I got this email from Trukindog and I laughed so hard! I’ve nothing to post so I’m gonna share this. Thanks Tdog!!

Type out the sentence you end up with, in the subject line and forward to your friends…also, send it back to the person that sent it to you..
 
Pick the month you were born:
January——-I kicked
February——I loved
March——–I karate chopped
April———-I licked
May———-I jumped on
June———-I smelled
July———–I did the Macarena With
August——–I had lunch with
September—-I danced with
October——-I sang to
November—–I yelled at
December—–I ran over
 
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
 
1——-a birdbath
2——-a monster
3——-a phone
4——-a fork
5——-a snowman
6——-a gangster
7——-my mobile phone
8——-my dog
9——-my best friends‘ boyfriend
10——-my neighbor
11——-my science teacher
12——-a banana
13——-a fireman
14——-a stuffed animal
15——-a goat
16——-a pickle
17——-your mom
18——-a spoon
19—— - a smurf
20——-a baseball bat
21——-a ninja
22——-Chuck Norris
23——-a noodle
24——-a squirrel
25——-a football player
26——-my sister
27——-my brother
28——-an ipod
29——-a surfer
30——-a llama
31——-A homeless guy
 
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
 
White———because I’m cool like that
Black———because that’s how I roll.
Pink———–because I’m crazy..
Red———–because the voices told me to.
Blue———–because I’m sexy and I do what I want
Green———because I think I need some serious help.
Purple———because I’m AWESOME!
Gray———-because Big Bird said to and he’s my leader.
Yellow——–because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange——–because my family thinks I’m stupid anyway.
Brown———because I can..
Other———-because I’m a Ninja!
None———-because I can’t control myself!

As for me? I loved a banana because that’s how I roll!
 
Now type out the sentence you made, and post it in the comments for everyone else to share. Have fun, and stop back to see what everyone comes up with!!

Some guy tagged me to do this. (I guess I will since I currently have NO LIFE!) 

It’s called Crazy 8’s. Now pay attention because I’m only doing this ONCE!

8 Things I’m Passionate About -Music, movies, books, family, kids, friends, my hubs, nail polish (I love it and it must be a certain kind) -Not necessarily in that order.

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die -Learn Japanese, visit Japan, parasail, scuba dive around the Great Barrier Reef, See Rammstein perform live, Become a Grandmother (SON1), have ALL three of my kids move out, become a bounty hunter.

8 Things I Say Often -”Fab, I promise to call in this week!” “Fuck you” “Bite me” “Don’t touch that!” “Bandit No!” “I don’t wanna hear it!” “I forgot!” “Oh yes, there”

8 books I’ve Read Recently -PA driver’s Manual, “Lisey’s Story” and “Blaze” both by Stephen King, “My Boring-Ass Life” by Kevin Smith, “Dirt:The Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band” by Motley Crue, “Brother Odd” by Dean Koontz, and the last Harry Potter book by JK Rowling. That’s all. And I’m not finished with 3 of them.

8 Songs I Could Listen to Over and Over -”Ohne Dich” and”Rosenrot” by Rammstein, “Spirit in the Sky” byNorman Greenbaum, “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison, “Alone I Break” by Korn, “Cry Baby” by Janis Joplin, “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones, and “Black Hole Sun” by Soundgarden.

8 Things That Attract Me to My Best Friends- HUMOR! Sincerity, selflessness, generosity, honesty and willingness to gossip behind someone’s back-even at a funeral or in church.They must also be enthusiastic about singing my praises at every opportunity. Oh, and did I mention HUMOR?

8 People I Think Should Do Crazy 8’s -Grant, Stacy (cuz payback is a bitch and so am I), Trukindog, Teri, Lynda and Blondeblogger and anyone else who hasn’t  been tagged yet. BE HONEST! If you weren’t tagged yet, DO the fucker already!!

I stole this meme from Nobody–a long time ago! I’m posting it now!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes. It’s better than green cheese.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Smoked? No.

