Wednesday July 25th 2012, 4:16 PM
Filed under: happy,ineptitude,laughs,owies

Splits Are For Kids

What a great day.

I had a migraine last night. Rather than fight it, I took a tylenolPM, put on my jammies and crawled into bed at 8pm. Tuesday ended while I slept and I awoke to a beautiful Wednesday twelve hours later. Hot coffee and quiet time. Laundry running and Style network full of my guilty pleasures-How Do I Look?, Jerseylicious, and Supernanny. Just before I wanted to get in the shower, Babygirl wanted to go for a walk, so we leashed up the doggies and took a nice walk to Dunkin’ Donuts. I came home a bit sweaty and started dinner.

I had wanted to make beef stew in the crock pot, but since it was already afternoon, I figured I’d make it on the stovetop. I simply wanted to cook the carrots a little before adding everything else. And so, they merrily simmered….and simmered. Hubs came home early and we had a brief conversation. Babygirl was leaving for a baseball game and work and I said goodbye. I prepared to get into the shower…..again. Then I remembered the carrots.

The water had boiled away and the carrots were now fried. Hubs was still in the office and didn’t notice. I got rid of the burnt ones and cut up new ones. It was no big deal. I stalled until they boiled and then shut them off.  Now I had nothing to worry about.

I got into the shower and just enjoyed it. I stayed under the spray longer than usual, shaving my legs and feeling the heat on my back. It was glorious!

Cleaned and refreshed, I went into the kitchen to finally finish the stew. Onions, beef, potatoes all went into the pot. It smelled great already. Hubs and I sat in the living room to relax for a bit.

Before I knew it, my boys came in the door. Son2 was running right out to the MLS All-Star Game. But Son1 was here too. Apparently he was looking for jumper cables because the work truck seemed to be slowing down. Hubs went looking down the basement for the cables only to find…..

The basement had flooded.

Due to the roots in the line from trees and bushes, we have the plumber come out every now and then to clear the line. It’s that time again. Any laundry that had been sorted and waiting washing, was now soaking in two inches of water. The laundry I ran this morning? Yeah, that water. The long shower I took? That water too. The shower that Son1 was currently taking? Yup, that water too. Oh yeah, I think one or two of us may have used the toilet today too.

Hubs plunged out the line as best he could. It began draining again. The sump pump kicked on and sucked the water down. The dehumidifier came on to do its job. All I had to do was sweep some of the water toward the floor drain. I rolled up my pants and began.

Slowly, but surely, the water went away. I stepped backwards to push a pile of whites away from the flow of water and my foot began to slide….

I tried to brace myself with the broom…and continued to slide…

OMG! I’m falling into a split!!!!!

I started to laugh at the absurdity. I couldn’t stop. Instead of taking the hurt, I fell backward on my ass and kept right on laughing.

Now, with my ass soaked to the skin, I got up, went upstairs and changed. Before heading back to the basement, I noticed how yummy it smelled. My stomach growled and I realized that I hadn’t eaten today. Mmm….stew….

The basement finally clean, clothes running once more in the washer, Son2 gone to the game and Son1 on his way home, I went to check my stew.

I had been distracted for too long. The stew had dried and begun to burn.

The wonderful smell of stew lingered tantalizingly. The potatoes? Overboiled and mushy. The beef? Somewhat seared. Carrots? Brown.

I sighed deeply. Hubs scooped some stew up and began to eat it. “If I don’t like it, I’ll just throw it out.” he said. Just like that. And eat it, he did. Was he simply too tired and hungry to care? I think so.

I reached into the cabinet for my own dish, and noticed a pain. I turned and almost stepped on my dog. I noticed another pain. After a once over of all my body parts, I discovered a swollen and jammed thumb, slightly tweaked back, shoulder pain and a possibly bruised butt.

I still need to go food shopping tonight. I hope I manage to get it done before the worst of the aches start!  In spite of it all, without sarcasm, I can still say,

What a great day.


Wednesday January 04th 2012, 9:30 PM
Filed under: fashion,lessons,other shit,owies


Hirsute-adj.- hairy, covered with hair

I am hirsute. All over my arms, and legs I am covered with thick dark hair. It grows very quickly and is very annoying.

Another place that I have hair is my chin (as in beard-ish) and under my nose (as in mustache-ish) I spend lots of time frequently plucking those mother fuckers. I tried waxing and I end up with patches of hair that I have to pluck anyway. I’ve never used the depilatory products on my face, mostly because they were always a waste of time and money to use on my legs.

