I like a joke as much as the next person. I don't take things very seriously and I hope you don't either. Hope you didn't come here to whine 'cause I don't wanna hear it!
After all these years, I have just learned that alot of the holiday preparations depend on me. Normally I don’t mind. I take on these tasks joyfully. This year, however, I am having a bit of trouble with it all.
I usually start my decorating and cards and shopping right after Halloween. This year, I was busy getting shots in my back. Not to worry. I told myself that I wouldn’t be so achy afterwards and then I’d be ready to kick ass and do it all.
That didn’t happen. I’ve been sore. I’ve had babies. This means that I put things off. I would get done whatever I could during the weekend. (This translates to “Hubs was home and I did diddlysquat”.)
Last week I had no kids. I began wrapping the presents. When I got tired of that, I started painting a cabinet in my bathroom and some baseboards. I was decorating. I was rearranging furniture. I was busy! In between all of that, I shopped some more with Hubs. He must have really worked hard driving the car and pulling out cash to pay because once we got home, he had to lay on the couch. Poor bastard.
Of course all of my regular wifely duties were done too. I did laundry. I took out the dog and fed him. I vacuumed. I made my bed. I was Wonder Woman!!
Yesterday, I blew out my back and lost a day of productivity because I was drugged and in bed watching “The Incredibles” It must have helped because I awoke with my back feeling much better. I finished the last of the wrapping and I will be decorating the tree soon.
I will not bitch at Hubs. I’m not allowed to.
He got me something ( okay, some thingS) that I really, really, really wanted and that cost some bucks. I owe him big. I owe him secks….
Lots and lots of secks……
So my friends, I will be away till after the holidays. I hope you all have wonderful times with whomever you choose to be with. I wish you no drama, no tears, and no flu. I wish you lots of laughter, lots of wine, and lots of love.
I have really enjoyed your questions. It’s been lots of fun but you will all have to decide for yourself which answers are true and which are pure bullshit! On that note, we will continue……
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter asked: What is your favorite type of porn? Did you really think that by adding the smiley, you made the question more innocent? Silly girl! Really, I prefer something in which the girls tits are real, she doesn’t do that fake overthetop “I’m Coming!!! ” orgasm shit, and the words, “I’ve got something for ya right here” are never spoken.
Teri stepped all over a raw nerve by asking: Why don’t you have your drivers license? There are a couple of reasons and none are legalities. (Are you surprised?) Where I live we have one of the greatest public transportation systems. I have managed to live within a five minute walk from a train, trolley, or bus that connects with a major terminal. Therefore I never really needed to learn. Secondly, early in our marriage, there was no way that we could have afforded two cars or insurance. Third, we lived smack in the middle of both of our parents. If a need arose, they were there. This is a raw nerve now because we no longer live near our parents, Hub’s parents are no longer with us, and well, I’m getting too old to walk or ride the system alone anymore. It’s raw because my New Year’s Resolutions included learning to drive and I have yet to do so and it’s NOVFUCKINEMBER!! I need to do it soon or I will have failed epically!!
Mixed nut waited awhile and threw in: Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Yes. Yes, I do and do you wanna know why? Because you want me to. You want me to hurt you so good…. The crying is a bonus for me.
Fantastagirl wants to know: Why do we still have daylight savings time? Because it was an idea created by a man for the benefit of men and no man will ever admit they are wrong and change it back.
You people and sex!!!…..
Robin wants to know: What’s your favorite sex position? And Mik wants to know: What’s your least favorite position? Again with the innocent smileys you cheeky devils!My favorite position would be cowgirl, (on top) YeeHaw!! My least favorite would be standing on one leg, with the other behind my ear, one arm raised with the other on the floor for balance. I don’t like this one because I get the dreaded ‘ass cramp’.
The other Robin has asked the million dollar question: You are so wise, is it because of all that morphine? If you have ever noticed, when my mental faculties are impaired in some way (morphine, extreme cold or flu, or sleep deprivation) I am able to write rhyming Dr Seuss posts or just crazy limericks. So it follows that the meds must induce some type of latent capabilities! (Ooh! Look at all the ‘big girl’ words!)
So there you have it. I have answered all of your questions but if you should ever have any more, feel free to drop them on my lap.
I told you that you ask and Oh My God are you people freaks!! I will begin the answering but I can’t guarantee getting to them all at once. (Mainly because it is hard to focus my eyes and I just may want another nap before long!)
Avitable asked: Would you rather lick dirty balls or a clean asshole? Dirty balls are nasty! If any man wants a shot at having sex or even a blow job, the balls shouldn’t smell like a week of the squirts in unwashed boxers! That said….Clean asshole is essential to a decent rimjob. I pick the rimjob.
Shiny asked: Which actor from “Diff’rent Strokes” (dead or alive) would you most want to bang? Mr Drummond. He was hot in a “Who’s your Grampy?” kind of way. (I am a little disturbed at how quickly I came up with that answer…..even more disturbed at how sure I was about it too!)
Grant asked: What’s the easiest way to score a date with an Asian hottie who, hypothetically speaking, works at a local restaurant? This is easy. Tell her you are directing Gwen Stefani’s next video and you are looking for the next Harajuku girls. Tell here she would be perfect for the part, but there is a catch known as the ‘director’s couch’.
Finn asked: I’m visiting you for a week (don’t worry, I’m staying in a hotel). What are we doing? No husbands and no kids! We could spend a day at Hershey Park riding the rides and checking out all the chocolate. We can also visit a local winery and taste every vintage they have to offer. We would tour every four and five star restaurant that Philadelphia has to offer. Perhaps we can also visit Atlantic City and take in a show. And the rest of the time, we could lie around in our panties and drink ourselves silly and then find ’something’ to do!
