Friday December 02nd 2011, 9:56 AM
Filed under: Hubs,other shit,pets

Itchy and Scratchy

I had big plans for today.

The house has been pretty clean since Thanksgiving. I finally caught up on laundry and now I’ve gotten the Christmas spirit. I thought that maybe I’d put up some decorations and after vacuuming up the ever-present glitter and styrofoam, I’d shampoo the carpets this weekend.

Alas, dear reader, this is not to be. Lemme ‘splain….

I was curled up in my bed patiently waiting for hubs to go to work so that I could get up and get busy. The dogs were snuggled up with me, the room was dark and the blankets were toasty. Hubs called the dogs to go out and they bounded from the bed. I found their warm spots and sighed with happiness. I began to doze….

“Chris! Wake up. Bandit doesn’t have a skin irritation. The dogs have fleas!”

I’m awake now!

But they’re INDOOR dogs! They are rarely near other animals! How could this happen??

Together, Hubs and I ran down the list of “maybes”.  Maybe a holiday guest brought them in on their clothes? Maybe on Hub’s work clothes? Maybe the UPS guy when he brought in that big box the other day? Or maybe…the vet’s when Mordecai got his snippage…..exactly one month ago? I tend to doubt that one because Bandit was itchy before that.

No matter. I still have to get started. I strip the bed, the couches, and gather up the dogs’ beds and pillows. I gather the throw blankets, the sneakers that have been sitting next to Bandit’s bed.

Now I have run the shoes and pillows through the dryer. The washer is full of sheets, soon to be followed by the blankets. Hubs will get some jobs started and return with flea dip, powder and spray. Of course he will leave to finish work while I deal with this mess. The laundry I was happy to be done with, has been replace by mountains of new laundry.

My body itches. Not a single bite anywhere to be found on me, but I itch nonetheless. I think of how the dogs cuddled with me in my bed, on the couches. I think of them rolling on the floor, hiding behind the couches as they played with the kongs. As I walk through the rooms of the house, all I can think of is how the dogs did “this” over “there” and now I should clean there. I am exhausted already.

Now I will still be vacuuming and shampooing my carpets.

Just not for the happy reasons.

Thursday July 21st 2011, 8:09 PM
Filed under: HOT,Hubs,lessons,pets,sex

Dog Jizz in My Bed

Is there anything better on a hot summer night than nice clean, crisp, cool sheets against your freshly showered body? I think not. I love fresh sheets in the summer almost as much as I love crawling into flannel sheets fresh from the dryer in the middle of winter.

I changed the sheets the other day and I climbed in, inhaled the freshness and promptly went to sleep.

Bandit still sleeps with me. Usually he is curled somewhere near my knees and will move to my feet area later on. With the extreme heat, Mordecai has taken to joining us in the air conditioned comfort of my room. He can usually be found on top of the sheets very far at the bottom of the bed. This scenario is important to know as the story unfolds.

I was deep into my clean-sheet slumber when I was awakened by the barks of both dogs coming from inside the sheets. Snarling and barking and bumping and fumbling until Mordecai emerged and tore out of the room.

What the hell is going on??

As I started to get out of bed, Bandit emerged, clearly annoyed.  I realized his anger and a wetness on my foot at the exact same time.

Mordecai had started to pee on the bed in his sleep, or marking his territory, or maybe just licking my feet. I was actually more dampish than wet, and the bed was too. I cleaned it up, covered the spot with a towel, took the dogs out and got back into bed. Mordecai went back to Babygirl’s room, and Bandit went to his crate. Since I was sleeping with a ‘helper’ I immediately crashed again.

In the morning, I had nearly forgotten about the night’s events when I heard a licking sound. Since Bandit is always licking his paws (a habit he’s had since he was a puppy) I assumed it was him. “Bandit, knock it off.” I said and suddenly Bandit was coming into the room. “What the…?”  I could still hear the licking.

Mordecai had burrowed under the covers again after I got up. I flipped back the covers and there he was, licking the lipstick.

