My son just walked out the door. It was a reflex but I said “Good Luck”. I hate to do that, because it almost feels like a jinx. I just couldn’t help myself. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. He isn’t on his way to take his driver’s test again. Not this time.

Today, he is headed to an appeal hearing.

He left his previous job (one that lays him off every winter) and started working for another company. This company had similar work, but it was different every day. There was less outdoor/in the mud/heavy lifting involved. The money was slightly better, the people – for the most part- nicer, and best of all……he liked it. Every day, he came home tired, but happy. This was a son I hadn’t seen in a while. Every day I thanked God that things were going well for him.

Just after the holidays….within a day or two of breaking up with his girlfriend AND failing his driver’s test….he was fired.

He had been told that part of his job wasn’t done. He claimed that the boss hadn’t told him about that part, but he went ahead and did it. A co-worker went to the boss and told him that Son bitched and moaned and said that he wasn’t a mind reader and that the boss was an ass. Son denied that ever happened and I believe him (“Mom, I liked that job and the makeup work wasn’t that big of a deal”)  Boss said he didn’t need an employee who couldn’t take direction and said that “it just wasn’t working out.”

Son was devastated.

Anyway, he was advised to see if he was eligible for unemployment benefits. Department of Labor told him yes and so he applied and began receiving benefits. A few weeks ago, on the last day that he could possibly appeal, the boss did exactly that. Today, it will be decided if the boss was wrong, or if Son has to repay the money received. Of course, in the two months between the firing and the appeal notice, Son had paid his bills. The money is not there.

Can things get any shittier for him? Yes. It will be bad if he needs to come up with this money. Of course, we will help him out, by paying back most if not all of the debt. Son will take the help but not be one bit happy about it. That means that he will owe his father, something that is, in his book, worse than root canal. He will work on weekends for free to pay us back. He will clean gutters, wash trucks and whatever ‘bitch work’ happens to come up.

I don’t know if it’s worse on him to be doing it, or on me watching and knowing that it really isn’t his fault.

Please think good thoughts.

****The latest: Boss never showed up, never cancelled with the court. Son took off a day of work (that he needed) just to be told “never mind”. Does this mean the appeal is dismissed? Not a clue, but his current boss says that the court frowns on that shit and most likely will rule in Son’s favor. God I hope so!!!! Thanks for your positive energy and it wouldn’t hurt to ask to keep it coming. Love you all!!

Hirsute-adj.- hairy, covered with hair

I am hirsute. All over my arms, and legs I am covered with thick dark hair. It grows very quickly and is very annoying.

Another place that I have hair is my chin (as in beard-ish) and under my nose (as in mustache-ish) I spend lots of time frequently plucking those mother fuckers. I tried waxing and I end up with patches of hair that I have to pluck anyway. I’ve never used the depilatory products on my face, mostly because they were always a waste of time and money to use on my legs.

Before the holidays, I got busy. I didn’t have the time to set aside just to sit and pluck, so I decided “What the hell” and I found myself in the depilatory aisle. So many products and so little difference, except for the price. I decided to go for the CVS brand.

I read the instructions and did my little ‘spot test’. No adverse reaction. Yay! And then I continued.

I used it on a Monday. It actually worked. Only a very small needed to be plucked and I chalked that up to missing a spot in the application. On the whole I was relatively satisfied. The only thing worth mentioning is that by Wednesday, I had flaky skin wherever I had used the product. This was a week before Christmas.  I only needed a tiny bit of plucking maintenance.

Flash forward to the new year.

I let the hair grow in a tad. I haven’t been out of the house much and therefore, I let myself go. Last night, I decided that since I was still awake at nine o’clock, and everyone else was in bed, I would take advantage of the time and do it once again.

There is one sentence in the instructions that I failed to commit to memory:

Yep. That says it all. If I had remembered that, I wouldn’t have ended up with this:

I cleaned the cream off and applied the skin soother just like the directions said to. Yes, it stung a bit. I wrote that off as perhaps I left it on too long. I checked the clock and guess what? I actually took it off after less time than recommended. It was a little pink but whatever.

This morning I woke up to that. ^^^  I look like my husband beat me or something!  It still stings to the touch but aloe gel has calmed the skin down alot.  Now what? Can I still complain about this even though they snuck that little caveat in there?

I think I’ll ask my hubby for laser hair removal next year for Christmas.

I had big plans for today.