And finally, Robin wants to know: If there were a song that would play everytime you walked in the room what would it be? That would definitely be “She’s a Bad Mamma Jamma” by Carl Carlton. And just for you….here it is!
That’s all I have in me for the moment so I will answer all the remaining questions tomorrow. This is your last chance, so if there is anything you thought of while you were falling asleep, now’s the time to ask!!
Two things that don’t show up together any more are “Metalmom” and “interracial gang bang”, so imagine my surprise when I saw that in my links!
I tend to catch a lot of porn links in my spam web. (Along with all the online drug links I could ever want or need!) So I almost left it alone. I mean, really, do I want to click on a link like that and contract a CTD (Computer transmitted disease)?
But then I noticed it was from my friend NYCWD. He loves me more than an interracial gang bang! (Do I really want to know how he can compare us? Umm….NO! I’ll take his word for it! )
Even though I have already gotten one of these, I will still pass this along to others. I had a hard time choosing before, so this one goes out to the ones I left out last time.
Hey! Guess what I saw tonight while walking through a park with Hubs? DEER! Four of them! Just standing there in a clearing, looking at us. I thought they were small (and assumed they were young) Apparently they were female and Hubs said “Get the fuck of out of here! Rutting season is close and we don’t want to run into a male!”
If you were here while I was gone, please step forward…….Don’t act like you’re innocent! Step up and accept the consequences!…….Fine. You’ve forced my hand and I now have to name names…..
Flipflopmomma, I only gave you guys four rules and you broke almost every one! Thanks for not pooping in the sink! But did you really have to invite those frat boys with you? How young were they? Eighteen? (Shit-Good for you!)
LovingAnnie, you tried to clean up the evidence–I can tell you did—but there were still signs of mayhem everywhere. Froggywoogie, a hole in the back yard filled with water is not the same as a Jacuzzi! Apparently the Rottweiller that tagged along with Delmer fell in and was more than a little hungry. Luckily for everyone on my blogroll, he ate one of the assassins (the other was given Grant’s address–and I swear I don’t know who did that!)
Turnbaby, don’t sit there smiling smugly as if you did nothing! So you didn’t find any vodka left. Girl, you sure do have a nose for the bourbon though! Well, I hope you enjoyed the case that you found. It was supposed to be your Christmas present, so no gift for you!!
Now for the threesome! Yes, I know it was you DutchBitch, BubbleWench and Slick! I found the pictures on my camera of DB resting her head on BW’s boobies while Slick filmed it! I didn’t know that’s the type of DVD you were looking for! BW-you gave yourself away by leaving your tiki mug behind. And btw, Slick, “Redneck Rondayvoo” is not a good name for the movie!
Teri, I am ashamed of you! I heard rumors of you and Dick Small locked in the bathroom. I didn’t want to believe it. Annie tried to clean it, but I can still see “Teri Loves Dick” written on the wall! I hope you at least had the sense to wait until MixedNut showed up with the condoms! Speaking of Mixed….the beer distributor keeps calling to ask for those kegs back. And did it have to be a Zydeco band? That is just weird!
Sista#2–putting cheese into the popcorn popper will NOT make cheese puffs! You owe me a new popper!
This is going to be the last time I leave you freaks the keys to my world! You simply can’t be trusted!
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Oh, and can someone pick up Nobody? He’s still passed out naked on my front lawn! Thanks for leaving this photographic evidence of his debauchery. Mrs Nobody is gonna love this!
I’m packing the kid up for Canada. I’ll be back later! Until then….This is the best advice I have for my Babygirl and her friends while they are in the Great White North….
I saw this at Robin’s and since some of the answers tie into what I did today, I decided to do it this way! What’s on your mind? My hair…..Oh wait, that’s on my head! On my mind….let’s see….I wonder if I can have quick sex in time to watch a movie without Hubs knowing he’s being rushed……Oh hell yes I can!
Where is your significant other? Taking a shower and shaving in anticipation of his wild night of ‘quickie’!
Have you ever made out in a basement? Made out? Yes. Done it? Yes. Gotten pregnant? Yes to that too.
Is your driveway steep? Steep enough for skiing? No, of course not. Steep enough to make me stumble if I’m drinking? YES!
Name 4 things you did today? 1) Found cute jeans in my size, 2) Tried them on and they fit, 3) Squealed like a 14 year old, 4) Was so happy that I bought two pair!
Suprising? Yes This never happens to me!!! (ps They were from the junior’s department!!!!!! BONUS!)
Have you ever been tied up? Didn’t you see this picture?
Have you ever had 2 dates in one night? Two dates? I once had a whole bowl of dates before bed and I woke up with diahrrea!
What have you eaten today? Coffee and Pixie Stix for breakfast, salad for lunch, chili for second lunch, ice cream for dinner and goldfish for evening snack. I haven’t decided what my midnight snack will be.
Which shoe do you put on first? The one without dog poo from the middle-of -the night walkies.
Do you get distracted easily? Not usually, but I….Did you see that??
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On that note, we will continue……
Did you really think that by adding the smiley, you made the question more innocent? Silly girl! Really, I prefer something in which the girls tits are real, she doesn’t do that fake overthetop “I’m Coming!!! ” orgasm shit, and the words, “I’ve got something for ya right here” are never spoken.
And 
