I have been exercising. No, seriously. I have been paying attention. I have been walking more faithfully. I pulled out my weights. I pulled out my treadmill for really hot or rainy days. I’m tired of carrying this lard with me.

Most of my walking is done in the morning. It’s cooler. The streets are quieter. And the dog seems to like it too. Most times I manage to get home again early enough to shower or just sit down to watch Good Morning America before the kids get here. It’s been working out good for me.

Babygirl also walks. She meets a friend and they go walking almost every day. They leave well after I get home, and sometimes she is not even aware that I have left the house and returned.

Here’s what I didn’t know.

Her friend has been walking to lose weight too. He used to weigh 245 lbs. at the beginning of the summer. Now he weighs 216 lbs. and is still working at it. She has been his ‘trainer’. She’s been pushing him and encouraging him not to give up.

Tonight, Hubs and I decided to walk after dinner. Since she had just returned from a softball game, and was already in her workout clothes, she decided to go with us. We took our normal route. Not too long, not too short.

And then things got ugly.

As we neared the point of returning home, she called me a wuss. “You call that a walk?” THEM’S FIGHTING WORDS!!

So we accepted the challenge.

We saw parts of our town that we never knew existed. We saw the homes of  ‘Old Money’- those homes with boats, Lexuses and BMW’s in the wrap-around driveways. We saw gardens galore (that itself was a whole other nightmare! Oh, the skeeters!!))

We walked aproximately 2.5 - 3 miles. (Compared to the usual ONE mile!) We went up hills and down. We went over the river and through the woods. Literally. Well, to be honest it was more like a creek, but hey, there was still water involved!

We got home 2 hours after left we left. (Can that be right? Wouldn’t that mean we actually walked further than 3 miles? I sure as hell feel like it. I’ll have to tell Hubs to drive that route and measure the mileage.)

My left foot has a blister. My knees are killing me. Not wearing a sports bra  means that my boobies jiggled like jello and now they hurt too. I think  even my hair hurts.

I will definitely be moaning this Monday morning. But it’s a good hurt.

I think I have found a personal trainer that will work for food!

Today I realized that  I have bounced. Not the straightforward, up/down bounce, but more like the “bounced off a pebble and skewed off to the left” kind of bounce.

The guys returned to work and I have Son1’s girl, J, here with me. Laundry is getting done, clothes are folded and are making it into the drawers, and other signs of routine are beginning to unfold. But it’s not the same.

We’ve spent the past week or so with family. Some traveled up here from Maryland and Florida and others have traveled down from State College. Weddings and funerals as the saying goes…..

Hub’s routine will slowly change. He can’t pop in to see Dad before or after work. Dad always felt like part of the business when Hubs described the  day-to-day grind and when he mentioned the names of the builders that Dad had done business with.

My routine is easier to get back into. The kids take my mind off of things. The little chores can be done with little thought.But still, the mind tends to wander…

My husband lost his father and best friend. It has been devastating to watch.

I, on the other hand, still have both of my parents. My paternal grandfather died when I was nine. I really didn’t understand. My paternal grandmother is still alive. She will be 96 this year.My maternal grandparents lived to the ages of 103 and 105. I met them only once in my life.

As I tried to comfort my children, I never said that “I know how you feel”. I don’t. They were incredibly close to their grandparents. I cannot imagine.

When my own parents die, will I be able to bounce ever again? As much as I can’t stand Mom’s attitude sometimes, she is still MOM. I dread seeing my Dad live without her. I would miss my Dad horribly. He understands me deeper than I think I understand myself. What would I do without him? What would Mom do without him?

Losing someone is like opening a gate into the mind. The ‘what ifs’ come forward begging to be considered. The fears hidden in the deepest recesses catch a glimpse of light and are visible. I feel like a child in the middle of the night, wondering what is lurking behind the closet door.

It is scary.

I don’t usually pay a whole lot of attention to the Fourth of July. Well, yes I do, but in the superficial way. You know, barbecues, fireworks, parades and such. But I don’t usually think about it.

