Today I had my mammogram done.  Now I need a flat bra.

Today I had a bone density scan. I can no longer use the line  “I’m not fat, I’m big boned.” 

Today I answered the phone when my brother called. He asked if I could watch one of his six kids (Ethan-who is one year old) He said on Wednesday and Thursday. I said sure because I never see his kids unless it is a holiday, and even then, his ’sometimes wife’ tends to keep one or two of them. I can’t remember the last time I saw him with all of his kids at the same time. I was happy that he asked me and I told him that I was looking forward to it.

“What time do you need me?”  I asked him. Mentally, I’m preparing for what cleaning I have to do and what can wait until the baby gets picked up.

“Oh I’ll drop him off on Wednesday, probably early, but I don’t know what time I’ll get home on Thursday.”

Umm….whatthefucknow?

He is going to take the family for an overnight at the shore and he is asking me to watch Ethan overnight. He can never afford to do something like that and so I’m glad to help him out and I hope they have an awesome time.

I have no problem handling a kid of any age during the day. We can take walks, frolic in the yard, play with play-doh, or any number of things. However, I don’t usually have an overnighter with babies. I don’t usually do that until they are old enough to reason with. I can explain where mommy is and show them the clock and they will know that daddy is coming home soon. We can watch movies all night until they fall asleep.

Oh Lord, what will I do when he cries and I am tired and Hubby can’t sleep and starts bitching and Son2 needs to get up at 5:30 and might wake up the kid and he starts crying again and now I’ve had no sleep no shower no alcohol and his daddy isn’t coming home until 8pm?

Aaaaallllllrighty then. This oughta be interesting…….

I was sitting on the bed, surrounded by all the invoices saying that my bill was now in collection. (I say “I’m only paying $50 and the hospital says “No, it’s $100 and the insurance company says “Hmm…let’s see….)

Hubs comes home from work while I am in the middle of  ‘negotiations’ and begins to open his mail and messages in the office. I shut the bedroom door so that I can hear myself think and concentrate.

Phone: “Ma’am, can you give me your account number?”

Me: “123-4567-890″

Hubs: (popping his head into the room.) “Who are you on the phone with?”

Phone: “Ma’am, could you repeat the last four digits?”

Hubs: “Who is it?”

Me: (gesturing furiously to please wait) “7890″

Hubs: “Is that the plumber?”

Me: “No, it’s not! Can you wait a minute?”

Phone: ” That’s not the number? ”

Me: “That’s the number!”

Hubs: “It’s the plumber?”

I swear to God I did not make that up. I’m not that clever.

But I might be clever enough to poison his dinner tonight.

ps: The bill is no longer in collection and I’m only paying $50. Yay me!

There is an Atlantic Book Outlet on the Boardwalk that we visit every summer. Now when we leave home, I tend to bring a paperback, you know, something not too heavy to carry and read on the beach.  I go to the outlet and get the heavier books to read during my winter hibernation.  For me, it’s like a kid going into a toy store. I have to check out a lot of books before I settle on two or three. Last year’s choices were Aimee Liu’s “Flash House” and  Loren D Estleman’s “The Undertaker’s Wife”.  They have been sitting under my coffee table for a year.

Before leaving for the shore last year, I started reading Stephen King’s “Duma Key”. So, when I got home, I put away the new books so that I could finish reading that.  Instead of reading, however,  I got involved in making a needlepoint wedding gift for a friend. This took longer than I had hoped, and before I knew it, Christmas was here.  One of my gifts was “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. Well, I just had to read that one right away!

Other books were started and never finished. This is a new occurrence for me. I never leave a book halfway read. And so, this spring, I began gathering up the books and read them.  (Don’t bother with “The Weekend” by Peter Cameron -or maybe do-it gets great reviews but I felt it was a waste of time) I finally finished “The Lovely Bones” by Alice Sebold. I can’t imagine how I could have put it down to begin with!

At long last, today I was ready to start a new book. I decided on “Flash House”. I actually got excited about it. I poured a cup of coffee and turned off the television. I opened the cover to read the jacket , as is my habit. It serves to whet my appetite. Now. I am ready. I flip through to the first page of the first chapter only to find…

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS TRICKERY???

Oh, yes. It’s the old bait and switch. Do I still have the receipt?  NO.  Is it worth a two hour drive to get to the store and complain about it?  NO. And besides, it’s over a YEAR ago!.

