Wednesday June 17th 2009, 8:13 PM
Filed under: celebration,Friends,happy,laughs,love,mr Fab,music,sex,Turnbaby


Saturday dawned early…far too early for me.

Five am is no time to wake up when you have a migraine. At first I thought that maybe I was hung over. But as time passed (excruciatingly slow, I might add) I realized that it was going to be worse. I got pukey sick and my head felt like it was crushed by a truck hurt like the dickens. I began to get the chills and then I got the sweats. Eventually Bubblewench and Sybillaw woke up and we decided to get breakfast. I hoped that maybe some pancakes would soak up whatever was breaking out of upsetting my stomach. After eating, we returned to the room where I promptly fell asleep like a dead woman on the  couch. I slept so deeply that I heard no one enter or exit the room.

During my slumber, I missed a trip to see the horses,  a shopping excursion, a tattoo outing, lunch, and just socializing. But apparently I needed my rest because I awoke bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I was finally ready to go to ConFab!!!

We called for a cab so that Bubblewench could get her drink on with us. (As you can see, we are quite responsible when getting shit-faced). When we arrived at Bliss Manor, some folks were relaxing on the deck, others were by the outdoor bar, and still others were indoors. I got to meet such a supah blogger named….wait for it….DUTCHBITCH!!!  Yes! She had made the trip from Dutchlandia. She was every bit as beautiful in person as I knew she would be!


Turnbaby was a busy little bee. No catering for that chick! She gave Martha Stewart a run for the money by making a slew of appetizers, beef tenderloin, and many other mouth-watering joys. Now that my stomach was better, I tried every.single.thing. Miss Turn was incredible, as was Mr Fabulous. They greeted us all and made sure that we all had full glasses, plates and conversations.

The drinks were…..

Ahh, the drinks……How to describe? Maybe this will do:


Homemade Sangria…..O.M.G!


This was the tip of the iceberg as far as alcohol goes!

And then…..Mr Evil Sadistic Fabulous brought out a tray of concoctions that was the downfall of many a blogger…….JELLO SHOTS!


There was much eating, much-much drinking, laughter, singing, chatting… well as tweeting….go figure….

Eventually all good things must come to an end. Since Bubblewench had left with others, Sybillaw and I were left behind. Lucky for us, Lynda was sober enough to drive us to the hotel, where we discovered that neither of us had a key for the room. We banged and complained (loudly) before staggering our way to the lobby for a new one. We got into the room and there was no sign of Bubblewench!  She had gone to party with other bloggers in the hotel and that’s why no one opened the door!!

Everyone had a wonderful time. New friends were made and old friendships were tightened. And may I add….the best shirt of the party:


I hope that I have an opportunity to meet all of these folks again. They are a wonderful bunch of people……

But we already knew that.

Drink count for the night: 2 extra superduper strong vodka and cranberry juice (Thanks Sodapop!), 5 bottles of water, 1 shot of moonshine….although I cannot remember if I actually did one. And jello shots: 1 coconut rum, 1 spiced(?) rum, 2 or 3 with vodka and the one made especially for me: Orange jello with Southern Comfort. I think I had 5 or 6…..I can’t remember that either…

Tuesday June 16th 2009, 5:35 PM
Filed under: celebration,Friends,happy,Karl,love,mr Fab,music,Turnbaby

The Night Before THE NIGHT

ConFab has come and gone. An excellent time was had by all. I will attempt to tell you of all the fun.

Brad and Liz were the ultimate host and hostess. There was plenty of food and copious amounts of alcohol consumed by one and all. They seemed to be everywhere at once, making sure that everyone had a drink or a plate of food while cooking all sorts of culinary delights. They greeted each and every guest, acting as though we were all “family”. For this, Bubblewench and I rewarded them with a gift from our neck of the woods: Tastykakes. (YUMMY)


After settling in, napping up, and getting pretty, Sybil Law, Bubblewench and I joined the others at  Southland for a night of drinks and fun. On the big screen,  Becky watched her beloved Penguins win the Stanley Cup. So great was her happiness, that she bought a round of Patron shots for the entire bar to celebrate.  And then……


I, a Philadelphia native and Flyers fan, drank a congratulatory toast to the the Penguins. *I hang my head in shame*

Other shenanigans were afoot. Photos were taken (both Friday and Saturday) that showed me more than I ever wanted to know about my friends and their sexual prowess. I’d love to tell you all about it all, but ConFab is like fight club and Vegas….it all stays there.