This year, America is beating me over the head with it’s significance.

I watched Good Morning America yesterday and I saw Senator McCain spout alot of incomprehensible bullshit when asked a direct question by Robin Roberts. He rambled on and on about South America and the drug problems.He never addressed the question posed to him….”Why are you there at a time when the American public is in such financial straits?”

I’m not saying that I am for either him or Senator Obama, but I am glad that I have the right to choose.

I watch the news and see the horrors playing out in other countries. Women are unheard and unseen. There are no freedoms. And I am glad that I am living here.

A man is being arraigned in Philadelphia today on charges of  aggravated assault, making terroristic threats and corruption of a minor for making a  video for YouTube detailing the correct way to shoot a cop . He allegedly showed this to his son too.  I was appalled by the hatred spewed by this man. I was disgusted that anyone could feel this way about our protectors. But he is using his freedom of speech. And as much as I disagree with him, I am glad that the right exists.

And every day, you and I make use of our freedom of expression by writing whatever we want on our blog. We choose whether or not we want to read the words put down by others. We choose the topics we wish to blog about. And I am glad that right exists.

So when you head off to your parades, your barbecues, and your fireworks, thank your forefathers for all that they did to ensure that we have a country like this.

Have a safe and happy Fourth. 

Every year, beginning around March, I begin to spazz over the weight I haven’t been able to shed no matter how hard I try. I spazz because bathing suit weather is around the corner. Normally, there is a cushion involved because we don’t usually vacation until mid- to late August. This year we are going in late July.

AAAHHH!!!!

There is no time to do anything about my predicament. Oh well…..

We put a deposit on the place we are staying at and took a little spin around the area. What I saw made me forget about MY weight.

Did I actually see these particular women? No, but I might as well have. Oh dear God! What makes people think this is okay? Why should boobs spill out of your top? If you are NOT eighteen years old or perky, put that shit away!!!

Does anyone really want to see a woman (or man–you fellas are not immune to this behavior!) lift all of those rolls of fat to apply sunscreen? When you turn around, we DON’T want to see where the good Lord split you!

Hubs and I saw a woman with her four kids crossing the street, looking pretty close to  this. We looked at each other and simultaneously said “Holy Shit!” I almost felt the bile rise in my throat.

I don’t think I will be worried about how I look in a swimsuit this year. Mine will cover my ass. I will not ‘accidently’ pop a titty out of the top. And I will look at these other women and say  “Damn! I look pretty fuckin’ hot compared to her!”

Hubs and I took a ride on Saturday. This was our annual “Ride to the shore to find a place for our vacation” This is something that just the two of us do.  We never share this with our kids. We have always gotten babysitters for them. Now that they are older, we just leave. Maybe we will stay overnight, or maybe we’ll come back that  evening.

We drive along in companionable silence. We’ve been together for almost 28 years, so we don’t always need to talk. We can still look at roadkill and suddenly crack up laughing because we thought the  same thing. “That’s a strange place for a raccoon to take a nap.”

We are trapped. If there is something major that needs discussion, this is the time to do it. No one can walk away. No one can slam a door. No one will walk into the room to disturb us.

We are trapped. After only 20 minutes of driving, we lose the major radio stations. It is either silence or CDs. Sometimes we choose CDs. Normally there is a heated debate about which CDs will join us for the ride. It is something that we both need to agree on or else we don’t  bring it.  Saturday, we left quickly, so there was no debate. I grabbed the CD case, added a few Hub’s newer CDs and we ran.

We were trapped. I listened to the oldies. We drove along with Roy Orbison, Del Shannon, and Percy Faith. We were serenaded by Little Eva, Martha and the Vandellas, and the Supremes. I didn’t get annoyed or want to tear out my hair.

We were trapped. Hubs listened to Rammstein, Megadeth and Violent Femmes. He didn’t complain. He didn’t tell me to turn it down. I noticed that his fingers tapped the steering wheel in time to the music.