So now I have this book that isn’t my usual cup of tea. I have to admit that the description sounds intriguing. I plan on reading this one and I hope it isn’t another book that I will read and put aside without finishing it.

I’m all for expanding my horizons and trying new things. Books just never figure into my “new things to try”.  I guess this is one of those lemons life has given me.

Now I gotta make some lemonade…..

A few things are happening….just a few ….but they are the type of things that keep me from you, my friends.

Something old…..That would be me. Hubs whisked me away for two nights at the beach. We relaxed, met up with my kids for a day on the beach and dinner, and we shared some drinks and smooches. One morning, we rented bicycles and rode them…..and rode them….and-well you get the drift. We rode for forty-five minutes in one direction, turned around and rode back. Lemme tell you, halfway back, I damn near died. My muscles burned, my body spewed off sweat and I could see my thighs twitch with overuse. Yeppers, kids, I am sadly out of shape. Even though I have been exercising, I have been more about the cardio and abs. Apparently, I must learn to do it all.

Something new…..My laptop needs a new fanbelt. It had been overheating a bit and after ruling out overuse and a recalled battery, I discovered that that was what I needed.  And so, my beloved is off for two weeks getting repaired. Which brings me to….

Something borrowed…..In the meantime, I am typing this post on Babygirl’s laptop. This won’t happen very often, I’m sure. I am afraid of doing anything that would compromise this back-to-school purchase.  So….if anything needs to be spilled on here, I will most likely be borrowing the business computer. Ugh! You know how I feel about that!

And lastly, we have something blue…..That would be me. My cousin is not doing very well with her battle against stomach cancer. We only learned of it shortly before Christmas, and she has already nosedived very quickly. I can only hope that she is spared from too much pain. Life is not very fair.

There is also the ‘countdown’ to August 26. That is the day that Babygirl leaves us for her dorm. Yes, I’m blue but also tickled pink–for her. She is excited and so I am, but damn, I will miss her…..

And there you have it.  That’s what’s happening. It’s what keeps me from you all. I hope to catch up with my blog reading because I want to see what YOU’RE doing this summer!!

Malaise (pronounced /məˈleɪz/, mal-aze) is a feeling of general discomfort or uneasiness, an “out of sorts” feeling

It’s been four days since I wrote the previous post. At that time I was mid-sickness. Within another 24 hours, I was keeping food down, showering and feeling somewhat better. However, for the past few days I still have malaise. I want to clean house, really I do. I want to do the laundry, to cook dinner….I just sit here and think about it. It takes too much effort for me to actually do it. The thought of the steps involved exhaust me.

Hubs has been home most of the week. This doesn’t help matters. He wants me to sit with him, to watch a movie, to talk. It’s even to tiring to concentrate on that. I have convinced him to watch movies we’ve seen a hundred times. If I have to watch something new, I won’t be able to follow it.

Throw into this stew, preparations for Babygirl’s departure. We have to shop for her dorm, getting linens, dishes, storage supplies etc.  Not only that, but she needs her medical records sent out. She needs to see her doctors for eye exams, prescription renewals, and dental exams. She won’t be able to travel home every other week for checkups. Every one of these is just one more expense – co-pays – that comes out of pocket. Who makes appointments? Me. Who has to keep track of when she is working so that I can plan around those hours? Me. It’s bad during a good week. This week it is a mental nightmare for me.

But much like the nausea that still comes and goes, I will push it down. If I let it out, I’m afraid I’ll end up overwhelmed and when that happens, I’ll shut down.  Hubs is never good at this stuff. That’s why it is my job as wife and mother. It always has been. Babygirl has work, summer day trips with friends who will be left behind and with her brother and his family. Her stress and anxiety will increase as departure day approaches and I don’t want to put more on her plate.

But me? I’m still here with my malaise….

I can’t remember the last time I was sick.

I have had my back aching to the point of lying around on the couch for a day or two. But even that allows for getting up to use the bathroom, or eating snacks or watching movies.

I have had migraine headaches.  Again, I can use the bathroom, do laundry or at least talk to someone if I choose to.

I even had a touch of  ’sun sickness’  after watching the soccer game in the near 100* heat, but that was an acceptable payoff for having a great time.

