I like a joke as much as the next person. I don't take things very seriously and I hope you don't either. Hope you didn't come here to whine 'cause I don't wanna hear it!
It’s about freaking time too. About 15 years ago, a friend gave me his old one when he….um…was ‘going away’ for an extended ‘vacation’. Since he wouldn’t need an apartment, he gave away alot of his belongings. Since my own vacuum was a piece of shit, I was hella happy to get his!
After many years of use and abuse, the vacuum was shot. The bag no longer zipped shut. The bristles of the beater bar were damn near non-existent. The creamy beige color? Uh, was that beige at some time? You’d never know it now.
Last summer, Hubs the Benevolent got me a new one. Actually, we got it at a liquidators. (This translates into refurbished and reboxed) I loved it. It had attachments that the old vac lacked. I could reach the top of draperies –not that I did, but I could if I wanted to. I never knew how much suction the old one had lost. Now, I only vacuumed half of my downstairs before the dirt canister needed to be emptied! Not only that, but the beater bar needed cleaning right away.
You see, Metalmom and Babygirl both have long hair. Babygirl’s friends and Son1’s girlfriend all have long hair. This means that it ends up EVERYWHERE no matter how dilligently we try to keep it in the bathroom or the bedrooms.
The first month was the honeymoon. I faithfully took the bar out to untangle the hair that could burn a rotator belt in no time. And then one day…….
I was in a hurry.
I was careless with the bar. While it was off, I managed to lose the ball bearings that help it roll. It no longer worked. Since it was refurbished, there was no warranty. Since it had been a discontinued model, there were no replacement parts readily available…even from the manufacturers!
So there it sat, in the corner of my room, waiting for ‘Big Trash Day’ when it could be carted away. And that day came and went. But I forgot to put it out. There it sat, mocking me with its glorious attachments. It taunted me with it’s unused power. It reminded me daily of my carelessness.
But I had kept the old vac. I don’t know why, but I did. And it was recalled into service. Only Old Faithful now lacked a certain vitality. Things just weren’t the same between us. He could no longer get the job done. We drifted further and further apart.
Wednesday night, Hubs surprised me and we bought a new one. He’s a handsome devil, I’ll give him that. (The vacuum…..well, Hubs is too, but I’m talking about the vac here!) It is every bit as strong as the other. It’s lines are sleek and younger looking. It came with a warranty! I can get replacement parts easily by calling a toll-free number!
Somehow, I can’t seem to bring myself to put Old Faithful out to the curb. I think I will tuck him into a corner of the basement. Soon, it won’t hurt so much to see him wasting space.
The other day, Alex and Mark were here. Since my allergies have been kicking my ass, I took Benadryl and lay on the couch for most of the day letting them watch movies. As I lay there, the house began to shake. My ears were assaulted by a most ungodly noise.
The trucks had returned.
One after another, they came. They came to dig, to haul, to tamp. They came to scoop, to pour, to level.
And yes, this is still the work that we were told would be finished by mid-July!
My niece, who knew I had taken pictures before, asked if she could use my camera. “Sure! Why not?” was my reply. It was a way to pass some time since we could no longer hear the television. Little did I know that she would outdo me in the photography department.
All of the following pictures were taken by my six year old niece Alex. (Who wants to be a photogaffer–or a pitcher-taker)
I think she did an awesome job. I swear I did nothing to help her!
The men smiled as they watched her take picture after picture. I think she has some talent. I think she got it from her favorite aunt in the whole world!
Vacation……What can I say? I relaxed. And I umm……..well, I relaxed, there’s that. Let me ’splain:
We left for the shore with a trunk packed to the tippy top. (Babygirl and her friend K supposedly packed frugally…HAH!) Guess what I saw along the way? Nine raccoons sleeping along the side of the road (actually two were sleeping in the center of the road…..How’d they do that?) I saw one deer basking in the sun with its ears touching the center of his back (limber devil!) And as we drove along, a rafter of wild turkeys crossed the road in front of us. (Yes, the term is ‘rafter’–I looked it up) Luckily no one was behind us and we could slow down. Those bastards took their damn sweet time!
We checked in just in time for a horrendous storm. Lightning struck the lightning rod on the motel across the street from us. I ran into the bathroom covering my ears because the resulting clap of thunder scared the shit out of me. (Note: I did not say “bejeebers”. I seriously meant “shit“!) After the rain stopped, we took a walk but still kept it an early night.
The next morning we awoke to FOG. Dense, I-can’t-see-across-the-street fog. It took forever to burn off. The fog returned every day to shroud the beach at least until 11am. We went to the beach where we sat and read and listened to music. And then we went back to the motel for a dip in the pool, a shower, a nap and then dinner. Repeat that for the next few days and that’s pretty much what we did.