3. Do you own a gun? Yes. It shoots cookie dough out in different shapes.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? I never noticed a drink in Sonic the Hedgehog.

5. Do you get nervous before doctors appointments? Only the dentist.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think they are pinkish, tube-y bits of meat-ish pleasure.

7. Favorite Christmas song? Merry Christmas Baby(I Don’t Want to Fight) by the Ramones

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? I prefer a shot of Southern Comfort but since it is somewhat unacceptable, I settle for coffee sweet and light.

9. Can you do push ups? I can do push.

10. What do you order at Starbucks? I order them to lower their prices. They usually don’t comply so I walk the fuck out.

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? Amethyst and diamond earrings arranged in the shape of orchids.

12. How do you eat your eggs? Slowly and joyfully.

13. Do you have A.D.D.? I did last week. Anal Discharge Disease is not fun.

14. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? I’m a kind and loving person all of the time and it gets in the way of my mean disposition.

15. Your eye color? After the beatings, they are a beautiful shade of purple that fades to a greenish yellow.

16. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment…Shannon speaks loudly. There’s not enough SoCo in my soda. I need to buy a bigger bottle of SoCo.

17. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? Nothing, nothing and nothing. What? It was too cold for me to leave my cave!

18. three drinks you regularly drink? Southern Comfort and Coke, Alka-Seltzer for the hangover, and Coffee to get through the day.

19. Current worry right now? That I will finish this drink before I finish this meme.

20. Current hate right now? The gremlin that’s watching me from the corner of the room.

21. Favorite place to be? In the basement between the water heater and the dryer.

22. How did you bring in the New Years? I didn’t bring it in yet. I’m still in denial.

23. Where would you like to go?I’d like to go to Hell and visit Tug.

24. Name three people who will complete this? Someone who needs a post, someone who has good answers, someone like me.

25. Do you own slippers? Several. Jack the Pumkin King, white ones, purple ones and black ones.

26. What shirt are you wearing? Several. A green cammy, a red sweater, and a tan sweater. It’s cold.

27. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No. I fall out of bed. And they show the stains more than the other ones.

28. Can you whistle? From my mouth, nose or my pussy? Yes. Guess which one.

29. Favorite color?(s) Black, red, green, yellow, purple, orange, blue,  grey and white.

30. Would you be a pirate? Yarr!

31. What songs do you sing in the shower? If I sing in the shower, I get water up my nose and in my mouth and come perilously close to drowning. Therefore I try not to.

32. Favorite girl’s name? Andi, Jo, Billie and Bobbi.

33. Favorite boy’s name? Adrian, Leslie, Michel,  and Chris.

34. What’s in your pocket right now? Lint, $5 I cheated Babygirl out of, and my hand as I search.

35. Last thing that made you laugh? Bandit tried to eat Son1’s big, fat pug Maggie and almost succeeded.

36. Most frequently dialed phone number? Milmont Pizza.

37. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I was curled up on the couch with my feet under me and I got a phone call that was important (I had been waiting for it)I got up to answer only to find out that my leg was “dead asleep”. It crumbled under me, breaking my foot. I walked on it for 3 days before going to the hospital. I needed to have it re-broken to set.

38. Do you love where you live? No. I live in the shadow of my brother. It is a lonely existence. What? OH! Yes! I love this town and my house! I thought you meant… never mind.

39. How many tv’s do you have? Two flat screens,two regular and one 6″ screen tv that I can watch when I am in the basement. ( Between the water heater and the dryer)

40. Who is your loudest friend? What? SHANNON! SHUT UP!!!!  My loudest friend? Nope. No one’s loud.

41. How many dogs do you have? I have one. My Bandit. Son1 has a pug named Maggie but although Son1 lives with me, Maggie does not. She lives with the girlfriend.

42. What are you thrilled about right now? I’m thrilled that Maggie doesn’t live with me. She and Bandit together are too much to imagine!

43. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes. Kyra and Turnbaby.