This weekend, I have been sick. I have tried to eat and I have paid a heavy price for it.  Vomiting is not the way I wanted to spend a weekend. I laid on the bed to take it easy and suddenly I wake up and it is dark outside. I’ve  slept…..hard.  I have decided to do a load of laundry and ended up soooo dizzy that I promptly lay back down, terrified that I would fall down the stairs, or hit my head on a wall on the way to the floor. I have tried to have a conversation, only to feel my stomach and throat clench in the anticipation of  ’outflow’. 

Hubs was sick too. He slept all day Saturday, went to work on Sunday morning and even though he was a little queasy, he ate and kept it down.

Me?  Today is day three and even as I sit here typing this, I feel like I will faint if I don’t lay back down soon. I talked to Babygirl and made a few quick phone calls but that is about all the talking I am going to do today.

If I am like this again tomorrow, I gotta call the doctor.  I wanna die……

I was just sitting here, bored, and wondering what I should post about. Well, I decided to give you all some little factoids from my former jobs…

I worked in a movie theater where roaches and mice were an every day occurence. (We shared a building with a bus terminal)  Those roaches showed up even during the day and they had wings!!  GAG!  The mice weren’t shy either. Since bug spray, rat traps or glue traps never seemed to deter them, I kept oven cleaner behind the counter. They didn’t like that stuff. My can sat within reach…along with a baseball bat to break the fingers of the asses who would try to reach over the counter when it got busy. I used the oven cleaner and the bat too many times to count. True story.

I worked in a little film developing place (Like a Fotomat) This was located in a hallway within the above mentioned bus terminal. One wall was made completely of glass and since the trolleys discharged passengers at the head of the hallway, all those people would look into the windows every day.  Some would stop to fix their hair or makeup in the one mirror that covered one of the pillars. They would adjust their boobs or balls as if no one could see them. I know exactly what a fish in a tank feels like. True story.

I worked in a deli where I had grown up buying candy. Since I knew the owner, after hours we’d stand in the parking lot shooting the breeze enjoying a soda for a bit. One night, while we discussed the progress of a new employee, he stood with his foot resting up on the bumper of his car. One of his fucking testicles dropped out of his shorts and just hung there. I tried so fucking hard to get out of that conversation so I could go home and bleach my poor eyes. True story.

I worked taking care of my friend Linda, who was paralyzed on one side of  her body, putting her to bed and dressing her in the morning. On the very first night that I was on my own, I dropped her, wedging her between the wall, bed and wheelchair. At first I apologized profusely. But then I realized that the sounds she was making wasn’t crying at all. She was laughing her ass off at my panic. I tried getting her off of the floor but was not having much success. I yelled “You told me you weighed 150 pounds!  You’re closer to 180!!  Heifer!”  At that, she laughed even harder and then so did I. When we calmed down, she revealed that her son was home, in his room in the basement and I could call him to pick her up.  I don’t know what I would have done if any of it had happened differently. True story.

I haven’t posted lately and there are lots of reasons.

#3- There was the graduation. It was a beautiful day, beautiful ceremony and of course, the beautiful graduate.

#2- I spent some time sanding the walls in the bathroom after all the spackling that I did. I also did a few jobs around the house but being ever careful of my back, it was one day of work  and the next day of rest. I’m reading again, and it’s something that I haven’t taken the time to do lately.

#1- The biggest thing that has been taking up a huge amount of my time is the World Cup. Teri asked me if I had always loved soccer or was it something more recent. I actually played some intermural soccer in high school and both of my boys played when they were growing up.  I tried to follow the Philadelphia Wings when they were around, but the US wasn’t quite ready to embrace soccer as a ‘legitimate’ sport. European soccer has always had a place in my heart. 

In very many of the past years, I either had little kids here all day or no cable (once upon a time).  Therefore, I missed watching World Cup and was relegated to reading the sportspages or catching the updates if the evening news felt it worthy of a story. This year, I have no kids here yet. I may not have any at all this summer. Whatever, I have to stop my spackling, sanding, painting, etc to sit for the two hours it takes from pre-game to post-game shows. Hubs came home early yesterday to find me covered in dust from sanding, with my feet up, enjoying a game and a soda. Oh well. I didn’t give a shit.  I saw Desmond Tutu dance with joy as the games opened in his country. I was there when the USA tied England. I screamed when I watched Daniele de Rossi. I’ll get done all my stuff before Saturday (the graduation party) I have no worries about that.