Before the holidays, I got busy. I didn’t have the time to set aside just to sit and pluck, so I decided “What the hell” and I found myself in the depilatory aisle. So many products and so little difference, except for the price. I decided to go for the CVS brand.

I read the instructions and did my little ‘spot test’. No adverse reaction. Yay! And then I continued.

I used it on a Monday. It actually worked. Only a very small needed to be plucked and I chalked that up to missing a spot in the application. On the whole I was relatively satisfied. The only thing worth mentioning is that by Wednesday, I had flaky skin wherever I had used the product. This was a week before Christmas.  I only needed a tiny bit of plucking maintenance.

Flash forward to the new year.

I let the hair grow in a tad. I haven’t been out of the house much and therefore, I let myself go. Last night, I decided that since I was still awake at nine o’clock, and everyone else was in bed, I would take advantage of the time and do it once again.

There is one sentence in the instructions that I failed to commit to memory:


Yep. That says it all. If I had remembered that, I wouldn’t have ended up with this:



I cleaned the cream off and applied the skin soother just like the directions said to. Yes, it stung a bit. I wrote that off as perhaps I left it on too long. I checked the clock and guess what? I actually took it off after less time than recommended. It was a little pink but whatever.

This morning I woke up to that. ^^^  I look like my husband beat me or something!  It still stings to the touch but aloe gel has calmed the skin down alot.  Now what? Can I still complain about this even though they snuck that little caveat in there?

I think I’ll ask my hubby for laser hair removal next year for Christmas.

Tuesday September 13th 2011, 6:49 PM
Filed under: Friends,happy,love,owies,weather


As I looked through the archives to see if I had any new insights into 9/11, I noticed two things. One, my insights haven’t changed. Two, I always seem to be down with a major allergy flareup.

This year is no different.

First off, after a lot of the storms blew through here, we had some yard work to do. No damage to the house, thank God, but lots of debris strewn through the yard.  Son2 was doing gutter work, Hubs was handling the bigger branches and I was on rake duty.  After about half an hour, with three quarters of the yard done, I was suddenly tired. Like SUDDENLY. My legs were shaky, my arms were too. I wanted to drop the rake. Afraid that it was my back, I stopped doing everything and went into the house to lie down.

After awhile, I felt normal again and took a shower, a few ibuprophen and then relaxed for the rest of the night.

The next day, my arms and legs still felt tired. I got up got dressed and moved to the couch….

where I stayed for the next three days.

Yep, three days. I called the doctor and he told me to stay put and just keep taking the ibuprophen and sleep. Apparently this is something that is happening in this area. Nothing to pinpoint, it just goes away in a couple of days. But in the meantime, every joint in my body hurt. My muscles felt clenched and even my jaw felt like I was constantly grinding my teeth. It was the worst, but thankfully, it passed.

Only for me to get hit with allergies. The rains have kicked up the mold in the yard and now I have the sneezing, runny nose and sore throat. I am on day four and my Zyrtec has done a bang up job on drying up the faucet known as ‘nose’.

I need a day or two on a beach with friends, and love, and drinks…..

Oh, yeah! I’m heading to North Carolina for BlondeBlogger’s wedding! I’ll be seeing Poppy, Bubblewench and others!!  So see that sentence up there about the day or two on the beach? I”M GOIN’!!

Saturday May 14th 2011, 5:39 PM
Filed under: doctors,Grant,owies,pets


I have quite a few posts that are started. Many of them contain photos and tell of my travels with Bubblewench. However, something else happened that is sucking alot of my time.

Bandit has a little brother. Two weeks ago, a friend of Son2 posted this picture on Facebook:

It was a cute little pup that looked just like my Bandit. She had rescued it from someone who was going to take him to the pound. She described him as “smart, housebroken, good with kids” and at a year and a half of  age, he wouldn’t be growing much more. After a bit of thought, I called Hubs and he agreed to the adoption. We went to pick him up and were greeted by the sweetest little fella.

He is small. We found out that he is part chihuahua….the part that barks. At least he only does it when there is someone strange around or when he gets excited playing. It is tolerable. He is a cuddler and he is frisky. We threw names about because no one knew what his name was. Sparky? Skittles? Outlaw? Smoky? None had suited him. Finally Babygirl, in desperation, said “Oh hell. He’ll probably answer to something stupid, like ‘Mordecai’.” With that, the pup ran over to her and got excited. We tried it again and again and each time, he had a reaction. And so, his name is Mordecai.