“Oh hell no!!”

Before I could say another word, he gave a little doggy whimper, his hind leg twitched and he spooged on my bed. Looking guilty, he tried to clean it up himself.

Pushing down my rising gorge (I always wondered if I would use that phrase in my writing!) I chased him from my room and changed my sheets yet again.

This I blame on the Hubs. Having Mordecai neutered was pushed back in June so we could go away for a weekend. Then it was pushed back for other expenses. Now August is totally out of the question. I swear, it will be done in September.

Until September, Hubs can change the sheets!!!

Monday May 30th 2011, 11:14 PM
Filed under: ineptitude,pets

Dog Daze

Canine Capers

Click the link. I don’t know why I can’t embed the video.

Saturday May 14th 2011, 5:39 PM
Filed under: doctors,Grant,owies,pets


I have quite a few posts that are started. Many of them contain photos and tell of my travels with Bubblewench. However, something else happened that is sucking alot of my time.

Bandit has a little brother. Two weeks ago, a friend of Son2 posted this picture on Facebook:

It was a cute little pup that looked just like my Bandit. She had rescued it from someone who was going to take him to the pound. She described him as “smart, housebroken, good with kids” and at a year and a half of  age, he wouldn’t be growing much more. After a bit of thought, I called Hubs and he agreed to the adoption. We went to pick him up and were greeted by the sweetest little fella.

He is small. We found out that he is part chihuahua….the part that barks. At least he only does it when there is someone strange around or when he gets excited playing. It is tolerable. He is a cuddler and he is frisky. We threw names about because no one knew what his name was. Sparky? Skittles? Outlaw? Smoky? None had suited him. Finally Babygirl, in desperation, said “Oh hell. He’ll probably answer to something stupid, like ‘Mordecai’.” With that, the pup ran over to her and got excited. We tried it again and again and each time, he had a reaction. And so, his name is Mordecai.

Bandit has taken the new arrival in stride. He has taught Mordecai to stay downstairs. He is teaching him to be more calm when on the leash. And Mordecai is teaching Bandit to play with another dog, stop being a scaredy-cat, and to share ‘mommy’s’ attention.

Bandit sighs alot and gives me the equivalent of an exaggerated ‘eyeroll’ when Mordecai misbehaves.

They both went to the vet for shots and unfortunately, Mordecai had a slight reaction. The injection site hurt enough to make him yelp in pain when touched. I was ready to ‘wait it out’ but Bandit was behaving strangely. He offered Mordecai his ball and his bones. He licked his face and sniffed his neck gently. They say that animals can sense when things are wrong and the fact that Bandit seemed “worried” about his new buddy, made me take this more seriously. I called the animal ER and they told me that benedryl would hold him over til the morning. His regular vet told me to give him baby tylenol which worked wonders.

Today is the first day that I could sit quietly and do this properly. I plan on catching up with the other posts soon. I haven’t forgotten the blog nor any of you.

**PS, Grant, I got the cards and loved them. I’m just the ignorant bitch who hasn’t responded. Therefore, you are getting a public apology. Love you.

Monday April 12th 2010, 8:35 PM
Filed under: fantasy,happy,love,pets

Dog Day Afternoon

Whazzat noise?  Dat my jingle?  WALKIES!!!!!!  Ican’twaitIcan’twaitIcan’twait!!! 

 “Sit still Bandit! As soon as the leash is on….”

WALKIES!!!!  WALKIES!!!  I like going out the- *GAAAAK!* I can smell -*GAAAK!* 

“If you would stop trying to run ahead, you wouldn’t choke, silly pup!”

 What did she say? I don’t unders–TREE!!!!  sniff snuff sniff  Hang on! I gotta….aaaaahhhhh. Wait…..aaaahhhhh. I think dat’s all….Hey! There’s Sadie! Yo, bitch! Whatchu doin’ waggin’ dat fine tail over there! Come ovah here, let Bandit show you—*GAAAAAK!* Lemme show you–*GAAAK!* Damn, Sadie!  Mommy’s yankin’ my chain. I gotta go. I’ll see you—TREE!!!!  Aaaaahhhh.