44. What is your favorite book? “Sex on the Beach- A Mixer’s Manual” (a gift from DutchBitch)

45. What is your favorite candy? Young handsome men.

46. Favorite Sports Team? the Olympic Clam Diving Team.

47. What song do you want played at your funeral? “Good Riddance” by Green Day and “Spirit in the Sky” by Norman Greenbaum.

48. What were you doing at 12 AM last night? Watching a Japanese chef make a chocolate sauce that contained hot chili peppers.

49. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Please don’t pee on the floor Bandit! I’m coming!

50.  I seem to have lost a question! It’s your lucky day!

 Before I get going on my post, I’d just like to apologize to Miss Britt for beating her down last night at trivia in Turnbaby’s house. She put up a valiant fight as did MixedNut, Hilly, Absurdist and Shiny. The trash talk was all in fun and you, my dear are quite a worthy opponent!

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1.  What movie is guaranteed to make you laugh? “Joe Dirt”  I can watch it over and over and still laugh at David Spade’s mullet and Jaime Pressley’s redneck girl. I invariably end up saying “Dang” for the next twenty-four hours!

2. What movie is guaranteed to make you cry? Roberto Begnini’s  “Life is Beautiful”. The scene where he is broadcasting his son’s voice over the PA system to the mom kills me every time.

3.  What movie is underrated? “Four Rooms” It is four vignettes tied together by a maniacal performance by Tim Roth as ‘the bellboy’. It boasts a star-studded cast, eccentric characters and directed by Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Allison Anders, and Alexandre Rockwell.

4.   What movie is overrated? “It’s A Wonderful Life” I know! Christmas classic and everything, I just don’t think it rates being played so frequently for the Holidays. Why not show it all year around? Mind you, I didn’t say I hated it! I just don’t think it’s all that.

5.   Is there a movie that you will wake up for? “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” This is one movie that I don’t own and I LOVE IT! Bette Davis is in all of her demented glory as Jane and Joan Crawford as the bed-ridden Blanche is just too good for me to miss. Yes, I will set a clock and get up at three or four in the morning!

6.  Is there a movie that will put you to sleep? “Patriot Games” with Harrison Ford. We own this and have chosen it together and I have yet to see it all the way through. I love Harrison Ford, but his presence onscreen isn’t enough to keep the sleepys away!

7.   Is there a movie that you have memorized? “The Princess Bride” Who doesn’t have it memorized? It is one great line after another! “Mawidge! Mawidge is whot bwings us heah togever today!” I fuckin’ love this movie!!

8.   Is there a movie that you hate? Oh I’ma die for this! I hold the hate of a thousand burning suns for the movie…..”the Notebook” Yeah, she’s got Alzheimer’s and he loves her and it’s their story he’s reminding her of, but you know that from the beginning and I can’t help but scream “GET ON WITH IT!!” I hate this more than “The English Patient” and I really hate that one too!

9.   What is your favorite movie musical? “Chicago” -Murder, mayhem, trial, deceit and women in the hottest costumes…what’s not to love?

10.  Do you have a favorite ‘bad’ movie? “The Toxic Avenger” It is SO bad that it is good to watch. The acting is horrific, the lighting is atrocious, and the script itself are all so bad I can’t believe that ANYONE actually said the words, “That sounds like a great idea for a movie! Let’s do it!” I watch it in amazement and laugh at the absurdity.

There you go. Some Movie Mania for a Monday. I just got nothing worth bitching about, so I give you a little more insight into Metalmom!

Let’s learn more about the holidays in Metalmom’s home!

1. Do you celebrate in your own home or somewhere else? We rotate Christmas Eve with Hub’s family. The cousins exchange Pollyannas and any gifts for Christmas Day are picked up in one stop. Christmas Day is spent in my house, and I cook. Christmas evening we go to my parents’ home for dessert and gifts and drunken crying and we learn why Mom loves ME best.