Throw in walks along the Boardwalk, bike rides from one end of the island to the other, and a game of mini-golf. My tan is magnificent, and I am so relaxed. I can’t remember the last time I felt so stress-free.
Son2 came home to have his nose set on Wednesday. He returned to work on Thursday. I wished he had stayed for the rest of the week.
I didn’t cook. I didn’t do laundry (even though there were laundry facilities) Hubs said I should but I claimed that I couldn’t find the laundry room. I suppose I could have followed the scent of fabric softener, but who needs that?
Sunrise-the day we left.
I missed my puppy terribly. I was lucky that I didn’t have to send him to a kennel. My friend Lostmahead kept him at her house where he had a boo-boo once or twice, never bit her kids, and was called “well-behaved” by her husband (who I suspect was not thrilled by their visitor)
Now I’m home. You people sure were busy, so there is much to catch up on. I’m getting crampy fingers, so I’ll stop here and start reading!
Remember when you were a kid and you spent a day or two home sick? Remember what it was like to go back to school and everything was ‘normal’ but it felt ‘different’?
That’s how I’m feeling today.
While things were busy happening here at home, other things were happening in the blog-world. I missed it. Not all of it, mind you, but a bit. I didn’t have time to read every post every day. The majority of my ‘regulars’ were read. A few were commented on. But more than a few, I read and immediately forgot. This isn’t because what was written was forgettable. I would say that it is because there were other more immediately pressing things intruding on my thoughts.
I missed whatever went on among my friends that caused a rift. Was it serious? Was it irreparable? I don’t know. I hope it is all better. Someone’s computer was sick and it left them offline for a while. Did I notice? No. Someone wrote posts trying to relay her feelings without actually “saying” what it was (for reasons all her own.) But did I “hear” what she was saying? No. Someone went to a convention and reported all the goings-on that he saw. But I missed that too!
(At this point, I will say that I’m not linking these friends because I seriously don’t think I can remember who wrote what! And besides, we’re such a tightly entwined cyberfamily, that I think we all know who is who.)
ANYhoo…..
I kind of feel like I have returned to school only to hear that so-and-so broke up with her boyfriend, or Mrs. Teacher had a meltdown, or what’s-his-name got suspended. I hear it, after the fact, too late to weigh in, too late to be part of the surprised, too late to comfort, too late to be “in the loop”.
And now it is time for summer vacation. What will I miss in the week ahead? I hope that all that I miss is good news. I hope that when I get back, I can catch up on things more easily than this time!
A funny thing happens during a vacation, holiday, or long weekend. You know what it is because you have all felt it at one time or another.
It is the “Time Warp”.
I was able to hang out on the Fourth doing nothing in particular. I played on Facebook and played with Bandit. I visited my FIL in the hospital. Later on in the afternoon, my son gathered up his single friends who had no plans and held an impromptu barbecue. All in all, it was a great day.
After sleeping in a bit on Saturday, I got up, showered, and went out to breakfast with my girlfriend and my daughter. It was a good time. I napped in the afternoon and when I woke up, it had happened. Time shifted.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that there were things that I had to get done because “tomorrow is a work day.” I felt like I had to finish other things because the radio shows that I listen to were coming on soon. I thought my son had to go to work because it was Sunday night.
It was no such thing. It was only Saturday.
This particular ‘time warp’ is different from wishing that time would move faster.”It’s only Wednesday??” Doesn’t apply. It’s the warp where you realize that you have an extra day. You can sit down and relax or finish the job that you have been putting off.
It is kind of related to the feeling when you eat dinner early or finish a task way ahead of time. “Why, it’s still early! I still have time to ___!”
When the holiday happens to fall on a Monday, it makes the week whiz by. Thursday comes along and all of a sudden you realize that the weekend will begin tomorrow!
Today was a super day. Bright sunshine, low humidity, decent temperature–a perfect day to be outdoors.
I took the kids to the library where we loaded up on stories for quiet time. Then we crossed the street to the “educational” toy store. They should call this the “Expensive-crap-no-kid-wants-to-play-with-more-than-once Store”. $13.00 for a game ofdominos?? Just because the pieces curve? A pot-holder weaver for fifteen dollars?? Gimme a break! Those things are only 4.00 at the local craft store!
Anyhoo…We got ROCKET BALLOONS!!* These things are the shit! We loved this toy. They are annoyingly loud and fly pretty damn high and far. We just have to be really careful to aim it away from the street (don’t wanna cause an accident!) and away from the house (I now have six trapped up on the roof) and away from the holly bushes (because they will immediately pop) and away from the trees (because now I have three hanging from the branches -unpopped, but unreachable )
We shot these things everywhere and laughed and had so much fun. I was the one who was disappointed when it was time for the mom to show up!
Will I ever grow up? Prolly not! This was a great day!
*This is not a paid endorsement-but it really should be!
I’m getting old. We all are, and this is not news. It’s just that I really feel it today.