“You have to walk nice, Baby. I don’t want to drag you or choke you. That’s better. Who’s a good puppy?”

MAILMAN!!!  Lemme at him! Lemme at him!! *GAAAAK!* I just wanna sniff him, Mom!! Just a sniff!! And a taste….just a wee nibble….*GAAAK* Dude, one day I’ma jump out da window and sniff you real good, knowamsayin’? You’ll be dropping that bag and runnin’ like —SQUIRREL!!!  Hey! Member me? Hey! Wanna play chase again? Come back! Come- *GAAAAAK*

“Now you sit nice while Mommy goes in the store. Be good…..”

Why she say be good? Like I got a choice. Hmmmf. Couldn’t even tie me to a tree. Whatchu lookin’ at bird? Come over here and say that!  That’s right. I din’t think so. BOY!!!!   Hey boy!!!   Wanna scratch my ears? Ooooh, yeah… that. I like that. lick lick.  Whatchu have for lunch? Do I taste peanut butter on your chin? And is that….slurp….is that wax in your ears?  MOMMY!! Oh Mommy where were you? I missed you. I thought you leaveded me! Pickmeup, pickmeup, pickmeup!!  *sigh*

“Look at that doggy, Bandit. Isn’t that a big doggy?

A ‘doggy’? I only see that horse over there. A real dog isn’t that big. I could walk right under him if I want–CAT!!!  Gimme, gimme, gimme! *GAAAAK* I want the -*GAAAAK*  Please, mommy! *GAAAAK*  Damn. Foiled again.  Sniff snuff  Is that gum? Ooh, puddle!  Wanna go dat way- *GAAAK*

“Almost home, Bandit. That was a good walk wasn’t it?”

Openthedoor,openthedoor. Ahh, it’s nice in here. Where mah water?  slurp,slurp  Mom! Da phone! Mom! Whatchu doin’ in that room? Mom!! Phone! 

“Hello? Oh, hi!  How have you been? It’s good to hear from you!….”

Ew, MOMMY!!  What dat smell??  All dat walkin and you din’t do dat outside?  Daddy gonna rub your nose in dat!  Uh-oh. She’s sitting down. I guess this call is gonna take a while. Move over Mom! Can I sit witchu? Can I? Move…over….just ..a..bit….there! *SIGH* Mommy, you so squishy-soft.  I like your lap. Lap sounds like nap….Nappies!….time for nappies…..I….like…..nappies…..*snore*

Monday April 05th 2010, 9:53 PM
Filed under: Friends,happy,kids,Movies,pets,questions

3D Job Walk

I’ll keep it short and sweet:

ONE:  I went out with a friend on Saturday night. We saw “Clash of the Titans” and had some good food and even better conversation. Even though I had heard less than glowing reviews of the movie, I enjoyed it alot. This time, I managed to remember my earplugs. I heard the entire movie and avoided a nasty headache. Bonus!

TWO:  I have a ‘mini job’.  Just before Christmas, I had taken a little girl, Mackenzie, to school and picked her up afterwards. Well, now because of new ‘custody arrangements’ , her mom is needing me every day. I take her to school, get her afterward, and keep her for a few hours. This is a good thing because it brings in a few extra bucks….and who doesn’t like that?

THREE:  I took my dog for the first ‘long walk’ since I finished having my back procedures. I walked for about half a mile before turning around to start going home.  I will say that I am very happy that I was able to do that without aching, crying or whining. I wish I could say the same about my lazy sweet fatass doggy. Halfway through the walk home, he decided to sit down for a bit and then tried to get me to pick him up and carry him. No way! If I am going to walk away my fat ass and flabby thighs, then he will too!

So, that’s it. Not a whole lot new. Just enough to keep me on my toes. I’ll probably have a bit more in the days to come (Mackenzie is a little spitfire!)

Oh yeah… more thing…..