Bandit has taken the new arrival in stride. He has taught Mordecai to stay downstairs. He is teaching him to be more calm when on the leash. And Mordecai is teaching Bandit to play with another dog, stop being a scaredy-cat, and to share ‘mommy’s’ attention.

Bandit sighs alot and gives me the equivalent of an exaggerated ‘eyeroll’ when Mordecai misbehaves.

They both went to the vet for shots and unfortunately, Mordecai had a slight reaction. The injection site hurt enough to make him yelp in pain when touched. I was ready to ‘wait it out’ but Bandit was behaving strangely. He offered Mordecai his ball and his bones. He licked his face and sniffed his neck gently. They say that animals can sense when things are wrong and the fact that Bandit seemed “worried” about his new buddy, made me take this more seriously. I called the animal ER and they told me that benedryl would hold him over til the morning. His regular vet told me to give him baby tylenol which worked wonders.

Today is the first day that I could sit quietly and do this properly. I plan on catching up with the other posts soon. I haven’t forgotten the blog nor any of you.

**PS, Grant, I got the cards and loved them. I’m just the ignorant bitch who hasn’t responded. Therefore, you are getting a public apology. Love you.

Thursday January 06th 2011, 2:06 PM
Filed under: doctors,Hubs,owies

Down Again

I managed to spend three days feeling like a normal person. Laundry got done, dishes got washed, floors vacuumed and bills paid. We used every last bit of ‘dinner’ food in the cupboards, fridge and freezer. Hubs and I planned a ‘circle run’  for last night (CVS, Acme and the mall to pick up an order for Babygirl)  Unfortunately, I woke up with a headache. Thank God it wasn’t a migraine, but it was just enough to make concentration difficult. By the time Hubs got home, the nausea had joined in.

Apparently, I was not as ‘over’ the virus of the holidays.

We did the CVS and got all of my prescriptions. We shopped at the ACME and managed to get all that we needed, even though I found myself staring at the shelves. But I was hard-pressed to keep my stomach where it belonged.  Hubs took me home and once the groceries were put away, I went to bed.

It was barely 8:30. I woke up twelve hours later, kissed Hubs goodbye as he left for work and slept again until 11:30 today.

The doctor says this is something going around. There is not much to do but stick to clear fluids…lots and lots of fluids.It appears to last an average of two weeks. If the fever of last week returns, then I have to call him. I hate waiting games.

I find it amazing that the body can be strong and capable one minute and the next, it is nearly crippled by pain or illness. I spent three days feeling happy that I was done being sick, only to get a headache and suddenly I feel too weak to lift my head or stand longer than a minute or three. (Yes I told the doctor, and he laughed. This is common.)

I can’t remember the last time I was hit with a virus that just seemed to cling.  It would be sweet if I could be guaranteed that this would be the ONLY sickness I’d have for the forthcoming year!

Monday October 11th 2010, 8:45 PM
Filed under: doctors,family,fashion,happy,ineptitude,owies

Sucks and Smiles

Every time I check in here, I am surprised that so much time has gone by.

I have begun to go off my wellbutrin. Let’s just say…….I am miserable and it sucks and we can leave it at that.

My thyroid is jacked up. The previous doctor didn’t keep very good tabs on it and the new doc immediately upped my dosage. Now I am up and moving around and I’m hungry and I’m burning it off and I talk with run on sentences and I barely take a breath between words and I use the words “and” and “you know” like a teenager.

And then I get miserable again.

But I am smiling and happy that things are changing.

Babygirl came home on Thursday and she will be home until Tuesday. It is so nice having her and the BF and BFF coming and going. Bandit is getting all the loving he can and he sleeps with her right now because…..

I hurt my foot and I am currently on crutches. What did I do, you ask? I don’t have a fucking clue. Really.

I had gone out with the gang on Saturday night wearing a pair of cute boots. (Not even the ones with the highest heel!!) I never tripped or fell, but I did dance a bit. Around 1:30am, as we were leaving breakfast, I thought, “Jeez, my foot hurts!” I chalked it up to wearing boots that I haven’t worn since last winter. I got home at about 2 and when I tried to pull said boot off my foot it was tight. My right foot immediately began to swell, but I was drun–, um, a wee bit intoxicated. I guess that is why I didn’t feel such bad pain.

When I woke up, my foot was swollen and I couldn’t put weight on it. Needless to say, Hubs and I spent Sunday afternoon in the hospital, getting x-rays and crutches. (It’s not ‘visibly broken’ and if it still hurts by mid-week, I need to see a specialist….because God knows, I don’t see enough of them!)

