Ethan cried for only fifteen minutes and after that, I was treated to this:

I changed him after that, and he rubbed his face on his blanket. Before I knew it, he was beside me on the couch, fast asleep. When he woke up, I saw much more of the previous playfulness. He is such a happy little boy and when his whimper turns into a cry, it only lasts a minute or two. He ate dinner, started to cry a bit, and laid down with his blanket.  At seven o’clock, he was in a clean diaper, cuddling his blanket and fast asleep. I was stunned and a bit pleased that the day had gone so well. The baby is asleep for the night!

I spoke too soon. Eight o’clock rolled around and he rolled over – wide awake. I am hoping that he goes to sleep again. Now I am dreading the possibility of a crybaby that won’t stop screaming until well past midnight!

Wish us both sweet dreams…..PLEASE!!

Today I had a bone density scan. I can no longer use the line  “I’m not fat, I’m big boned.” 

Today I answered the phone when my brother called. He asked if I could watch one of his six kids (Ethan-who is one year old) He said on Wednesday and Thursday. I said sure because I never see his kids unless it is a holiday, and even then, his ’sometimes wife’ tends to keep one or two of them. I can’t remember the last time I saw him with all of his kids at the same time. I was happy that he asked me and I told him that I was looking forward to it.

“What time do you need me?”  I asked him. Mentally, I’m preparing for what cleaning I have to do and what can wait until the baby gets picked up.

“Oh I’ll drop him off on Wednesday, probably early, but I don’t know what time I’ll get home on Thursday.”

Umm….whatthefucknow?

He is going to take the family for an overnight at the shore and he is asking me to watch Ethan overnight. He can never afford to do something like that and so I’m glad to help him out and I hope they have an awesome time.

I have no problem handling a kid of any age during the day. We can take walks, frolic in the yard, play with play-doh, or any number of things. However, I don’t usually have an overnighter with babies. I don’t usually do that until they are old enough to reason with. I can explain where mommy is and show them the clock and they will know that daddy is coming home soon. We can watch movies all night until they fall asleep.

Oh Lord, what will I do when he cries and I am tired and Hubby can’t sleep and starts bitching and Son2 needs to get up at 5:30 and might wake up the kid and he starts crying again and now I’ve had no sleep no shower no alcohol and his daddy isn’t coming home until 8pm?

Aaaaallllllrighty then. This oughta be interesting…….

We had a nice drive out there, unloaded the car and loaded up the dorm room. Everything fit, but she was a bit exasperated by mommy’s desire to help her unpack. She wanted to get her schedule and roam around for a little while. We got the schedule and a few notices about the social things that were going on last night but she immediately noticed one thing….she only had four classes listed. She added up the credits and they added up to what amounted  to…..ready for this?…..part time student status.

Oh shit.

Well there was nothing to be done yesterday. That had to wait for today when she met up with her student advisor. We left her with her boy and roommate. There were dewy eyes, but no tears. I was proud of myself.

So, first thing this morning, she set off in search of  one person who could fix this. Apparently there is no one who can do that. She was shuttled from office to office – at one point she sat for two hours waiting to talk to a man who could only tell her that he couldn’t help her! Full of frustration, anger and anxiety, she called the last person in the world who was equipped for this type of emergency…..

Her mother.

Yep, she called me. I woke up with raging allergies which set off a killer migraine. I had already thrown up twice and was almost ready to rip out my own eyeball when the phone rang. She tried to explain what was happening and I needed her to repeat everything over and over until I could comprehend what she was telling me. Did we need to call the school? Did we only pay enough tuition for a part time student?  What was happening?? Through her tears and her trembling voice I could finally make it all out. I wanted to hug her. After all these years of being uncomfortable with hugging, that was all I could think of doing. There was no way  I could fix this for her. There was nothing that could be done until tomorrow. I couldn’t comfort her. I cried, making my nose stuffy and making my head pound even more.

I suggested that she print out the financial records that show that she has paid her tuition and that she is in a dorm. That way she will be armed when she goes to the various offices. Her printer isn’t hooked up yet and she’ll have to use her RA’s or another student’s.

She had a half  hour until she met a friend for lunch so I told her to sit down and relax. Her roommate had made coffee so I suggested that she have a cup.  And then she sobbed out “I can’t even do that! I don’t have any milk for it! I’m going to the store later!”

It was going downhill for both of us.

Finally, we came to the decision to breathe and wait for tomorrow or at least for calmer minds. I hung up the phone, ran to the bathroom to be sick and then threw myself on the bed. I buried my head into my pillow and screamed….and screamed….and screamed. Then I called Lostmahead to vent and cry out my feelings of helplessness. She came running. After a cup of tea and a hug, she went back to work and I laid down to try to sleep.

Two hours later, (I still hadn’t slept) Babygirl got in touch again. Her status is changed to full time student. Her credits have gone from nine to twelve. And as we chatted, she was offered a job in the bookstore. (It would be hella nice if she got a discount on her books!!)  As long as it won’t interfere with her scheduling, she will take it.