2. Do you dress up to celebrate with your family or just dress comfortably? On Christmas Eve, many of us are coming home from work or shopping and since we are having dinner together, it’s easier to be in jeans. Christmas Evening we wear our dressier clothes (unless we spill dinner or beer all over ourselves. In which case, we may show up in sweats.)

3. Is there any one tradition your family observes? On Christmas Eve, I give each of my kids a new ornament. This was started when we first got married because we didn’t have anything on the tree. Then it was done to stop the kids from whining about presents. I thought of possibly discontinuing this but my kids let out a loud “WHAT???” Now, this is the only thing that remains on my shopping list.

4. Fruitcake-yes or no? If it’s fresh, yes. I do like it. Usually when I am buzzed or hungover the next day.

5. Dinner-formal, buffet, or relaxed? This year will be a buffet because we will be celebrating at Dad’s house with my sister-in-law and her family. (Dad hasn’t been well, and can’t take too much excitement.) When it is in my house, it is usually very relaxed, with a card table set up in the living room so the guys can see the TV. Next year-FORMAL! I have a new dining room set!

6. Do you mix families or keep in-laws separated? My sister once brought her in-laws to my parent’s house.(Those people were BORING!) When we mix Hub’s family and mine, debauchery ensues.(Therefore the sisters-in-law would prefer to keep things separated….party-poopers!)

7. What is your favorite Christmas song? Oh,Holy Night. I have memories of my mom singing that when I was very young. And the Ramones “Merry Christmas,Baby (I Don’t Wanna Fight)

8. What is your favorite Christmas movie? “The Homecoming” with Patricia Neal and Richard Thomas. It was the movie the Waltons was based on. And of course, “A Christmas Story”

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* These were just a few questions I felt like answering. Feel free to take and share on your own blogs…kind of like a present! (Don’t say I never gave you anything!)

* To a certain someone-The joolery rocks! And Hubs is jealous that you thought of it before he did!

* 13 more days until the birthdaypalooza!

I am seriously thinking that my computer and my bedroom are possessed. STOP THAT FUCKING LAUGHING NOW! Let me explain.

On Saturday, I went on a trip and took lots of pictures. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get them out of my camera. But being the trooper that I am, I wrote a nice post anyway. Babygirl came home from work on Sunday and managed to get them out by using a different program. Okay, so now I’ll write a photo post. NO FUCKIN’ WAY!! All my pictures are now the size of my entire monitor screen and I have yet to master the technology needed to edit the sizes.FUCKITY-FUCK!! I’ll ask Babygirl (yet again) and she’ll be a sport, but this shit is bugging the hell out of me(and her).

Later, I went to BlogTalkRadio to listen to Pointless-Drivel Live and I still have trouble logging in. So I set up registration through Babygirl’s email and Firefox. Cool! Now I can log in as myself and not ‘Guest’. NOPE!!  Not fucking happening.Why??? I want to just cancel the whole fucking thing and maybe start again from scratch but I can’t even figure out how to cancel the subscription! Well, I listened to the show anyway and Shelli said she’ll help me figure it out so I calmed down a little.

Once the show was over, I went to facebook to chat with Shelli some more and maybe finish a game of scrabulous that we had started earlier. Now THAT won’t fucking let me in!!!  FUCK!!!!

There was also something that I wanted to share with Shelli and I tried to cut and paste and the computer just wouldn’t let me. What the fuck is going on?????

Maybe I’ll give up and go to bed. Except……..

There’s a smell in my room. I can’t find it. It’s been there for a few nights and I just figured it was because Hubs smokes in the bedroom. Well, he’s trying to quit and hasn’t smoked in there, but it’s getting stronger and now HE notices it. (He never smells anything!!) I’ve opened drawers and searched the closet and the nightstands and there is nothing even remotely like this smell. (I smell bean soup and he smells toast- so it’s not entirely unpleasant) but its still there.

What the fuck? Is the cosmos just fucking around with me? Why do things not work for me but work for everyone else? I must have fucked someone over really good along the line somewhere for Karma to be giving me such a bad time!

Or maybe it’s payback for being a cat-hater! FUCK!