So there you have it…sucks and smiles…..but with Babygirl home, those smiles are HUGE!!  :D

Friday July 23rd 2010, 11:23 AM
Filed under: family,ineptitude,other shit,owies


Malaise (pronounced /məˈleɪz/, mal-aze) is a feeling of general discomfort or uneasiness, an “out of sorts” feeling

It’s been four days since I wrote the previous post. At that time I was mid-sickness. Within another 24 hours, I was keeping food down, showering and feeling somewhat better. However, for the past few days I still have malaise. I want to clean house, really I do. I want to do the laundry, to cook dinner….I just sit here and think about it. It takes too much effort for me to actually do it. The thought of the steps involved exhaust me.

Hubs has been home most of the week. This doesn’t help matters. He wants me to sit with him, to watch a movie, to talk. It’s even to tiring to concentrate on that. I have convinced him to watch movies we’ve seen a hundred times. If I have to watch something new, I won’t be able to follow it.

Throw into this stew, preparations for Babygirl’s departure. We have to shop for her dorm, getting linens, dishes, storage supplies etc.  Not only that, but she needs her medical records sent out. She needs to see her doctors for eye exams, prescription renewals, and dental exams. She won’t be able to travel home every other week for checkups. Every one of these is just one more expense – co-pays – that comes out of pocket. Who makes appointments? Me. Who has to keep track of when she is working so that I can plan around those hours? Me. It’s bad during a good week. This week it is a mental nightmare for me.

But much like the nausea that still comes and goes, I will push it down. If I let it out, I’m afraid I’ll end up overwhelmed and when that happens, I’ll shut down.  Hubs is never good at this stuff. That’s why it is my job as wife and mother. It always has been. Babygirl has work, summer day trips with friends who will be left behind and with her brother and his family. Her stress and anxiety will increase as departure day approaches and I don’t want to put more on her plate.

But me? I’m still here with my malaise….

Friday July 09th 2010, 9:26 AM
Filed under: business,Hubs,owies,weather

Never Fear…

During the preparations for Christmas, Hubs injured himself.

He is one of those manly men who doesn’t want me to help him carry the Christmas tree from the car to the house.  He carried bags of gifts into the house as well as all the groceries that were needed for the Christmas Eve party. He managed to feel a tweak in his groinal area, but never fear. He’ll go to the doctor “after the holidays-when he can afford to take time off”

And so he did. The doctor’s preliminary diagnosis was hernia, and Hubs should go see a surgeon and get that taken care of.  Never fear. He’ll get it taken care of  “after a few of these jobs-when he can afford to take time off”

Before he could do that, the snows began to blanket the Northeast. Week after week it snowed and each time Hubs went outside to shovel the walk, the steps, the driveway. I followed behind him like some kind of yapping Chihuahua…”Stop! Take a rest! Let Son2 do this! Pay the kid next door!  You’re gonna hurt yourself!  You’re not young anymore!”  But, no. “People need generators. I need to take this work while we have it. Soon I’ll take time off”

No, he did not hurt himself further.  He didn’t hurt his back or his hernia.  He worked at the jobs and made people happy. And between the two of us, since the pain wasn’t there, we pushed it out of our minds.

Then came the graduation party.

He removed bushes and put in a garden. He carried folding tables and chairs. He put in a table leaf and got ice for the coolers.  I was the chihuahua once more. “Please let someone help you!”  “It’s easier to do it myself.  Never fear, I’m fine.”

And then, shortly into the party, he did it. He came to  me and said, “I need to take something and lay down. I won’t be able to stand much longer.”  And then, the hosting duties fell on my shoulders.  He spent the next couple of days lying around. We made a doctor’s appointment and I was satisfied…for a bit.

Then there were horrible storms in our area and suddenly people want generators.  (Generator installation is BIG money and will go a long way to holding us over those times when there is no work and the college tuition payments come due)  He still managed to take it easy and did alot of supervising. But there are still some things that cannot be left to my nephew alone. And so, he carefully did his job.

When he finally saw the doctor, we were surprised at his comments. It doesn’t look like a hernia at all.  It looks as if the muscle is detaching from the bone. This is soooo not good.  Yesterday Hubs got a CAT scan which made him horribly ill.  And now we are awaiting the results. 