Can we talk about karaoke? For sure! Brad and Liz are old pros. This is something they do frequently, so of course they jumped in right away. Karl gave his awesome serenade to Brad, Marty was incredible, and there was Coal Miner’s Granddaughter. This seemingly proper and low-keyed woman gave a rousing performance of  Sir Mix-a-lot’s “Baby Got Back”. But this was not the one I was most impressed with. Laci, a new friend, stepped onto the stage and sang Bare Naked Ladies’ “One Week”  This is a difficult song to sing totally sober. Laci was not. She sang the shit out of that song, not missing a word or a beat. She claims to have skipped a verse but I couldn’t tell.


Unfortunately, I was not feeling my best. It turned out that I was sick, but I didn’t know just how sick until the next morning.

Drink count for the evening: 4 waters, 3 beers, 1 Duck Fart, and 1 shot of Patron silver.

Thursday April 09th 2009, 8:51 PM
Filed under: celebration,Friends,love,mr Fab,Turnbaby

Congratulations! <3

I sat around bored all morning, bored and looking for something to do. Finally, I went out with my friend for a little shopping. I was only gone for an hour! I came home to find out that the biggest event to hit the blogosphere had occurred!

Turnbaby married her funnyman, Mr Fab.


Congratulations,you crazy kids.

May every happiness be yours!

Sunday April 27th 2008, 10:54 PM
Filed under: doctors,family,Friends,happy,Hilly,Jester,Karl,kids,Monday,mr Fab,other shit,Turnbaby,VulgarWizard

This Just In….



This just in……Babygirl. She is finally home. I know ya’ll are prolly sick to death hearing about it, but I missed her something awful. She had a wonderful time, saw many wonderful things, and she claims to have brought home souvenirs for everyone (even though I have yet to see one of them!) She was in one piece, not pregnant and never got cavity searched by customs.

I had a great time hanging out with everyone at Karl’s, Hilly‘s and Fab‘s. (Sorry I missed you Turnbaby, but the kid trumped you on this one.) Jester, you are one seriously funny dude! The prank phone calls?……..pure gold! And VulgarWizard? LOOOVE the accent!

And lastly, My carpets are getting shampooed….and I’M NOT THE ONE DOING IT!!!Son1 will be doing the honors in preparation for the party he is throwing in my house on Saturday. Can I just take a moment to say….  “YEAH!!!!!”


I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to post for tomorrow since I am getting my needles done. Just know this….While you are all going about your jobs, I will be mainlining LEGAL drugs to send me into lala land! Will I be thinking about you? Most definitely……NOT! But no matter what, I’ll be here for HumpDay.

Cheer up….Monday is only 24 hours long.

Friday April 04th 2008, 9:05 PM
Filed under: fantasy,meme,miscellaneous,other shit,questions,Turnbaby

If I Were To Write a Post

If I were to write a post, it would be filling up the space in front of you. However, this is the weekend and since I don’t like to think too hard (okay, any harder than usual) I am doing what I do on most Saturday’s….A MEME!  This one comes courtesy of Miss Turnbaby. Now I won’t tag but I’m giving it away ! Take it…one to a customer! 

If I were a direction I’d be… counterclockwise

If I were furniture I’d be… a broken in comfy recliner

If I were a liquid I’d be… beer-all the men would love me

If I were a sin I’d be… jealousy-cuz you know you wanna be ME!

If I were a gem/stone I’d be… an emerald

If I were a metal I’d be…I am a metal-Metalmom!

If I were a tree I’d be…a bonsai

If I were a fruit I’d be…Liberace


If I were a flower I’d be…thistle

If I were weather I’d be…Sunshine

If I were a music instrument I’d be…a hurdy-gurdy

If I were an element I’d be…A car by Honda 

If I were a colour I’d be….hooker-red

If I were an animal I’d be…in a zoo

If I were a sound I’d be…a fart

If I were a lyric I’d be…”If I only had a brain.”

If I were a song I’d be…”Too Much, Too Little, Too Late”

If I were a music type I’d be…Duh! I won’t dignify that with an answer

If I were a perfume/cologne I’d be…Body by Victoria

If I were a feeling I’d be…a-catchin’ sumpin’!