The house has been pretty clean since Thanksgiving. I finally caught up on laundry and now I’ve gotten the Christmas spirit. I thought that maybe I’d put up some decorations and after vacuuming up the ever-present glitter and styrofoam, I’d shampoo the carpets this weekend.

Alas, dear reader, this is not to be. Lemme ‘splain….

I was curled up in my bed patiently waiting for hubs to go to work so that I could get up and get busy. The dogs were snuggled up with me, the room was dark and the blankets were toasty. Hubs called the dogs to go out and they bounded from the bed. I found their warm spots and sighed with happiness. I began to doze….

“Chris! Wake up. Bandit doesn’t have a skin irritation. The dogs have fleas!”

I’m awake now!

But they’re INDOOR dogs! They are rarely near other animals! How could this happen??

Together, Hubs and I ran down the list of “maybes”.  Maybe a holiday guest brought them in on their clothes? Maybe on Hub’s work clothes? Maybe the UPS guy when he brought in that big box the other day? Or maybe…the vet’s when Mordecai got his snippage…..exactly one month ago? I tend to doubt that one because Bandit was itchy before that.

No matter. I still have to get started. I strip the bed, the couches, and gather up the dogs’ beds and pillows. I gather the throw blankets, the sneakers that have been sitting next to Bandit’s bed.

Now I have run the shoes and pillows through the dryer. The washer is full of sheets, soon to be followed by the blankets. Hubs will get some jobs started and return with flea dip, powder and spray. Of course he will leave to finish work while I deal with this mess. The laundry I was happy to be done with, has been replace by mountains of new laundry.

My body itches. Not a single bite anywhere to be found on me, but I itch nonetheless. I think of how the dogs cuddled with me in my bed, on the couches. I think of them rolling on the floor, hiding behind the couches as they played with the kongs. As I walk through the rooms of the house, all I can think of is how the dogs did “this” over “there” and now I should clean there. I am exhausted already.

Now I will still be vacuuming and shampooing my carpets.

Just not for the happy reasons.

Okay, so yesterday I was a bitch. I mean BITCH. I was annoyed at everything. All that stuff going on with Penn State was everywhere….Facebook, Twitter and television. I flicked off the television.   I logged off of fb.  I was on Twitter for a bit. It was nice chatting with everyone and taking my mind off of the craving that was slowly grinding away at my willpower. I walked away from the laptop and cleaned the kitchen. I came back and got some support and left again to clean the bathroom. Back and forth I went, twitter and clean, twitter and clean.

Around three-ish, I hit the craving of a lifetime. I decided to light a candle and read for a bit. It took me six matches to light that wick. I needed to go into the office for a second pack. There on the desk was an opened pack of cigarettes.  I reached for it and looked inside.

Four cigarettes.

I could easily take one. God knows, I wanted it bad enough. But I didn’t because of something I had read earlier on Twitter. “I gave in and smoked. I will try again tomorrow”. My smoke buddy had fallen. I had answered her comment with “We can do this!”  Remembering that, I broke the smokes and threw them away.

Hubs came home a short time later. It was his bad luck to come in just as another craving struck me.

“Motherfucker! You left cigarettes here! Were you trying to tempt me or test me?!! Wait, don’t answer me! I don’t want to know. I hate you right now!”

He apologized profusely. He couldn’t say enough.

I cursed him up and down. I wouldn’t let him say a word. He asked where paperwork was. I told him to look for himself. He asked if the mail had come. I asked if he saw it on his desk. I made him chicken for dinner. I made it the one way he dislikes it, and I was happy about that.

I hated myself for acting this way. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything to deserve this. I wanted to kick my own ass.

He went out after dinner to check on something. He came home after an hour and went to his office. He took a shower and sat next to me on the couch. Just looking at him I could feel that switch flip again. All the sorrow I felt for being a bitch disappeared. I wanted a fight again.

Before I could do something I’d regret, I wanted a shower. I hoped that I could wash away the anger. But a shower meant wetting my hair and that was just one more thing that I didn’t want to deal with.  I looked into the bathroom and was overcome with a sudden desire for a  BATH. I began to run the water.

In my old house, I had one of those big, deep bathtubs on claw feet. I would take a bath as often as possible. Candle, music, head pillow…..the whole nine yards. When we moved, I was once again the owner of a standard tub. It wasn’t as deep. The water barely covered my boobs. My chest and shoulders get cold while the rest of me soaks. I gave up the baths in favor of showers.