Yesterday, George Carlin’s death was all over the place, on the news, on my yahoo feeds, and in several blogs-even my own. I grew up with him as many of you did. Thinking of him brought up several great memories for me. I listened to his albums with my Dad as a kid. Yes….I said as a kid. Where did the time go?
Today, I received an invitation to a wedding shower. Son2’s friend is getting married soon and this is a shower for the bride-to-be. I remember this boy’s first grade class picture. I remember him skinning his knees playing with my son. Now he’s getting married. He already has a two year old daughter. Where did the time go?
This guy is not the first of either of my sons’ friends to have a child or to get married. But since my sons are friends with the same group of kids since childhood, many of those who married are twenty-five to thirty years old. This particular friend is one of the younger group. The group who is 23 years old…the age of Son2.
Twenty-three. When I was twenty-three, I had two little boys. When I was twenty-three, I still lived in an apartment. At twenty-three, it was a huge deal to go out without the kids.
Twenty-three was half my life ago. Where did the time go?
Someday soon, my own boys will be the ones getting married. Babygirl will be out of high school and moving on to college in two years. Maybe I’ll even be a grandmom. Where did the time go?
No matter what the calendar or the temperature may tell us, Summer doesn’t officially start for me until the day all the kids are finished school for the summer. Today was the first day that I had a full house of other people’s kids.
The weather cooperated wonderfully. The humidity was down, the sun was shining and rain wasn’t predicted until late afternoon (or “drive time” for all of you commuters) I decided that we were going to take full advantage of this.
We left the house around 10:45. A stroller, a dog, Babygirl and I, and five kids. We looked like a parade walking down the street.We made it three blocks before someone had a ‘blow-out’ on her flipflop. We took a hair rubber band and rigged it just so it would hold long enough for the walk.
And walk we did. We walked and walked and walked. We went to the campus of Swarthmore College where it’s a nice shaded walk with plenty of interesting things for the kids to see.
This is what we did today:
Part of the college campus (Photo taken by my nephew Mark -7)
This and the next are views of the Amphitheater where we stopped to play.
Then I showed them important stuff.
I’m all about educating the yung’uns. This summer, the theme is “green”
They learn by example. See how well he practices?
Those ankle-biters had a good time.
After all the learnin’ and walkin’, we made our way home.
Wanna know what I learned? I’m not as young as I used to be. My legs are killing me.I need a hot bubble bath, a couple of Motrin, and nice comfy bed!
I saw this comic strip on Sunday and it made me chuckle. Yes, I do remember warming up the television. *click* Turn it on and wait. And wait. And wait. Sometimes you could hear the crinkle of static as the picture went from black to shades of grey. To a kid, it took F.O.R.E.V.E.R.
As a matter of fact, I remember the day that we got a “console” television. It looked like this:
It seems forever ago. Do you see a remote control? That’s because there was none! I think I was around six or seven and I remember that we got Channels 3, 6, and 10. If you were lucky enough to own a decent set of “rabbit ears” you were also able to get two or three UHF channels.
Noooooooo……Not those……these:
UHF was terribly important to a kid. These were the channels that had cartoons. From 3:00 to 5:00pm you could watch Popeye, Speed Racer,Yogi Bear or Ultraman. (or at least that’s what I watched.)
The most horrible thing my Mom could do was to turn the shows off until all my homework was done. It was guaranteed that they would be over by the time I finished.The only thing even close to that tragedy was being called to help make dinner. UGH! I would hurry to do only as much as she asked-no more, no less. The whole time I could hear my brother yelling “WOW!” or “You’re missing it!”
I feel ancient remember this. I know some of you never knew black and white television. I know that still others like Britt are so young that they probably don’t remember not having basic cable. Well, fuck you.
No…..Seriously, though, the world has moved on. Soon enough no one will be able to watch a television that isn’t receiving a digital signal.
TequilaCon has finally passed
Everyone there had a blast.
YOU were missed, it made me sad,
But here’s some things that made me glad:
As I entered the room, I saw Miss Britt
dressed in yellow and strutting her shit. Adam was there with Dawg and Poppy Hilly was on her way to “sloppy”
Karl has a hot lil heinie
but not as cute as our man Shiny Finn is gorgeous as can be
and Becky’s boobs have how many D’s???
Libragirl and her friend Robyn
With BubbleWench were seen hobnobbin’ Dave2 made us tags and buttons
they were great and so was Dustin.
And now we have my dear friend Shelli–
I laughed so hard, I hurt my belly.
She rubbed her tits, calling,”GOOOOOOOGLE ME!!”
and was seen sending a drunk text (or three!)
And finally to Super Jen….
YOU ROCK!!
and I can’t wait to do this again!
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Since it was refurbished, there was no warranty. Since it had been a discontinued model, there were no replacement parts readily available…even from the manufacturers!
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