Maybe it’s the ghost of Jim Morrison! OOOOOO!!! SPOOKY!!!

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about today, but then something happened. I was putting out some cans for recycling and a car drove by with music blasting out of the windows. The song? “Oh What a Night” by the Four Seasons. This song makes me think of Son1, turning it up in his new car, and dance-driving while singing it at the top of his lungs. He was trying to make me laugh and it worked. But it is a very STRONG memory. I remember what he was wearing, where we were, and the smell of KFC (we were passing one). This made me wonder what other songs I have associated with memories. And I’d like you to answer too. Ready for a trip down memory lane?

1.  What is your earliest musical memory? (NOT Happy Birthday,lullabies, or nursery rhymes!)  I was 6 or 7 and the ‘big girls’ two doors down from me were practicing dancing in the garage. The song was “Can’t Hurry Love” by the Supremes. I was shy because they were all so much older than I was. (They were only about 13-14.) But they invited me in to hang. That was cool.

2.   What music was playing when you lost your virginity? (or another song you associate with sex) “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull was on the stereo. (Romantic,huh?)

3.   What is the first song you knew all the words to?  “Joy to The World(Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog)” by Three Dog Night. I remember swinging in a playground with my best friend Brendan. I was 7. That was the year he moved away. It was summer. It was hot. And he talked me into “parachuting” off the swing.That’s a good memory.

4.   What song brings on a strong teen hang-out memory?  Queen’s “We Will Rock You”. Frank would blast it out his window while we sat outside of his house or in the park next door.And when that was over, he would put on the Moody Blues “Knights in White Satin”

5.   What music did you dance to at your wedding? (For those not married, what did you dance to at your prom?) Hubs and I danced to Roberta Flack’s “First Time(Ever I Saw Your Face)”. I don’t know how long that song actually is, but IT’S TOO FUCKING LONG WHEN PEOPLE ARE WATCHING YOU DANCE!!!!

6.   Have you ever had a song in your dream and remembered it after waking up? Somewhere around the age of 12, I had a dream that I was asleep in the backseat in the car with my family. We were coming home from Mom-Mom’s house. As we passed the cemetery down the street we were in an accident and the car hit a tree. “Abraham, Martin, and John” was on the radio. Everytime I hear that song I get creeped out even though the accident was only a dream.

So there you have it. There are other details involved  in those memories, but that would be too much to post. Besides, I’m NOT giving the details to when I lost my virginity!

Please excuse the shades. I can’t see very well because the paparazzi were lined up to get my picture. Jeebus!  Flash your naked cootchie and they NEVER leave you alone!!

You know I’ve never given an interview. Not because I haven’t been asked. Mr Fabulous sent me some questions and I’m still having them translated. (I promise to get to them soon,dear!)

However Tug…how should I put this?…..She kisses better ass than anyone. So here you go, Tug! This is for you!

1.   You are a diva!  What is on your ‘must have’  list for your dressing rooms wherever you travel? 4 ‘C’ batteries (don’t ask) , a bottle of Southern Comfort, 2liter Coke and a bucket of ice. Maybe a glass to put it in.  A ‘No Smoking’ sign, a gay masseuse (because he won’t hit on me) and a newly released convict ( because HE will!)

2.   Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?   I don’t know- but I am! (KIDDING!–Don’t wanna piss off the Dead Heads!)  I’ve never been a fan. That music’s too mellow for me.

3.    You can be anyone (dead, alive, past or present) for one day. Who would it be, and why?   Seriously,  I’d like to be Webmiztris. She had a dream and she’s making it real. And she looks good while doing it.  Her or whoever Johnny Depp is fucking.

4.   What do you wish you’d invented?   The vibrator. Oh,yeah. I said it. I’d be responsible for making women (and I’m sure a few men) smile, relax and sleep well.  EVERYONE WOULD LOVE ME!