Tonight, however, I wanted that bath more than anything….except a cigarette. The peach scented bubble bath I used to use had a layer of dust on it. I no longer have the bath pillow. Undeterred, I poured in the bubbles and watched them foam up.

It smelled heavenly. My body began to relax before I finished undressing. I eased myself in…..and floated away. The candle added an undertone of vanilla to the peach steam filling the room. I lay in the tub soaking, basking in the warmth. After about forty-five minutes, I was pruney enough and tried to get out of the water. No bath mat plus bubble bath equals a slippery tub. I needed help so I called for Hubs.

“I need someone to hang onto. It’s too slippery and I’m afraid that I’ll fall.”

He came into the bathroom and placed a towel on the side of the tub. I pulled myself up and began to step out of the water. He held my arm with one hand and reached for a second towel with his other hand. I was totally out of the shower and he began to gently dry my body. It felt so good. I was like putty.

“I didn’t leave those cigarettes on purpose. I’m sorry you felt like I let you down.”

“No, I’m sorry I took things out on you. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was itching for a fight and you were the closest  to me. I’m sorry.”

We kissed and moved into the bedroom.

Because Babygirl still reads my posts, I will spare her the details of what her parents did next. (made love…LOL)

This is the reward for thirty-one years of marriage. He can take what I dish out. Today I was a raving lunatic. This will get better. I know it will. It will pass.

But our love for each other will not pass.

I am his lunatic.

Truth-I hate housework.

Consequence-I tried to fit something in my cabinet and discovered that the shelf liner had been pushed to the back, thus creating a lump that took up space. My ‘full’ cabinet wasn’t as full as I thought. Now I have to clean my cabinets.

Truth-Boredom is my eating trigger.

Consequence-I find myself getting bored and then I pace. Suddenly I look up and realize that I am in the kitchen looking for a snack. This is horrible because my house has lots of chips, cookies, ice cream and candy. I am not the only that eats that stuff so I can’t just hide it or stop keeping it in the house.

Truth-I like to cook.

Consequence-I made two different things to eat for dinner (for myself) and there are leftovers that just don’t taste the same when they’ve been frozen. Now that my desire to cook and eat them has been fulfilled, I find myself looking at the leftovers thinking “I have to eat that before it gets bad.”

Truth- I started smoking again in July. The fact that Hubs knew and was buying me the cigarettes, made me feel less guilty. Less guilty=smoking more.

Consequences- I started the patch on Monday in order to quit. Today is Day 3, or is it #4? I don’t know and I don’t care. I am bitchy as hell. I am cleaning my house, cooking, and eating.

But not smoking……so I guess there’s that.

As soon as I promised to write more, I fall off the planet again.

Actually I am coming to terms with news from my doctor. I went to the office last Wednesday for a checkup on my numbers, my weight and my horrible allergies. I have lost five pounds and more than five inches on my waist. This was good news.

By the time I got into the examining room, however, my allergy-pressure-migraine was ready to peak. I was afraid of throwing up or worse-passing out. The doc looked at me and handed me a prescription to deal with it. The last time I discussed pills for this, I was told that it would be something that I would take every day to keep migraines at bay. Not wanting to deal with that, I just dealt with them the best way that I could-ice packs, caffeine, and peppermint oil. Those three combined do a bang up job, but I have to be home for them. This pill, however, was bliss. I love my doctor!

And then we discussed my cholesterol. It seems that a summer of parties, party cake, potato salad, and of course alcohol has finally caught up with me. If I had avoided those things, my weight loss would have been more than five pounds. Instead it made my cholesterol spike. I have one month to fix this before he says I will need medication. Not thrilled.

Since I have done so well with my half hour of walking every day, he now wants me to raise it to one hour. This is doable. The next step is two fresh or frozen fruits and two vegetables a day. One fish a week and more beans. This is a very simple step for me to incorporate. I am so freaking happy that he is encouraging me with very tiny steps.

Oh it is showing. I had a pair of  jeans that were so comfortable. I gained weight and put them away hoping that ‘someday’ I would fit in them again. Finally, I resigned myself to the fact that they could be doing someone else some good and so I put them in the Goodwill pile in the basement. While looking for something different last week, I came upon them and pulled them on….just for shits and giggles. Lo and behold!! They fit me again!!!

And there you have it. Nothing is new….except my attitude!