If I were a book I’d be…”Lady Chatterly’s Lover”

If I were food I’d be…in great demand in Ethiopia

If I were a city I’d be…New York


If I were a taste I’d be…something funky

If I were a scent I’d be…sugar cookies

If I were a word I’d be…Fuck

If I were a verb I’d be…Fuck

If I were an object I’d be…Fucked

If I were a piece of clothing I’d be…fluffy socks

If I were an facial expression I’d be…Billy Idol’s sneer


If I were a cartoon character I’d be…She-Ra

If I were a movie I’d be…”The Professional”

If I were a geometrical figure I’d be…A dodecahedron

If I were one of the 4 seasons I’d be…eternal spring

If I were a sentence I’d be…life without parole

Tuesday March 25th 2008, 10:21 PM
Filed under: Anger,assholes,business,family,Hubs,ineptitude,kids,mr Fab,other shit,Turnbaby


Recently, Hubs got new phones  for Babygirl and me and had them added to his business account. This was considered the best thing since …..well, since ever. Babygirl would get unlimited texting (which she really needed-or so she said) I on the other hand, would get unlimited use on the weekend (Now I can call Mr Fabulous and Turnbaby on Sunday nights!)

He picked out new phones and surprised us with them. “Surprised” isn’t quite the word I would use. They were “functional”. (Code for UGLY!) Now, I personally didn’t complain. I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Babygirl, on the other  hand, stated flatly that she would not be seen even holding this monstrosity. Daddy took them back and got us pretty phones. These new ones needed a plan different from the plan he had gotten. So he got another plan too.

My new number is a different area code so we waited to see if there would be roaming charges. However, Babygirl got right into the groove of using her mad texting skillz. Even when her dominant hand was in a splint, she never missed a beat. The texting goes on before school, after school, during break at work, and interspersed through homework time.

The bill came yesterday. Of course our provider fucked it up. (I won’t use the name but it begins with ‘spr’ and ends with ‘int’ ) They billed us for the original plan (Just Hubs-for business). And they billed us for a plan compatable with the ‘ugly phones’.  And they billed us for the current plan for the pretty phones. (Following me?) Over a THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!

After we cleaned up the shit in our pants, hubs jumped on the phone to have a civilized conversation with customer service. (I would have made merchant marines blush) Now listen to this!  They were expecting the call! NO SHIT! Our account was red-flagged “expect these folks to rip us a new one!” Anyway….it was fixed. No harm-no foul. We spoke to a rep that spoke English clearly and who dealt with us efficiently. What are the odds of that?

Now here’s an interesting tidbit. Babygirl sent almost 8,000 text messages. EIGHT THOUSAND!!!  Are we bad parents? We didn’t tell her that the bill was straightened out. We showed her the bill for a grand and let her shit herself too.  Did she? NO.

“Daddy, you’re just gonna have to call them up. I distinctly asked for unlimited texting and it should be in the package. Fix it.”

And she proceded to text her girlfriend. Did Hubs flinch? Of course not! We’re talking about Daddy’s girl here!

Sunday March 23rd 2008, 9:50 PM
Filed under: lessons,miscellaneous,Monday,Movies,music,other shit,questions,Turnbaby

Monday Moaning-Overkill

Sunday night was trivia night on Turnbaby’s radio show. I like trivia. I have a gift for remembering stupid shit. But ask me to make a doctor’s appointment for you or tell me that a bill needs to be paid PRONTO and I will forget that I ever heard it.  This tends to get me into a lot of trouble.

But that is not what this post is about. If you have been here alot, (okay maybe ever) you might know that I like my music loud, fast and angry. (Kind of like my sex) This doesn’t mean that I have no knowledge of other types of music. But I have noticed something more recently. During the trivia quizzes, I have been getting alot of those answers right! I am talking specifically about 80’s music.


I really hate 80’s music. If I hear it on the radio, I’d rather drive in silence. Seriously. I make alot of jokes about not liking Duran Duran, or the Pet Shop Boys but I asked myself…WHY? I opened my ears to listen and I noticed that some of this music isn’t half bad. I know all the words.I know the riffs. I know the performers. But why don’t I like it?


When these songs were new, they played on the radio constantly. MTV was just as new as the videos they played. The songs were put into heavy rotation. Lots of coming-of-age movies that were set in the 80’s used all of those same songs too. I became disgusted with listening to them and gave up on radio and videos in favor of casettes and this new thing called CDs. During movies, I would tune them out during the montage that seemed to be a requirement for the films. I realized that I missed huge chunks of movies because of the music. It was usually my cue to take a bathroom or snack break.