While not everything is in place, at least most of it is. As Lostmahead pointed out, Babygirl has handled past problems with teachers and bosses with admirable finesse. I should place my trust in that ability and simply remind her that some things take time. (she is like her mom in that we both have problems with patience)

And so, in the first twenty-four hours of being the mother of a college student, I have gone through

*The horror of not being able to comfort my child as she sobbed through the phone line.

*The frustration of not being able to make this mess go away.

*The pain of trying to comprehend important information with a sledgehammer pounding in my head.

*The relief that things are working out.

*The elation that there may be a job.

*And the pride of knowing that my girl may have had a breakdown, but she pulled herself up by the bootstraps and managed to get the ball rolling on the right track.

I haven’t had moodswings like this since I was pregnant with her!!

Babygirl has been packing her things here and there getting ready for her big move. The foot of my stairs has been piled high with bins of linens, school supplies and clothes. Little by by little the mountain has grown. Last night we went on a big trip to Tarjay to get lots of storage, laundry, and stationery. I was relieved to see that Target is ‘college friendly’. All the things we needed were there and the prices weren’t as bad as I had feared. We now have one last shopping trip to make– CVS. This one makes my charge card shudder. You may be aware that the things sold in CVS are the ones that cost the most….pain relievers, cold remedies, girly supplies, and vitamins. Pepto, allergy tablets, and eye drops. Facial cleaners, and deodorant. I am expecting to pay more in that store than we spent in Target and Kohls combined. Oh, we have picked up some things like shampoo, lotion, and conditioners in other places as we’ve seen the sales, but there are still far too many others left to get. Luckily for us, our girl Shenanigans works there and will be hooking us up with the employee discount. It is a huge help.

This morning we pulled out everything and separated it on the living room floor. Everything was packed according to ‘kitchen’, ’shower’, ‘bed’, and ‘desk’. Seeing it all spread out, it looked like overkill. Surely there was no way that she needed all of these things! We packed and repacked. We lined up bins to be sure that the bulk of her things would fit under the bed. (Yes, it will-surprise!)  By the time we had finished, the chaos had been tamed and pared down to a controllable pile.

And now there are five days. Five days! She will be working on a couple of  those days. She will spend time with her buddy Nick, who won’t be going to Shippensburg this semester (but hopefully he will join them in January) She will spend time with her boy, who will be with her again a week later. And then? Whatever remaining time she has, I’m hoping she finds a minute or two for Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop, her brothers, and the girlfriends who will be staying behind.

I don’t expect the “mom/daughter’  time. I will be happy talking to her about being careful, how to do laundry, and the best way to organize her stuff. I’ll remind her about the dangers of drinking, the importance of study, and being considerate of her roommate and others she will come in contact with. This will be our time together.

But I am looking forward to the emails, webcam visits, and facebook updates that will tell me that she is healthy, happy and doing all things collegiate. I await the messages that tell me she is doing well in classes and keeping up her grades.

But most of all, I want the messages that come between the lines. The ones that say “I heard what you were saying, Mom. And you prepared me for independence.”

Hubs comes home from work while I am in the middle of  ‘negotiations’ and begins to open his mail and messages in the office. I shut the bedroom door so that I can hear myself think and concentrate.

Phone: “Ma’am, can you give me your account number?”

Me: “123-4567-890″

Hubs: (popping his head into the room.) “Who are you on the phone with?”

Phone: “Ma’am, could you repeat the last four digits?”

Hubs: “Who is it?”

Me: (gesturing furiously to please wait) “7890″

Hubs: “Is that the plumber?”

Me: “No, it’s not! Can you wait a minute?”

Phone: ” That’s not the number? ”

Me: “That’s the number!”

Hubs: “It’s the plumber?”

I swear to God I did not make that up. I’m not that clever.

But I might be clever enough to poison his dinner tonight.

ps: The bill is no longer in collection and I’m only paying $50. Yay me!

Before leaving for the shore last year, I started reading Stephen King’s “Duma Key”. So, when I got home, I put away the new books so that I could finish reading that.  Instead of reading, however,  I got involved in making a needlepoint wedding gift for a friend. This took longer than I had hoped, and before I knew it, Christmas was here.  One of my gifts was “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. Well, I just had to read that one right away!

Other books were started and never finished. This is a new occurrence for me. I never leave a book halfway read. And so, this spring, I began gathering up the books and read them.  (Don’t bother with “The Weekend” by Peter Cameron -or maybe do-it gets great reviews but I felt it was a waste of time) I finally finished “The Lovely Bones” by Alice Sebold. I can’t imagine how I could have put it down to begin with!

At long last, today I was ready to start a new book. I decided on “Flash House”. I actually got excited about it. I poured a cup of coffee and turned off the television. I opened the cover to read the jacket , as is my habit. It serves to whet my appetite. Now. I am ready. I flip through to the first page of the first chapter only to find…

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS TRICKERY???

Oh, yes. It’s the old bait and switch. Do I still have the receipt?  NO.  Is it worth a two hour drive to get to the store and complain about it?  NO. And besides, it’s over a YEAR ago!.