Would it have made any difference if he had gone sooner? I don’t know. If it were hernia and it had gotten worse, I could say “I told you so”  but now….I just get to worry. I don’t know  of anyone who had this type of injury.  I don’t know how it is treated or how long recovery will be. I want him to get this taken care of right away, but if he does, he won’t be able to help Babygirl and I get ready for her to move into the dorms. I don’t like the not knowing. Looking things up online can be so confusing or misleading. The doctors are fond of saying “X number of weeks or rehab”  I prefer hearing someone who has been through it that says, “The doctor will say 8 weeks but it’s really more like 6” Somehow, while it is still vague, it is more reassuring.

Never fear, whatever it is, I’ll let you know…..

Thursday April 29th 2010, 1:11 PM
Filed under: fantasy,other shit,owies

I Am a Playground

It was a beautiful day, 68 degrees and bright sunshine.  I dressed for exercise and tied up my laces. I put a leash on my dog, grabbed my keys and set off for a walk to the post office. I got to the corner and turned around.

I woke up with a headache and I had chosen to ignore it. I had hoped that between the sunshine and the exercise, it would go away. It didn’t. Instead, by the time I got home, Migraine was accompanied by it’s good friend Chills.


I came in, drew the drapes, grabbed a pillow and blanket and considered huddling on the couch, in the dark. But no….the voices had other ideas…

“Grab a spoon.”  said One. “If you use it like a melon baller, you can scoop your eyeball out.”

“The large knife would be better.” said Two. “Perhaps you can open your skull and pull out the piece of brain that hurts.”

“Oh no,” cried Three. ” Matches! If you set yourself on fire, you won’t be chilly anymore. Besides, your burning flesh will take your mind off of the pain in your head!”

“So sorry”, said Four. “You need to reach the bathroom NOW. I am the voice of your nausea. I want to come out to play.”

With that, Nausea joined Migraine and Chills. They are enjoying quite the playdate.

And I am the playground.

Friday April 09th 2010, 9:38 AM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,Grief,ineptitude,kids,owies

Reversal of Fortune

To me she was a job, a few extra bucks, some company during the day.

To mom, she is a precious babe, who needs to be shielded from knowing all the sordid details of her dad and his family.

To dad, she is a link to mom, a pawn in a vicious game that involves innocent kids and not-so-innocent adults.

I went to pick up Mack and found her leaving the school with her Grandmom. I grabbed my cell phone and confronted the woman who was clutching the little girl tightly. Trying hard to stay calm, I called Mom , but got no answer. She was still busy at the courthouse, filing papers and dealing with her lawyer. Grandmom tells me that the custody has changed. My services are no longer needed as she will be taking Mack home with her.

Oh fuck no you are not.

I refused to relinquish my right to that poor girl. “You may not walk off this school property with that kid until I have spoken to her mom. I will call 9-1-1 and also tell the school what you are doing unless you can show me, in writing, what rights you have.”

She couldn’t produce a thing.

Mackenzie-bright child that she is- suggested that Grandmom drive me home. “Then you can see where Miss Chris lives!”  Oh yes. I quickly jumped on the idea and also mentioned that in the meantime we would try to reach Mack’s mom. Maybe  Grandmom would leave Mack with me and once she knew where I lived, she would agree to pick her up if indeed the custody agreement was in her favor.

Finally Mom called me. Yes, unfortunately, the custody agreement is changed but it won’t go into effect until Friday. Mack stays with me. Grandmom was not happy….not one bit.  She dropped us off at my house. ” I hope you understand the position that I am in.” I said. “I simply have to follow the letter of the law. My ass is on the line here.”

“I understand” she said and she smiled. It was a cold smile that did not reach her eyes. I was an accomplice of the enemy.


Mackenzie wanted to leave with Grandmom, and when denied, she cried her eyes out for the second time in a day.

Mom came to get Mack a few hours later and we had a chance to talk. The child was asleep on my couch, having sobbed herself to sleep. Mom told me the whole story. It involved violence and restraining orders. It involved a woman who had worked for several lawyers and knew many judges personally. It involved a man who not only had many run-ins with the law, but was also friendly with others in law enforcement. It  involved a young mother without the money, resources and connections that the opposing side had. Even with police reports and photographic evidence of violence that occurred when kids were in the house, the judge ignored the pleas and is allowing Grandmom to take Mack to and from school again. Dad  is allowed to have Mack on the weekends when he will party it up and leave the child with Grandmom.  Mom is allowed to cry bitter tears of frustration at a system corrupted by who you do and do not know.

And Mack is allowed to fall through the cracks…. along with her younger brother and sister. She has already learned to tell her mom that if she can’t have her own way, she will go live with Dad or Grandmom.

I may have lost a job, but this child has lost so much more.