It is interesting the things that you can learn about another person when you are trapped together. Even after nearly 28 years, we are learning about each other. It took this long for us to actually enjoy the other’s taste in music. We talked about what he enjoys about running the business. We talked about what I like about blogging. Yes, we talked about you. He asked what draws me to your writing. He was interested.

We were trapped, yet not trying to escape.

Sunday is my one year Blogaversary,but since it is also Father’s Day, I’m posting this today.

One year……It seems to have gone by so fast, which is strange because when I was waiting for the holidays or for vacation, it seemed to c.r.a.w.l. by. I have learned alot of things about my blogging friends but more than that, I have learned about myself.

I have learned that even though everyone complains about memes and never wants to be tagged, they sure do jump at the opportunity to do one  and thus save themselves from a “dry day”.

I have learned that I have been to the doctors alot this past year, mostly for myself. Thankfully, I got the job done and I’ll be cool for another year or two.*knock wood!*

I have learned that although I have considered myself to be a fairly easy-going person, alot of things piss me the hell off. The difference is that before I blogged, many of these things went unexpressed. This led to mood swings that were borderline psychotic. Now that I can spew forth through my keyboard, I find myself relaxing more than I can ever remember doing.

I have learned that when your world comes crashing down around you, your friends are there to help pick you up. I have seen the depths of despair and the heights of joy through the eyes of my friends. I have seen the generosity of strangers. And I have seen you open your hearts to me and to each other.

I have learned that I am crazy in love with my family. Only the ones you love can make you become a raving lunatic. Only the ones you love can hurt you so very deeply. Only the ones you love can make your heart swell with pride. Only the ones you love ever see you in your jammies, with last night’s mascara running across your eyes, with that white gunk on the side of your lips, while dragon fumes escape your mouth and all the while STILL give you a hug and kiss in the morning!

Blogging has become so personal and simultaneously public to me. I have made some of the best friends. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You let me know that I am not the  only one out there who feels like a dork.

And you let me know that some days,  though I may be the only one in the house, when an outburst of laughter is heard, it’s just me….being silly with my friends.

I was busy doing some stuff , like checking some emails and such, and a headline caught my eye. It mentioned Facebook and since I hang out there (with many of you!)  I decided to click the link. Look what I found ! Go ahead, I’ll wait…..

(elevator Muzak here)

You’re back? Did you read it? I was always aware that there was some sharing going on because FB is a business when you get right down to it. I just wasn’t aware of how much sharing there is!

Yes, I’m guilty of taking quizzes and asking my friends to play along too. Yes, I sent virtual gifts, drinks and hugs. I will be taking a hard look at what’s on my profile page.

Yeah, today I’ll be cleaning house over there. Not leaving….just  cleaning.

I’m packing the kid up for Canada. I’ll be back later! Until then….This is the best advice I have for my Babygirl and her friends while they are in the Great White North….

It’s that time of year again. Air is fresh, the birds are singing, and a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of…….SHUT THE FUCK UP! I was being serious for a minute!

 Jeez! You guys are awful!

As I was saying….thoughts of PROMS. Tonight, my Babygirl will be headed off to her Soph Hop. She will be the belle of the ball (of course). She picked out and bought the dress herself and I must say, that she did an incredible job of it!

In a few more weeks, she will attend her friend’s Junior Prom. And then a few weeks after that she will go to Handsome’s Senior Prom. Whew! I haven’t seen a social calendar like that since “Gone With The Wind”!

I know that a few of you have kids the same age. Even some of the younger kids now have 8th Grade dances and ‘Spring Flings”.  The bottom line is this-

Watch out for the kids on the roads for the next few weekends. For some this is the first ‘big’ night with mom or dad’s car. This is the first ‘adult’ occasion for them. So be extra careful as you pull out onto the highways. Be a little patient as the young drivers take their time through intersections.

And may everyone have fun and be safe.