I need to do a couple of things to do today. Nothing big. Basically, I need to shop for a dentist that takes our insurance, send some info to Babygirl, and pay a few bills. Sounds easy right?

In order to do all of these things, I made sure I cleaned up newspapers from the weekend, did a load of laundry, washed dishes, clipped coupons, cleaned the bathroom and fed the dogs.

I guess I ought to shower, as I am smelling a bit ripe.

And maybe eat lunch.

And switch out the laundry.

And figure out dinner.

And make the bed.

And I hope I get those trivial things done before Hubs gets home…..

I really can’t seem to get motivated to write lately.

I had lost some stuff on a flash drive-and no, I didn’t have it saved anywhere else. This was a devastating loss. It was lots of notes, partial stories, and many other things. This led to me feeling…..like I didn’t want to be bothered.

Well I’ve decided to give up the funk and try to get on that horse again. And so it begins…here. Will this be a steady thing? I don’t know. I may just be posting anything and everything in an effort to get myself writing every day again. Will you stay with me? Will you encourage me to continue? Or will you become exasperated with my ramblings and abandon me?

Only time will tell.

Please, don’t leave me.

I am not writing this to say that Casey Anthony is guilty or not guilty. I believe that has been decided in a Florida courtroom. I am, however, writing this about the outcome and the resulting outrage.

It is MY opinion that Nancy Grace whipped the public into a frenzy in the many months that this was in the news. It is MY opinion that she helped fan every rumor into what many perceived as “facts”.  Did she kill her daughter? We will never know. Did she lie? Definitely.

WE are not the jury. WE may have sat in front of our televisions for the past weeks hanging on every word. But did we listen with unbiased ears? If we took the word “CHILD” or “MOTHER” out of the equation, would there still be the outrage? The thought of a mother killing her child cuts to the very heart of every other mother. No one can imagine doing that to their OWN child. But that is beside the point. The jury followed the law. Circumstantial evidence is not enough to convict someone. No one witnessed Caylee’s death. Even the coroner could not say exactly how Caylee died.

And so, if a few of my friends on Facebook are to be believed, at 9pm, we should be lighting our front lights for Caylee. Why?  It won’t change the verdict. It won’t bring the little girl back.

If – God forbid – someone I know or love ever needs a jury trial, I am terrified of who would be chosen as a jury. Do I want someone who will ‘assume’ guilt the way that many on television or Twitter have? Do I want someone who gets all their news from Joy Behar, Nancy Grace, Anderson Cooper or the myriad other talking heads? Hell no!

I want someone who will look at the facts. I want someone who will follow the letter of the law. I want someone who will take an oath to uphold justice.

I want someone willing to make the hard choices. I don’t envy those jurists for one minute. They will be despised by millions for doing their duty as Americans.

I want to say a few things so here we go with a new vintage of whine…

The charger to my laptop has given up the ghost. I am hoping that the cost to replace it is covered under my insurance with Best Buy. Now I know that more than a few of my friends have issues with them, but I have always gotten good results-once I get past the long wait in line or the time it takes to get my stuff back. Lucky for me, the charger that Babygirl uses also works on my laptop, so I will use that, for now, but will also cut back  on my use. What will I do with myself?

The weather has been great and I really want to take down my curtains and wash them or sort through boxes in the basement. I wanted to wait until Babygirl was home from college to help me but to tell you the truth part of me wants to see her relax or earn money for school. Part of me is afraid of hurting my back and the biggest part of me is lazy.

I’m going to the shore with Hubs this weekend. His high school is having a gathering near where we vacation and so we will drop in there. We have taken overnight trips here or there. Most are only that-overnight-but a few have been two. This one is Friday to Monday. FOUR DAYS! I am so excited to be away from our computers, cell phones and cable tv. I used to worry about my kids when I went away, but now I worry that the dogs won’t poop for them. (Bandit avoids it) Now I’ll worry that Mordecai will eat all of Bandit’s food when he’s not looking. Damn ‘kids’……

Started shopping for my future grandSON. He already has some Philadelphia Union gear.(YAY) I am also looking at shower gifts. When did kid stuff get to be so fucking expensive? It’s a racket. The gear for humans that will barely have time to wear/use/fit in is atrociously costly. $500 and up for a crib? $300+ for a car seat that they will use for little more than a year? Holy shit!

And so, that is my wildly exciting life. What have you been up to?