-the-chairs-across-the-deck and brace-yourself wind. Clouds and rain came along with it and like a bout of the flu, the rain hung around……for the entire weekend. So much for the wedding on the beach. and so….the wedding moved indoors.
Talk about a beautiful wedding! I can’t remember ever seeing a more happy union of two families. The kids all love each other. They love their new parents. And they loved meeting mom and dad’s blogger friends. It was like we had known them all forever. Before the wedding, I watched as Boobtubious helped N. check her blood sugars and give her an insulin shot. The gentleness of this man with the little girl who was to be his stepdaughter was so touching. I watched as Blondeblogger laughed and joked with her new stepkids. K genuinely likes to spend time laughing and dancing with her new stepmom. J said that he had never seen his dad so happy and was glad that his dad chose a woman that everyone loved.
I was honored that my ‘sister’ wanted me there on this special day. I was honored that I witnessed the love that she shares with this man. I was blown away to see the unabashed loved that is shared by all eight of this unique family.
I was happy to see old friends…Ren, Dawg, Poppy, Bubblewench….and to make new friends like MomGenerations. It was one hell of a weekend.
***It was so cold that I ended up wearing jeans to the wedding. Yes, jeans. Someone get married in the summer so I can wear my new damn dress!!!
***Boobtubious told his daughter that they were planning a surprise of 150 trained dolphins that were to jump out of the ocean into a heart shaped arch upon the completion of the vows. She believed him. It was a funny joke and she took the teasing like a champ. But I’d still kinda like to see something like that. If anyone figures out how to do that, let me know.
***Lastly….Thank you Blondeblogger, for keeping your cool. You were the center of attention with grace and beauty. Thank you. No one needed to see my boobies hit my knees.
Labor Day Nostalgia
Labor Day. A time to reflect on all those who have built this country on the sweat of their brows and strength of their backs. A time to thank God that you have a job when so many do not. And of course, a time to spend with family and friends at a BBQ or at the shore….good food, cold drinks, and great times.
It is holidays like this that make me miss my in-laws the most.
They were the ones with the biggest yard, most parking and two bathrooms. Mom and Dad’s house was the place for everyone to stop in to say hello and end up staying because someone would offer to light the grill. Tom1 and Tom2 would offer to cook the food. The ‘sisters’ would offer to make salads and whatever. Nieces and nephews would show up with wading pools, water guns, bubbles etc, and most importantly…..the horseshoes.
Children’s laughter would ring out. The clank of horseshoes followed by the men yelling over whether it was a ringer or not. The women would compare recipes, discuss school schedules, or just bitch about their husbands. Since we lived four doors away, and another sister was next door to us, the kids would run up and down the block, and play stickball in the street, or get juice and snacks away from their mom’s watchful eyes.
Now, with Mom and Dad gone, the house is owned by my SIL. She loves family too, but is impatient with babies. She would like everyone to visit, but please go home after an hour. I understand that. Hubs is much the same way. For a while, BBQs were held at another sister’s house, but then the kids became young adults with kids of their own. Her house just couldn’t handle the number of people.
Besides, it isn’t the same.
Mom and Dad aren’t there. Dad isn’t nodding off on the couch. Mom isn’t complaining about the footprints left by the kids or the bugs getting into the house. She had a way of doing that was a million laughs to imitate. It was always a welcoming time. If you had plans, you just didn’t show up. If you didn’t have anything to do, someone would be there to hang out with. Kids would bring their friends…..all of which called them ‘Grandmom and Grandpop”.
We could do it all today. Have a party full of people, food and drink. We’d laugh and have a great time.
And we’d miss Mom and Dad…..even after four years.
I want to say a few things so here we go with a new vintage of whine…
The charger to my laptop has given up the ghost. I am hoping that the cost to replace it is covered under my insurance with Best Buy. Now I know that more than a few of my friends have issues with them, but I have always gotten good results-once I get past the long wait in line or the time it takes to get my stuff back. Lucky for me, the charger that Babygirl uses also works on my laptop, so I will use that, for now, but will also cut back on my use. What will I do with myself?
The weather has been great and I really want to take down my curtains and wash them or sort through boxes in the basement. I wanted to wait until Babygirl was home from college to help me but to tell you the truth part of me wants to see her relax or earn money for school. Part of me is afraid of hurting my back and the biggest part of me is lazy.
I’m going to the shore with Hubs this weekend. His high school is having a gathering near where we vacation and so we will drop in there. We have taken overnight trips here or there. Most are only that-overnight-but a few have been two. This one is Friday to Monday. FOUR DAYS! I am so excited to be away from our computers, cell phones and cable tv. I used to worry about my kids when I went away, but now I worry that the dogs won’t poop for them. (Bandit avoids it) Now I’ll worry that Mordecai will eat all of Bandit’s food when he’s not looking. Damn ‘kids’……
Started shopping for my future grandSON. He already has some Philadelphia Union gear.(YAY) I am also looking at shower gifts. When did kid stuff get to be so fucking expensive? It’s a racket. The gear for humans that will barely have time to wear/use/fit in is atrociously costly. $500 and up for a crib? $300+ for a car seat that they will use for little more than a year? Holy shit!
And so, that is my wildly exciting life. What have you been up to?
The Giggle in My House
The job situation for Son2 has always been a bit uncertain. He works for an electrical company during the day. However, depending on the building going on, he can be laid off for the winter, or for a few days, or for a week or two. That’s why he has job two- at a bowling alley. Job 2 has always helped to keep money in his bank account and is always flexible about starting times, so that if he is late on the first job, he can still go into work an hour later if he needs to.
Times- like now- he is up at 5:30, gets home at 4, goes to the second job at 5 and works until roughly 1-2am. This is not every night of the week!! But it is often enough that on his night off, he has been known to fall asleep in his work clothes, unshowered and unfed and will sleep the night away.
One of Son2’s faults used to be his temper. He would get impatient, annoyed, and snippy and suddenly start yelling at anyone within an arm’s length. He has grown up and learned to conduct himself in a more adult way, but on occasion we see the old fella rear his ugly head. Those occasions would be when his work schedule catches up with him. That day of the week would be Wednesdays. I knew to treat him with kid gloves, try to get him a favorite dinner, and above all…..no hugging or kissing!
Lately, he has been a different person. He may come home from work tired, cold and muddy and instead of being a bundle of raw nerves, he simply sighs and says that he had rough day. He may mention being tired or hungry, but it is conversational, not confrontational.
And then he goes upstairs.
Lately, his girlfriend has been driving him to his second job. She is here early and has dinner with us. She waits in his room while he changes, just chatting and sharing a visit in the little time they have. She is a very cool girl and she shares his interests of sports, music and movies. He likes her enough to bring her to family celebrations. (HUGE!). He spends money on her, taking her out to dinner at restaurants that don’t have commercials or jingles.
And then I hear a sound…….
……NOT a girl’s giggle!!!!
I don’t hear it frequently enough and it was a shock at first. Now, I hear the teasing. He teases her and she will laugh or tell him to shut up. He cares that she has a cold. He offers to fix her tea or get her Nyquil. I don’t know this man but I smile when I hear him speak to her when he thinks no one can hear him. If I ask him about this relationship, I will get a sly smile and a shrug, but no answers, but mom knows.
He has softened his rough edges. He is maturing. He is happy. She makes him happy. She gives him the space he needs.
He gives her a ‘dutch oven’.
It might be love.