“Alice in Wonderland” was a high grossing movie. Now “Clash of the Titans” is also making tons of moolah. Well, of course they are making lots of money! I had the option of seeing COTT in regular or 3D.  The difference?  The 3D ticket cost almost double!!  Worth it?  To me it was, but do they make adjustments for that when they announce that a movie is a high grosser?  I don’t know. I just wondered……

Saturday November 21st 2009, 7:51 PM
Filed under: family,Friends,Grief,ineptitude,other shit,pets

All Kinds of Shit

When I look at all the shit going on in the world–the killings, the injustices, the sickness and death–I get overwhelmed. I don’t get depressed about it, because for health reasons, I had to learn to distance myself from it. I can be concerned. I can be sad that it happens, but if it doesn’t touch me directly, I have to put it in a box, where it won’t take up my every waking thought.  Otherwise I will become the woman who is afraid to leave the house, or the anti-war fanatic that travels from protest to protest leaving my family behind in the dust.


When I look at the lives of my friends and family, it is harder to put things into the boxes. Death, cancer, unemployment, relationships. This is the shit  that some of them deal with and I thank God every day that my own family is blessed with health, jobs and strong marriages. I pray for those who struggle. I pray for those that suffer. But again, I have to keep it from the forefront of my mind. I cannot give them jobs, or hand them money to make their lives easier. I cannot worry about which of the bills are getting paid, or fix their relationships. It is all too possible that I will neglect my own. I can offer prayers, a shoulder to lean on and a sympathetic ear, but little beyond that.

When I look at these things, I also feel very guilty. Today I went out into the yard–as I do every day–to clean up the poop that my dog considers to be a gift of love. Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it) he likes to hit the walkway between the house and the driveway. This makes things easier to find, especially when the yard is covered with leaves. I pick it all up and hose down the sidewalk and it’s done. So that’s what I did. Bandit finished his business and sat beside the back door to watch me clean. I bagged everything up and tossed it into the trash can and walked into the house.


Bandit quickly slipped through my legs and ran to his room. That is unusual, because this is when he gets a little treat with a dab of peanut butter. I washed my hands and started to see what was up with him and that’s when it happened….

I slipped on the way out of the kitchen. I caught myself before I could fall, and looked down to see why I had slipped. There it was…


Luckily for me, I kept a remnant near that door so that mud wouldn’t get tracked in. Little did it occur to me that something other than mud would be the culprit! It was almost on my NEW CARPET! I took my shoes off, cleaned up the spot and looked out the door. There on the top step, right in front of the door, he had pooped and I hadn’t seen it. He had known what he did and he ‘grounded’  himself.

I wrinkled my nose at the smell that still slightly lingered and a thought came to my mind.

“Thank God that this is the only shit I have to deal with today.”

Tuesday October 06th 2009, 9:41 AM
Filed under: happy,love,owies,pets,weather


I opened my eyes this morning to see brilliant sunshine outside my window. I slept the whole night through, didn’t have kids until 11 and was actually in the mood to walk today. All in all, I was ready to seize the day by the balls.

But first….

I had to say hello to Bandit. He charged the bed in his excitement for a hug. He licked my face and I managed to scramble out of bed before he could slobber all over me.

I managed to dress for a walk quickly. I grabbed my shoes and began to walk out of the bedroom and as I did, I turned around and made eye contact with my widdle snookie-poo.

He stood on the bed, his tiny nub of a tail twitching wildly with joy. My heart melted at the sight. Only my dog can love me so much that his entire body vibrates with anticipation of time shared with me. I went to the bed again for one more hug. He was just too cute for words, and I scooped him into my arms to carry him into the living room.


With a quick pop, I felt a muscle pull. I dropped the dog and watched him roll with surprise.

I managed to pull a muscle. I don’t know what it is called but it is the one that runs just under my boob and runs around to the center of my back…it follows the line of my bra. It hurts to inhale. It hurts to move. I can’t take off the bra or the weight of my droopy boob kills me. The bra itself kills me. Even sitting her barely moving hurts me.