So now I have this book that isn’t my usual cup of tea. I have to admit that the description sounds intriguing. I plan on reading this one and I hope it isn’t another book that I will read and put aside without finishing it.

I’m all for expanding my horizons and trying new things. Books just never figure into my “new things to try”.  I guess this is one of those lemons life has given me.

Now I gotta make some lemonade…..

My daughter wants to go to Colorado with her Man and his family in January. They enjoy snowboarding and that is exactly what they will be doing. His parents will be paying for everything but the air fare. When you look at the price of tickets to lots of places, or even the cost of a ski pass to our local Pocono Mountain resorts, the air fare will be  cheaper. We can’t really afford that either.  I added tears for her to the tears for my son.

I looked into the mirror this weekend and saw my hair. I stop dying my hair every summer because of vacations. If I dye it, the dye fades quickly in the sun or washes out in the chlorine of the pools. It also gives my crappy hair a break from the chemicals. This year, the white hair is more prominent than usual. Hubs likes it. Now I face the prospect of letting the gray grow in. I am cutting back on things and hair dye is not a ‘necessary’ expense. I feel old when I look at myself. Hubs thinks it’s pretty. Oh the indecision….

Our business is slow. But at least we have something. Babygirl may be headed to college, but she can get a job to help out with school expenses or to get herself a plane ticket. She has earned the money to buy her own back-to-school clothes and many of her supplies. Son2 has plenty of his own expenses, and that is the reason for two jobs. But at least he has money to go to the Union soccer games once, sometimes twice, a week (we paid for half of his season tickets for last Christmas-when we had a streak of good income) He can buy a new bed for himself, if he has to. Dying my hair?  Well, shit. I won’t be the end of the world if I look my age. Yanno?

My friend’s husband is losing his job-along with 700 other families- when their plant closes.

My friend has little kids, kids who can’t get jobs to help pay for their school supplies. Her kids are too young to fully understand the way their parents will have to cut corners. Her husband will be dealing with the stress and depression that comes with looking for a job and providing for his family. She will deal with standing by her man, saving every penny she can and the heartbreaking task of telling her children “no” far too often than “yes”

I feel so guilty moaning about a plane ticket, a bed, and worst of all HAIR DYE!  These things pale in the face of the troubles in front of others.

I light a candle and pray everyday for my friends. I pray for our own financial stability and health. I pray that some of you get back good test results. I hope that you don’t lose your insurance, your car, your home. I pray that you get that job you interviewed for. I pray that this love is the one that lasts.

And I’ve added another friend to my litany of prayers. My dear friend, I hope that something good comes your way soon.

And then you come into the room. You grab the blankets off of me. You kick me as you get comfortable. You fall asleep before I do, but as soon as I hear your snores, I am lulled into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Sometimes I don’t want you to look at me naked. I have gained too many pounds that I  have struggled to lose- or at least tone.

And then you join me in the shower. You wash my hair and rub your soapy hands over all my jelly bulges. You joke about the bulge that presses into my back……the one that is your belly.  We laugh and it echoes off the tiles.

Sometimes I need you to be out of the house. I need time to clean. I need time to vacuum without having to ask you to lift your feet. I need time to shower off the sweat before you get home. Sometimes I just like the quiet.

And then you pull the truck into the driveway. I still get the flutter of excitement at seeing you come home after an honest day’s work. I can’t wait to hear your voice as you tell me about the day you’ve had.

Sometimes I love going out without you. I like to spend time with my friends….all my girls who are likewise out without their men and the guys who’ve left their wives at home. They are the folks I’ve known forever. When we are together, we relive the salad days of our youth- laughing, drinking, dancing and staying out until the wee hours of the morning.

And then I come home and I see you sleeping, not in the middle of the bed, but over to the side. You’ve saved a spot for me. You roll over as I try to get into the bed quietly. I don’t want to disturb you. But you roll over and put your arm around me, and you ask me if I had fun. I tell you yes and you kiss my neck, and wish me sweet dreams.

It’s been thirty years today.

Sometimes you make me mad and I just want to scream. I wonder how we’ve possibly stayed together when we are so opposite.

And then I remember all the little things. It’s the little things that make a life. It’s the big things that can make or break us. We have a lot of little things to remember when the big things get too big.

It’s the little things that make me smile when I think of you.

I love you, babe.

Did you ever have one of those days? The one where you step out of your bedroom and see that the house is still clean from the day before? Where the dishes are clean, the newspapers thrown out, and the laundry is all caught up?

Did you ever have one of those days that you shower, find something that you like (on the first try!) and find comfortable? The kind of day that you look into the mirror and decide that for a change, you don’t need makeup?

Did you ever have one of those days where you call the cable company to replace your remote control and they answer your call right away and they call you back when the call suddenly drops?

Did you ever have one of those days where your husband comes home from work and tells you that you’re wearing sexy clothes, when you are wearing stretch pants and a man-tailored white shirt? The kind of day that you make meatloaf for dinner and both the husband and the 24 year act like you have just served their favorite meal in the world?

I had one today.

I wish they came around more frequently. I wish I could bottle them up and pass them out to my friends.