So I am wondering, is there anything that was ruined for you by overkill? A single movie played on tv constantly? A TV show that reruns repeatedly? What has been done to death for you?

Friday March 21st 2008, 9:26 PM
Filed under: business,doctors,ineptitude,kids,other shit,owies,Turnbaby

The Pay Was Good

This week was pretty crazy in the Metalmom house. I had kids every day of the week, different numbers every day and different ages every day. It was going well, until I realized that this was a foreshadowing of the summer to come. (Hide all the guns now! I may get an idea to use one!) I became a little depressed at the thought and this also led to my being short-tempered and frustrated. I realized that I must entertain these kids throughout June, July and August. The older they get, the harder this gets.

Coloring books and crayons, stories, and videos will only get me so far. What will I do when they tire of this? I thought that I had come up with a solution….


See? Easy-peasy! I must thank Turnbaby for the idea. (Hm…maybe I shouldn’t mention that…..she is a lawyer!) On the other hand, it kinda backfired on me…..


Yeah, that’s me. I’m in the middle of my ‘nineteenth nervous breakdown’. I was looking for  the shelter of ‘mother’s little helper’. I prayed “I wanna be sedated!” Tied up, getting my hair pulled, and being poked used to have such exquisite connotations. Now it is quite literal.

Don’t worry. With a careful combover, I can hide the bald spot, and the doctor assures me that the bruises will fade in time. With the excellent pharmaceuticals available nowadays, I find myself in a drugged optimism, joyously awaiting June!!

Thank God I got paid for this!

*See the cute little puppy in the background? He was waiting for the opportunity to pee  RIGHT THERE!

Sunday March 09th 2008, 12:37 AM
Filed under: birthday,computers,Friends,Hilly,Karl,Kyra,mr Fab,other shit,Turnbaby,VulgarWizard

Sunday Suckage

This weekend really sucks. It is pouring outside. I mean buckets!! And the wind started up too. The empty trash cans in my yard are dancing in circles. I had to throw a brick into each to keep them from blowing away! A few of the branches on the trees around my house are tapping against the cable wires. This means my tv and computer keep popping in and out, making any kind of movie watching or blog reading a pain in the ass.


Secondly, Hubs and the boys are working this weekend. They are tryng to catch up with work that was put on hold during the “Flu Outbreak of ’08”.That means it is Me and the Pup just hanging out. What about Babygirl, you ask? She is far too cool to chill with Mom!She will head out with Handsome to his house or else he will come here and they will sit in a corner and giggle into each other’s ears. (BLECH!) Nothing like being the third wheel to your own daughter!

I guess I will spend the day trying to figure out why the audio on my computer sounds like a Spaniard rolling his R’s.The stutter is making me nuts and this is UNACCEPTABLE-especially on a Sunday! This is my time to spend with my compadres. Mi amigos. YOU GUYS!

With any luck, I’ll have it figured out in time to listen to Vulgar Wizard at 1pm , Karl at 5pm, Hilly at 6pm, Mr Fabulous’s Big Birthday Bonanza at 7pm,  Turnbaby at 8pm, and Kyra at 9:30pm. God, I’m pathetic! I have absolutely no life on Sundays.

*Sigh* Whatever!

Wednesday March 05th 2008, 7:51 AM
Filed under: Friends,Hilly,Karl,meme,miscellaneous,mr Fab,Turnbaby

First Fings First

I had a very eventful afternoon yesterday and that is why I was unprepared with a post. (I will try to write one and tell you guys what happened!) But for now I’m going to give you this little nugget that I “borrowed” from Karl.

Speaking of Karl….Did you hear he’s got a show on Blogtalkradio? Check him out  on Sundays at 5PM Eastern. He’s the leadoff to an evening of fun with all of your friends, like Hilly (6PM) Fab (7PM) and Turnbaby (8PM) Join us won’t you?

And now, onto the Initial Game…

Here is what you do. Use the 1st letter of your middle name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things…nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person you took this from had the same 1st initial.

You CAN’T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. Middle name letter: F

2. Famous artist/band/musician: Foo Fighters

3. 4-letter word: Fuck (Duh!)

4. U.S state: Florida

5. Boy name: Fred

6. Girl name: Frieda

7. Animal: Ferret

8. Something in the kitchen: Fermometer

9. Reason for being late: Food fight

10. Body Part? Flapping Fat

11. Drink? Fanta

12. Something you shout: Fuck Me!!

13. Something you eat? Fajitas