For now, I’m spending my afternoons in South Africa, fantasizing that I am on the sidelines, watching those studly young men playing game after game of soccer……….

Getting ready for Graduation-pictures, party and the arrival of family-is a huge  undertaking.

When Son1 graduated, we weren’t so rushed. He wanted to wait for his party until the very end of June, because he was leaving for the Army. We chose a date midway and held a ‘graduation/going away’ party. Family was all there, but nearly all of his cousins were younger than he was. None was married or had any kids.

When Son2 graduated, we had a Party. (Notice the ‘capital P’) We had doubts that he would finish school at all so it truly was a celebration. By that time, the oldest of the cousins were beginning to have families of their own. Our house was full, but we were blessed with gorgeous weather. We prepared by clearing some bushes that were lining the back yard. The house was cleaned from top to bottom. I still watched kids in the daytime so the house cleaning was a massive undertaking.

Now that Babygirl is graduating, Hubs has finally moved his ass on getting rid of the dead hedges from the front of the house.  I am repainting the bathroom (slowly but surely!)  And the house cleaning?  I have taken a room a day and I am very happy with my efforts. I have gotten rid of things that I had previously just pushed aside. I started things early enough that I can work, take a day off, work some more, take another day off, etc.  This is the way my life should have been for a long time.

The odd thing is that I have energy. Normally, I would get up in the morning, have some coffee and lay in bed to watch two hours of “Reba”.  Then I’d get in the shower and procrastinate on whatever job I had planned for the day.  When all was said and done, my house looked the same when I went to bed at night.

For some reason, now I get up and have coffee- no “Reba” or “Frazier”.  I skip the shower, jump into clothes and begin my day. The washer churns with laundry and curtains. The dishwasher is running full. The vacuum is running and all day, I run up and down the basement stairs, switching out the washer and dryer or just putting away boxes of stuff pulled out of closets.

By the time I begin to get tired, my back is telling me to quit. Two ibuprophen and a hot shower later, I am good as new. Dinner is done and look around my house with satisfaction.

But the question still remains: Where did the energy come from? I didn’t have nearly as much when I prepped for Christmas.  Sometimes I think that the day after the party, I will crash….hard.

Well, until that day comes, I’ll just enjoy my days full of honest, hard work. I’ll relish my day off in between, when I just watch movies or read a book.

And maybe I’ll do more writing…….

Dear Neighbor,

I’m sorry if you think I was rude.  I was sweating my ass off in the sun. I was picking up grass divots while you stood there asking me if  “it’s a hot job?”   You may be a professor of Criminal Justice, but you are as stupid as a rock.  I tried to be polite….really I did. I just didn’t feel the need to tell you how hard Hubby and I were working when it was obvious that we were soaked with sweat.  It was obvious from the shovels and the bags of mulch.

I also tried to be nice to your kids, who kept coming over to ask why we were digging in the dirt, where is my dog, did I squirt Hubby with the hose (Is that how he got wet?)  They are kids and I really couldn’t tell them to go the fuck away.  Besides, how could they know any better when their mother was the one who started the game “20 Questions”?

When you finally went away, I could still hear your whiny, nasal voice cajoling your kids into behaving. “Wanna go in the house? Wanna put on your bathing suit? Why don’t we go get your bathing suit? If we do, you can play in the pool. Do you wanna do that?”  WTF?  You say, “Get in the house and get your bathing suit so we can swim.  No? Fine,  get in the house and take a nap!”  How could you let them walk all over you like that? Why let them get into the pool with their clothes on? You’re a spineless jelly-fish. 

Your spiel never let up. “Here’s the rules! Here’s the rules!” and then “Take turns or else! One…..Two……Eric, take turns now! One…..Two…..”  THE NEXT ONE IS FUCKING THREE!!!!  Now smack his ass and take him into the house, for Chrissake!!!!

Every day we are out there and every day you say, “I should borrow your husband to do my yard”   No, bitch. You have the asshole landscapers who mow your lawns at 8am on a Sunday morning. They are the shitheads who blow all the leaves from your property onto my lawn, which gets cleaned up BY ME!

Don’t you dare ever ask me why the neighbors are so ’standoffish’  I may have to tell the truth and tell you that it’s all you baby!!

You know that saying,  “Good fences make good neighbors”?  I wish I could build a fucking brick wall.

Not So Cordially,

Metalmom