5.   Do these pants make my butt look fat?   Yes. I’m your friend and a real friend tells the truth. Your butt looks big and the color is all wrong. Put them back and try again!  Not really. I’m just jealous that they look better on you than on me. I can be bitchy like that.

Well, there you have it. Tug, that was truly fun. You can interview me any time. (just remember that I won’t talk about my affair with that famous blogger–you know–because of the restraining order.)

I got this from Shelli and it sounded like fun. Not having anything else ready I decided to do this. Like a cake, I have many layers:

LAYER 1
Name: Metalmom  (only the chosen ones know my ‘real’ identity)
Birth Date: February 12
Current Status: Married. Same guy, many years.
Eye Color: Brown-unless punched, in which case, black, purple and sometimes green.
Hair Color: Black (sometimes with grey roots)

Layer 2
My Heritage: 50% Native American  50% Irish- EXACTLY -no shades of grey.
My Fear: SPIDERS  and most recently- finding a spider in my cootch.
My weaknesses:  Kryptonite….okay, cheese.
My Perfect Pizza:  has already been eaten.

LAYER 3
My thoughts first waking up: “Shit!”
My bedtime: 20 minutes after the Ambien
My most missed memory:  I forget

LAYER 4
Pepsi or coke:  Pepsi to drink but coke to snort.
Single or group dates: GROUPS!!  Orgies are more fun with more than two people!
Adidas or Nike: All Day I Dream About Sex….or….Not If Kids Exist…Hmmm, that sounds right.
Tea or Nestea:  My man Earl Grey!
Chocolate or Vanilla:  Let’s not get racist!
Cappuccino or Coffee:  This is America!!!  COFFEE!!!

LAYER 5
Smoke: Who’s got weed?
Curse:  Like a motherfuckin’ truck driver!
Take a shower:  Why don’t YOU?  I’m good in the hoo-ha department.
Have a crush: Everyone does…on FAB!
Think you’ve been in love: I sure as hell hope so!
Go to school:  Been there-Done that.
Want to get married: Not really,  but I did anyway.
Believe in yourself: Yes, but I don’t believe in leprechauns.
Think you’re a health freak: Yes, I am a hell of a freak.

LAYER 6
Drank alcohol:  Yes, please.
Gone to the mall:  When dragged (or drugged) choose your own spelling for this one.
Been on stage:  Yes, as a giant sneaker-DON’T ASK!
Eaten sushi: If you knew sushi like I know sushi, you’d eat her too!
Dyed your hair:  Not my pubes.

LAYER 7
Played a stripping game:  Yes, AND LOST.
Changed who you were to fit in:  Only to fit into a dress.

LAYER 8
Get married:  Who’s the asshole who doesn’t listen?

LAYER 9
Best eye color:  Hazel
Best hair color:  Strawberry blonde
Long or short: I would go short if I didn’t have so many fucked up cowlicks.

LAYER 10
A minute ago: Thinking of sushi…..
An hour ago: Reminiscing about tying Babygirl to the upstairs railing when she was 9. (Not me! Her brothers! I swear!)
A month ago: Missing Babygirl when she was on vacation.
A year ago: I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you.

LAYER 11
I love: Family (and Southern Comfort)
I feel: With my hands
I hate: insurance companies
I hide: my sex toys
I miss: my flat tummy and high tight tits.
I need: an aspirin.

I have too much static buzzing inside my brain to put a post together so I will simply answer 5 random questions. Here we go..

1.  Name three things close to you.  A filing cabinet, my iguana, and my panties.

2.  Do  you collect anything? Native American pottery and anything with Kokopelli on it, also ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ memorabilia.

3.List three things you do when you wake up.  I watch ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, drink a cup of coffee, turn on the lizard’s sun lamp.

4.Do you miss anyone right now? My mother in law. She was a damn fine woman and I liked butting heads with her.

5.Were you a good student? Yes, surprisingly. I was fortunate enough to earn good grades through osmosis. I didn’t study much and only did the least amount of work to get me through each class. Out of a graduating class of well over 500, I graduated 53. If I had only given a little more effort……