Kids will be here soon.

On such a beautiful, sunshiney day, I will pray for the kids to be happy watching videos, or building stuff with legos….when they should be outside playing!  :((

I wish I was a tough cat.


Saturday August 15th 2009, 7:15 PM
Filed under: lessons,love,pets


Absence makes the heart grow fonder. At least that is what I’ve always heard.

When we go to the shore, it is a major event for my pets.

Once upon a time, I had a dachshund and a cat. Even though I had nieces and nephews galore living all around me, they went on vacation with us. I had no choice but to take my pets to a kennel. One time they came home depressed. Really. They took a long time to eat right or to act normal in their own home. So we found a new kennel. Only this time, they came home covered in fleas. The kennel said that they must have been infested before going there and refused to do anything about it. At that point I was finished with boarding animals.We settled for having a friend come into our house to feed them.

When I still had my Ozzie, no one would want to watch him. Luckily for me, my brother-in-law found an iguana fascinating and he would come into my home, make sure that the cage was clean, let the lizard out for exercise and would even let him swim around the bathtub. He took excellent care of my buddy.

Now I have Bandit. Son1 has his own dog and they don’t get along well. Plus, now he has moved into his own house. Son2 works all day and for three of the days, he also works at night. No one is home to take care of my buddy. My friend Lostmahead welcomed him into her home last year, where he was showered with love, always had a child to play with, and was walked more than once a day. He loves it there and I always have peace of mind. But this year, she was on vacation for the same week that I was, and I needed a new solution.

In came Babygirl’s boyfriend. He came into the house a few times, but he ended up taking Bandit to his house. Bandit now had a cat to be curious about and an overweight Pug to torment. BF allowed Bandit to sit with him and even snuggled with him at night while Bandit whimpered and wanted his Mommy. When Bandit wouldn’t eat, BF added broth to his food to tempt him. Even BF’s dad enjoyed having Bandit sit with him and having him following him around the house. I will admit that I was worried that the parents wouldn’t be happy having my dog around, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. They treated him as they treated their own pets.

Now that he is home, I am being punished for leaving him. Initially, he jumped all over me in his happiness, licking my face all over. Once he was convinced  that I was staying, he proceeded to ignore me. He didn’t want to sit with me. When I took a nap, he wouldn’t lay with me. He sat in a chair across the room, looking at me with his sad eyes and sighing deeply.

I was prepared to have him glued to my side, or tripping me by being underfoot. I was not prepared for this…..’shunning’.


****Two hours after storing this post to be finished later, I sit here with Bandit……glued to my side.  =:)

Monday July 13th 2009, 9:29 PM
Filed under: Anger,kids,miscellaneous,pets


Just because I haven’t been posting lately, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have stuff going on.

On Friday, I broke my oven. I have been ovenless all weekend but since I don’t cook all weekend, it wasn’t the end of the world. I’ll tell you all about that. Just not today.

On Saturday, I met with friends for a wild night that ran into the wee hours of the morning. I’ll tell you about that too. Just not today.

Today, I will tell you that there is road work on my street -AGAIN! This time last year, the water lines were being replaced. They tore up my street, from one end to the other for two weeks. They disrupted the baby’s naptime-and mine-and made my days miserable. And then they left it merely patched and lumpy, for a year.


Today, they began repaving. This means they have torn up the old paving and patching. Tomorrow, the blacktop will be replaced. We have a work truck and two cars in the driveway. My son won’t have anywhere to park. When the kids get dropped off or picked up, the mom has nowhere to park. As  my kids come and go, they will track tar into my house. And the dog will sit at the window watching all the comings and goings. He will bark all day at the workers. If he goes outside, the sounds of the trucks will scare him.


I’m not very happy about it. I know the end result is worth it. But the people it matters to the most aren’t home all day. I am. The people who make the mess in my house aren’t going to clean it. I am.  And nobody will be able to comfort my Bandit but me.

So I posted about that first because it annoys me the most.

See? I got stuff!